


Swaying the straight line

by LadyCourtesy, Paradigm of a Paradox (LadyCourtesy)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Boys Kissing, First Date, Homophobic Language, M/M, Masturbation, POV First Person, References to Homophobia, Sexual Content, Wakes & Funerals, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2015-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 11:08:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 102,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCourtesy/pseuds/LadyCourtesy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyCourtesy/pseuds/Paradigm%20of%20a%20Paradox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a (AU) where Edward Elric could never even begin to considering himself being 'gay', and in a life where Roy Mustang couldn't imagine Edward being consider 'straight'. A story of confusion, controversy and learning to accept the true nature of life. Love; friendship; and above all the rest, sex. Because in the end, those three ingredients are what make any relationship work. No matter your sexuality preference.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Till death do us part.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N On The Universe: This story follows neither the anime nor the manga it is set in an alternate timeline and or AU. There is not going to be any Alchemy in this story, but hey I found a happy medium. I kept Ed's Auto-mail arm and leg. :D
> 
> A/N On Reviews: I adore getting feedback and constructive criticism, but I do have one request to make. When commenting, please bear in mind that your comments and suggestions, both good and bad, are your opinion only, rather than (in general) a statement of fact. It is easy to accidentally insult or offend an author by sounding demanding and entitled in a written review, and I know that is never anyone's intention. By all means tell me if you think something seems a bit off, but give a moment's thought to how the tone of your review might be received. Thanks!
> 
> Rating Information - Rated "M" overall due to scenes of an explicit or disturbing nature later on. Please check each chapter for each rating or warnings. (boyxboy)
> 
> Warning:mild language and extensive confusion on Ed's part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N On The Universe: This story follows neither the anime nor the manga it is set in an alternate timeline and or AU. There is not going to be any Alchemy in this story, but hey I found a happy medium. I kept Ed's Auto-mail arm and leg. :D
> 
> A/N On Reviews: I adore getting feedback and constructive criticism, but I do have one request to make. When commenting, please bear in mind that your comments and suggestions, both good and bad, are your opinion only, rather than (in general) a statement of fact. It is easy to accidentally insult or offend an author by sounding demanding and entitled in a written review, and I know that is never anyone's intention. By all means tell me if you think something seems a bit off, but give a moment's thought to how the tone of your review might be received. Thanks!
> 
> Rating Information - Rated "M" overall due to scenes of an explicit or disturbing nature later on. Please check each chapter for each rating or warnings. (boyxboy)
> 
> Warning:mild language and extensive confusion on Ed's part.

 

 

 

∞∾Edward∾∞

It was an August wedding. Meaning it was terribly hot. Well really more along the lines of—  _Scorching heat, I'm going to burn you alive— hot._

The bride name was Riza Hawkeye; she is beautiful but a terrifying gun wielding woman. The groom was my timid soft-spoken younger brother Alphonse Elric.

Honestly, I never really understood the pairing between the two, but hey, they were in love. Who was I to tell them they weren't right for each other. Besides they would eventually figure it out.  _Doesn't everyone?_

_Okay, maybe I sounded a little bitter. Can you really blame me though?_

Four days before Al's wedding I had caught my girlfriend of six years screwing my partner of four years in 'My' bed. My bed, can you even understand how disgusting that even is? Okay, she was cheating on me, something I could get over. With my partner (none-the-less), I could turn the other cheek but to have the audacity to 'fuck' where I slept was stepping over the invisible line. Not only did I have to file for a change of partner I had to break it off with Winry, and let me tell you, it had been painful on both our parts.

But that was beside the point, because I the eldest of the Elric brother could have care less about such trivial things. I was here and now, at this joyous occasion of my little brother wedding and nothing was going to ruin this day for my baby bro. Such thoughts needed to stay in the past, where they belonged with the whores and cheaters.

Letting my eyes drift over the groomsmen party already standing at the front of the church. The groom's side wore traditional black tuxedos with powder blue bow ties and white shirts. The bride's maid wore tacky blue formal dresses. You don't often see blue cupcake prom dresses which actually made the woman look like giant puffy clouds floating around. I would'a been pissed if I had to shell out hundreds of dollars for one of those monstrosities. But since I (luckily) was a man, on the groom's side I got to wear a tux and a rental tux at that. Hundreds of dollars, for a giant blue puffy marshmallow mess of a dress. Or less than a hundred dollars to rent a tux that I was going to return— _wait let me think for a second._

_Thank you lord for making me the man I am._

With that thought I let my eyes wander over the people sitting in the rows of pews. Recognizing familiar faces in the crowd of family and friends on the groom side as well some of Al's friends I had yet to become acquainted with. Smiling politely when catching people eyes, I continued to scan the room towards the bride's side, sweeping over the many people who sat among strangers talking quietly among themselves.

Except for a dark hair man sitting four rows down the flower adorned isle on the bride's side. Deep black eyes stared right back towards me. I felt pined to where I stood next to the altar, quick and intense bolt of hot white adrenalin coursed up my spine. Without thinking I darted my line of sight away from his. Taking a deep breath, "this is ridicules" I mumble under my breath, looking towards the ground. I wouldn't let this man intimidate me.

Letting my gaze wander back towards the onyx hair man, I realized he was still watching me but this time with a slight humorist smile on his lip.

The dark eye man dipped his head in a slight greetings.

I felt my face flush and I looked away again quickly. I didn't like the way this man made me feel, he made me uncomfortable. His gaze didn't sit well with me. Luckily I didn't have to worry about it much longer because the bridal party music queued and the ceremony had commenced.

_Saved by the bell, I thought, more like saved by the music._

And as I watched the four bridesmaids in their poufy blue dresses walk down the aisle of the packed church. Their hair done up on their heads in ringlets, and more makeup then needed, I was feeling very lucky, once again to be a guy. The women had little round bouquets of shades of blue and with silver lace and ribbons flowing down from the flowers. I just had to stand up at the front of the church with my one hand holding the wrist of the other arm. The wedding coordinator had seemed to believe that all the groomsmen would pick their noses, or something equally embarrassing, if they didn't keep their hands busy. So she'd informed them that they were to stand with their hands clasped on opposite wrists. No hands in pockets, no crossed arms, no hands clasped in front of their groins.

_Had I arrived late to the rehearsal, yes? Was it a surprise, no?_

The wedding coordinator had seemed to believe I would be a civilizing influence on my brother's friends since I was the best man and respected detective

It didn't take her long to figure out that I was as uncouth as any man. Frankly, I thought we all behaved ourselves really well. She just didn't seem very comfortable around men. Maybe it was the gun I was wearing strapped under my jacket. But none of the groomsmen, myself included, had done anything for her to complain about.  _This was Al's day, and none of us wanted to screw it up. Oh, and Riza's day._

The bride entered the church on her father's arm. Her mother was already in the front pew dressed in a pale mint green that actually looked good on her. She was beaming and crying, and seemed both miserable and deliriously happy all at the same time. Mrs. Hawkeye was the reason for the big church wedding. Both Al and Riza would have been happy with something smaller, but Riza didn't seem able to say no to her mother, and Alphones was just trying to get along with his future in-law.

Riza was a vision in white, complete with a veil that covered her face like a misty dream. She was wearing more makeup than I'd ever seen her in, but the drama of it suited the beaded neckline, and full, bell-like skirt. I'm betting on it though, she was hiding a pistol somewhere beneath her skirt. The dress looked like it could have walked down the aisle on its own, or at least stood on its own. They'd done something with her hair so that it was smooth and completely back from her face, so that you could see just how striking she was.

I was standing next to Alphones, me and then three of Al's college buddies stood to the right. So all I had to do was turn my head to look at my brother's face. He looked… well he looked sick. He was pale, and his brown eyes stood wide. His wispy dark blonde hair shone all most smooth. He looked good… if he didn't faint, that is.

He watched Riza with quite adoration. But of course, if they'd done two hours' worth of markup on Al, he might be twice as pretty. But men don't have to worry about such things. The double standard is alive and well. The woman is supposed to appear beautiful on her wedding day, the groom is just supposed to stand there and not embarrass himself, or her.

Riza's father placed her hand within Al's. Riza isn't a short woman so she stood three inches taller than her soon-to-be-husband, in heels. I happen to be close enough to my brother to see the look that Riza's father had given Alphones. It was not a very friendly look.

_Oh did I mention, Riza was four months pregnant, and apparently it was Al's fault. Or better yet, that's what Riza's father thought. As if Riza had been a blush virgin taken from her bed and brought back deflower and knocked-up._

Mr. Hawkeye raised Riza's blusher on her veil to show all the carefully applied make-up. He kissed her solemnly on the cheek, threw one last dark look at Al, and turned smiling and pleasant to join his wife in the front pew. The fact that he'd gone from a look that dark, to pleasant and smiling when he knew the church would see his face bothered me. I didn't like that my brother's new father-in-law was capable of lying that well. Made me wonder what he did for a living. But I was naturally suspicious, comes from working with the police for too long. Cynicism is so contagious.

We all turned toward the altar, and the familiar ceremony began. I'd been to dozens of weddings over the years, almost all Christian, almost all standard denominations, so the words were strangely familiar. Funny, how you don't think you've memorized something until you hear it, and realize you have. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony."

It wasn't a Catholic or Episcopalian wedding, so we didn't have to kneel, or do much of anything. We wouldn't even be getting communion during the ceremony. I have to admit my mind began to wander a bit. I've never been a big fan of weddings. I understand they're necessary, but I was never one for imagines ones wedding. I'd pretty much settled into the idea that I would never marry. Maybe this was the reason I wasn't as affected by Winry's betrayal. I just didn't really care for her… our relationship. Don't call me evil but a part of me was happy she had done what she did. I was free… I didn't have to be the one up here on the altar signing my life away to a ball and chain.

_I'd been raised middle-class, Middle America, small town, and that meant the fact I didn't wanna settle down with a white picket fence should've bother me, but it didn't. I felt relived._

They'd come to the part where the rings exchange, which meant the maid of honor and the best man a.k.a meaning myself had to do something.

The woman got to hold Riza's huge spill of white flowers, and then I got to hand over the jewelry. It all seemed so terribly sexist. Just once I'd like to see the men have to hold flowers and the women fork over the jewelry. I'd been told once by a friend that I was too liberated for my own good. Maybe. All I knew was that if I ever did get engaged I'd decided either both of us got an engagement ring, or neither of us did. Of course, again, that not getting married part meant that the engagement was probably off the board, too. Oh, well.

At last, they were man and wife. We all turned and the reverend presented them to the church as Mr. and Mrs. Alphones Elric, though I knew for a fact that Riza was keeping her maiden name, so really it should have been Mr. Alphones Elric and Ms. Riza Hawkeye.

We all fell into two lines. I got to offer my arm to Riza sister Hailey. She took the arm, and with her in heels, I was about five inches shorter than she was, something rather not have to admit out loud . She smiled at me. I had noticed she was pretty, with a nice smile at rehearsal dinner last night, but it wasn't until that moment that I realized she could be beautiful. Her dark hair was pulled completely back from her face, so that the delicate triangle of her cheeks and chin was all you saw. The makeup had widened her eyes, added color to her cheeks, and carved pouting lips out of her thin ones. I realized that the powder blue made most of the bridesmaids look wan, but it brought out rich highlights in her skin and hair, made her eyes shine. So few people look good in a washed out blue.

I must have stared, because she frowned, and only then did I start forward, and take our place in line. We filed out like good little wedding party members. We'd already endured the photographer for group shots. He'd be hunting the bride and groom for those candid moments: cutting the cake, throwing the bouquet, removing the garter. Once we got through the receiving line, I could fade into the background and no one would care and I could find the hard liquor.

We all stood in a line as we'd been drilled. Bride and groom at the front of the line, because, let's face it, that's who everyone is really here to see. The rest of us strung out behind them along the wall, waiting to shake hands with mostly strangers. Our families were locals. Riza's family was all out-of-towners. I knew the policemen that been invited; other than that, it was all nod and smile, nod and smile, shake a hand, or two, nod and smile.

I must have concentrated very hard on the people I was meeting, because it surprised me when two large male hands enclosed around my white gloved ones and a deep baritone voice rung out. "You must be the best man?" I looked up into the man's face startled.

_And it was him._

_The man from the pews, I felt my cheeks instantly heat._

"W-what are you doing here?" Asking lamely, what was wrong with me.

The man quietly chuckle a response, "Attending a weddings reception—" a small subtle smile creeping along the man's face. "and yourself?"

I realized our hands were still twined together amid a hand shake. I hastily pulled my hands away and took a step back.  _What was this man playing at?_

"I.."

"No need to be frazzled, Mr. Elric. I was merely jesting."

 _'Frazzled', I wasn't 'frazzled'— and for fucking christ-sake, what kind of bastard says the word 'frazzled'. Wait a second, how does this man know who I am?_  Speaking before thinking was a common mistake I was always being accused of committing and now of all places, this was not the time to recognize such habits.

"Frazzle, who said anything about being frazzled, and how the hell do you know who I am?" I knew my voice was rising but couldn't find it in me to range in my temper. Who did this man think he is?

The dark hair man smile stretched across his open face. While he waved the brochure from the wedding in his long fingers through the air."The pamphlet, Mr. Elric."

 _Oh, well... shit._  "I...umm..." My argument flew out the window like a rapidly deflating balloon.

"Oh where are my manners," the man spoke again reaching his hand back out to be shaken again. "Roy Mustang and you must be Edward Elric?"

 _Roy Mustang... Roy Mustang. Where had I heard that name before? It sounded so familiar._  This question rolled around in my head while I looked down skeptically towards Roy's extended hand. The line of guests from the wedding trying to enter the hall behind the still lingering man were starting to back up, so I reached out and shook the man's hand; just to move things along.

"Yeah, that's me." I grumbled out, letting go of his grip with sweaty palms, thanking the higher power that I was wearing my gloves. This guy made me feel very uncomfortable in my skin, and I didn't want to be near him any longer. Thinking quickly on my part, "Well enjoy the party." I spoke moving on to greet the next people in line, knowingly being rude to make this creep leave me alone. Askance my vision, I saw Roy give me a knowing smile curled the corner of his lips, "Indeed," before walking towards the party hall, where the loud music was coming from. Something in my stomach told me, this man would be talking to me again tonight.

_What did he even want with me?_

The feeling of dread crept slowly over me as the next couple of people walked up to me with widen smiles. I could tell tonight was going be a long one, and the evening festivity were only beginning. I needed a hard drink of liquor and quickly at that.

 


	2. Unfortunate Times During Great Joy

 

 

**∞∾Edward∾∞**

Aunt Beatrice— my least favorite of the aunt of the family, speaking off the record: she wasn't really even my aunt to begin with. Somewhere along my childhood she had figured she was my aunt. The funny thing is, she truly believed herself, now in her old age she was being the aunt she claimed to be.

Honestly— I blamed Mother. She had allowed this crazy woman into our life so long ago, and now my conscience feels obligated to allow this old crinkly hag to pinch my cheeks and listen while she tells me how, 'Such a lovely young man you've grown up to be, little Eddy.' And no matter how hard I tried to convey that I wasn't 'Little', Aunt Beatrice would always say the same thing with a befuddled look showing on her round wrinkled face. 'Well of course you are. You will always be my little Edward with skinned knees and all.' And then she would try to assault my already bruised cheeks with boney, old woman hands.

I drew the line with the hag at sloppy old granny kisses…  _Do you know, fucking hot-rod-red lipstick stains, god-nabit?_

Walking towards the back to reception hall, I wiped my white glove palm over the wet slobber running down my face.  _Oh yuck_ , I thought, feeling the moisture of the kiss seeping through my glove on my flesh hand. Looking down, I noticed the pristine white glove was smeared with red.  _Awesome… great— fan-fucking-tastic_.

I have seriously come to terms with it: I hate old women. That had been the third time tonight that Aunt Beatrice attacked me.

"Stupid hag," I grumbled, ripping the glove off my flesh hand and shoving it into my pocket. Luckily, I hadn't used my right hand to wipe Beatrice slobbery lip prints away. My automail-arm always seemed to put people on edge and it remained hidden for now. I don't know what I hate worst; the fear of the unknowing lingering in their eyes or pity of the apathetic giving false sympathy when seeing my metal limb, maybe it was both. I rather keep the damn thing covered, it was easier that way.

At least then I could avoid people's gawks and stares. Don't forget the idiotic question which always follows— "How long ago did your accident happen?" Does it honestly look like I want to discuss the traumatic event, leading up to the loosing of a limb with you? Or better yet, the question that usually follows the first inquiry, "Did  _'it'_  hurt? Or does  _'it'_  hurt?" Honestly, never in my life have I ever heard a more redundant, moronic question, actually, spoken aloud and not to mention just plain rude.

_Everyone knows the saying 'There is never such a thing as a stupid question.' Well guess what? Dilemma solved. I have found the stupidest question in all existence. Mystery closed. Fucking people, of COURSE, it fucking hurts! It's not like a baby unicorn licked it and everything was all better suddenly. Geesh. End of the Fuckingstory._

Sighing at my train of thought, I walked towards the door leading outside. I needed to breath in the night's air. Pulling on the collar of my formal shirt, I felt the first two buttons popped open. The blue bow tie I'd been wearing earlier, hung loosely around my neck in a forgotten mess. I'd unlaced it from the knot after I had given my best man speech earlier in the night. I kept the black tuxedo blazer on; my black leather gun holsters resting beneath. The wedding coordinator had tried to talk me out of carrying my guns tonight. Thing was— I never went anywhere without my .40cal Glock handguns, and that included my brother's wedding. Sorry Al. Call me paranoid, and I wouldn't argue with you. I've seen way too much in my short life to not be suspicious. So after a little arguing, the coordinator and I came to the same conclusion— I couldn't wear them during the ceremony but I could during the rehearsal. If I kept them out of sight, they would be out of mind.

I don't know where Riza found this wedding coordinator, but wherever she'd come from, Mr. Hawkeye was getting his money's worth. She should've been called: The Extreme Wedding Coordinator. I respected her work ethics, _but shish lady, fucking relax a bit._  Plainly, there was only one way to describe her methods politely— she was intense and to the tenth degree.

When I first walked into reception from the greeting line, I had slunk towards the back of the hall trying to disappear into the crowd. Only so many people could fit into a giant circus tent and believe me, there were a lot of people. Al and Riza are both friendly and popular people; of course they would invite everyone and their mothers.

Queue the coordinator stage left: This is where she found me sulking near the bar. She'd firmly told me to take my drink and return to my designated seat at the main table; the food was about to be served.

The second time the wedding planner located me, I was grateful to say the least. Aunt Beatrice had me in a death hold by the skin of my cheeks. So theoretically speaking, the coordinator swooping in not only saved me from the painful pinching but also permanent nerve damage being done to my face. Rubbing at my cheek, she ushered me back to the main table, 'We are serving the cake.' I heard the word cake, and took my seat without having to be asked twice.

The third time the coordinator found me; I was beginning to believe she was stalking me. I had been untying my bow tie— those damn things are annoying. I never like to wear anything shackled around my neck. It reminded me of the one or two times I've been choked out in the line of duty.

Quietly and swiftly the demon planner appeared out of thin air, she hadn't been by my side one minute and the next she was batting my hands away and scolding me with a hard look from her brown eyes. 'Don't do that.' She said before she proceeded to fluff my bow-tie knot. "You can take it off after, your speech" She spoke decisively before flittering away to hassle the DJ doing the announcements.

_She was the Devil incarnate. I could literally see horns sprouting from under her salt-n-pepper hair. The next thing anyone knows— she'll have a forked tail and twisty evil mustache, while chasing people around with a pitch fork._

I'm just glad my part in the wedding was over; I could finally relax and slither off to the side. I had already paid all my dues as best man, I'd done the best I could for Al.  _Only the best, it's the only thing Alphonse deserves._  I felt a fond smile grace my face.

With the festivities in full gear, people were drinking, dancing and eating. While others were making conversation with each other, I found myself stepping out of the noise and into the refreshing night breeze. I fled from the circus tent of a reception hall out the back entrance, where hopefully I could be alone for at least a few minutes. The cool air left felt like rapture to breath, crisp and soothing after so long of being cooped up in an enclosed area in ninety-five degree weather. Thankfully the sun was now set beyond the horizon, meaning the blazing summer day had now rolled over into a chilly mid-summer night. It was still seventy-five degrees, but the cool breeze from the north was cooling it off nicely.

The heaviness of my yellow braid laid like a weight falling from my head and down the length of my spine. It was plaited tightly but stray wispy strands still escaped around my face as the winds played with the fly away tendrils. I brushed the yellow hairs out of my eyes and behind my ear.

The striking of matches drew my attention to the left.

And there he was, the bastard from earlier. His tall, broad form leaning casually against one of the catering delivery trucks, I stood there for a second, just to look at him.  _What was his name again,_  I wonder momentarily. _Oh yes, that's right, Roy. Roy Mustang._

He, and by he, I mean Roy, stood with his back facing me. I felt my heart pick up in speed as I stood there.  _What's up with that?_  Any ways— like I was saying, Roy's back was facing me; his chin tilted towards the stars watching them shine brightly. My eyes darted towards his gracefully long fingers as he flicked at the cigarette held there absentminded.

He looked at peace; like this was exactly the right place to be at this precise moment-in-time. His onyx hair fluttered in the cool summer breeze, and I caught myself wondering what he smells like.

"What. The. F…fuck." I did not just think that… Shaking my head violently, knocking the 'thought train' right off its rails and down the mountain of 'Eds'-Not-Gay' and into the valley of, 'Fuck-You-Thoughts-I-Hate-You'. I must have made more noise than I thought, while having my mental dilemma. Roy's baritone voice interrupted.

"Elric?"

I froze when I realized those black orbs were looking towards me, narrowed with confusion. Effortlessly, Roy's expression melted from surprise into mild amusement. His thin manicured black eyebrow arched up in a silent question under the loose hairs hanging into his dark eyes.

I felt put on the spot and the metaphorical stage lights were blinding me in the face to say the least, I was nervous. I realized this before I could stop my uncooperative mouth from _blurting_  words—

"You know." Pointing towards the nearly smoked cigarette, "those will kill you."

**∞∾ _Roy_ ∾∞**

The cool breeze from the north caresses my face with a quite reserve. It was gentle and calming in its wake. Bringing the limp cigarette to my lips, I drew a white bout of smoke into my lungs before blowing it out into the summer night sky.

_Riza Hawkeye finally a married woman._  I'd never thought I would be alive to see the day. Better yet, I never thought I be alive to see a man who could actually put up with Riza… intensiveness?  _No, that's not the right word to describe her. Excruciating zealousness? No— getting closer. Her vehemently crazed out take on life—? There we go._

A quite chuckle bounded from my chest at that thought. The woman was ardently eager in her passions. She'd been like that ever since I've known her. Stoic, in her action, but overly enthusiastic about the outcome, it was the reason I could consider her my closest friend.

"Loyal till then end", I whispered to the night sky before taking another hard pull from the cigarette. The red amber on the end illuminated, releasing excessive ribbons of smoke towards the heavens.

It was truly an enchanting evening for a wedding reception. The night sky was clear and crisp, every star shone brightly as they flickered within the cradle of darkness. The moon smiled down with a wide toothy grin, laughing at a joke only she could hear. The light winds, where most would find bothersome, set me at ease. The cool gust felt refreshing against the lingering sweat of the day. Nights like this reminded me of being at sea— well, minus the water lapping at the bottom of the ship.

You see, I am at sea eighty-five percent of the years as an O-6 Captain for Amestris navy *****. I don't get on land every often. The earth beneath my boot was authentic and a real treat, and at Riza wedding no less! Another muted chuckle rounded from my chest as I positioned myself back against the delivery truck I found myself leaning on.

Being a commander of the frigate Jarrett, was no easy occupation. Being the Captain of a four hundred and fifty-three foot warship, with a two hundred and sixty-two-member crew, was no walk in the park either. But someone had to do the job, and that post happened to fall into my lap.  _Captain Roy Mustang,_  "who's not, reporting in for duty for another week..."I said with a smile giving a mock salute to the sky.  _Damn it felt good to say that aloud._  I was on an official paid vacation leave, meaning I didn't have to return to base for a whole week.

Queue the church bells, _because_  I finally didn't have to work!

Feeling the flickering warmth of the nearly smoked cigarette against my fingers, I looked down towards disturbance. Grimacing in disgust, I toss the brown used filter away to the ground, stepping on it the process of snubbing the embers out. Reaching into my charcoal blazer pocket, I retrieve my pack of smokes. Drawing one out and placing it in between my lips, I lit a match. Cupping the flame, I brought it to the white tip, watching it catch flare before simple glowing red as I inhaled the smooth smoke. I watch lazily while the smoke escapes into the air drifting up into invisible nothingness.

Too say the journey from port to Riza's wedding was an easy expedition, well that would be the understatement of the year. It had actually been a near nightmare to get too where I stood now. From the delays on the ship, to last minutes reports which needed to be filled out, I was lucky to have even seen my closest friend enter into matrimony. I did miss the rehearsal dinner though, and believe me when I say, I feared for my life when I spoke with Riza on the phone last night. If she could have put a gun through the phone, I would've been dead then and there… luckily  _they_  still haven't invented the 'gun phone.'

When I had shown up early this morning to the Hawkeyes residences, a pregnant Riza with curlers lining her yellow hair greeted me in the foyer with her pistol. She fired three times: one as a warning shot into the air and the other two, nearly hitting my ears on opposite site of the wall.

Now I tell you to mind my word choice. I said 'Near hit' because I've never seen Hawkeye miss her target.

"That was for not making it to dinner last night." Lowering the gun, Riza walked calmly over towards where she'd pinned me against the wall with her shots. I had been still trying to recover when she placed a friendly kiss on my pale cheek, "And that's for making it in time."

Riza was still the same old Hawkeye, even if she was now married and four months pregnant. She would never change. Her vehemently crazed outlook on life will never fade. She's the sister I never had, the only family I've ever known. Family is supposed to be there for one another, to help out in times of need. Well damn it, I am in  _need_  of a good lay. And Hawkeye is being the biggest cock block, since the word  _cock-block_  was invented.

Earlier in the evening when I had approached her after the ceremony to ask, "Who's that young, attractive, blond Groomsman?" I thought Riza would toss me a bone of some sort. Instead she fixed her brown eyes on me with a knowing gleam shone brightly. "No, way Roy. Not this time. That's Alphonse's brother, and besides, he's straighter than a vertical line."

"Have I ever had a problem turning them gay?" I'd asked mockingly while ignoring her warning.

She had fixed me with another rigid look, wagging her finger in my face, "Roy, not this time."  _She really knew me all too well_ , I thought, taking a drag off my cigarette.

"You leave Edward out of your perverted way of thinking."

_Okay, she had me there; I should heed her warning and not mess with Edward. Was I going to listen— almost certainly not?_   _Because_  you see, there is a game I like to play with straight men. I call it, 'Could Roy Mustang turn them queer?' The object of the game… See how many heterosexual men I could seduce and turn gay. I had done it for years now (since boot camp, really), Riza knew of it, I've told her many times of my exploits but it didn't mean she approved. She thought it ' _immoral and depraved'_ ; she didn't mind I was gay, really! Riza wanted me to be happy, but not at the cost of other men's feelings. She couldn't see I was helping these men into achieving what they truly wanted. Like a blind man being handed a walking stick, I was teaching them to walk in a new light.

_And besides_ , I thought with a cocky snort,  _eighty percent of the guys I do fuck already have one foot out the metaphorical closet. My service was to give them the last push into what they wanted—Sex with passion, sex with a real man._

Feeling the heat of the spent cigarette on my fingers again, I toss the filter on the ground with the other. Opening my packet yet again and pulling another out. Striking the match, I lit the fresh stick hanging from my lips. I really should go back in, but the night's air feels too refreshing to go back inside the stuffy tent. Looking towards the sky, I felt at peace.

This is when I hear a mutter of "What the fuck," coming from behind me. Turning my head to look over my shoulder, speak of the devil and apparently he will appear… "Elric?"

The man stood frozen with a tint of blind embarrassment on his handsome round face. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up in a small smirk. He really was rather cute for a  _man_. If a man is what you could call him— He stood about 165 cementers, so around 5'5. But it wasn't his height that made me think 'womanly' when looking at Edward, it was his feminine build with his narrow shoulders hidden beneath the obviously rented tuxedo. The blonde had a slim waist line and long narrow legs but most of all, he had a strikingly beautiful face leaving me craving for another look. I have never seen a pair of eyes like Edward's before, golden in color and deep as any sea I've sailed. His nose curved up like a cute little button and his lips… god his mouth was utterly ravishing. I could taste him heavily on my tongue already, and I haven't even touched him. But how I wanted too.

"You know." Edward spoke breaking my trance, indicating towards the cigarette held limply in my hands. "Those will kill you."

"I mean, you're going to die… No wait, that didn't come out right…" Comically the eldest of the Elric brothers slapped a hand over his mouth, probably trying to stop the cluster of words spouting forth. I felt the corner of my mouth turning up into a small smirk… Edward was flustered... for what reason, I wasn't for sure… but if I was right about something, I would be sleeping with Alphonse's brother very soon. Fuck the consequences.

**∞∾ _Edward_ ∾∞**

The bastard smirked;  _he was smirking at my discomfort. He had a rather nice smile, when you got down to it— Wait, that's not right…. I did not find his smile attractive. I was a man, and so was he. Men do not think about other men that way— well gay men do, but I wasn't gay…_

_I do not, I repeat; I do not find this bastard's smile attractive!_

"Why aren't you inside enjoying the party?" Roy said smoothly drawing me away from my internal dilemma.

Looking towards one of the hanging decoration dangling from the circus tent of a reception hall, I spoke gruffly; "Too crowded in there…" I avoided looking towards the man leaning casually against the delivery truck.

Roy brought the cigarette up to his lips again, while nodding his head. "Yeah. Alphonse and Riza seem to know a lot of people." Letting the smoke roll out of his mouth as he continued to stare at me, I could feel the heat of his onyx eyes running up the length of my body. I felt my cheeks warm, and my heart start to race. What was it about this man that could knock me off my game with such few words?

"So, you're the brother of the groom?" Roy asked causally pushing himself off the truck he was leaning on. He snubbed out the cigarette beneath his boot before shoving his hands into the fronts of his pockets.

"Yeah," I replied vaguely, finding the decoration in the distance swaying on the winds a decent distraction from the man before me.

"And yourself? How do you know Riza?" I asked crossing my arms in front of my chest.

Roy smirked again, one of those half smiles which only touch half of your face. My stomach churned into knots and I grew uncomfortable again.

"We've been friends since childhood," he spoke with a dream like quality in his deep voice. I could tell from that one look, he truly cared for Riza. _But how much did he care for her? Love from a brother to sister? Friend to friend? Or did he love her, love her… like… a lover?_

"How long are you in town for Edward?" Roy asked startling me out of my thoughts

"I..." I started to answer, before shaking my head to clear my thoughts. "Ed, call me Ed." _– err… Why had I said that?_  Apparently I hadn't cleared all my thoughts. I closed my eyes and shook my head again… When I opened them, Roy and his black eyes were staring straight towards me with that smug look on his face. "I'm not visiting; I live in downtown central if you have to know." I spoke rudely with a bite to my words. I straightened my spine and stood with my shoulders back. I wasn't going to let this bastard intimidate me.

Roy's black brow shot into his hairline at my tone, before quickly melting back into a calm look. "Oh, it must be nice. I am in town for a week on vacation leave." There was a slight pause in between his words, and a glint within his cool black eyes. "Maybe we could get together and do something this week. To pass the time, you know?" Roy suggested, shrugging his shoulders passively.

I started at him for a hard minute, my mind flipping the answer over and over in my head like shuffling a deck of cards. My brain was telling me to say no and stay as far away from this man. He is nothing but trouble. But another part of me, the stupid part of me, wanted to get to know this dark hair mystery man, I don't know why, it just kept repeating, _yes, yes, yes._

Hesitantly, I nodded while speaking, "Sounds good. Do you need my number to call me?" I couldn't think about what I was doing, if I did I might lose my nerve.

Roy nodded his head in agreement while drawing out a napkin from his pocket, pen in hand at the ready. My brow knitted,  _was he expecting this?_  No. Stop thinking that stupid part of me blared, while my detached body told Roy my home number.

"There you are!" We both turned towards the sound of a female's voice. "I've been looking all over for you Roy." Riza Hawkeye stood with hands on her hips. She had changed out of her giant white gown and into an equally beautiful white sun-dress for the party. Her brown eyes had a hard look gleaming within; she looked back and forth between Roy and me. "What are you doing out here, Roy?" She'd emphasized the usage of his name, as I watch Roy's hand slyly put the napkin into his pocket before raising them in defense.

"Smoking and Edward decided to join me. Isn't that right Ed?" Roy replied easily.

"I..errr… I'm going to go find Al." I said rubbing the back of my neck uncomfortably before starting for the tent.

"Good, he's been looking for you." Riza spoke austerely crossing her arms in front of her bosom.

Looking towards Roy once more, he nodded his head and gave me a knowing smirk. I felt my stomach lurch with an unknown feeling. Pushing it to the side, I walked towards the tent. Roy was a big boy; he could deal with Riza by himself. I made my way into the tent and set out looking for my brother. I was thinking I would just head home and be finished with this day. I was happy for Alphonse and Riza, really I was… It just was the entirety of the rest of my life was in total shambles. Lost my girlfriend of six years, to my partner of fouryears. Now I was the one being  _benched_  on cases and doing paper work, because my partner couldn't keep it in his pants. Now I was waiting around for the higher ups to find me a new partner before I could return the field. To say the least- Fuck my life.

My warm bed and a tall bottle of hard whiskey were calling my name. Now if I could only find my brother in the mess of all these people…

A remorseful sigh fell from my mouth at the sight of how many people were in this oversized tent.  _Fuck. My. Life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up Next: The morning after...
> 
> 1\. I know in the world of Fullmetal Alchemist, they are surrounded by nothing but land. A small fact I changed for this AU story, please don't be upset.


	3. Out of the frying pan, and into the heat

* * *

 

**∾ _Edward_ ∾∞**

I woke the next morning with a dull ringing deep within my ears. Sitting up, I let out a hearty groan as my brain wracked with pain. Grabbing the sides of my head with both of hands, I threw my legs over the side of the bed, letting my elbow rest on my bare knees.

 _What happened…—?_  I thought while rubbing my temples, trying to alleviate some of the ache there. I vaguely remember coming home from the wedding, the rest of the night was a blur of motions.  _Drinking a fifth of whiskey would do that too any man_ , I reminded myself scornfully.

I let out a groan at the thought of alcohol. My stomach gave a nasty lurch, and I groaned again which made the throbbing in my temples worst. I whined pitifully.

"Oh my head…"

The phone rang out obnoxiously loud.I turned to glare daggers at the vile contraption.

"Damn it. Who would call at such an hour?" I spoke glancing at the clock sitting on the nightstand next to my bed. My eyes nearly bludged out their sockets. "Fuck, it's already two thirty!" I scampered out of bed, racing to answer the ear-splitting ringing of the phone. I picked up without looking at the caller I.D. Something I normally wouldn't do, being hung over and barely awake didn't help matters.

"'ello." I grumbled into the receiver, while rubbing my neck. I awoke in the same place I'd fallen asleep in. Moving it around, I realized there was a kink in my spine. To put it plainly, I felt like shit, and apparently my voice even sounded like gravel being run over.

The shrilling voice on the other end of the line made me drop my head to my chest in annoyance. — _Winry,_  I inwardly groan. It was too early for this crap.

"Ed! You finally answered. Why have you been ignoring all my calls? I heard you went to Al's wedding without me! How could you, I really wanted to go. Ed, you promise to take me. I bet Riza's dress was beautiful. How could you betray me like this…?" I pulled the phone away from my ear, looking down at the black plastic receive. Winry was babbling on loud enough to hear her strident voice blaring piercingly through the air.

Moments like these ones, reminded me why we were no longer together. I couldn't stand this, putting the phone back up to my ear, she was still ranting her non-sense. My headache worsened at the pitch of her voice.

"Good god woman, will you shut up already..." I vehemently hollered into the phone. I rub my forehead with the coolness of my metal hand.

_Note to self: don't raise voice._

Winry didn't miss a beat,  _Did she ever?_  "Edward, don't be so rude. Besides I'm calling for a reason…" I heard a sigh escape her lips from the other side of the line.

Carrying the phone back towards my bed, I lay gently back down. "…gotta headache, hurry it up…"I mumbled out into the phone as a response. Rolling over on my stomach, I groaned face first into the white sheets of my bed. Winry was literally the last person on this earth I wanted to speak too.

_Second note to self: Always check caller I.D. before answering the phone._

"You're hung over, aren't you Edward?" Winry accused sporadically out of nowhere.

"Oh, God here we go—." I had meant to only think this, but apparently my big-mouth, said it aloud.

Winry really dislikes alcohol, always has, always will. I think it has something to do with her Father being an alcoholic when she was a child. ***** Anyways, she never liked it when I drank. It had been a long, on-going argument between us in our relationship.

"Edward Elric! How much did you drink last night?" Winry's voice was back to a shrilling pitch. I felt my temper flare. Who the fuck did this woman think she is? She was nothing to me; she lost all rights to know anything about me the moment she spread her legs for someone else.

"I don't see how any of this is your business anymore, Winry." I growled, griping the phone tighter in my rising anger.

"Of course it's my business." I could hear the genuine concern in her voice and it pissed me off, "Edward I care for you, I love…"

I felt a searing white bolt of rage charge through me upon hearing her words. "Do not, fucking say it." I said interrupting her. My knuckles were turning white from how tight I was squeezing the receiver in my flesh hand. "Just don't…" My hair shrouded my eyes. She didn't deserve to use  _that_  word.

"Ed, please…" I heard the tears rising in her voice and I felt my stomach twist in guilt. She knew I hated when she cried, (or better yet, when girls cried) she knew I always felt obligated to comfort.

 _No— this is ridiculous_. I reminded myself, she was the one who fucked my life over, figuratively and literally. I felt my irritation flare again. Flipping over on my left side angrily, yellow strains of hair escaped my loosened braid as they fell across my forehead.

I replied swiftly with a huff pushing my hair out of my eyes, "Well maybe you should have thought before fucking my partner. Have a nice life Winry, stay the hell away from mine." I hung the phone up and flopped back; regretting it instantly as my head rung out with pain.

"Fuck my life." I blew a golden tendril of hair out of my mouth.

The phone started ringing again. It was probably Winry again... I've only spoken to her directly twice since I walked in on her and Russell Tringham… I closed my eyes in denial. Letting a groan out, I dropped my flesh arm over my eyes.

I didn't want to have to think about that… it's why I haven't been answering the phone when she called.

Speaking of the phone, it rang out another three times. "Fuck…" I roared out, flinging a pillow off the bed into the distance. "That woman doesn't know when to take a hike…" I sneered lifting my head to look at the ringing phone, picking up the cordless device; I look at the flashing blue numbers scrolling across the caller I.D log.

The  _unknown_  message glared back grimly.

"Still didn't mean she wasn't calling from a different phone—", I suspected while speaking to no one particular. "I'm not answering…"

The phone continued to ring, before falling silent. I sighed with relief.  _Finally_ — I thought before setting the phone back down on the mattress when abruptly it started to ring again.

"Seriously…." I barked out. Picking the phone backup, I once again looked at the caller I.D screen. This time, thankfully, a number scrolled across the screen.

**_1(769)-739-2688_ **

I didn't recognize it; I bit my lip deliberating if I should answer... It most likely was Winry again. But it could be Al, calling from his Honey Moon. I had told him to call once he settled down in the hotel.

"Fuck,"  _It better not be Winry_. I pressed the  _talk_  button with my thumb. Bringing the phone to my ear I spoke without thinking,  _who'd would 'a thought, me not thinking?_

"This better not be you Winry, I told you too go to hell…" I bit off into the receiver. There was silence on the other end for a second before a smooth baritone voice filtered through.

"Are you always this colorful with your language, Edward?"

"Roy?" I breathily stated with a surprised pitch lining my voice. My cheeks flared scarlet upon hearing my own voice. My brow furrowed in confusion —  _why was he calling_?

"Sorry, to disappoint but I'm not your girlfriend." Roy sounded amused.  _That bastard.—_

"She's not my girlfriend!" I hissed into the phone, glaring evilly towards the receiver in my hand.

Roy's rich laughter came through the phone line, "Do you usually get this worked up over a joke, Ed?" I could feel my heart beating in my temples; this was how extreme it was pumping. My face and chest was alit with a glow of embarrassment which I couldn't explain logically. "Anyways, the reason I was calling was to ask if tomorrow night was a good time for us to meet up." I could still hear the smile in his voice as he spoke.

I should have told him "No." and hung up the phone up. It's what a smarter man would have done in this situation. I should've rolled over in bed and fallen back asleep. I should've gotten up after a nap and took a shower to clear my head. I should've done a lot of things differently than the way I did them: "Err… sure that's fine. What time?" I rubbed at the back of my neck in awkwardness _. What was I doing?_ I question my sanity.

"Is seven alright with you? We can meet at the park across the street from the hotel I'm staying at and we'll go from there." Roy's spoke fluently with a richness to his level voice.

I nodded my head in approval before realizing I was talking on the phone, smacking my forehead in my stupidity. I used my voice to agree to the meet up time and place. Goodbyes were exchanged, leaving my stomach twisted in tight knots.

 _"Good bye Edward. I'll talk to you tomorrow."_  Roy's voice was so silky and sure of himself.  _Everything I am not…_  I thought bitterly laying back down on the bed. With a sigh I put the phone on silent, so it wouldn't disturb me again before I chucked it down and off the large loft making up my bedroom. The spacious living room was just below my bedroom. The phone landed with a soft  **'thud'**  on my brown leather couch below.

 _Damn I'm good._  I thought cockily, before burrowing back under my warm covers. A couple more hours of sleep wouldn't hurt me. Besides it wasn't like I had work today. It was Saturday— who cares if I slept it away. Wasn't like I had anything thing else to do today.

The particular thing was I couldn't get my mind to settle down. It kept going back to Roy, and the conversation we'd just had. I could feel the heat rising to my face again while thinking of Roy's rich voice and cool black eyes. I pulled the blanket in tighter around my shoulders. _Why was I even thinking him?_ I thought looking toward the blank white wall off in the distance of the room.  _A better question was why did I get so embarrassed while talking to him?_

"Oh, no!" I franticly sat up in bed flinging the covers away from my body; suddenly remembering where I've heard Roy's name before. It had abruptly come to me like a sledge hammer to the face.

The night of Al and Riza's rehearsal dinner, I remember Riza being terribly upset about the fact her childhood friend couldn't make it— something 'bout him having to stay late at work, so he missed his train. She had been angry— to say the least. It was said in passing later in the night, that Roy Mustang was her  _gay_ friend and a Captain of a naval ship. I had thought nothing of it. I'd almost forgotten the whole mishap.

A feeling of trepidation warped itself around my ankles like a concrete cinder-block pulling me under the rising waters.

I can't believe this is happening…"I muttered,dropping my face down into my hands. _This could not be happening to me…_  It kept repeating in my head like a broken record.

"Roy's gay." I said to my hands, like they knew how to answer me back. "a-and I'm going on…" I swallowed a knot of anxiety past my Adams apple. "a- date with him."I groaned inwardly. I wish I could shrink in on myself and disappearing.

The room was spinning, and I couldn't breathe…  _I think I'm going to be sick._

The whiskey I'd consume the night before had decided to rear its ugly head. I manically ran for the bathroom before I could hurl all over my bed. I made it half way down the stairs case, leading into my living room before I lost it. I fell to my knees hard and spewed all over the last three wooden steps. I heaved a total of four times, emptying the contents of my stomach, which was mostly whiskey, all over my floor.

While staring at my vomit splattered all over my floor through burning watery eyes, I couldn't help but think:  _Fuck my life, to the fullest._ Not only was I the furthest thing from being consider a " **gay-male** ", I now needed to take into consideration that I'd accepted a  **gay-man's**  offer to be  **gay**  together.

"Damn, it" I wiped at my mouth with the back of my left hand while grimacing from the taste in my mouth.

_Seriously…I know I've said it before but, fuck my life._

"How has everything become so messed up..?"

**∞∾ _Roy_ ∾∞**

Edward had agreed. He had said yes and without much of a fuss astonishingly. I honestly thought he would have put up a much larger fight, but things were moving efficiently enough. Our pseudo date had been set.

I smirked while standing from the maroon desk chair in my hotel suit. The swaying of Ed's sexuality would not be as hard as I believed it was going to be. He was following protocol nicely, and by  _protocol,_  I meant the seduction of Edward Elric.

In all honesty, seducing a heterosexual man was typically effortless; at least it had been in my experiences.

In fact, talk to a straight woman about it and you'd find that more often than not a gay male, typically will have an easier time seducing a straight male, then if she had tried doing the same thing with the same methods.

In other words, a woman becomes a  _slut,_ or too clingy, and she turns into the kind of girl you'd rather not bring home to mom.A gay male (or bi) acting out as a friend towards the straight male; won't appear overly forward, slutty or clingy. In fact, you only become visible as a friend or 'hang out' buddy. Which including the straight man you're trying to seduced (unbeknownst to him.)

You'd think it would be every straight guy's nightmare— that a gay man was setting out to seduce them and they wouldn't realize it, until it was too late. Believe me, when I tell you that's not the truth. Astoundingly, most men, when  _swayed_ correctly, turn out to not want to be the one actual in control in this type of relationship.  _That these_ _ **men**_ _typically take pleasure in… No,_  I chuckled at this thought and corrected myself astutely,  _they relish in handing over the reins, if only for one night. And frankly, it was probably even easier for a bi male._

To a straight guy, a bi-man isn't carrying the baggage that a woman may seem to be hauling around with is no talk of marriage, another date or even who's paying for dinner. If they have a girlfriend, you have a great conversation starter. You can talk about her body, and how great sex is with her, it makes a great opening to talk about their sexual experience and it makes them feel less threatened because we are talking about them and their life experiences.

In admits of my musing, I'd walked over to the bar in the corner of my spacious hotel suit. I proceeded to pour myself a scotch on the rocks before picking the clear glass up and drowning the content down my throat. The familiar burning of thick alcohol coating my tongue ensued shortly after swallowing.

 _—And a straight guy_ , I continued on in my thinking, staring at the large reflective mirror lining the wall behind the he feels so inclined and wants to get it over with a quick fuck, than it was entirely better for me. Once all is said and done, after the _brief encounter_  he can leave and rest assured I'm not expecting a long-lasting relationship. Believe me when I say, I enjoy having sex with men! I just didn't want to have to commit to anyone. It wasn't in my repertoire; Roy Mustang does not have serious relationships. End of story.

In my opinion, it was a win-win situation. They got to have sex in a whole new light, and I got to get my dick wet. Everyone wins.

So whether it be a blowjob behind the wife's back and the kids are away, or a curious moment in lack-judgment, the straight guy sees a jaunt with another male merely as an emotionally meaningless diversion for a swift sexual satisfaction. Or so I had figured out throughout my years of being a 'straight-chaser.'

I mutedly chuckled into the brim of the cold snuff glass holding the rich golden alcohol swirling at the bottom. I took a sip before setting the glass down onto the mahogany ledge of the bar with a quick lick of my dry lips.

I'm not saying every straight male I've ' _chased_ ' into sleeping with me, has in fact slept with me. The largest problem with tying to land a heterosexual male is the chance of being stranded up stream without a paddle, in fridge waters.

Meaning, if you don't test the water temperature correctly, you could in fact end the night in a fist brawl instead of getting off. There has been more times than my ego would like to admit that I'd gone home with a straight man, after a night of alluring bi-curious questions, lingering touches and stares. This only too often ended with them freaking out as their zipper is getting pulled down. When backed into a figurative corner over their sexuality, seventy-five percent of men turn into self-hating psycho bashers.

In their own way, a straight-laced male's seduction was more  _particular_  in the steps you took to get them into bed, wantonly and ready, then it was to seduce a woman. Mind you, I had said  _particular_  not  _difficult_  because it was just that—fastidious. There were subtle signs of attraction to watch for when playing the role of 'straight-chaser'.

Lingering touches, copious amount of bi-curious questions. But the easiest way I've found to test the man I was seducing before taking him anywhere private, was to kiss him long and hard on his lips in a public area… I know this sounds extreme but more often than not, this strategy works.

If he lets you thoroughly ravish his mouth, then it was a safe bet he'll let you take him in other ways. If he resists and panics and pushes you away, then he wasn't ready. Some men never are ready, this is when you can play it off as a joke and continue on as if nothing happened.

I swirled the remaining amber alcohol in my glass, before throwing back the rest and setting the glass down on the bar surface. It burnt going down but in a sweet addictive kind of way.

The stirring of arousal was starting to warm my groin. The thought of Edward's pink, enticing mouth fluttered in front of my mind's eye, remembering the way the blonde man had licked at his bottom lip, pulling it into his succulent looking mouth…

I gripped my hastily hardening flesh through my jeans and I had bitten back a moan at the friction created. Imagining easily in my loosen alcohol state of mind;  _I could see Edwards sweet little face looking up at me from the wall I was pinning his back too. My hand on either side of the shorter mans head. Edwards wide amber eyes staring back confusingly, a question lining his puzzled irises. I reached for the younger man's hand which still hung limply by his side. Pressing Edwards palm against my relentless erection still fully hard and weeping underneath my clothes…_

I let myself groan out at my train of thought as I began rubbing along my groin still locked away in my pants, imagining it was Edward's smaller hand the entire time…

_Edward's breath hitched and to my surprise, he instantly pressed his warm hand there on his own. I licked at my mouth, before leaning forward to take his in a heated kiss. My tongue traced the inside of his captivating sweet entrance, and Edward parted his lips, accepting me easily with a groan erupting from his chest…_

My pants were quickly becoming too tight in my aroused state. With fumbling fingers, I fervently worked to open my belt and fly of my jeans. When  _my_  warm but calloused hand came into contact with my sex I let my forehead dropped down onto the cool tile of the bar with a muted groan…

_I could tell Edward didn't know what to expect, I moved my hands from the wall near his head to help guide my pants open with a quick flick of my wrist. Arousal coursed through my groin when Edward's small timid hand enclosed around my erection and gave nervous downwards stroke. I let out a hearty moan at the touch…_

I worked my hand over my thickened member hurriedly as pleasure from my thoughts and motions awoke in my body. I knew I was close to finishing… the orgasm in my groin growing with every flick of my wrist…

_The body pinned to the wall… The smaller man hand rubbing along my erection… It felt so fucking good; I lost myself into the sensation of Edward's hand. My pants were already undone so Edward bravely pulled them down, along with my boxers… and then abruptly to my astonishment… he was on his knees. Leaning both hands on the wall I looked down. I started to tremble slightly in my legs for Edwards perfect smooth hand wrapped around my sex again. I frowned deeply at the pleasure I was feeling from soft strokes the shorter man made experimentally. I watched through my sexual induced haze as Edward licked the head of my penis and my world went white._

I moaned out loud, stroking faster, harder along my sex, as I imagined Edward doing sinfully sweet things with his mouth…

_I opened my mouth in a silent moan as I watched Edward take me into his hot mouth… I kept my eyes open the entire time… peering down from above as I watched this beautiful man slowly start to suck my cock. It was… incredible… the pleasure I felt when Edward moaned around my sex, quite but intense, his mouth wet… hot… The eager tongue was divine as it shaped along the underside of my throbbing shaft. Smooth, small hands massaging my inner thigh while he played with my scrotum…_

I pumped my rod with my left hand while touching my thighs, fingers dancing along my balls, while I imagining it was Edward… I was so close…

_Edward looked up at me with round, glowing amber eyes. The look of lust lingered on the boy's face, causing my body to inflame in sexual pleasure. I was throbbing in that tight mouth. A quick, sinful tongue brining me closer to the edge of the metaphorical rushing waterfall… I placed a shaking hand into Edward's long blonde hair before starting rocking my hips slowly forwards and then backwards to get a steadier rhythm to go with the eager man's determined suckling… I looked down into his golden eyes as I watched my sex slowly fuck his mouth. I gripped the boy's blonde hair tightly as I felt myself reaching the peak of orgasm…_

Slow, hot and intense pleasure rocketed through my shaking body seated at the bar in my hotel room. A long and low moan came out in a shaken breath as I imagined coming into Edward's mouth.

I sat there for a moment, with my head lolling on the cool bar. It felt soothing to my now sweaty brow.

 _That had been an intense orgasm._  My whole body felt exhausted. Sitting up slowly from the bar, my eyes caught my reflection in the mirror hanging in front of me. I look thoroughly debauched as if the thought of Edward could tainted my virtue. I chuckled mutely rubbing my clean hand through my messy dark hair hanging in my eyes. _I don't have a vitreous bone left in my body. That ship had sailed long ago._

And with that thought I needed a shower… and a well thought-through plan to seduce Edward. _If fantasying about the blonde mans mouth could make me orgasm so intensely, what would sex be like with him?_  This is the thought I found myself pondering the rest of day and well into the night…

Tomorrow's excursion out with Edward was going to leave me titillating and in the best kind of way.

 


	4. Reading In Between the Lines.

 

 

 

 

 

∞∾ **Edward** ∾∞

A cool summer nights breeze blew subtly form the north as I leisurely walked down the sidewalk towards my destination. My hair was pulled back tightly in a long pony-tail swaying downwards in the light winds with a few loosened strands catching on the breeze as I walked, hands in pockets towards the park where I was meeting Roy for our…

_This wasn't a ~~date.~~_  I reminded myself sternly.  _Not a ~~date…~~_

I'd worn my thick red coat; the night breeze had a bite of cold to it. The weather was always strange this time of year, it was constantly changing. One minute it would hotter than hell. Then the next, you were freezing your balls off.  _Make your mind up, would'ya… I thought idly pushing my hands deeper in my pockets._

"Mother Nature, the biggest bitch of them all…" I whisper absentmindedly towards the darkening sky high above me. Pulling one of my gloved hands out of my pockets, I drew my thick red coat tightly around me. The ports of my auto-mail limbs were aching from the chill hanging on the air. I was walking slowly and with a visible limp to my steps.

_Why had I agreed to come out…?_  The same question I've asked myself a thousand times since agreeing to this 'meeting' with the bastard.  _No,_  I thought while shaking my head lost in thought. _This wasn't a business meeting… no… it was— I had no clue as to what to call this… this… Hangout…?_

"Fuck." I blurted abruptly, startling the lady walking slightly behind me on the sidewalk.

"It's not a date."I said again to no one; just to reassure it to myself mostly. I knew the lady walking near me was thinking I was crazy because I was talking to myself.

I couldn't care less. It wouldn't be the first time, nor will it be the last time someone thought I was an insane person.

_That would be ridiculous…_  I continued to think while walking a few paces,  _just absurd…_  I shook my head feeling lost amongst my own thoughts. Stray hairs that escaped their binding slapped at my cheeks in the motion. I halted my steps on the sidewalk; my gloved hand ran nervously through my bangs, sweeping them backwards and out of my face. _What_   _am I doing…? I really shouldn't have come._

I could see the park down the street that I was supposedly meeting Mustang at… I couldn't make my feet take another step. I ran the flat of my palm over my face and dragged it back over my bangs again.

A car drove by at that very moment, windows rolled down with the music blaring. I caught the tail end of the song before the car sped off down the street.

***** " **You're so gay and you don't even like boys…"**

I was frozen where I stood watching the red car speeding off over the rolling hills from the direction I'd just come from.

I felt unexplained heat rise to my face,  _this isn't a ~~date~~ …_ I thought rubbing my hand back over my face and down into my pocket.  _Just two acquainted people, meeting to hang out?_ I had been trying to rationalize this… this...  _Fuck I don't even know what to call it…_  the situation?  _Yes, the situation._  I'd been trying to rationalize this situation into some kind of proof that it was, not in fact, a date between two men.

_It wasn't a ~~date~~ … it couldn't be… I am not gay. End of story._

With a sigh I pulled my  ***** silver pocket watch out of my pants pocket, clicking the button on top with my thumb, the front panel opened and I glanced down at the time.

**7:15**

_I was already fifteen minutes late for this... It's not a date_. Taking my sudden anger out of the watch, I snapped it closed while roughly shoving it back into my pocket.

"Fuck." I ran my hands over my face once again,  _why, oh why did I agree to this shit…?_

_In all reality I knew there was only one person to blame. The bastard who had slyly asked me out on a fucking ~~date~~ …_

I internally cringed at the words I was thinking… but like a dumb-ass, I had agreed...

"Oh, god…" I grumbled wishing I had just stayed in my bed… where it was warm and safe, and there was no talk about gays and if I was going to date one…

But in my defense, I hadn't known Mustang was gay…

A door to one of the businesses behind me open, the happy-go-lucky music filtered out onto the sidewalk where I stood.

***"So you say it's not okay to be gay…"**

I felt my teeth clench at the words to the song…

**"Well, I think you're just evil…"**

I let out a sigh of relief as the door closed to the store, ending the terribly ironic music.

"Excuse me, Sir." I felt my jaw tense as I turn to the pestering male's voice trying to get my attention.

"Sir…" A clerk from one of the clothing stores was standing in behind me. The man was wearing a white polo shirt with neatly pressed khaki pants. He was the type of guy you'd look at and wonder,  _was he gay?_  I felt myself snicker bitterly, I was losing my sanity.

"Sir, I'm going have to ask you to please move on. You're scaring the customers away." His hair was neatly comb to the side in waves of sandy blonde. He probably was only in his early twenties. His blonde brow was furrowed as he looked down his nose at me.  _This guy is sizing me up…_  I thought briefly, with a scowl melding on to my face.  _This guy had really caught me on a bad day…_

"Well Mr…" I paused looking towards the plastic name tag, pinned on the man's shirt. "* **Gay** -dan…" I barked out a laugh,  _(Seriously?)_ I couldn't help it. _What were the fucking odds…?_

The man didn't seem too keen to see me laughing at him, though.

"Sir, please leave." Gaydan said crossing his arms over his chest, trying to intimidate me with his size. This man stood at least five inches taller than me but he was hardly anything to be frightened of.

Reeling in my laughter, I stood to my full height. I squared shoulders and with a hard glare, looked up towards the kid. I was used to being the smaller man. It was always hard trying to appear tough when having to look up to see into someone eyes. But I've been short all my life and, you know what they say.  _Practice makes perfect._

"I see no loitering sign." I stated, reaching inside the inner pocket of my coat. Knowingly letting Gaydan catch a glimpse at my black gun holster hugging my chest, before the edges of my coat swung back into place. I drew my leather bound badge with identification card out. Like I've said before, _I never leave the house without my guns or my badge._  I smirked at the thought.

I flashed my insignia at him while speaking. "Loitering on public property isn't illegal; I'll have you know… If there's no sign stating otherwise."

I saw the taller man eyes go wide with understanding of the serious situation he found himself in. The young man took another step, backing away from me.

"Officer…I'm… My apologies…Sir" Gaydan stumbled over his words. "I didn't think…"

I snorted while interrupting the man before me…  _Typical._  "And that's the problem with youth today, you don't think…" I knew I was taking my irritation at my own life, out on this innocent bystander… but he shouldn't have crossed my path, especially today of all days…

"I… just didn't think you… were a cop… in all honesty." Gaydan said backing further away with his hand rubbing the length of his neck. "Your just so…"

I felt my jaw tense and I glared at the retreating man…

"I'm so what…?" I said with a bite to my words, I could feel the steam escaping from my ears.

_Don't say it, buddy…_  I thought acrimoniously, I knew where his statement was going. I got it all the time in my line of work…

"…Short…"

I swear you could hear my teeth grinding in agitation from a mile away. My face went red in anger…

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT, HE COULD BE CONSIDER A GIRL."

The man looked so confused at my outbreak…"I… I… never said anything like that… Officer…" Gaydan was nearly back towards the store he first came out of.

I was scaring the kid…  _Good,_  I thought.  _Let him be scared…_  I glared towards him. Then I abruptly remembered what *Lieutenant Marco, my acting commanding officer had said to me before benching me from working out in the field.

* * *

'You're a liability, Edward. You have an anger problem, and until you prove otherwise, you are being removed from all active cases until we find you a replacement partner.'

* * *

It was all fucking bullshit in my eyes; I didn't need a babysitter watching over my every move… glancing over towards the scared kid…  _or maybe I did…_

Shaking my head at my ridiculous thoughts,  _this wasn't worth it…_  I turned my back on the clerk. "Get out of here, before I change my mind…"

Gaydan wasted no time heeding my words, scampering off inside his store, towards safety.

" **You're so gay and you don't even like boys…"**

The door shut, and I was left with only the sounds of the busy street and my anger flowing around me…

"What is up with that fucking song…?" I grumbled under my breath kicking at a pebble next to my boot. I shoved my badge back into the front pocket of my coat roughly. "Fucking song…" Fucking life… fuck everything…"

The sky was dark now; a few stars shone through the city lights. Meaning I was late for my date… I felt my throat drop into my stomach.  _Fuck you thoughts._

"It's not a date…" I said closing my eyes with a sigh…  _but it was a date._  I knew this, myself conscious knew this… but why couldn't my ego just admit it. I had agreed to go on a date with a gay guy. And I only had myself to blame for not reading in between the lines.

_Some detective I was turning out to be…_

"You're a coward…" My pride slithered as I gazed up the street towards the looming park.  _Just get it over with…_ I said mentally talking myself into crossing the street towards the park.

_But if I crossed the line, there would really be no turning back..._

I snorted at my corniness. _That was real deep._

At that thought, I crossed the street. Hands in my pockets,  _I was going through with this, I wasn't a pussy._

"Who knows? Maybe this wasn't a date…"I mused with hopefulness.  _Maybe this was just two newly obtain friends meeting for a drink…_

_A straight guy could hope, couldn't he?_

I rounded the corner into the park and almost instantly spotted Mustang sitting on one of the metal benches off in the distance. I was lucky; he was facing away from the entrance of the park, making him unaware of my entry. Which was a good thing, I wasn't ready to be seen just yet. I knew I had to set things straight between us… Roy needed to understand, I wasn't gay… and this wasn't a date…but the feeling of warmth making its way through my body at seeing this man made me realize there was something off about this situation between us. And not only on Roy's part, my own as well…

I observe Roy sitting form causally on one of the gray metal benches. His tall broad form was wearing a black over coat to fend off the nights biting cold.

He stuck out like a sore thumb against the greens of the trees and grass surrounding him. His long arms draped along the back of the bench, a cigarette flickering between his elegant fingers. Roy was looking up towards the skies, the winds playing with the black hairs at the curvature of his neck.

I felt a fluttering feeling making its way through my stomach. It couldn't be explained away rationally.

_I should have never come… this is stupid…_

The coward in me wanted to turn away and walk out the park like I'd never entered but my fear left me grounded. I couldn't take my eyes off the bastard as the feeling of heat raised into my chest.

_So stupid…_

I burrowed further into my red jacket, this feeling was illogical…I wasn't attracted to men. I couldn't be. It was irrational, idiotic at best.  _No_ , I opened my eyes that I hadn't realized I closed.  _No, I am not gay._

_For fuck sake, I'm into women. With their long creamy legs wrapped around my waist, the weight of their breasts in the palm of my hand, beautiful pouty mouths for kissing, their sweet fragrance and long flowing hair lingering on my pillow.— This is what got me going into the sexual department, not thoughts of a man.—_

"Fuck…" I sighed; it was pathetic that I had to even remind myself of such things.

It wasn't that Roy was bad looking per se. I actually could admit, maybe not out loud, but I could admit at least to myself; slightly— maybe; he was a good-looking man. I could see why women or (even) other men would find him attractive.

_But I'm not gay…_

_And Roy, as far as I know, is a homosexual..._

_He wanted to date me…_

_But maybe he didn't want to date._

_Maybe all **this** was about just fucking… It was a typical guy move… A move apparently even 'gay men' would do to get into someone's pants…_

I groan at the demented thoughts rapidly circling in my head. They were simultaneously causing a burning blush reddening my cheeks and my stomach to churning in denial.

I couldn't be sure what this was about, or better yet, I wouldn't be sure until I confront the Bastard. I should just march over there and demand some answer. It wasn't like me to be timid… but that's what this man was making me feel. Apprehensive.

_Was this a date, or was this something more causal?_

_I honestly couldn't imagine myself swinging that way on the sexuality spectrum. Sure I've hug other dudes— Platonic brotherly hugs. I've even kissed Alphonse from time to time on the cheek in farewells. He was my brother for god sake. That didn't make me gay… Did it?_

_Did it...?_

_It was an odd thought. Not an uncomfortable, but a foreign concept. Something I have never in my life imagined before, being with another man. I honestly wanted to be disgusted with myself. I wanted to adamantly deny this forbidden notion. Standing up and be a **real**  man._

_But I couldn't.—_

_Where did this leave me? Did I want this to be an actual date?_

I shuddered at thought. I don't know if it was from abhorrence of knowing I could be considering I was attracted to a man, or if the cold winds were picking up around me. Both left me quaking in my boots.

Movement from the gray bench drew my attention. I watched Roy throw his spent cigarette to the ground. He stood in a fluent motion, snubbing the smoking embers beneath his boot.

I felt my heart beginning to accelerate as I continued to watch Roy's broad shoulders lift heavily into what appeared to be a sigh. The illuminating light of the moon bathed the man's face in a pale blue as he wistfully gazed up towards the skies.

_He looks sad…_

His hands found their way into his pockets of his dark trench coat.

_He probably thinks I stood him up..._

I felt the flood gate of guilt rushing through my chest.

_I should have been here on time.._.

Roy turns then, his coat flapping open in the winds as he walked away from the bench.

_He didn't look disappointed, or anything of the sorts. So maybe I was over thinking this..._

Then his black orbs caught sight of me standing under the metal archway of the entrance of the park. My face was hot, but I could blame it on the chilled winds whipping at my cheeks.

I felt like I wanted to run, but couldn't because his obsidian gazed held me, locked in place.

He was walking towards me now with a subtle smile playing on his face.

I couldn't remember how to breathe... my heart felt like it could explode.

"I didn't think you were going to make it." His deep voice glided goose bumps down my spine as it caught on the winds. It was rich with a low rumble to it, leading me to believe the bastard was intentionally doing it.

He was standing in front of me, and I could smell the spice of his cologne as he brought his hand up to be shaken in a greetings.

"I ran into trouble up the street, the downfalls of the job..." I grumbled out nonchalantly shrugging my shoulder. I drew my white gloved hand out of my coat pocket, hesitating only slightly before I griped his hand firmly in a shake.  _It was the truth. That clerk had caused me trouble._

Roy made a 'hn' sound before answering, "I can understand that... you're a police officer?" his dark brow furrowed somewhat with his question as he pulled out of my grip.

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

Roy was looking down at me through his dark bangs. The same slender smile lingering on his mouth.

"Riza said something about it at the wedding, is it true?" His voice held an underline of humor to it.

I nodded my head, my pony-tail slightly swaying with the motion. "Yeah, but I'm a detective. Not just an officer. So get it straight. I graduated out of the blue suit long ago..." I corrected him sternly.

I was letting my nerves get the best of me. I knew I sounded harsh, if not downright rude. But I was nervous; I always got touchy when backed into a proverbial corner.

"Beg my pardon…Detective." Roy said smiling, paying no notice to my harsh tone.

Wanting to change the topic, I was happy when Roy asked me if I was ready to go, "We're already late for our reservation." He said.

_Reservation? So this was a fucking date…_

"Oh, yeah. What reservation are we talking about? Where are we going?" I asked waiting patiently for an answer while my stomach churned from uncertainty.

_I wasn't going to come right out and ask. Was this a date?_

I don't know what would have been the worse-case-scenario; dying of embarrassment from finding out this wasn't a date, when I had been freaking out about it this whole time. Or finding out this was a date, and dying of heart failure because this was in fact, a  **date**! Both scenarios, I die. Both scenarios, I disliked immensely.

This both was ironic and deeply depressing, I would gain no reprieve from either out come. And the worst thing imaginable, I was already dead from the anticipation of knowing the answers to my notorious question.

_Was this a date? Or was I simply going insane?_

* * *

∞∾ **Roy** ∾∞

My eyes were open before the first ray of the morning sun could come dancing through the hotel curtains. I blamed my internal clock, and of course the military. They were the reason why I never could sleep in, even on my vacation I found myself staring up towards the white ceiling before the sun had even awakened

Some habits never die, and this one I seem to never have dropped after graduating from boot-camp all those years ago...

A repeating practice I needed and never wanted to let go…

I guess you can't teach old dogs to do new tricks, I thought with a sigh. Flinging the covers off my body, I rolled off the bed and onto the floor. Positioning my hands, I pressed down into a push-up, my dog tags swinging down from my neck as the metal clanked together with my fluid motions. A reminder: I was a dog of the military. With a deep breath in, I let that thought slither away with the motion of my body.

Up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

The laborious breathing of my morning workout added to the sound of my clinking tags.

Down.  **Clink**

Exhale.

Up.  **Clink**.

Inhale.

Down.  **Clink**.

Exhale

Up.  **Clink.**

Inhale.

Over; and over, I pushed and pulled my body until I was left without a thought of my own. Ankles crossed, hands pressed firmly into the floor supporting my body.

Down.  **Clink**

Exhale.

Up.  **Clink**.

Inhale.

Down.  **Clink**.

Exhale

Up.  **Clink.**

Inhale.

When I could feel the rushing of blood pumping through my veins and muscles, I stood with a sigh. Taking off the white undershirt I'd worn to bed the night before, I wiped at the sweat dripping off my face before throwing the soiled shirt off into the corner of the room.

_The maids would clean it up later._  I thought absentmindedly, digging through my suit case for my gray sweat pants and a fresh white shirt.

Putting them on, I set out looking for my running shoes, which I remembered that I'd placed in the closet after I had gotten back from my jog yesterday.

Once they were on, I was out the door with my room-key safely placed in my sweats pocket.

I always loved running at this time of morning. With the first rays of the morning sun peeking over the horizon; the shades of rich oranges and amber's fighting back the depths of the lonely night sky.

Deep shades of reds and pinks, colliding with colors of the coldest blue and blacks, leaving a beautiful display of purples and violets bursting through the heavens above. The lingering stars were twinkling dimly but fading fast with the sun rising brighter in the sky.

You could still hear the grass hoppers chirping their sorrowful tune as the night faded into twilight with the morning fog hugging everything it could reach.

_Too say the least it was peaceful. No one was really out this early._

Well, there were the occasional people on the street. People who had to be up and then there were the people who are like me. People crazy enough to up before the sun even had a chance to yawn and stretch.

I smirk, quickening my pace to a brisk run. Jaunting across the street, I enter the park.

I remember the hotel receptionist mentioning there was a jogging trail running through it. I was going to take full advantage of it while I could. When being away at sea, my morning exercise usually consisted of a jog on the treadmill in the workout room of the ship. Breathing in the crisp morning air, was a lot different than working out in a cramped room.

I realized while jogging through the wet grass of the open field that my vacation was moving at a profound speed. Two of the seven days had already passed. Leaving me five days left before having to return to the stuffy frigate and to my acting role as:  _Captain Roy Mustang, commander in chief of the war ship Jarrett._

Exhaling heavily out my mouth, a large white cloud followed in the wake of my breath. I quickened my pace, pushing myself hard to quite my thoughts. I didn't even want to start thinking about work.—

I found the dirt trail the receptionist had mentioned. It was honestly hard to miss; it weaved in and out of the tall green trees lining the park. Apparently, the path went around the entire field. "—A jogger's paradise." The lady had said. And it truly was.

I ran the paths until the dark skies of the early morning had faded into a brightly blue shades, and the birds were whistling their sweet tune in the trees telling everyone it was time to get up, that the day had began.

By the time I was crossing the street back to the hotel, I was drenched in sweat, my white shirt sticking wetly to my body. My hairs flattened to my forehead in a perspiring mess.

Entering the eloquent building, the door man grabbed in a bright red coat opened the door for me. I smiled when our eyes met. Not waiting for a response I headed for the stairs case, not wanting have to wait for the elevator. _I'm a sweaty mess, in need of a shower._

My legs burnt from the use but I took the stairs two at a time to my floor.

Sliding the card key into the slot, I entered my room. Pulling on the bottom of my white shirt, I pulled it over my head and off. My metal dog-tags snagged in the cloth before I pulled them free. The cool metal clanked to my sternum mutely.

Finding a dry spot on the shirt, I dragged the material over my forehead and hair. I wiped away the excess sweat still lingering from my extraneous workout.

That's when the phone rang.

Draping the white shirt across my shoulder, I walked over to the maroon desk where the ringing was coming from.

The phone was one of those old classic telephones. The kind that  **actually** rang from a bell when someone called.

I picked up on the third ring.

"Hello."

"Mr. Mustang, there is a phone call from Riza Hawkeye. Would you like me to patch the call through sir?" The operator on the phone spoke in a monotone voice.

My insides ran cold,  _why was she calling?_  The woman was supposed to be on her honey moon.

I sat down on the desk chair.

"Sir, would you like me to patch the call?" The operator said again into my ear when I hadn't responded.

I cleared my throat, "Yes, sorry… I'll take the call."

This couldn't be good. There was silence on the line, before the phone started to ring. It rang two times, before the other line sounded like it picked up.

"Hello..." I said into the receiver. "Hello..." I echoed when there was only silence and a light crackling sound.

"-Roy..." It sounded like it was Riza, but there was a lot of static on her side.

"-Roy... Can you hear me?" Her voice suddenly became clearer.

"Yes, I can understand everything alright?" I spoke leaning forward on the chair I was sitting upon.

The static through the line hissed angrily into my ears again.

"Hawkeye?"

I caught her reply in bits, "-Yes..." static."Alright..." There was more static. "-I know..." crackle-crackle-pop "leave Ed...lone" static...

It sounded like she was speaking in Morse code, but I caught the last bit, about Edward. She knew I was up to something. Even with an ocean between us, she still knew what I was planning. I could never really sneak anything by dear ol' Hawkeye...

"Riza, your breaking up, I can't understand you." I smirked knowingly. She didn't have to know I could decipher the warning through the broken phone line.

Riza went on to say something but the static was overcoming her words.I really couldn't understand her; I didn't even have to make an excuse to get off the phone.

"Riza, I really can't understand ... I hope your having a lovely honeymoon... Don't do anything I wouldn't do to Alphonse." The static hissed into my ears as an answer, before the line went dead.

I set the receiver back down onto the cradle. Staring down at the cream colored telephone, curiosity was getting the better of me.

Snagging the remote off the bed, I switched the wall-mounted television on. Scanning through the lower channels, I stop on the news and turn the volume up, so I could hear it in the bathroom, I headed that way.

"… A tropical storm has hit off the *Yock Islands. The popular tourist destination, known for its vast and luxurious wedding bungalows, is being assaulted as the Island has found itself amidst the storm. Heavy rain and winds are expected to last for the next six days. No deaths have been reported for. All flights in and out have been postponed until further notice…"

I started the shower with the female news broadcaster voice filtering into the bathroom from the bedroom.  _Tropical storm hmm…_  I thought calmly, letting my hand test the water temperature of the cascading water. _Well, this will buy me more time before Riza returns to destroy all my fun…_

Amused by my trail of thoughts, I toed off my shoes and socks while slipping out of my sweaty clothes. I stepped into the warm flowing of the water. My moans of gratitude reverberated off the porcelain walls surrounding me. The water pressure beating along my well worked muscles felt glorious.

Washing and rinsing quickly, I exit the shower in less than ten minutes. Another trait I can blame on the military, quick showers.

Reaching over to the white towel hanging on the wall. I dry off just as swiftly. I glanced to the mirror above the sink, examining the black morning scruff running along my jaw line. _I need to shave,_  I thought, rubbing a finger down my cheek.

_Later, for now, I had a reservation to set up._  With one last glance towards the mirror, I exited the bathroom. The towel firmly fastened around my waist.

"… In other news. The military officials have announced they are planning to deploy troops into the Far East by the end of the month…" Reaching for the remote on the bed, I flicked the television off.

I didn't need to be reminded of the war our country has found itself in. I lived in  **that**  world on a daily basis.

I knew the in-&-outs of the ongoing war. Details of which were gruesome and nothing heroic like the News had set it out to be. The journalist  **always**  found a way to twist and form horrid details of the war into something made of gold and honor. All the while, putting the foot soldiers sent off to fight the military battles, on some kind of pedestal, in the hopes they could draw the young adults into the fight for honor; for glory; for our country.

I rubbed at my face with both hands;  _you are becoming some kind of cynic, Roy._

This was exactly why I didn't want to think of work.—

Dropping the remote down on the bed again, I set out to get dressed. I pulled out a plain black shirt with faded comfortable jeans from my suitcase. I left my feet bare, seeing that I wasn't leaving the room just yet.

Taking a seat at the desk, I picked the telephone up calling to set a reservation at a local restaurant for two.

The rest of the day consisted of me lounging around the hotel room, allowing myself for once to actually relax.

* * *

**6:00 pm-** I started to get ready for my outing with Edward.

**6:45 pm –** I was striding across the street entering the park, freshly shaven and smelling like my aftershave.

**7:05 pm -** I had already smoked three cigarettes, and I felt my confidence waning.

**7:15 pm –** I was doubtful Edward was even going to show.

I sighed looking down at my watch for the umpteenth time since sitting down on this cold uncomfortable bench.

**7:30 pm.**

* * *

With another sigh, I pulled a cigarette out of the package I was holding in my hand. Bringing the white stick to my lips, I lit it with a quick flick from my lighter. I drew the smoke into my lungs before breathing it out to watch it dance away on the cold breeze.

I let my arms drop back down to rest on the length of the bench while watching a fallen leaves dance intimately on the winds.

I blew another bout of smoke into the night sky. A small smile catching the corner of my mouth.  _You win some, and you lose some_ , I thought somberly, tilting my head back to watch the white clouds lingering in the skies as they blew across the darkening horizon.

_It looked like it could rain…_  I observed. _It would be suiting, the skies matching my mood._  Another great sigh blew through me. I threw my cigarette to the ground irritated with the fact I had been stood up but even angrier that I felt so let down about it.

_Never assume you have something until you actual have it in your grasp._

I felt my shoulders lift in a deep sigh, my heavy coat weighing me down. I stepped on the still burning cigarette beneath my boot.

_This was my fault,_  I thought vaguely looking up towards the pale moon. _I must have come on too strong, a hazard of chasing straight tail._

I shoved my cigarettes and lighter into my coat pockets. The chilled winds biting along the edges of my black woolen trench coat as I walked towards my hotel.

I was disappointed; this situation was like sticking a piece of gum into your mouth and trying not to chew it. The taste of the gum would linger on your tongue tempting you bite down, but you knew you weren't supposed to.

I wasn't comparing Edward to a piece a gum, just the temptation the boy exudes in mass quantity.

He was the forbidden fruit at the top of a tree; you could strive for the juicy apple, reaching out, standing on the tips of your toes, stretching as far as your body could go, only to have your straining fingers grasp the bottom of the fruit, and for it to slip out of your starving hands.

With disappointed smirk, I turn my head towards the entrance of the park. And there stood Edward Elric staring at me with a blush lining his young handsome face.

I couldn't help but feel a burst of relief wash over me at the sight of him standing there. He was rocking from foot to foot, as if he was embarrassed. My smirk widened as I walked towards him.

"I didn't think you were going to make it." I said reaching where he stood, extending my hand out to be shook in greeting, and as he took it I realized he was still wearing those damn white gloves. I wanted to feel his skin, but maybe he's cold….

"I ran into trouble up the street, the downfalls of the job..." Edward spoke with a shrug to his shoulders. I could see the hesitance to take my hand in Ed's eyes, but quickly he got over whatever motion that had snagged him up.

I remember Riza saying something about Edward being a cop…

I made an unintentional 'hn' sound in my chest, "I can understand that… You're a police officer?"

Edward already wide eyes, narrowed in suspicion. "Yeah, how did you know that?"

A little birdie told me at the wedding, when she had been warning me about staying away from you. I couldn't technically say this to Edward, so I opted out and said, "Riza told me something about it at the wedding, is it true?" I couldn't hide the humor lining my voice, nor the subtle smile curling my lips.

Edwards's blonde pony-tail bobbed as he nodded his head in agreement. As I watched, I couldn't help but think just how attractive he looked with his hair pulled up and out of his face.

"Yeah, but I'm a detective. Not just an officer. So get it straight. I graduated out of the blue suit long ago."

I could tell Edward was nervous by the pitch of his rising voice, didhe already know I was planning this on being a date? The boy kept rocking back and forth on the heels of his feet. I don't think he even realized he was doing it.

"Beg my pardon…Detective." I replied, intentionally trying to lighten the mood around us. "Are you ready to go?" I asked with my smile still lingering on my face. "…We're already late for our reservation."

If I hadn't been watching for it, I might have missed Edwards's minor but noticeable moment of shock fleeting across his features.  _He did know… and was trying to play it cool…_

"Oh, yeah. What reservation are we talking about? Where are we going?" The blonde asked trying to mask his uncertainty.

_Play it cool Roy, don't scare the boy off…_  I thought quickly as I started walking out of the park. "Well, I thought we'd just get something to eat and then maybe go see a movie." I answered as nonchalantly as I could. Looking over my shoulder when I didn't hear Edward's foot falling in line with my own, I found the blonde man with a knitted brow, and he was staring at me like I had sprouted another head.

"That, uh, sounds a lot like a date…" Ed said, eyes peering curiously at me as I stood in front of him. Turning to around to face the blonde once more, I made sure to have a subtle smile on my face.

"It is…" I said easily, meeting his amber eyes. I shoved my hands into my pockets waiting for Edward's reply.

_He wanted to know…so there it was…not like I normally do, but when did I ever think chasing Edward would be normal._

* * *

∞∾ **Edward** ∾∞

"That, uh, sounds a lot like a date…" I couldn't believe what I was hearing…

Roy turns his body away from the exit to face me again, a small smirk playing on his mouth.

"It is…"

This is when I finally noticed how Mustang was dressed, I felt my eyes widen slightly as I heard Roy's answer. The dark haired man stood before me, dark dress pants on his long legs, a white dress shirt on underneath his dark over coat. Several of the glossy buttons of the shirt were left unbuttoned, milky skin peering out at me from the opening.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't think….I didn't know you meant meet like in a date. I-I just thought…" I started, a blush reddening my cheeks. I shook my head as I began to walk past the older man, avoiding looking at him.

_I knew it…I knew it… I knew it…_  Kept repeating in my head.

A warm hand on my bicep stopped me in my tracks, my attention turning to look up at towards Roy's face.

The man had a pleading look to his obsidian eyes, "Can't you just give it a try?" His black brow raising as he asked me this unfair question. He was staring expectantly towards me with his coal black eyes that seemed to be able to penetrate my soul the longer we stood amidst the silence.

_No, no, no, no…._  Was the mantra being chanted in my head….  _You're not gay, no, no, no, no…._

But there was a part of me… a very strange part of me saying,  _Say yes, yes, yes, yes…_

I debated these two voices in my mind, whether I should try this out or not… I was thinking of the consequences of either answer.

Finally with a sigh, I slowly turned my eyes back to Roy, unsure of when I had looked away…

"I…fine. I'll try it. But don't you try anything or I'm leaving the moment you do!" I said, I can't believe I'm doing this…

I watched a smile split across Roy's fair face. He drew his hand away from my arm, as he nodded quickly and began walking again.

_What am I doing…?_  I thought watching Roy take a few steps ahead of me. When I hadn't followed after him, the dark hair man looked over his shoulder again. "Are you coming Edward…?"

I felt a blush spread throughout my whole body…  _This was going to be a long night, I could tell…_

_I just hope I'm not making the wrong choice… Because at the end of the day, **I was not gay** **.**  And that was the end of the fucking story. I was doing this to simply appease a curiosity I was experiencing and nothing else. Or so I liked to believe._

But you know what they say about curiosity: It did kill the cat…

"Yeah, yeah, Im'acomin'…" I grumbled, quickening my steps to catch up with the long strides of Roy legs.

* * *

 

**_Up Next: Part two of the date._ **

**1\. Katy Perry- Ur so gay (I'm not into Katy Perry, but this song fit so well for this chapter… or well at least that line from the song.)**

**2\. I know the pocket watches are a symbol of being a state Alchemist, but in my AU story, it's just a throwback to the manga/anime.**

**3\. Lily Allen song, F*ck you. I love this song very much. It makes me giggle a little every time I hear it. Do yourself a favorite and go listen to it.**

**4\. Gaydan- A non-repeating OC. I thought the name was funny. Oh, the Irony on Edwards part. Hah**

**5\. Lieutenant Marco- Ed ranking officer- in charge of giving Edward his cases. But since Ed doesn't have an active partner, he's been bench to do paper work.**

**6\. Yock Island- I know it was the Island in the middle of Kauroy lake. The same place Izumi Curtis sent the Elric brother to test their abilities in preparation for** **apprenticeship under her. In my story, it's a throwback to the anime. :D**

 


	5. Playful kiss: Paradise bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Cursing, sexuality swaying, BoyxBoy kissing, alcohol uses.
> 
> Beta: konfessor2u- the best beta in the world. She keeps me from embarrassing myself.

∞∾ ** _Edward_** ∾∞

Roy's kiss had been… almost beyond description. It was an impulsive, overwhelming; sweet and fiery, satisfying almost to the point of freight kind of kiss. The unexpected cosmic explosion caught me up so strongly, I found my mind held no control over my reactions. Not from my tightening arms around Roy's responsive body, nor my tongues blissful surrender to the delightful suction.

Desire swept me away down the river of lust and I found no need to stop myself as my back pressed into the wall near the entrance to my loft…

_Okay, hold up, I think I'm getting a little too far ahead of myself. Let's start this at the beginning of the night…_

"You're taking me to a five star restaurant?"I felt my jaw hit the floor at the sight held before me. This place was beyond the meaning of 'fancy'… _Not only was this really a date, but the fucking bastard had the audacity to take me here, of all places…_ My feathers were being ruffled at my thoughts and towards a certain Bastard Captain.

Mustang, being the gentleman, appeared to hold the door for me with the smirk I was now coming to know as a hindering annoyance. I glared back.

"Were you expecting a hot dog stand and popcorn, Edward?" The man asked with smooth humor, his black brow bunching together as he held the eloquent bronze door open for me.

"Well, I wasn't expecting this." I said looking towards him, my arms crossed in front of my chest defiantly. "And stop fucking opening doors for me, I ain't a girl…" I reprehended him as I stomped through the entrance.

"Of course you aren't," Roy replied again in his smooth voice, letting the door shut behind him. "…because if you were,  **you**  wouldn't be here." he added swiftly, making my jaw twinge in underlying anger.

I felt his warm hand at the base of my back as he guided me towards the maitre d' at the front of the restaurant, who was checking coats and seating customers. I felt my spine go stiff at the touch,  _why was he touching me?_ My heart gave a steady lurch. I was quickly becoming hyper aware of anything to do with Roy. And I couldn't say I cared all that much for it.

If Roy noticed the subtle change in my posture he didn't mention it. And for which I was grateful.—

"Reservation for two, under the name; Roy Mustang," Mustang spoke to the man standing behind the black podium, the warmth of his hand dropping away.

The balding man, in his stuffy suit, looked us both over with arrogance written all over his wrinkly face. Well he mostly looked me over, seeing I wasn't wearing appropriate dining clothes. _Leather pants, black shirt with a black waist jacket, my leather gun holster, .44 Glocks included hidden beneath my inner-jacket, and my heavy red winter coat finished my look._

I was the elephant in the room, sticking out amongst the rich and glamorize. Fucking-Roy looked like he fit right in with his tight black slacks, and white button down shirt,  _the man could pass for a fucking model._

I shook my head as I backed away from the maitre d' and Roy,  _he could handle the table situation and I needed to take a moment to breathe and clear my thoughts._

Look around the restaurant as my coat was taken from me. The walls were tall and white with sharp drastic edges making up a majority of the place. It looked clean and polished, from the sparkling white flooring to the open cut windows, letting the pale moon light reflect against the sheen of décor. It was expensive looking, in the simplest kind of way.

"This way sir's," I turned back around at the voice addressing me. We were being seated, apparently. I furrowed my brow in irritation when Roy hand found the small of my back again. Ushering me off to the direction the waiter was taking us.

"Stop it with the hand thing…" I hissed towards him, and thankfully his palm fell away.

We were seated, and I was surprised by Roy not trying to pull out my chair for me or anything as embarrassing. We sat in silence for a while, after the waiter walked away.  _Waiting in the silence, like water simmering to a rolling-boil._  It wasn't till the waitress had returned to take our drink orders did either of us speak.

"So Edward, you're a Detective?" Roy asked, folding his pale hands underneath his chin as he stared towards me over his brow. "Do you enjoy it?"

I don't know why, but I felt a blush working its way over my cheeks at Mustangs intense stare. "Oh, um… It's work… "I stuttered out embarrassingly, taking a slight drink of water in front of me.

"What about you? What do you do for a living?" I asked, trying to draw the attention away from me and my life. I already knew Mustang was a Captain in the navy but he didn't have to know that I knew.

"I work with the Navy. Actually, I'm on leave as we speak, for the next five days." He said as a smirk made its way onto his face. I flushed deeper at the suggestive tone he'd taken on.

"I, um, uh," I cleared my throat, trying to calm my nerves. I was unsure of what to say and I scolded myself in the process for letting myself flush at the simplest of things. "Uh, well, uh, how long have you known Riza for?" I asked picking the menu up, choosing what I want for dinner but also hiding my face from the deciphering obsidian gaze.

"I've known her since childhood. We think of each other as siblings. Speaking of family, I had a chance to finally meet Alphonse at the wedding..." Roy said leaning a little further onto his hands supporting his chin.

"You've never met Al before," I snorted as a response. "Some supposed brother you are…" I mocked, never letting my eyes leave the Menu.

"Astute observation, Mister Elric…" Roy said with a phantom smile befalling his lips.  _He was mocking me…_  I lowered the long white menu at his sarcastic tone to meet his black eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" I bit out, my annoyance clearly hanging on the edges of my words.

Our drinks arrived at that particular moment. The pretty waitress laid the white cocktail napkin on the table before placing the chilled glass cups upon them in front of their respective. Roy picked up his scotch glass into his long fingers before sipping at the fine amber liquor.

"Exactly what it sounded like..." Mustang spoke into his glass as the young waitress walked away, his debasing smirk still lingering.

"Whatever..." I cut him off, bring the menu back in front of my reddening face.

I heard a bark of laughter coming from the dark hair man sitting across from me. I abruptly slammed my menu down onto the white table cloth, making the plates and silverware rattle from the intensity. My anger was getting the better of me...but I didn't...  **couldn't**  care.  _This fucking bastard was getting on my last nerve._

I open my mouth to tell him exactly that, but the waitress decided to appear again asking if we were"...ready to order?"

I ground my teeth in irritation as Mustang said we were ready.  _Now he's fucking talking for me._ I furrowed my brow as I crossed my arms in front of my chest like a child throwing a temper tantrum.  _This fucking guy..._ the bastard wasn't even affected by my outburst. My frown deepened, I could feel the seam of my jacket pulling along my auto-mail arm. A thread was caught on a screw near my elbow bracket. I growled under my breath as I felt a screw coming loose.

I suddenly stood. Two sets of surprised eyes looked towards me. One black and one set brown. "I have to pee..." I grumbled out not caring if I sounded rude.

_I am literally coming undone at the seams…_

I turned from the table, my eyes scanning the room for the nearest bathroom. Roy's deep voice stopped me in my tracks. "Edward, is everything alright?" He sounded a tad worried.

If I wasn't so annoyed I would have laughed at him for sounding so lame.

"... 'have to pee..." I repeated again over my shoulder, still trying to locate the bathroom.

"Well, at least order before you go." Roy stated, obviously annoyed as gesturing towards the curly hair waitress still standing at the table. Her Pen and tablet in hand. She was looking awkwardly between Mustang and I, not knowing what to do.

"Uh..." I looked back over my shoulder as I felt more then heard the tearing of cloth at my elbow.  _Fuck!_  "Do it for me..." I stated hastily before spotting the restroom tucked away in the back of the room. I was off before the Bastard could even reply.

When I was safely in the bathroom and locked behind a stall. I let out a steady breath of air before I allowed myself to assess the damage.

I took off my over jacket carefully, trying not to rip the fabric any more. I wasn't ready for the cold chill of the tile walls to dance its ways along the bare skin of my left arm. I shivered and continued to work. Trying to get the jacket off my auto-mail arm was a lot tougher. The fabric clung to the metal that made up my elbow.

 _Shit,_ "Fucking-shit." I muttered bringing my gloved left hand to my mouth. I bit the tip of the middle finger before pulling my hand away. The glove slipped free of my flesh hand and hung uselessly in my mouth. Running my fingers along the cool metal I couldn't see. I counted the screws bolted of my elbow brackets.

_One..._

_Two..._

_Three..._

_shit..._

It was the third bolt that the fabric was caught on; it was sticking out three quarters of the way of the socket.  _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ With the fabric of the jacket knotted around it.  _Shit-fuck._

I felt my insides run cold, knowing who I was going have to call...

_Winry._

I felt my forehead come into contact with the freezing gray bathroom stall, I groaned at my luck dropping my glove from my mouth in the process. I abandoned it to the dirty floor of the bathroom.

Winry, my cheating ex-girlfriend, was incongruously my auto-mail mechanic; she had been ever since my accident. Honestly, I didn't trust anyone else with the job. Winry was  **the**  best mechanic in the area. Just because I couldn't trust her with my heart, didn't mean I couldn't trust her with my metal limbs.  _At least metal can be fixed if broken..._

I sighed at that thought, pulling out my cell phone out of my back pocket of my slacks.  _You're turning into a fucking chick, Edward..._

Winry's number was still on speed dial, on the third ring she answered. Her sweet voice filtered into my ear.

"Rockwell auto-mail mechanic, we fix what others can't. This is Winry speaking, how can I help you?"

I paused; I could vividly imagine her attractive smile on the other end of the line.  _She was always the prettiest when she smiled._ I thought with a fanciful memory.

"Hey Winry." I spoke, the nostalgia weighing heavily in my voice. I stared blankly towards my soiled white glove lying on the ground near the ceramic toilet.

"Ed...! Why are you calling?! Wait... I didn't mean that... How are you doing? I didn't think you'd be calling so soon... What can I do for you...?" She was rambling.  _Meaning: she was nervous._

"I...Uh..." I chuckled tensely before I cleared my voice. "I think there's a loose screw in my auto-mail joint or something..." I trailed off, closing my eyes as I heard a quite ' _oh'_  from the other end of the line.  _Like she'd been expecting something else entirely from this call._

"Well... is it your arm or leg?" Winry asked her voice taking on a more professional crisp tone. It cut deep like a hot-knife through the wound still mending from our abrupt breakup.

I heard the sound of papers being shuffled around.  _She was probably opening my chart with my auto-mail information in it._

"It's my arm. Well, more like my Elbow." I chuckled nervously into the phone.

"Okay well, just come by the shop tonight... you're in need of a tune up anyways." She said sharply.

_Fuck me._

My head fell forward to rest on the gray metal stall. "I can't..." I pulled my cell phone away from my mouth as I sighed and cursed my stupidity.

"Edward..." Winry said my name softly almost as a whisper, it twisted my insides up. "...if this is about us...please-"

I interrupted her before she could finish. "It isn't..." I could feel my anger rising. I suddenly wanted to hurt Winry as she had intentionally hurt me. "...I'm on a date and I can't leave h'..." I had almost said  **him**. My cheeks turned red at that thought "...I can't just leave, Winry." I corrected myself with adroit skill that only detectives can possess.

I heard that quite ' _oh'_ again from the other line, which instantly made me feel like a jerk for saying anything.

"Look Winry," I said, raising my head from the gray stall. "…is there any way I could just unscrew this bolt without damaging the structural stability of my arm?"

"Which screw is it on the joint?" her voice was small and distant.  _I had hurt her,_ I should have rejoiced but I only felt like a total ass-hat.

 _Two wrongs do not make a right._  I imagine I could hear my mother's voice scolding me.

"It's the third one from the right." I replied pressing the phone into my ear so I could hear her better, Winry's voice was so small and barely there.

"That's the middle one?" she said the question more as a statement, but I still answered her with a muted, "yeah."

There was a momentary pause, that if I had to guess, she was probably assessing my charts. "It should be fine." She paused again and I could hear her breathing into the receiver, as well as the sounds of metal being shuffled around. Her voice returned, "but you should get over here tomorrow early in the morning. The sooner we fix it, the better." Winry spoke in her mechanic-knows-best-voice.

"Okay..." I said with a relieved sigh. "Thank you, Winry." I added on the next breath.

I heard her reply catch in her throat and when Winry spoke it was through a sad smile weary, "Any time, Edward."

The phone line went dead in my ear; the faint beeping filtered into the stall with its daunting sound. I clicked  **end call**  on the touch screen before bring the phone to rest on my forehead.

_Fuck._

I felt guilty for what I just caused. I had literally stirred the metaphorical pot and simultaneously called the kettle black.

_Fuck-ity-fuck_

I shouldn't feel this way, considering Winry was the one who cheated on me. Not the other way around,  _at least I waited till I was out of a relationship to date._ But did I have to go throw it in her face?  _No, I did not._  I had basically rubbed in that I had started to move on, leaving behind our six years of the good, the best, and the worst of times.

_Okay she doesn't technically know I'm on a date with a man, with Roy..._

_Oh shit, Roy..._ I had left him out there,  _oh fuck me; I've been in the bathroom for a_ _ **really**_ _long time._

I let out a loud groan as my head came to rest in my hands, my cell phone awkwardly pressed into my face.  _I'm such an asshole..._

Taking a deep, steady breath I dropped my hands away from my face, and repeated the process of just breathing.  _Okay I can do this._ I reassured myself.

After slipping my phone into my trousers, I set to work to removing the loosened screw on my metal arm. Getting a good grip on the bolt with my flesh fingers, I twisted left a couple times until the screw fell into the palm of my hand. The snagged black jacket immediately released, tumbling to the checkered bathroom floor. I caught it before it could touch the dirty floor.

Bending my auto mail arm a couple times, making sure all the movability was still intact. It gave a few creeks and groans, but it was fine. Next, I took a look at my damaged jacket. There was a small hole at the elbow, the size of a silver-quarter. It was big enough to fit a finger through, I sighed.  _It would have to do; I can't walk around with my gun holster exposed. This isn't a crime scene._

I slipped the black waist coat back onto my body, before exiting the bathroom stall. I took my other glove off and washed my hands for good measure. I didn't linger longer than necessary before exiting the bathroom all together. Walking through the quite hum of the restaurant, I slipped my one white glove back onto my auto-mail hand.

When I located the table, I felt immensely guilty at the sight I found. The food was already at the table, but that was only part of the reason why I was feeling this culpable wall towering over me.  _Roy's sullen facial expression helped out in that department._

The dark hair man sat somberly with his shoulders rolled forward at the fancy white table. An oppressive aura hung around Mustangs head like a formidable rain cloud. He lazily swirled his amber liquor in the chilled scotch glass with one hand, as the other held his chin up in the palm of his hand with his elbow resting on the arm of the chair.

 _I fucked up._ Taking a deep breath, I walked over towards the table.

"Sorry about that," I said, startling Roy out of his musing as I reached him. I watched him sit up and straighten his shoulders to look over at me.

I took my seat again. Glancing down at the dish in front of me, I realized Roy had ordered me my favorite.  _Noodles with meat sauce_ , a wave of guilt crashed over me. I winced.  _How did he know?_

I am not big on analyzing people.  _I know who I am and what I'm supposed to be doing, which was enough for me._ But when Roy was watching me with an unknown gleam held in his eye, I was wondering what he was thinking. I couldn't decipher if the expression was of good intensions, or bad ones.

I found myself scratching at the back of my neck with my flesh hand, trying to find something to do with my hands… "I…uh…had to call my mechanic." I told him, Roy head slightly tipped to the side at hearing my words. His dark brow furrowed dramatically in the middle.

"A mechanic? Like as in, a  **car** mechanic?" Roy's question followed the line of his tilted dark head slanted sideways in his inquiry.

I couldn't help but bite of a laugh, "No, you  _idiot_ , an auto-mail mechanic,  _i.e._  a mechanic who works on metal limbs." I said this sarcastically with a roll of my eyes.  _And here comes the_ _ **big**_ _question…_

I knew Mustang was going to ask if it hurt,  _they always do…_

I tried to not look menacing as I caught the Captains gaze from across the table. Something I know I'm not very good at accomplishing. Surprisingly, a look of admirability crossed the man's eyes instead of the normal pity I usually received when a person found out about my metal extremities.

"That's a risky operation, and painful if I might add." A soft look gleamed in Roy's dark eyes. It made my cheeks grow unmanly hot. "That's an impressive feat of courage and strength, Edward." His voice was low and held an intimate pitch as he spoke.

I licked at my dry lips and held his gaze. "You speak of it like a personal experience?"

Roy's lips curled into a smile, it grazed the muscles in his cheeks. It was a real smile, a smile of remembering a fond memory. "I've seen a lot of soldiers go through with the operation, personally. It isn't pleasant."

The heaviness hung the air between us. I picked up my forgotten glass of whiskey and took a large gulp.

"…But this isn't a dinner topic, let's eat. The food had only just arrived when you'd shown back up." Roy spoke picking up his fork and gesturing to my own food.

This is how the rest of dinner was, us eating in comfortable silence, we chatted idly over dessert about our childhood and jobs. At the end of the meal, to my surprise I found I had slightly enjoyed myself. And what a bizarre feeling that was—

_I had survived a date with a gay man._

When the check arrived at the table Roy and I both happen to reached for it. There was a  **slight**  argument over who was going to pay, but when I saw how much the bill was, my pride lost the fight, I let Bastard pay.  _This place is way over my price range…_

I told Roy, I was going to wait outside and I didn't wait for his reply.

When I pushed open the bronze door of the restaurant, I discovered it was pour down raining. It was coming down in large drops of water, drenching everything it could touch. It looked like someone had turned on the shower faucet in the sky and forgotten to turn it off.

 _This night was slowly turning into a cheesy gay love story…_ I groan internally at my thoughts.

A sharp whistling sound startled me out of my musing as I turned towards it "It's really coming down out there, isn't it?" Roy spoke, handing me my red coat. I noticed he already had his heavy black coat on over his white dress shirt. Mutedly I said "thanks."

Roy's chilled fingers grazed my flesh ones on the exchange. I couldn't tell if the touch was of deliberate intent or if it was merely an accidental touch, but I wrote it off as the latter. I ignore the flipping in my stomach, as I put my winter coat on.

"We should get a cab." Roy said coolly, looking towards the chilled gray stormy sky with his hands deep in his coat pockets.

"Yeah we should," I spoke taking my hair tie out of my high pony-tail, letting my golden hair fall around my shoulders. "But then we would have to call for one, and wait for it to arrive." I added with a deviant smirk as I pulled up my red hood.

Roy was watching me, again with a disgruntle look on his face. "Then what do you expect us to do, Edward?"

I smiled towards Roy with a big Cheesy smile. "Run!" I said before I darted out in the drenching rain. A manic laugh following me down the streets of central, I heard Mustang yelling my name through the wall of rain pelting me in the face, but I kept running and laughing.

I turned down an ally way, which I knew was a short cut through the urban streets. _There was an alcove there._  I stopped, waiting to see if Roy was coming or not. The dark hair man turned the corner moments later, looking like a cat drenched from a bucket of water. Roy's dark hair was matted to his face, water steadily poured down his sharp jaw line. I followed the drizzle of water as it soaked through the front of the exposed white cloth. The liquid made the shirt almost transparent, outlining every muscle Roy had underneath.

I licked at my rain soaked lips, I felt the first coils of arousal pooling in my stomach. It was a foreign feeling— a feeling I should squash here and now, but I couldn't. It was so tempting, bubbling hot with the intent to rise and overflow.

"Edward…?"

_And if I let it, what could that make me?_

_Gay?_

"Where are you going?" Roy's rich voice spoke through the pattering of the rain as he walked towards me under the alcove.

 _Where was I going?_ It was a good question, an intuitive question, a legit question.  _Where had I been running?_ I chuckled out loud and shrugging my shoulders as my red hood slipped off my head. "I don't really know."

I heard Roy make a 'tsk' sound before taking a step closer to me. Looking up to meet his black eyes, I realized how much shorter I really was then him.

"My hotel is just around the corner, we could…" Roy spoke in a silky voice, I interrupted rudely.

"Hell no…" I took a step away from him, my back coming into contact with the alley's wall under the alcove. "I mean, no. That's okay; I rather go back to my loft for a drink." The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I had said and how it had sounded.  _I couldn't take it back now…_

Roy looked skeptical for a slight second before the expression melted behind a smooth smile. "How far away do you live?"

 _About ten blocks,_ "Only a couple of blocks from here." I lied swiftly through my teeth. I really didn't want to go back to his hotel. I much rather prefer going to my apartment,  _at least there I knew I had lots and lots of guns._

It was still raining fairly hard, and Roy looked back out at the falling water as if it was his mortal enemy.

I laughed at him while pulling my hood over my head again, I stepped back out into the rain, "It's only a little water, and it isn't going to kill you, Captain." I said teasingly with a smirk over towards Mustang. I reached my left hand out for him to grasp. "Come on, let's go."

Roy reluctantly agreed.

* * *

I live in south city. Dog-town is what the locals call it. A couple streets over from my block there is an expensive rehab full of rich junkies and politicians. But on my actual street theirs are no rich politicians, but there are junkies.

By the time we around the corner on my street the rain had finally let up in the night sky.

 _It didn't change the fact Roy and I both was soaked to our core_. The ports of my auto-mail limbs ached from the cold water seeping in.

_Whose smart idea was it to walk home in the freezing rain? Oh, it was mine. Well, fuck my life._

I spot the red brick building of my apartment complex. At some point in our trek to my flat we stopped holding hands, I was grateful for the rain; it hid the fact my palm's had been sweaty. We walked side by side on the wet sidewalk. Close enough to one another for our elbows to graze in their natural swing. Our chilled hands safely tucked away in our pockets.

I stopped in front of my building. "This is it." I motioned with my head towards the building. There were six steps leading up to the main building door. I took them two at a time. I heard Roy's wetly footsteps following suit. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door with numb daft fingers.

The smell of moldy old building assaulted us as we step through into the lobby. The tendants' gold mail boxes lined the left side of wall. To the right was a stair case leading up the five flights of stairs of the complex. In the way back of the corral flecking wallpaper lobby was a rickety elevator. It made a horrible sound when in use. Usually I steered clear of it—  _something about falling to my death didn't sound very amusing_.

A trail of water followed after us on the peeling linoleum floor. I started up the creaking staircase, when Roy's voice broke the silence that had fallen around us. "What about the elevator?"

I looked over my shoulder, "You don't want to use  **that**  elevator…" I warned him taking another couple steps up. "Besides this way is honestly faster, trust me." I said turning the corner on the next flight of stairs. Roy must have taken heed, because the next second I heard his footsteps following me up to my flat on the top floor.

My apartment was the only one on the fifth floor.  _I guess you could call it the pent house suit_. I snickered at my thoughts while unlocking my green door to my flat. I stepped inside leaving the door open for Roy who was following closely behind me.

I kicked my boots off at the door, and flicked the light switch on. The white lights high in the rafters of the room twinkled on lighting the dark living room. I took my soaked red coat off, as well as my equally drenched waist jacket. It left me in my black tank top (and gun holster) with both of my arms exposed. I turn to Roy who was still standing by the door looking about the room.

"Gimmie your coat?"

Roy turns his head at me upon hearing my question with a confused expression lining his fair face. I watched his black eyes dart from my exposed metal limb back to my eyes. Roy licked at his corral lips before he spoke, "My coat?"

I furrowed my brow at him. "Yes, it's wet. I'm going to hang it up to dry."

"Indeed." He said taking the dripping coat off handing it over to me. Roy's dress shirt was soaking wet as well, making the white fabric translucent as it clung to his chest.  _I could see his dusty brown nipples through the shirt, like a bad wet t-shirt contest._  I felt the heat pooling unwontedly in my uncomfortably sodden pants.  _I wonder what he looks like without his shirt._

The words left my mouth before I could stop them. "Maybe you should also give me your shirt." I could feel the blush rising to my cheeks as the words left me. "I could find you something else to put on."

Looking down towards the coats in my hands, I found it a decent distraction from the man before me.

I felt the cold damp shirt hit me in the face as an answer from Roy.

"If you wanted me out of my shirt Edward, all you had to do was ask." I heard the smile running through his voice. I shook my head and the shirt left from my face to the wooden floor.

"Being little over flirtatious with me don't you think, Bastard?" I spoke gruffly as my eyes deceived my words. I racked them over Roy's exposed torso as he stood half naked in my living room. The feeling fluttering through me reminded me an awful lot like arousal. But it couldn't be;  _I_ _ **do not**_ _find men attractive._

But that's not what my dick has decided at that precise moment. I could feel myself hardening at the sight before me. The dripping coats turned quickly into a god-send as they concealed my very serious sexual dilemma.

Roy was watching me with a humorist smile spreading on his face, "Most people like it…" He said cockily.

"And I'd like if I didn't have to think of you flirting with a ninety year old woman the same way." I bit back just as bumptious, if not more so because of the situation.

Roy's smile faltered slightly on the edges, "You don't have a very high opinion of me, do you?"

I started walking across the living room to my bathroom with an awkward limp to my step. "I am a very judgmental person. It's one of my known faults. You should get used to it" With that I excused myself into the bathroom.

Laying the coats over the rack of the shower stall, I gripped my hardness through my leather trousers. I whimpered at the contact.  _This cannot be happening... I am not feeling this..._

The very thought of a bare chested Roy sitting in my living-room sent white- sparks of want flashing through me.

"Oh god this can't be happening to me." I squeezed myself through my pants again; I bit my lip to muffle my moan.

The sensation was now bubbling to the surface, rich and heady like champagne concentrated from being repressed for far too long.

"Is everything alright in there?" Roy's deep voice startled me out of my fantasying,  _Oh god, I had been thinking of him sexually._  My face was hot to the touch. I pulled my hand away from my crotch and grabbed two fresh towels from the rack hanging on the wall.

I exited the bathroom in a flash throwing one of the towels at Roy's annoying handsome face... I groan again aloud, "Stop thinking like that."I had meant to only say this in my head but I must have said it out loud.

"Stop thinking like what?" Roy asked me in a voice that's gone alarmingly unsteady to my ears.

I turn toward him and his intense gaze nearly buckled my knees. I shudder at such a look. "You," I answer back,rough-hewn and jagged, not thinking of the repercussion of saying such a confession.  _For all I know, I was breaking the gay cardinal rules left and right._

I clung to the towel hanging in front of crotch like a life line as Roy walked towards me. I could feel my blood pulsating in my veins at a fever pitch.

I took a step back as Roy took one forward. Knowing I had backed myself in a corner,  _I couldn't stay here, knowing what I was feeling._

Visible anxiety and terror must have been written all over my face. It was obvious Roy could see I was afraid, as he walked towards me.  _Something I didn't like at all. Roy_  approached me as if I was a scared cornered animal and he was the keeper trying to coax and calm me into submission.

The sight of him bare chest, muscle rolling with every move towards me made me want to reach out for a touch.  _But I couldn't_ , I reprehended myself.  _Doesn't he understand I need to be away from him?_ I thought as I squeezed my fingers tightly into the towel held in front of me.

"Please." I meant to say it assertively, but it came out meek and quiet _,so unlike my normal brash outspoken self._

_Please want me, please don't leave me, please I need you. I need someone's touch._

Closing my eyes, I tightened my hold on the white towel and tilted my heavy head to my chest.

_Please go, please leave me alone, please I can't be_ _**gay** _ _, please this is too much._

"Please what, Edward?" It was such a simple question spoken so softly I hardly heard him. There had been too much meaning held behind the word  **what,** as Roy spoke it.

 _Too bitter to be sadness, too sharp to be regret, more along the lines of a full out need,_ I wince at the pitch.I should've been able to answer it? But all the answers lead us down a path which has a no return from.  _I'm not gay,_ I kept repeating it in my head. Over and over... I'm not gay.

He was standing in front of me;the smell of him without the barrier of fabric is startling overwhelming to my sense, to say the least. I dropped the towel covering my ever present hardness in exchanged of bring my hand to rest square on his bare chest.

Being this close to Roy, I noticed things that I hadn't before. Things that I hadn't allowed myself to think of, like the way Roy's skin might look clean-shaven and baby-smooth, but the faint drag of nascent stubble belies that. Or the fact his eye lashes are long and the purest shade of blacks. And his mouth, a sinful entrance rolling on my name.

"Please what, Edward?"His hot breath feathered across my already warmed face. "All you need is say... yes" Roy spoke in a whisper peering down at my face with exposed want burning in his eyes.

I open my mouth, but closed it with an audible click. I swallowed down the hard knot which had taken residence in my throat. The logical side of my brain was attempting to catch up to my libido, but was failing miserably as Roy touched my face leaving a trail of heat as he traced my bottom lip with his lengthy thumb.

The knot in my throat grew faster than I could swallow it down; my own words dying before I could speak any of them.

I closed my eyes and reminded myself,  _I'm not gay..._

I said it once more in my head.  _I am_ _ **not**_ _gay._

 _I like women._ Not men. **WOMEN.**

But as I open my eyes again, another way of desire assaulted my senses. Roy's intoxicating skin danced under my hand as I meant to push him away but only succeed in stroking his warm pale skin of his broad chest.

My sex ached for contact for physical relief, but my pride wasn't having any part in it. I reluctantly took a step away from the intoxicating heat surrounding Roy. "I..." I paused to lick my lips and take a steadying breath. My long blonde hair, annoyingly hung about my shoulders as I pushed tendrils away from my heated face. "I think it is time for you to leave..."

Roy tries to mask his grin but he fails abysmally. "You'd send me out into the rain without even shirt on my back. Oh, Edward that's positively prime evil."

I blinked at him, not understanding what he was talking about.  _Shit-_ I final process what he was saying. _I was supposed to be finding the poor man a shirt. And now I'm banishing him to the streets shirtless..._

"Shit," It wasn't much an answer, more of a revelation of sorts. I turned on the balls of my feet, heading for my stair case leading up into my bed room off in the far side of the room.

But before I could go, Roy's lengthy hand caught my flesh one by the wrist and spun me around to face him again.

I hadn't time to react. I just acted as his mouth descended on mine.

Roy's kiss had been… almost beyond description. It was an impulsive, overwhelming; sweet and fiery, satisfying almost to the point of freight kind of kiss. The unexpected cosmic explosion caught me up so strongly, I found my mind held no control over my reactions. Not from my tightening arms around Roy's responsive body, nor my tongues blissful surrender to the delightful suction.

Desire was sweeping me away down the river of lust and I found no needs to stop myself as my back pressed into the wall near the entrance to my loft. A moan fell arrantly from my mouth and onto Roy's talent tongue.

It was a hard, desperate kiss which should have frightened me, but I was too lost to care. My legs buckled and his hold tightened on me as his knee slipped further between my slackened thighs. He was the only thing holding me up. I could feel his hardened arousal rubbing against my own through the barrier of materials.  _It-felt-so-blindingly_ _ **good**_ _._

I knew I shouldn't be enjoying this, kissing another man, rubbing against each other the way we were. I couldn't care as the intense pleasure left me with abandoned inhibitions.

I throatily groaned in response to Roy's tongue licking along my inner part of my lips, his silken muscle pushing into my mouth without my permission.

White- hot sparks of want flashed through me and went straight to my groin as my hands found purchase against the bare skin of Roy's toned back, making the man moan deeply into my mouth. I pressed my hips forward, slowly and deliberately, rubbing against the font of Roy's tented trousers, just to hear that sound again. I am rewarded with a growl, low and torn, deep from Roy's throat.

Rough fingers cup my ass through the leather of my pants, lifting me to get a better angle to rub against my own throbbing length. I moan as the friction quickened with the skillful thrusts from the other man. Roy pressed me further into the wall as he grabbed a fist full of my hair tilting my head the way he wanted it. I gasped from the dull ache. His scotch flavored tongue took advantage, scraping along the roof of my mouth, and I began to kiss back with equal force. Our lips moved together in an uninhibited display of our need for one another.

I pulled my lips from his with a smacking sound as the need to breathe took over. Roy heated lips never left my skin, nipping at my chin, licking along my jaw before taking the lobe of my ear into his warm mouth. I shuddered at the sensation.  _My ears had always been a sensitive spot for me._

His wicked tongue traced down from my ear towards my neck, leaving a heated trail of nips and kisses along my collar bone and throat. I felt him suckle at the junction of my neck, marking me with tiny bites to my skin. I arched my spine, and bent my neck for better access to Roy's lavish treatment. Pleasure was coursing through my very veins. He was playing with all my right spots but I needed more. The flood gate was already open, I couldn't stop now.

"Please" The word fell unintentionally from my throat in breathy mews.

Roy's heated hand skimmed the bottom of my black shirt, "Please what, Edward?"

His tongue rolled my name against the skin of my neck, I shuddered from the action.

_It was too late. Give in. Give in..._

I knew I would regret this later, but for now I needed him to touch me. To continue conjuring this amazing feeling growing deep in my stomach. The heat was pooling faster, and there was no taming this blazing fire. It was going to burn everything it touched; destroying everything I believed I thought knew about me.

But for the moment I didn't care... Couldn't care... "Touch me." I moaned out towards the tall ceiling of my living room. "Oh, god Roy," I reached for the hand holding the back of my head. "...Just touch me."

* * *

 **Up next:** _The_   _Continuation..._


	6. Crushing Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N On The Universe: This follows neither the anime nor the manga, really, but is set in an alternate timeline and or AU. There is not going to be any Alchemy in this story, but hey I found a happy medium. I kept Ed's Auto-mail arm and leg. :D
> 
> A/N on Reviews: I adore getting feedback and constructive criticism, but I do have one request to make. When commenting, please bear in mind that your comments and suggestions, both good and bad, are your opinion only, rather than (in general) a statement of fact. It is easy to accidentally insult or offend an author by sounding demanding and entitled in a written review, and I know that is never anyone's intention. By all means tell me if you think something seems a bit off, but give a moment's thought to how the tone of your review might be received. Thanks!
> 
> Rating Information - Rated "M" overall due to scenes of an explicit or disturbing nature later on. Please check each chapter for each rating or warnings. (boyxboy)
> 
> Warning: Cursing, sexuality swaying, BoyxBoy kissing, alcohol uses.

 

∞∾ ** _Roy_** ∾∞

I had fallen from grace at the early age of nine years old. It was the first time I'd realized I was physically attracted to boys.

The particular boy's name was Maes Hughes; he was a year older than me. Hughes' family lived down the street from my childhood home. He'd been all knobby knees and long arms at that age. His dark brown hair styled in atypical short haircut of a small child. His shirts were always too big on him for his petite frame; they would find away to hang off his shoulders in an awkwardly-cute kind of way. A fact, Hughes hates till this day about his childhood,  _I had always thought it was rather endearing…_

It was his eyes that always got me though. An Irish cream in color, but it was his genuine kindness shining through that enraptured me. I knew I was going to hell the first time I got an erection from thinking about kissing Maes on the mouth. Even at that early age, I knew it wasn't okay to  **like**  boys. It was taboo, honestly, deeply frowned upon by the community in which I lived in.

I remember going to church every Sunday with my family and listening to the priest damning homosexuality. Preaching to the congregation about mortal sins, and how to protect ourselves from such demons lurking to condemn and steal our souls.

At that age I was steadily becoming a strong willed person and I knew it. I had become adjusted to the understanding that if I didn't want to go to hell when I died, then I couldn't be attracted to boys any longer. So I convinced myself I wouldn't commit such a sin.

But saying it was easier than actually having to accomplish not caving into the desire of my sexuality.

At age thirteen I realized I liked boys and there was nothing I -or anyone else- could do about it. That summer I confessed to Maes how I felt for him, and to my surprise my friend felt the same way. I will add our fathers did not agree with our preferences, especially when Mr. Hughes caught me with my hand down his son's trousers.

A lot of harsh words were thrown around in The Mustang household after that, mostly from my bigot farther.  _My mother, bless her heart._  Loves me with every fiber of her being but even she in those earlier years, couldn't come to terms with the fact her sweet baby boy was one of those queers she had heard about in church.

I was packed and shipped off to The Academy of the Sacred Heart after I decided I wouldn't repent to my sins to a God who hated me because of who I really was on the inside. The boarding school was entirely made up of all boys, and of course their religious staff.

In lament terms, I was sent away to get the  **gay**  beaten out of me by nuns and priests.

The first couple years were the hardest. My body and soul were not ready for the torments I had to go through each and every day for five years straight. The religious facilities were of course the main protagonist in this messed up tale of my childhood. My homophobic peers on the other hand, were far more vile and worse with their unique methods of letting me know that it was  **not**  okay to be gay.

The Academy of the Sacred Heart specialized in the troubled and lost young-men in society. Meaning: they would help lead your homosexual son back to the path of righteousness in the eyes of the almighty God.

What the brochure didn't tell you is— the torture your son will have to endure once everyone finds out he's a homo.

_Kids can be a real bitch…_

The summer of my eighteenth birthday I graduated from school and return to hell which I called home. My father learned quickly when I returned, that no matter how much money he spent on my education he couldn't turn his gay son straight. Nothing changed in all the years I'd spent away from home. I  **still** liked boys, and my father  **still** despised me for it.

My father kicked me out four days before my eighteenth birthday. No amount of tears from my mother could change his mind.  _If I was going to be gay then I was no kind of son to him._

That was the first and only time in my life I'd allowed myself to feel defeated. I'd truly felt lost and absolutely abandoned at a pinnacle point in my life. If it hadn't been for Riza... I don't know what I would have done with myself. She'd treated me more like family then my own mother had at the time...

"Here we are..." The waitress abruptly appeared at the table, startling me out of my memories. She muttered an apology before placing the steaming plates of food onto the white table cloth. I replied with a polite thank you and she disappeared, leaving me once again alone at the table.

I was beginning to worry about where Edward had run off too;  _he'd been gone a really long time._ I let my breath out as I stared towards the amber liquid swirling in the bottom of my scotch glass.  _The younger man had run off so quickly, muttering something about using the bathroom._  It had crossed my mind that Edward was trying to find an escape after realizing he couldn't cope with being on a date with a gay man...  _But then again, Edward didn't come across as homophobic. And if I was being honest with myself, Edward didn't seem to come across entirely straight either._

Sighing at my trail of thoughts, I brought the brim of my cup to my lips for a sip of the tangy alcohol.

... _Edward seems strangely asexual._ In all the time I had been around him, and I will say I haven't spent much, but in all the time I'd never notice the blonde to take real heed to either of the sexes.A trait I found oddly attractive about the younger male. It took more than one look to see who Edward Elric was on the inside,  _and I always enjoyed a real challenge._  Edward is a shell which is in need of cracking to get the treat which lay inside.

_A deliciously sexy detective treat..._

A subtle smile worked its way onto my face with the quiet murmuring of the restaurant engulfing me within its ambient noise.

... _But if anything_ , I continued my trail of thoughts.  _Edward's harder exterior would make seducing the younger male a little bit more difficult in the longer run._ You could say Edward is a wild card, and being dealt this card you never really know how the hand you hold at play is going to turn out.

_Good or bad. The wild card was always bursting with misfortune..._

I felt my shoulders roll forward as I slide down the back of the large dinning chair. My sudden surge of confidence I had been feeling left me faster than it had come on.  _Who was I kidding? Edward wasn't coming back to the table._ The feeling of dread crept up my spine and fell out of my mouth with a sigh.  _I was a fool to think he was..._ My elbow caught the lip of the chair's arm as I rested my chin into my hand.

_This situation was not going the way I'd planned... Rather it was going the total opposite. Edward wasn't coming back…_

Swirling the amber liquid around and around the bottom of my glass, my mind was lost within the downward whirls of lost hopes and turmoil. My chest constricted in pain, as I swallowed a lump forming in my throat.

_Edward… you could of at least have said goodbye._

I closed my eyes and breathed wearily through my nose. The sensations making its way through chest felt entirely too close to the feeling of disappointment. I wasn't known for my propriety or the lack there of… but I did have my dignity.  _Oh, yes and my pride— always present in the time of need._ I snorted at myself bringing the glass of alcohol to my lips.

"Sorry about that…" Edwards's rough voice spoke appearing to the left of me. And for the second time that night, I felt my system flush with relief at seeing the younger man's beautiful face. I took notice he was missing one of his gloves and my mood suddenly lifted dramatically for the better.

 _I'd never seen his hands without gloves on before…_ I was thinking absentmindedly as I observed him taking his seat again. My eye flickered between the boys frowning face, then back to his bare tanned hand placed on the white table cloth. Edward's long fingers toyed nervously with the silverware surrounding the plate of food that had arrived moments before his advent appearance.

I watched as the blonde man glared down towards his plate of noodles covered in red meat sauce, as if he couldn't fathom how the food had gotten there in the first place.

Edwards's large amber eyes blinked over at me as they shined through with uncertainty.  _I don't even think the he realized how absolutely adorable he looks._ Another wave of relief washed over me.

I realized this date, -which I thought was all for naught-, was still entirely on track. Edward's reddened face only confirmed my theory. I had to bite back a devious smile curling along my lips,  _yes entirely on track._ I let my keen eye linger on Edwards's blushing face as the color dusted the apples of his cheeks.

The fabric of the other man black jacket bunched and pulled around his chest as his hand, left bare from the missing white glove, found purchase at the nape of his tanned neck. Edward said something about a  _mechanic_ , but I was still too entranced watching his fingers rubbing along the muscle of his toned neck.

 _Would Edward moan from a simple kiss to his neck…?_ The imagery left in my thoughts wake, leaving my pants tightening in an uncomfortable kind of way.

The sexual deviant part of me was thoroughly enjoying the way Edward was fidgeting under my gaze. My eyes traced the curvature of his neck as they drifted back up towards his golden line of sight. He looked… Well he looked irate to say the least… _I was supposed to be listening to him… and I wasn't…_

Thinking back on what Edward had been saying, something about _calling a mechanic…?_  He had lost me completely.

My head dropped sideways in the improbability that I had heard Edward correctly. Dark bangs fell over my furrowed brow while I stared at the blonde man with confusion written clearly in my expression… The younger man had literally and thoroughly baffled me…  _Why would he have to call his_ _ **car**_ _mechanic in the middle of a date?_ The question left me before I had fully contemplated the thought.

I was rewarded with a rich but mocking laugh coming from across the table.

My frown deepened.

Edward laughed harder.

"No, you  _idiot_ …" I open my mouth to reprimand him for questioning my intelligences but then the word 'auto-mail' came falling out of his pink mouth. The harsh reply I was about to say fell short on the tip of my tongue…  _Edward has auto-mail? But he speaks of it as if it's nothing but a cheap feat…_

The automotive armored prostheses surgery was no laughing matter. Those receiving the auto-mail for the first time must have  **each**  nerve painfully connected to a permanent housing system of the body. As well as have all the nerves connected simultaneously when the auto mechanical limb is later attached to the housing system.

It is an expensive and  **very**  painful surgery and that was putting it mildly.

My eyes glanced towards the blonde's arm, the hand with the white glove still remaining on his lithe appendage.  _It must be the missing limb… his arm…_

It wasn't pity I was feeling for the younger man.  _No, how could I feel pity for someone who's obviously feels none for himself._ The sensation coursing through me felt more of an admirable sense of apathy.

"That's a risky operation, and painful if I might add."

I had seen the strongest solider of war refuse to undergo the process because of the risk of infection and the intense agonizing pain during,  **and**  after the surgery. It also took years of physical training and a lot of hard work to achieve the motion an organic arm is capable of, or to even come close to it.

_Edward must have been really young when he lost his limb..._

If he hadn't said anything, I probably wouldn't have even guessed his arm was made of metal. He had complete and utter control over the auto-mechanical limb, an impressive feat for one so young… _he couldn't be over the age of twenty five..._

_So young, but yet to have accomplished so much…_

I made sure to be holding Edward's golden gaze as I spoke. The air was heavy with unspoken emotions, from not only my part but surprisingly also the younger man. "That's an impressive feat of courage and strength, Edward."

The younger man face turned an unnatural shade of maroon as his wet tongue licked at his bottom lips. My eye tracked the motion.

"You speak of it like a personal experience?"

A smile caught on my lips at his question, stretching along my face until it touched my eyes lighting them with a warming memory.

 _*Henry Connor_ s,  _my actual first lover_. The smile on my face broadened and spread to my cheeks at the thought of Henry.  _I hadn't thought about him in a very long time._ We'd met in the Navy's basic training.  _We blew each other's minds -and among other things- throughout our sexual-friendship._ Even when we were stationed on different ships, under different commanding officers, we'd always find a way for a quick romp once we docked at port.

 _It was the closest I've ever been to falling in love…_ Henry Connors had been the only man I had ever allowed *top me in bed. I've always had a control issue; I will be the first person to admit it.  _I blamed my crazy_ adolescent. But at the time Henry had made me feel like he wanted me and for me alone. He hadn't wanted me to change like my mother and father had been trying to do for so long. It'd been a breath of fresh air, not having to pretend you're someone different.

I'd been so wrapped up in the idea of love, the concept of someone actually wanting me, that I couldn't see past the facade I woven around myself. Allowing someone to have that kind of hold over me... I've never had or will again allow anyone to control me in such a way.

The one good thing that came from our brief sexual encounter was the realization that love was something I neither wanted, nor cared for. It wasn't until Henry's accident, which he lost both of his legs to, did I accept this notion. That love was design for heterosexual people, not gay men.

I spoke in an even voice, trying to keep the distant remembrance from intruding. I chose my wording very carefully and deliberately. "I've seen a lot of soldiers go through with the operation personally. It isn't pleasant."

Edward eyes flooded with an emotion of uncertainty as his gloved hand reached down for his untouched whiskey glass. He took a long gulp from it; all the while I sat across the table watching the muscles in his throat working to swallow the rich alcohol. The imagery brought on sexual fantasies of the blonde swallowing other things…  _thicker things, more carnal things…_

The younger man squirmed under my gaze and how it made the sadistic sexual habitué dance within me. The corner of my lips turned upwards,"…But this isn't a dinner topic, let's eat. The food had only just arrived when you'd shown back up." I spoke picking up my fork, trying change the topic to put the younger man at ease.

Dinner went smoothly the rest of the night. We ate in comfortable silence, idly chatting over dessert about funny tid-bits about Edwards's childhood growing up with Alphonse. I let the young man talk, nodding my head and replying accordingly.  _My childhood is a sore topic,_ I normal didn't talk about it openly. I only divulged small amounts of information on the topic, answering Edward's innocent questions duly...  _Where I grew up, my mother and fathers names— so forth and so on._

At the end of the meal, I was stunned to realize I had disclosed a lot of personal information to Edward. The sort of things, as a rule, I generally don't discuss  _with my dates_.  _This kind of information was not needed to take my cock up there virginal ass…_

The feeling of guilt was starting to burrow beneath my skin at that thought, and I didn't like the feeling… I reminded myself sternly, that after I'd seduced Edward that I would be finished with him just like all the other guys who've come before him.  _He is nothing special… just another conquest…_ I gave a silent promise to myself not to share anymore information of the sorts with the younger man.

My heart apparently didn't like the idea, lurching into my throat thickly. I swallow the feeling down like swallowing an apple whole;  _this was neither the time nor the place for me to grow a conscience…_

The check arrived to the table just then, and Edward attempted to argue about pay for his dinner. Well, at least until he saw the price of the meal, then the bill was basically thrown back into my face before Edward was making a break for the exit.

I watch him walk away with a shake of my head;  _the blonde was a feisty one; a certainty I think anyone would admit after meeting Edward._

When younger man was out of my line of sight, I opened my wallet and put three large bills onto the white table cloth. Picking up my chilled glass, I licked at my dry lips before bring the cup to my mouth. The remaining savory scotch slid down the back of my throat with a subtle burning sensation following after. Standing swiftly from the table, I wiped my at my mouth with the white cloth napkin before tossing it carelessly back onto the table.

The waitress appeared again, asking if we enjoyed our meal. I fondly replied with a yes, and thank you before telling her the bill was on the table, and to keep the change.  _I'd left her a generous tip..._ The waitress smiled as the reply and I turned to take my leave.

While walking to the front of the restaurant to retrieve our coats, I was thinking of subtle ways of talking Edward into returning to my hotel room with me. Taking the coat ticket out of my trouser pocket, I handed it over to the young attractive coat girl once I reached the marble counter top. She smiled, showing off her white teeth, batting her long lashes.  _If only she knew she was barking up the wrong tree._ I politely smiled back before clearing my throat. This kicked her into motion as she sauntered off towards the back to retrieve Edwards and I's coat. I tapped my finger along the chilled gray marble as I glanced towards the large window to the left of me.  _It's raining..._ I thought idly, watching the dribbles of water dancing along the glass.  _More like it's pouring..._

I've always hated the rain...  _but suddenly I was seeing the brighter side to the nasty weather. With_ a deviant smile stretching across my face, I said a silent prayer of thanks to Mother Nature. Ignoring the coat girls failed endeavor to flirt with me on her return with our coats. I quickly grabbed our jackets out of her manicured hand before turning and walking away from her faulty attempt to draw my attention.

Putting my heavy black over coat on, I made quick steps towards the blonde man standing at the entrance of the restaurant.

Edward was looking up towards the gray night sky with his well-defined back to the open bronze door. His long blonde pony-tail swayed from the light breeze fluttering in from the open air of the agape door. The younger man made an attractive picture standing before me, my eyes took notice of how slim and captivating his waist was.  _Oh god, that waist..._ I thought slyly licking at my lips.  _How I couldn't wait to bend him over...and take his sweet lithe body._ Warmth was gathering in my loins at the thought of a debauched Edward, thoroughly fucked and begging for more came to the front of my mind. Letting my eyes linger on the backside of the smaller man, Edwards back was facing me with his arms crossed in front of his chest.  _Meaning: he was blissfully unaware of my wandering eyes._

The growing pressure in my pants reminded me I needed to quickly move things along back to hotel. I needed Edward in my room, naked, in the bed between the silk sheets and with me buried deeply inside of him.

With a determined huff of breath, I straightened my spine and walked forwards toward the blonde huddling under the red alcove of the front of the restaurant.

I whistle sharply toward the skies rapidly falling tears, startling Edward out of whatever he'd been thinking. "It's really coming down out there, isn't it?"

The boy turned towards the sound of my voice, and I had to fight back the urge to  **not**  lean forward to take his plump bottom lip into a kiss.  _Edward, you are just too tempting for your own good..._  I thought lustfully, handing the blonde his red jacket -in which I may have wanted to burrow my nose into the fabric-

Edward has this distinctive but pleasant scent about him and the jacket carried it, woven within the stitching of the red wool. My finger purposely grazed the younger man's exposed and bare fingers on the exchange and I felt the obvious shudder rippling through him.

I smiled gratifyingly, while pushing my hands into my deep jacket pocket trying to hide the growing discomfort gathering between my legs. It didn't help matters when Edward was putting his coat on, the hem of his black tank top bunched around his midsections, unbeknownst to the blonde but apparent to my sexual-deviant eyes, an exposed sliver of fleshed mocked me in all its tanned and smoothed glory.

 

Looking away before I was discovered drooling, I shoved my hands further into my coat pockets. Blunt finger nails dug into my palms, reminding myself sternly: this was neither the place nor the time for anything of the sorts.

"We should get a cab," I spoke to the sky, watching the large drops of water falling from the heavens. My words had come across more calmly than what my insides felt;  _a fact I was grateful for—._

"Yeah we should," Edward spoke drawing my eyes back towards his attractive face. I followed his hand as it reached for the rubber-band holding his fair locks up high on his head. He pulled and all of Edward's silky blonde hair came cascading down around his shoulders. At that moment I wanted nothing more but to bury my nose into the crook of his neck and smell the boy's intoxicating scent.

"...But then we would have to call for one, and wait for it to arrive." A sinful grin played along Edwards lips. I watched the other man pull his hood from the red jacket over his hair.  _He better not be thinking, what I think he's about to do..._

"Then what do you expect us to do, Edward?" My word came across more annoyed than anything else. I could only watch dumbly as Edward's grin turned into a full out smile -with dimples and all- making my stomach flutter like an prepubescent teenager.

Edward looked up at me with his golden eyes pinched from laughter, shinning with apparent mirth. "Run." And then, the blonde was racing out into the drenching rain, leaving me under the restaurant red umbrella alcove thoroughly and utterly confused.

_Did I mention I hate the rain?_

"Edward, wait... Where are you going?" I called out... not know what else to do.

 _Because I do, I hate the rain and I am not going out into it—_ I thought, watching the blondes red jacket, barely visible through the falling water as he was disappearing out of sight. I swore under my breath before I shouted after the younger man once more. The pelting waters from above stunted my voice with the muted slaps of the drops sounding on the wet pavement.

"Fuck." I said aloud,  _he wasn't going to stop._ The thought of stepping out in the rain sent shivers racing down my spine. But watching the blonde's back fading through the haze of falling downpour, I realized it was the only way. I swore again before stepping out, the large chilled drops instantaneously drenched through my white shirt.  _Should've worn an undershirt…_

Following suit down the wet sidewalk, the rain water ran steadily down upon my head making my dark hair hang limply into my eyes. I realized I couldn't see Edwards red jacket through the mist any longer.  _Where had the boy gone?_ No sooner had I asked the question in my head, did I come upon an alleyway. There stood Edward, huddled under a niche of a building, his blood-red hood shrouding his pretty face in shadows.

The water drops trailing down my cheeks dripped off my face and down into the opening of my button up shirt. I shivered at the chill seeping in to my bones.

Taking a step forward when Edward continued to just stand under the faulty light of the alleyway, I realized the other man's golden eyes were staring at me intently. They swept down from my soaked hair plastered to my forehead, to my equally soaking chest left exposed from the rain water. I could have been in the wrong, but the look of lust was lingering in the blonde's gaze. The motion of the younger man's tongue licking at his bottom lips drew my attention.  _Was it an invitation?_ The motion and the gleam held behind his eyes was suggestive, or at least it was to me, where I stood on the other end.

I started walking towards him as I spoke, "Edward, where are you going?"

A look of uncertainty took the place of the shimmer of momentary hunger on the boy's face. He was obviously debating something in his head… I could tell by the abrupt change in his expression but I couldn't tell if it was entirely good or bad.

Edward laughed and then shrugged his shoulders, the red hood he had been wearing slipped off his long flowing hair. His blonde locks framed his face perfectly, and the ambience of the flickering light above the door we stood near, casted a halo above his head. It made him appear the fallen angel he was turning out to be. Edward was really a beautiful man.  _And I meant beautiful, in a non derogatory way._ For Edward it truly was beauty, not handsome, more delicate jaw line, more slender— he was only just masculine. Those yellow eyes in that lovely face just added to the impact.

"I don't really know." He said looking towards the wet cement.

Clicking my tongue when he looked away, I took a step closer, now standing under the cadence of the light. At my movement, those honey colored eyes whipped back up towards mine.  _I needed to move this along,_ I reminded myself.

"My hotel is just around the corner, we could…"

A look of freight came over Edward. "Hell no…" He spoke, interrupting me while taking an unintentional step away. His back came into contact with the dirty alley wall. My pride deflated quicker than a balloon loosing air. I must have looked the part because Edward reacted accordingly in so… "I mean, no. That's okay; I-uh… rather go back to my loft for drinks."

My brow furrowed at Edward suggestion,  _I hadn't seen that one coming…_  I think the younger man had even surprised himself that he had extended me an invitation. What baffled me was the fact how easy this seduction was going…  _I wasn't even trying very hard…_ But I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

My frown faded and my lips curled up into a sexy smile. The kind of smile which has left many straight men to question their sexuality.

"How far do you live?"

"Only a couple of blocks from here." He said looking up at me with round honey color eyes. A piece of golden hair fell across Edwards's cheek, and I felt the urge to reach out and stroke it back into place. I looked away towards the rain falling steadily around us.

Edward's laugher and playful shove brought me back to looking at him. He was pulling his red hood back over his head.  _So I guess the decision had been made— I was going._

He stepped back out into the rain, with large droplets of water beating down upon his red wool jacket.

_At least he has a hood…_

"It's only a little water, and it isn't going to kill you, Captain." Edward said teasingly with a flirty smile on his face. My heart nearly jumped into my throat when he called me Captain,  _what a fucking turn on._ My pants suddenly felt a little tighter…

The younger man reached out his hand for me to take, and I suddenly felt like I was the one being courted. Something I was going to redeem by the end of the night.

* * *

Edward lives in the worst part of town.

After following Edward up five flights of rickety stairs, I was glad to be inside the safety of his apartment and not dead somewhere in a gutter…

Edward apartment –if that's what you could call it- was amazing, but the building housing it was in total shambles. You would have never known this gorgeous living space existed in this piece of shit complex. I don't know how Edward came to be living here, but I truly felt jealous, not of the location, but where he lived.

Tall and airy ceilings with large oak rafters ran throughout the layout of the place. The lights were camouflaged within the wood, giving it an optical illusion effect but were still pleasing to the eye. The wood floor beneath my feet was also oak, actually since taking a look around the room, I saw a running theme of oak woods. The stair case to my right, which I believed lead to some kind of loft, was also made of the rich burnt oak. There was a living room area under the loft suspended in the air with a brown leather L-shaped couch, and a nice sized TV mounted on the cream color walls. For the most part, Edward kept the decorating to a minimal. Nothing muddled the walls, it was cluttered but clean. It was entirely Edward. I smiled inwardly,  _a diamond in the rough._

 _"_ Gimmie your coat?" I turned around from my observation of the sparse living quarters at the sound of Edward's rough voice. I immediately noticed his arms were bare to my eyes. One arm was toned and very flesh and the other was beautifully crafted metal. His black undershirt clung to his chest and stomach outlining everything the red jacket had been hiding. I licked at my bottom lip as I imagine ripping off his black tank-top and licking the abs I could see through the material.

"My coat?" I questioned, sounding a little more breathy than I liked to sound. _Get it together, Roy._

The boy's blonde brow furrowed and I realized that my question was a rather stupid one…

"Yes, it's wet. I'm going to hang it up to dry."

 _Of course…_ I thought gripping the lapels of my drenched jacket as I replied, "Indeed." Taking off the uncomfortable coat, I was left standing in my sodden white collar shirt in the middle of Edward's entry way. Handing over the jacket I watched the dusty blush paint the younger man's cheeks as he gazed towards my exposed chest.  _Even with the fabric on, it was wet and transparent…_

"Maybe you should also give me your shirt…"'

I couldn't help but smile at the boy's timid words,  _if he wants to see me without a shirt, all he has to do is ask…_ and my grin only grew with my thoughts.

Edward didn't take his eyes off the jackets in his hands as he finished with what he had been saying "…I could find you something else to put on."

Making my decision quickly, I unbuttoned my shirt in record timing, before I threw it towards Edward's reddening face. The wet fabric made a slapping sound as it landed on the blondes head.

"If you wanted me out of my shirt Edward, all you had to do was ask." I voiced my thoughts out loud with a grin tracing my lips like a Cheshire cat incarnate.

I watched tepidity washing over the other man as he shook the shirt off his face. I couldn't tell if the redness shading Edward's face was from anger or desire, I decided mentally it didn't matter either way. I could deal with both.

"Being little over flirtatious with me don't you think, Bastard?"

 _Ah, embarrassment…_  but the boy's wandering eyes on my bare chest lead me to believe his lust was hidden beneath his reddening cheeks.  _He just didn't want to admit it just yet._

"Most people like it…" I said through a smile.

"…And I'd like if I didn't have to think of you flirting with a ninety year old woman the same way." He retorted just as quickly.

My smile faltered on the corners, "You don't have a very high opinion of me, do you?"

I watched the same look –I couldn't decipher - pass under the hard mask Edward wears so meticulously. His forever furrowed blonde brow, laxed and became smooth as the emotion rippled over his face. But then he was back to frowning even harder than before. Edward turned –wet jackets in hand- heading off towards a door to his left.

"I am a very judgmental person. It's one of my known faults. You should get used to it." He spoke over his shoulder before disappearing into the oak door, which if I had to guess, was the bathroom. The door closed behind him.

I stood there stupefied.  _What had just happened?_ Edward had an air around him that never failed to confuse me.  _One minute he was flirting, but the next he was clamming up on me._  Point example: on the way here, to Edward's apartment,he had held my hand almost the entire way.  ** _That_** _was okay, but flirting was not?_

I sighed still standing in the arch way of Edward living room,  _bare chest; entirely horny; and in no sight of getting any relief._

Sighing again, I stroked a hand over my face,  _I should just leave. I've scared him into hiding in the bathroom._ A brisk thought as my hand found purchase on the back of my neck, rubbing at the muscles I found. The chain around my neck -holding the metal dog-tags- clanked together mutely in the quite room. Looking towards the wooden floor, I realized Edward never picked up my shirt after it had fallen off his head. The white fabric laid wet and wrinkled in a slump on the floor. Walking over I picked the shirt up before shaking the creases out.

The shirt was still too wet for me to put on, so I walked it over towards the door Edward had disappeared around.

-"Oh god this can't be happening to me."- filtered through the closed door to my ears. A muffled groan followed quietly after, the sound, instantaneously hardening my length.  _I had to make myself known. It was the only decent thing to do…Wasn't it?_

Knocking lightly on the door, I spoke thought the wood, "Is everything alright in there, Edward?" a diluted gasp and a couple of curses were my answer. I heard some commotion from the other side before the door open and a blur came out. A towel found a home on my face, and I heard another groan but louder this time.

"Stop thinking like that."

"Stop thinking like what?" I spoke pulling the towel from my head. My voice had come out shaky.  _I could feel the tension riding off of Edward in waves without even having to look at him._  But when I did look at him, I knew I had  **about**  won this war. When a visible shudder raked through the blonde as my eye took in his aroused state, I knew I had won. And when his next word came tumbling out his pink mouth, I knew I'd  **defiantly**  won this seduction.

Edward hands clung to the white towel hanging in front of his crotch as it tried to conceal what lay beneath. The knuckles of his fleshed hand were white from his grasp.

I took a step forward and –of course- he took one back.  _He looked panicked…_  Visible anxiety was written all over his face. I approached him gently and as calmly as possible.

The boy was shaking, watching me advance. His beautiful golden eyes never left my body. Even when I stood before him, his eyes wandered over my exposed skin leaving me hot with want.

"Please." One word and one word alone, nearly stopped my heart. It was a plea of desperation,  _to leave him alone? It couldn't be…Could it?_

A bolt of guilt raced through my heart.  _What was I doing?_ I questioned myself.

I watched Edward, guilt-ridden, as his bright doe eyes closed darkly. His blonde hair shielding his face with his head tipped forwards. I wanted to reach out and gather him into my arms and beg for forgiveness. But I couldn't, I had already done enough harm. So I did the next best thing, I reached out to him with words.

"Please  **what** , Edward?" I whispered down towards the shorter man, my reply lingering in the air. "All you need is say..." I had spoken softly; my words falling like a feather creasing his blushing cheeks.

Edwards pink lips open but then snapped closed with a 'click' from his teeth. The muscle in his throat worked to swallow, and I couldn't resist any longer— I had to touch him. So I did, tracing his cheeks with the back of my knuckle, before my thumb befell his bottom lip.

The boy's gold eyes fluttered shut and his warm flesh hand came to rest on the center of my chest. The sensation of him stroking at the black hairs dusting my chest left me with the want to forcibly press our bodies closer. To ride the heat wave that was begging to be rode and to never look back.

Edward eye's open and he took a step back. Crushing any hope I had built up in its wake.

"I..." he paused licking his lips and taking another step away. The blonde pushed agitatedly at his free flowing hair. "I think it is time for you to leave..."

 _Crap, I needed to think quickly…_  trying to fake a smile I spoke the first words I had thought. "You'd send me out into the rain without even shirt on my back. Oh, Edward that's positively prime evil."

Edward blinked lamely at me, looking towards my chest. I flex subtly, before realization smacked the other man over his stupefied blonde head.

He cursed before turning, heading off towards the oak stairs leading up to  _who knows where._

 _Oh, no, you don't._ I thought before reaching out to grasp his warm flesh wrist and spun him back around to face me once more.

I didn't give him time to think; I swooped down and locked our lips in a delicious kiss to end all other kisses.  _He tasted sweet like whiskey._

I honestly thought he would have tried to push me away, but to my surprise his arms –one metal, the other flesh- came around my body, tightening the hold I had on him. Edward's tongue brushed my own, and I nearly lost myself in the sensation of our suckling.

The blonde's body willingly went as I pressed him back against the wall near the entrance to his apartment. My groin throbbed as Edward's ardent moan caressed my tongue like a shot of aphrodisiac.

_I was in heaven._

The blonde's legs slackened and I had to press him further into the wall, my thigh slipping in between his. This is when I realized for sure, Edward was thoroughly enjoying himself. His hardness pressed against my own excitement. The younger man let out breathy groan as my tongue swept along the ridge of his lips, parting them so I could dive deeper into his depths.

The boy was talented with his tongue, stroking mine with blissfully ability. It made me wonder, through the haze of pleasure, what other things his talented tongue would excel at.

I moan out loud at the feeling of the boy's mismatched hands grasping my neck. One warm and alive and the other cold and made of metal. The contrast made me gasp into his parted mouth. And then in the next moment, Edward was rolling his hips forward, slowly and with intent held behind the motion. Our clothed cocks pressed together sending hot white bolts a pleasure coursing through my nervous system.

I was so turned on I actually growled at the sensation. Deepening the kiss, I grasped the boy by his ass, hoisting him further up on the wall so we could get a better angle through our trousers. My left hand automatically found Edward's free falling blonde hair, I let my fingers run through the silky tresses before griping them to tilt his head backwards. Edward's mouth gasped at the harsh treatment, but I couldn't help myself as my moist muscle licked along the roof of his addicting mouth. This is when Edward emerged out of submission and started meeting me thrust for thrust, his tongue widely running along my own for domination. Our lips moved together in an uninhibited display of our need for one another.

The blonde 'smouth came away from mine, the sound of his heavy breathing filling the space between us. My mouth never left his skin, touching every inch I could manage. Scraping his ear edge with my teeth, Edward shuddered the most incandescent shiver upon my touch.  _Most intriguing..._  I would store that information away for later use. Moving on, I traced the length of his neck with soft nips and licks. The skin beneath my tongue broke out in flesh bumps, as my mouth skimmed his collar bone.

The blonde's spine bowed as he arched his neck for more treatment from my mouth. I let my eyes take in Edward's disheveled appearance, pressed beautifully against the white wall against his back. His eyes screwed shut tightly with his mouth hanging agape slightly- he was a sight to behold  _and I was the one holding him._ The thought stroked my ego like a giant cat brushing against their owner's leg for a stroke.

"Please..." A breathy mew fell from his parted mouth, the sound alone made me want the boy even more. I brought my hand holding Edward's hip to skim the bottom of his black shirt, barely letting my fingers touch the hidden tan skin beneath.

"Please what, Edward?" I spoke my question with my breath wafting across his neck teasingly. He shuddered as I nibbled along the stretch of golden flesh before me.

I froze internally at the boy's next words, not expecting his next reaction. "Touch me." He moaned out in a deceleration of pleasure. "Oh, gods Roy just touch me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: the long awaited lemonish lime.
> 
> ·Henry Connors- A reappearing OC, Roy's first real heart-break.
> 
> ·Topping- A top is a person who engages in the penetrative role in a sexual intercourse with his penis during anal sex and oral sex. Top is also used as a verb meaning "to penetrate another." Top may also describe a broader personal identity involving dominance in a romantic and/ or sexual relationship; however, this stipulation is not requisite element of being a top.


	7. The scary truth of Edward's Sexuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The journeys dangerous, take this 'Lime'. Squirt the citruses into someone's eye. Buahaha!
> 
> ^-^ Enjoy!

∞∾ **Edward**  


I felt like my body was on fire, burning with an intense erratic passion. The flickering flame of Roy's tongue dancing along my skin was making this situation ever harder to refuse the notion I was actually allowing myself to indulge in a forbidden affair. The ache in between my legs was a reminder I was allowing myself to consider something I had never imagine before. I couldn't deny –to myself at least- the lust I was feeling and it scared me a little bit.

What Roy had -which I was realizing very quickly- was a ridiculously talented mouth. The older man traced the skin of my sensitive neck in a wet glide and I melted into the touch. A soft sigh fell from my lips, and with a few more affection nips, I was nearly putty in the other's arms. Roy was touching me so surely and yet so warmly, I couldn't help the urge to press myself further into his willing caresses.

It had been too long since anyone had readily wanted to touch me anywhere close to as what is considered sexual.  _And it felt **incredibly**  good, entirely too good._ I was realizing this through the haze of chills racing up my spine as Roy's wandering tongue suckled along my sensitive lobe of my ear.

Even when I'd still been in a relationship with Winry, we hadn't been having sex; we'd barely touched in the last couple weeks of us being together.  _Was this the reason I was allowing Roy to touch me, because I was lonely?_

I hadn't realized Roy's warm hand had wandered up my shirt, being lost within my thoughts and his lips dancing chills along my skin. When Roy's clever fingers thumbed and pinched at my nipples, I couldn't help the involuntarily reaction. A surge of arousal gathered into my lower extremities so suddenly, I found my hips rolling forward with a mind of their own. White hot sparks of pleasure shot through my loins, my head knocked back into the wall and I opened my mouth to moan, shivering intensely as Roy's tongue -slick with spit- slipped back in for another taste.

I couldn't help myself, I whimpered at the man's taste mixing with my own.

My spine was strung taut like an archer's bow at the ministrations of Roy's hand working under my shirt. That, combined with the motion of Roy's pelvis grinding against my own every so often, only added to this intense  **anathema**  want I was feeling bubbling low in my stomach. Locking my legs, -one metal the other flesh- around the other man's firm waist, I pulled him in, not wanting to lose the delicious slide of our harden sexes through the cloth.

A deep and heady chuckle filled the air between us. Our lips came away with an audible smacking sound and I open my eyes, blinking rapidly before meeting his smiling darker ones.

"What's so funny?" my voice was thick with arousal, husky in my question and maybe a little agitated at having to abruptly stop.

Roy simply smiled while tracing the edges of my jaw with the back of his knuckle, up to my ear, hooking my bangs behind the curvature of my ear ever so sweetly. He chuckled again, a smile pulling on one of the corners of his mouth.

"You are." Roy spoke his reply, as if  **that**  could be an answer.

My brow began to furrow, but my concern was temporarily forgotten when Roy replaced his lips slowly pressing along my sealed mouth. The sounds of his chaste kisses smacking ever so sweetly along mine, left my face burning crimson all over again. Before long, Roy's tongue firmly swept over the part of my mouth gaining entrance skillfully, kissing me deeply and knowingly. I raised my head from the wall in an attempt to gain leverage over Roy's domineering mouth but only received a sharp nip to my bottom lip and my nipple being skillfully rolled between able fingers. My tongue slid alongside his in an endeavor to stop a moan from escaping from my throat. This only achieved a tight unintentional whine falling from my mouth and onto our wet muscles moving together in the most sensual of ways. I'd never been the one to make noises during sex, so why was I moaning like a whore?

A small voice in the back of my head whisper,  _you're gay. Admit it._

My breath caught in my throat, and I moved my mouth away from Roy's demanding tongue. Drawing in a much needed breath, my hands tightened along the bare skin of the other mans shoulders. This felt entirely too good, my thoughts were running rampant through the cloud of pleasure hanging around my head. My inhabitations were smothered and –suddenly- I felt terrified without them.

_I couldn't be gay, but here I was making out with a guy._

I was slowly realizing -through this erotic euphoria- something about me was changing. It felt like something significant was being lifted off my chest, and I could finally take a deep breath in.

I frowned deeply at my thoughts.  _I was over thinking this._

Roy's cleaver tongue decided at that moment to dip along my collar bone, and I barley repressed an intense shiver raking up my spine.

_I liked being kissed by a man_. I didn't feel an internally cringe at this personal reflection, like I expected myself too. No, instead I felt nothing but pleasure circulating within my body.  _Particularity, I like being kissed by this man._   _But what I couldn't understand was, how could kissing Roy equally excite me but also leave me with a significant panic for a desire I never knew existed within me._

It was a forbidden ambition; a hidden longing which was exceedingly present and aching between my legs. And I didn't even think it was possible, me getting aroused and turned on for another apparently I could… I almost laughed at my situation... almost.

Honestly, I've never allowed myself to even consider the notion that I could take pleasure from making another man aroused. An uncharacteristic thought but not something I could take lightly. I liked kissing men apparently. But what about other stuff— And with Roy's firm and sizable girth caressing my own, still clothed but weeping erection, I knew my desire ran deeper than an idle kisses and a quick grope in my doorway.

But could I actually imagine myself willingly lying down and giving my body up to another man? With our bodies complete unclothed, skin upon skin... The way only a man and woman should ever be…because that's what society wants you to believe.  _Not like I really give a shit what people think_ , I couldn't help the tiny voice in the back of my head countering my rebuttal. I groan internally, now I'm debating with myself.

_But would it be so wrong to feel Roy's chest flush against the flesh of my back, both of us sweaty and out of breath, and our bodies connected in a way two men should never be…?_

I shivered from the arousing but nauseating thought, trying to imagine what penetration would feel like... but I couldn't bring myself too. Kissing a man was one thing, but willing allowing another man to enter me… That was something entirely different... Something completely and devastatingly wrong, if I allowed it I'd be crossing the already thin line I've been teetering on.  _I would actually be gay…_

Even with the vivid sight lodged in my mind, with Roy's hot hands actually running trails up my sides I wasn't ready for the upheaval of emotion racketing within me.

This was dangerous territory I was treading on. The same question circled inside my head, _was I doing this because I was lonely… because I wanted to feel sought after…_

With a fluent motion my black tank top disappeared off over my head and dropped to the floor near our feet. I was physically left bare with my scars on my chest exposed to the other man's dark eyes.

I've never been ashamed of the jagged scaring which adorns my tanned skin, especially the coarser ones running along my chest and shoulder where metal met living flesh. The scars represented the trophies of my triumphs, telling the story of my hard life without a single word being spoken. I normally wore them with much pride. But today, at this very moment, with Roy's lust brimmed eyes tracing every ridge, every raised and blemished scar on my flesh, I now felt brittle, exposed and totally naked... and nothing like the fighter I knew myself to actually be.

Removing my shaking left hand from its resting place on Roy's shoulder, I brought my arm towards my chest in a defensive motion to cover the sizable pinkish scars beneath my palm the best I could. It was a failed attempt at obstructing my ugliness from the other man's view.

The largest area of my marred skin was on my upper body, opposite of my heart but a few lingering raised ridges were also found along the flesh of my still covered left leg, where cold lifeless metal and warm defaced flesh came to meld together about mid-thigh.

I've only ever allowed a hand full of people –at best- to see my body after the surgery all those years ago. Even less saw the actual damage inflicted by the accident which rendered me with two missing limbs.  _Was I really going to allow another person to feel pity for me because my body wasn't perfect in their eyes?_

My words rang inside my head; I couldn't meet Roy's eyes. Instead, I glared off blindly towards the white wall of my arch way, over the other man's flawlessly sculpted shoulders.

"Edward...?" Roy's rough voice only added to my shame and as his warm hand touched mine resting on my metal shoulder, thick sticky coating of rage was churning and bubbling low beneath my pride.

My eyes ripped away from the wall, and focused onto Roy's obnoxiously good looking face. I knew my eyes were filled with anger as I pushed at the other man's chest, signaling for him to let go of me. This is what an immovable object meeting an unstoppable force must feel like, because I shoved and Roy didn't budge.

_Hello immovable object, I'm unstoppable force, nice to meet you,_  I thought bitterly while letting gravity drop my legs back towards the ground. This made Roy's hands drop away from my flank and grip of my shoulders instead.

Roy said my name again with a question lining his words. He was trying to get me to look in his dark haunting eyes. He only received a defensive growl erupting from my throat.

" **Move**." I said through clenched teeth, and the man barley stirred. His proud, black eyebrows furrowed in the middle as he looked down upon me.

"I won't repeat myself twice…" When I spoke again, the anger I was feeling was taking over my voice, making it shakier on the edges. I glared upwards looking directly into Roy's concerned eyes, and it took everything in me not to punch that look right off his face.

A brief moment of clarity passed over Roy's expression at whatever he had seen within in my eyes. Only then did he heed my words, dropping his hands and taking a step backwards into the room with a bewildered look touching his face. I watched through the corner of my eyes as Roy folded his arms across his broad chest, and he rose to his full stature, all the while watching me with worry etched into his expression. I was dwarfed in the process, the top of my head falling short of the center of his bare torso. Our five inch height difference only added petty fuel to the simmering fire of rage growing within my stomach.

I closed my eyes, and breathed heavily through my nose a couple times while counting backwards from twenty before I dared to reopen them. Rage was my emotion of choice; I knew how to handle this feeling amply.

I ran both of my hands threw my loose flowing hair with shaky nerves. The air was thick with unresolved tension, as I bent at the waist scooping up my discard black tank top from the floor. I hurriedly put the fabric on over my head, shielding my disgrace from sight. Only then did I meet Roy's blacken gaze. My teeth gridded in fury at what I saw hiding beneath the false concern within the other man's face. — Pity.

"You really, need to leave.—"

"Edward?" Roy said again in that voice filled to the brim with distress…

"Get. The  **fuck**. Out…" I replied looking directly towards him with cold dead eyes. I was being rude but I couldn't find it in me to care. "…I don't  **need**  your  **fucking**  pity…" I should have kept the last part to myself but I hadn't. Instead I had inadvertently admitted as to why I was so blatantly angry.

Roy's next words only confirmed my theory.

"Is this, what  **this**  is about? You thinking that I pity you?" Roy took a step towards me, right within my personal space. The words he spoke were gaining a heat and sharpness of their own.

With him standing so close now, I was left with two choices. Both would leave my pride wounded but doing neither was not an option. Either I angle my head back to look up the distance of the five inches which separated us. Or I could take a step away from him leaving me physically pined along the wall, all over again.

I decided to swallow my arrogance –like barbed wire- and tilted my chin upwards. I would be damned if I allowed myself to pined again.

"Why else would you be looking at me like that…?"

The other man said my name again,  _Ed-war-d_ , and it left me with my heart palpitating in my chest unwontedly. Roy was the only person I've met who could speak my name like that—  _with the pronunciation on the 'R' rolling heavily along his tongue._  It left me reeling, disarmed and totally unprepared for Roy's advent advance.

"How was I looking at you, Edward?" He spoke, the question metaphorically lynching around my neck like a dead man hanging from a noose. Roy's piercing black eyes peered out from beneath his beetling brow watching my face intently, waiting for my reply. With balmy fingers he touched my mechanical fist, clenched and hanging by my side. Even though I couldn't feel the heat in my cold lifeless limb, I knew the man's hand was tepid to the touch. My anger -which was thick and rash- caught in my throat. I tried to take a step back, forgetting momentarily where I was, but when my rear bumped into the wall, I swore at my stupidity.  _Pined again, damn it…_

"I… can't," I stuttered my words out, playing the part of the fool well. My sweaty palm found Roy's chest again, giving a slight, half hearted push.

"Can't is something you choose willing to do," Roy spoke with a sultry reverberating purr backing his words. His warm hand, the one not holding my metal extremity at my side, came to cup my right hand as it rested along the length of the fair skin of his sternum. "...But actually being able to be honest with one's self and accomplish that something says far better for your character than merely copping out and saying, I  **can't**  or I  **won't**."

His words hit home more than I would like to admit. The impact was devastating, and as the dust settled I was left with crater of incertitude at the very center of my swiftly diminishing anger.

My mind drew a blank. Every word I ever knew escaped me. I opened my mouth but then proceeded to close it like a fish gasping for a breath. I blinked rapidly astonished at the lack of rage I was feeling. It was just gone; totally and utterly gone.

Roy took it upon himself to seize my momentarily lapse in judgment. Ducking his head down swiftly, his plump mouth caught my own in a sweet kiss, his bottom lip intertwined against mine. I gasped and Roy took complete advantage of it slipping his tongue alongside my own. It took only a moment of engaging coercion on Roy's part, but my unresponsive tongue soon stared the forbidden dance once again.

He tilted his head so our mouths were angled slightly different. All the while, Roy played with the tip of my tongue in a teasing caress, drawing my wet muscle into this eager hot mouth. Before long he was sucking on my tongue slow and diligently. The sensation was connected straight to my loins, directly renewing my deflated erection.

This is when I realized what was happening…  _What was I thinking…? Or better yet, what had I not been thinking…?_

I open my eyes and blinked slowly, my lips still sealed to the others man's. Roy's face was blurry this close but I could see his eyes were also closed. I was feeling a little drunk with heat. And that slow dark calamity was making my balls ache, the heat settling low in my groin was pleasant and steady but somehow felt integrally all wrong.

_That because you're kissing a guy and liking it,_  the little voice whispered again mockingly...

I choked on my own tongue, ripping my mouth away from Roy's. The air between us filled with nothing but our heavy breathing.

"I-I can't... do this." I somehow managed to say through the tightening of my throat. I closed my eyes, feeling them burning along the edges.  _Oh, fuck me. I was turning into a little bitch._

"Can't or Won't..." Roy spoke sounding raspy, his bottom lip swollen red from our savage kissing.  **Proof** , I'd been enjoying myself suckling on them with a feverish need. "...either way, Edward, you're only lying to yourself." Roy continued and I realized I had opened my eyes at some point, and was gazing into Roy's lust burning stare. My line of sight drifted to his mouth as a smirk tugged on the corner of his ravaged lips, a smile which said: he was up to something no good.

My breath caught in my throat as I realized what he was up too. His hand which had a hold of my metal wrist at my side, swiftly abandoned cold steel for hot flesh covered by leather. I gritted my teeth from moaning in pleasure, his stealthy sleight of hand slid between our bodies, pressing a hot palm against my erection, hard and leaking underneath my leather pants.

"Because this, doesn't lie," and to put meaning behind his words Roy squeezed my groin creating a friction sweeter than sugar itself. I finally did moan before realizing what I was doing, I bit my bottom lip trying cloak the sound from being any more vocal than it had been.

I was losing this internal war ravaging my body.

Roy's thumb stroking along my chin with direct intention, the tip of his appendage traced the angle of my sharp jaw, his long lithe fingers hooked along the side of my neck in a gentle downward slide. I felt his thumb running a straight line towards my abused lip trapped between my front teeth. His dark eyes never left the motion of his fingers, I watched with rounded eyes as the man before me, played me like an expert fiddler. He pawed my bottom trapped lip, pulling it free from the grasp of my teeth. Roy didn't waste any time caressing my mouth until it fell open slightly. He shadowed his appendage, dipping into the moistened inner skin he found at the crease of my mouth before tracing the wet glide over my swollen dry lips.

"I want to hear you to moan, Edward. It's incredibly too sexy of a sound to be stifled." Roy spoke his confession while his blacken gaze following the line of my trembling lips. My chest burned at his overtly sexual statement. The motion of his hand swept down to grasp my chin in a solid hold. Roy's body once again moved pressing my spine further along the unforgiving wall at my back.

Roy tilted his head further down while wetting his lips with the tip of his tempting pink tongue. The warmth of his breath ghosted over my neck and face, a slow but tempting appeal. I closed my eyes at the husky reverberation of Roy's voice sinking in, the meaning of his words not lost on me.

His hand rubbing my groin moved up to my waist, working at my belt until it unlatched. The sound of the silver clasp and buckle clanking together set my heart into a flurry. My zipper followed suit and it nearly stopped my breathing.

_This was really happening... I was going to let him.._. My hands gripped along Roy's biceps with a constricting grasp. I couldn't help the growing forbidding eagerness budding within my stomach, especially when the other man's fingers disappeared beneath my pants and boxer hem. He was grazing so close to my throbbing erection. Fingers slinked through my trimmed but coarse pubic hair. I couldn't help the involuntary sounds emitting from my mouth. I bowed helplessly into Roy teasing hand, earning myself a breathless chuckle from the man in front of me.

"Eager now, are we?"

"Shudda up, Bastarrr...!" My words were interrupted by Roy's hand wrapping around my ridge length, the insult on my tongue morphing into a strangled moan.

"You were saying…" The bastard captain whispered mockingly with his feverish lips grazing my cheek. If it hadn't been for the friction around my dick, I would've punched him and that smug look right off his face. Seeing that his hand was around my engorged length, my back arched and I pressed fervently into his awaiting fist. I grunted when I couldn't get enough of the heat wrapped around me. My boxer hem and pants were getting in the way.

Roy realized this moments later, pulling the elastic of my gray boxer shorts down and lifting my swollen uncut dick from the recesses of my pants. The chilled air of the living room touched the moistened foreskin covering the tip. It sent a bout of shivers tracing down my spine and straight to my scrotum. My fingers tightened forcefully on Roy's arms as his capable hand gave me a downward stroke revealing the redden head of my penis to the open air. I moaned at the touch of the hot, clammy skin of his palm gliding upwards and then back down in tight jerky motions. I cried out at the motion.

I knew from somewhere within me this wasn't okay. That this was entirely not supposed to be happening, I had never except nor even planned for this turn of events... _but then why did it feel so good...?_   _Why did a part of me want to continue with this unknown pleasure?_  I didn't have the answers but I did know, never in any of my endeavors or encounters with the opposite sex had I consequently felt this aroused from any of their touches. Even intercourse with a woman never felt as divine as the simple action of Roy's hand pumping my erection…My body was burning with a forbidden desire, and I couldn't deny any it longer. I was enjoying myself and it felt oh so, liberating.

A low growl trickled out from between Roy's soft, plump lips. My pulse in my throat, thudding against my skin visibly. I open my eyes as the other man grunted out something that sounded like  _'this won't do.'_  against the nape of my neck.

He moved so fast, letting go of my dick resulting in me an awkward girlish yelp, which I would later deny adamantly.

Roy was just suddenly gripping my ass through soft leather, making my legs automatically wrap around his muscular hips. I was looking into his eyes from inches away. My hands were on his arms, but not in a useful -I'm going to help hold myself up- kind of way. I tried to glare towards Roy, but only succeeded in a look of slight annoyance covered with ample lust.

"Which way is your bedroom?" He whispered, but his voice held that same edge of growl, as if his voice was deepening. My pulse sped up again, as if I'd choked on it. I swallowed twice not trusting my own voice... "I-uh... it...it's up the stairs."

Before the words left my mouth, Roy was crossing the room and half way up the stair to my bedroom with me clinging to his chest and arms. The second his foot found the hallow flooring of my loft, I felt his muscle tense beneath my hands resting on his arms and then I was airborne, falling towards my unmade bed.

Seconds later, I hit the mattress, my hands slapping against the sheets to taking the brunt of the blow, thankfully the bed was soft enough to take the impact but that didn't mean it wasn't startling as hell…

I laid there on the bed trying to breathe past the nearly painful beat of my pulse in my throat. Roy stood at the edge of my bed; bare chest looking down upon me sprawled out on the messy sheets, my hair fanning out around my face. The expression touching his eyes left me with a burning want. I watched through lust hooded eyes as Roy's made quick work of his black belt, unbuckling it and sliding it from the belt loops of his pants in a fluent motion. The muscles in his bicep flexed and rolled under his fair skin at the movements. The sound of fabric and leather sliding along each other filled the space between us.

I could feel my heart trying to jump out of my chest at the sight before me.

Roy worked the fastening of his trousers opens, sliding the zipper down in a rushed whoosh, the pants fell effortlessly to the ground bunching around Roy's creamy calves. The other man stood at the edge of my bed in only white boxer briefs, his obvious arousal staring me in the face.

"Do you want me?"

I flicked my eyes back up to his face at his question and found him looking at me. He noticed what I had been doing; watching him intently as he disrobed.

"What?" I asked lamely.

"Do you want me, Edward?"

"I-I-Uh…" I didn't know how to answer… I opened my mouth and then closed it. Did I want him? The answer was, yes. Yes, I fucking wanted the other man, but could I actually admit this aloud to him? I didn't even know the answer myself…

I sighed and looked towards my hands… Maybe I should just start with the truth. That seems the most logical approach to this. But then there was no more time to think because the bed dipped, giving into Roy's weight.  _I guess he didn't want to wait for an answer._

I started to sit up, and Roy was there dropping the full weight of his body onto me with a kiss falling on my parted lips. The chilled metal of his dog tags fell against the skin of my throat like lead weights as I could feel Roy's stiff cock sliding against my belly. I shuddered arching up against the hands roaming over my hips, tipping my head back in supplication.

I was surprisingly trapped underneath him, and almost choking on his tongue and the fiction of our harden dicks slotted together. I couldn't want it anymore. It felt like nothing I had ever experienced.

I should've been scared, Roy was a big guy and he could probably force me to do anything he really wanted from me. My hands stroked up his large arms at that thought, curving along every muscle ridge I found. I realized as my hand graced his shoulders and felt the power behind them as he held himself poised above me on his elbows. I realized then,  **how much bigger**  Roy really was then me with his wide thighs pressing my lower half down into the mattress. How I did not noticed before was beyond me... I was left unarmed without a gun in sight; half naked, and totally aroused.  _I had no idea where my Glock was at._  I should've been freaking out. I should've been running for my life a long time ago. Instead I was here and enjoying myself with another man… letting him touch me as I let go of my fears.

_Who would've thought…?_

I smiled into the kiss, making Roy pull away from my lips with a smirk draped along his mouth as well.

"I'll take your smile for a yes, then." Roy spoke, tracing an eager finger over my swollen bottom lip. I subconsciously licked at my dry lips at the same time. My tongue grazed the salty metallic skin of the other man's wandering hand touching my mouth. I hadn't anticipated my suddenly growing courage which was astonishingly out weighing my retreating nervousness of this situation.

I did it again brazenly; I licked my flat-tongue up the first blunt finger before sucking it messily in my mouth. Roy stilled, his lips slacking, and he let out a noise low and full of gravel that made my stomach clench in lust.I watched Roy's expression; my eyes rolled upwards taking it all in; from his lax parted mouth, to his dark blown pupils, and don't forget the obvious strain in the muscle making up his shoulders and neck. I felt hot with want; hot with the knowledge of Roy's lust burning truthfully through his dark eyes down upon my wrecked form.

_Oh and how it felt, to be wanted by another..._

"Ed-ward..." The roll of my name falling from Roy's mouth, the single word spoken in a barest of whisper dusted my cheeks with warmth from his breath with how close he was to me. "...you don't know how much I want you." I felt Roy's other hand resting on my hip, flex and grip at me urgently. It was almost to the point of leaving a bruise but the leather of my pants kept his hold on the lighter side of painful.

His finger slipped from my lips as he slid his wet appendage over the rough skin of my chin. The trail of saliva followed in the wake as it slipped down the hollow side of my exposed throat. I was rapidly becoming dizzy with heat from Roy's proximity.

"How I want this…" Roy whispered again dipping his head to fervently kiss me, his hand lingering with the grasp on my chin. His other hand position my hips upwards at the angle so our erections could rub against each other. I moaned into his mouth, it was a desperate sound even to my own ears. If I wasn't already sure I was red in the face from lust, then I knew I would have been purple upon hearing such a perverted noise leaving my throat.

I didn't know what to do with my hands; my mouth; my body…  _Was I just supposed to lay there and let Roy have his way with me? Or was I actually supposed to be doing something as well…_  I've never played the role of the submissive partner in bed. I was always been the aggressor, the one on top,  _you could say…_ My hands moved from Roy's back, to his shoulders and then down to grip the white sheets above my head, trying to find something to do with them. I was really at a great loss; I was way out of my league, quite literally. I knew nothing about gay sex or how to go about accomplishing it.

_Okay, that wasn't entirely true, I knew of the fundamentals_ … but nothing of the actual act itself. I couldn't even bring myself to picture what it must be like…

I felt my eye brow dip into a frown;  _I was over thinking this… again_. I had to keep telling myself this was just sex. That I had done it a hundred times over but then again,  _I had been having sex with women, not men._  I scowled deeper into the kiss, my lips became less responsive. Roy was realizing something was wrong because indeed moments later he was pulling away from our stagnant kiss.

"What's the matter, Edward?" Roy's voice sounded like rough gravel and it sent a sharp spike of arousal to my engorged erection, making it twitched lewdly between our stomachs.

"I-I don't..." I paused to lick at my calloused kissed lips, "I don't know what I'm doing..." I felt flustered at the omission, but it was the truth— for once in my life I didn't know how to go about this in the right matter. I pushed at Roy's chest lightly with the palm of my flesh hand, signaling I wanted him to move so I could rest on my elbows supine. He listened as he rolled back onto his haunches between my spread thighs. "It's just…" I let out a hearty sigh at what I was about to confess, "You're a man…"

Roy's dark brow arched comically. "Indeed I am…" A smug smile tugged on the corner of his mouth, I glared towards the other man's cocky face. And in spite of being mocked so blatantly, I continued on before my nerve could fail me…

"And I am a man." I said looking between the two of us.

Roy looked back at me like  **I**  was the one who'd lost  **his**  mind. His black shaggy head tilted slightly towards the right in a silent question. His vaulted eyebrow disappearing beneath the loose, falling bangs draped over his laughing eyes.

"Yes, you certainly are…" Roy said as his dark eyes rolling down towards my exposed and -still- weeping erection. A small puddle of pre-come had gathered on the front of my black shirt, smeared simultaneously with my shame and honesty. I looked away, my mouth went dry and my face burnt with heat coated from lust.

"Yes, entirely male…"

I twisted my head to the side and moved my flesh hand to cover my leaking arousal from prying eyes. I didn't get very far because my wrists were gripped between in steel like grasp preventing me from hiding myself.

"Don't..." Roy spoke with an acute feeling behind his words. "I want to see your passion for me..."

I groan aloud at that, dropping my elbows and falling back onto the comfy mattress.  _Holy fuck.._. was the only thought sparking through my short circuited brain. And Roy, of course, took it as an invitation and acted on it immediately. Releasing my thin wrists at my sides, both of his warm hands found the waist of my leather pants. Roy's quick fingers found my skin like heat seeking missiles as he made fast work of my boxers and pants earlier. It was easy seeing the fastening and belt were already undone from before. The pants were gone before I could offer a complaint and Roy's was back between the sprawl of my bare legs.

I gripped at the sheets by my sides in fistfuls and was thanking that I hadn't trimmed my bangs yet because they shrouded my burning face. I felt Roy's fingers trailing along the edge of my left thigh, where metal met scarred flesh. A shiver ran across my skin leaving flesh bumps in its wake. I dug my face further into my hair surrounding me. Roy's head ducked and he mouthed wetly against the inner part of my thigh up to the spot just below the crease where leg became groin, scraping teeth teasingly light over my sensitive skin.

I moaned encouragingly, knuckling the sheets in a death grip. My noises seemed to energize Roy... The slide of nascent stubble cheek across the soft skin of my scarred thigh took my breath away and I leaned further into the touch. With the heat of the moment sweeping me away, my feet planted themselves against the bed to get better leverage and with a mind of their own my hips rolled up suggestively into nothing but air.

With a dark chuckle filling the air, Roy gripped my hips and pinned them back to the mattress with a firm hold. I bit my lip to stop the groan of embarrassment trying to escape me. Roy's answer was for him to exhale hot air against my scrotum. His lips skimmed back to my trembling inner-thigh, lips nipping and sucking up and down. Every kiss sent a jolt of pleasure through my stomach. I moan again helplessly, while grabbing blindly for Roy's broad back. The man's deltoids are a national treasure, I thought through a wave of dizzyingly heat.

Roy made a noise in his throat and bit down on the soft flesh of my right thigh, making me hiss out and I twitched sharply at the immediate response. The dark hair man pulled back at that, his lips shiny with saliva, a small smirk playing on his features that I could see even through the dimly lit room.

"Liked that, did you," he murmured. I lifted my head looking down my body and blinked towards him, glassy-eyed.

"What do you want, a fucking medal?" I snorted while flopping my head back onto the pillow. "Do it again."

"Bossy, little thing you are..."

I whipped my head back up, my bedridden hair slapped angrily at my cheeks, the argument of how I wasn't little died on my lips rapidly. I watched with terribly widen eyes as Roy took the head of my cock into his ridiculous  **hot**  mouth, it slid in deeper and deeper, until I could feel the head of my shaft knocking the back of his tight throat. I saw white, and heard a ringing in my ear.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck you; you fucking bastard, fuck me-"

Roy's response was to hum around my prick in his mouth. I groaned again and let my head fall back. I shut my eyes at not being able to take the sight of Roy's pink mouth stretched around my blunt dick.

_So hot, so fucking hot…_

Roy pulled off and licked flat-tongue up my spit slickened shaft. His hand gripped the base and stroked up as his mouth latched onto my reddened tip. He set a fulfilling rhythm; from sucking with hollow cheeks to licking my length with his tongue. It was intense, it was wild, and I couldn't help moaning like a truck stop hooker.

"Fuck, Roy." I groaned out, broken from lust, and I grasped at the man's firm shoulders like anchors keeping me from drifting away. My fingers slid against flat planes of muscles laced here and there with fine ridges. Roy's hand not pumping my erection in time with an evenly matched mouth, glided up to my tense stomach. His hand snaked under my shirt, pulling the fabric up to reveal my defined abs to the chilled air. The lewd wet sounds of Roy's lips smacking on my cock, made me dig my fingernails deeper into flesh of his neck.

_Fuck me. Fuck, it feels so good…_  I open my eyes and looked down. I realized Roy's dark blown eyes were drunk with lust and were watching me like a spider getting ready to consume the fly. My eyes shut firmly; I wasn't going to last much longer if I had a visual to go along with the feeling of my cock sinking into a damp warm mouth over and over again.

My breath rattled in my throat, my heart pounded like a freight train, my balls drew up tight and this is when Roy's mouth pulls off with a wetly smacking sound. His lips still hovered near enough to feel his hot breath on the damp skin. I actually whined when he pulled his head away... I tried to sit up but Roy's pressed a palm to the center of my chest and pushed me back down to the bed.

"Wha- what are you-?" I couldn't even get the words out before I watched with round doe eyes as Roy pulled the edges of his white boxer briefs down to reveal an impressive erection. I didn't have time to actually see much, considering Roy dropped his weight back onto me, our bare arousal's slid together unabashed, already slick with pre-come, saliva and the sweat pooling in the grooves of my hips.

_It felt so blindingly good,_  the moaning -on both our parts- constantly filled the air around the two of us.  _I want more, now_ , I kept thinking grasping at Roy's solid sides.

Evidently Roy did, too, because his hand shoved down between our sticky bodies, catching my engorged sex against his lithe fingers, while skillfully rolling his hips up against the heat. Our cocks rubbed together in the curvature of his sweaty palm. I moaned out as I felt the heat from his dick on one side of my erection and his slick hand on the other. Roy's forehead knocked against my temple and a stuttering groan left his parted mouth. Out of the periphery of my vision, I watched the muscles in Roy's arms bunch under his skin as he simultaneously jerked us off and rolled his hips forward.

"Oh fuck..." I bit my lip and felt the tingling in my balls as they drew themselves in tighter to my body. "I'm- fuck, fuck, I'm going to-" I panted, voice high, fractured from need. Roy went down onto one of his elbows, lowering himself enough to press his stubbly face into my throat. His lips skimmed the sweaty skin of my neck, before he bit down hard, sucking at my skin. I gasped, and I was coming, fucking hard and fast. I shudder through it as I empty myself out on to our chests. Roy kept rocking down against me, I retained enough presence of mind to grab onto Roy by the shoulders and pull him closer. The other mans thrusts went jerky and rough, he grunted against my neck, and then I felt him shudder to a halt, I felt the heat of his seeds mingling with my own now cooling cum splattered on our stomachs. Roy sagged down against me and he went utterly still. For a moment I thought he'd fallen asleep.

I let myself drift for a moment, basking in the post coital glow, not wanting to face the harsh reality of what I had just done. My hand rested on Roy's back; his face nestled in the crook of my neck. I laid there with Roy's warm breath ghosting over the bruise that was now forming where he had bitten me. I was going to have to wear a scarf tomorrow to work, I sigh towards the ceiling. Or better yet, a neck-brace seemed more logical. I can't wear a scarf all day; people would start to ask questions. And then I would have to tell them I had sex with a dude...

My blood ran cold; it felt like someone had walked over my grave. I stared forward to the wood planking high above me in the rafters with the weight of my lover pressing me down into the mattress.

I, Edward Elric, the eldest of the Elric brothers had just had sex with a man and enjoyed it.  _Okay it wasn't really sex, more like jerking off onto each other but still…_  I groan internally squeezing my eyes shut tightly as I felt the first wave of nausea hit me.

The tiny voice in the back of my mind, mocked me, gloating that it had been correct this entire time. _I'm gay…_  I felt my eye's prickle in shame. _I am gay._  I repeated once more in my head as I burrowed further into Roy's shoulder, hiding my face. _I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay…_  The thoughts circling in my head were making me dizzy but they wouldn't retreat.

I listen to same phrase over and over that night in my mind, as Roy slept soundly in my bed. _I'm gay. I'm gay and I'd liked being blown by a man_. Every time I thought those words, the feeling of nausea crept up my throat. I had taken the first steps out of the metaphorical closet not even knowing I had been trapped inside all these years.

It was scary, because I didn't know how to tell my family I liked men. It was utterly terrifying because I didn't know how I was going to keep my job as a detective if any news of this happens to get out. But it felt invigorating knowing after all these years of wondering why a woman's touch never felt like enough; I now knew the answer…

_I'm gay._


	8. Cold Feet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing but the plot and my words.

**-Roy-**

The first thing I realized upon waking up on my side was that I was in a stranger's bed surrounded by a foreign room which wasn't my hotel suite. I also had a dull headache at the base of my skull; the moment I cracked my sandy eyes open, the dreary throb intensified and made me want to shut them to the first rays of the morning sun peaking through the high windows of the room.

The second thing I noticed upon waking was an annoying beeping sound coming from the foot of the bed. I grimaced and lifted my head from the pillow, opening one eye to glare towards the end of the bed.

The beeping stopped and I closed my eyes again with a deep sigh of content. Burrowing back into the blissful warmth that surrounded me, not caring it was obviously  **not**  my bed. I inhaled deeply, pressing my face into the pillow which smelled rich and sweet with a distant dreamy scent clinging to its white fabric. I was awaking slowly and properly but being encased in warmth and with the fact I was terribly tired, I found the feat unattainable and entirely illogical at best.

My arms were heavy with sleep, but I still managed to slowly drag them up from the safety of the blankets towards the pillow beneath my head. This is when I took notice of my hands; they were touching soft and warm skin. I lazily re-opened my eyes, and a truffle-full of golden hair filled my vision.

_Oh, that's right…_

Edward's messy head was tucked beneath my chin as he slept on peacefully. _Not a stranger at all,_  I smirked into the crown of the man's head. I felt the gentle pattern of his breathing tickling along my neck.  _This is blissful,_ I thought through the sleep still hanging around my consciousness… I pulled the boy's body closer to my chest, hugging him like a child would a favorite stuffed animal or toy for comfort.

_Wonderful…_

The realization I actually wanted to hold the boy in my arms didn't come to me like a lightning bolt or a sudden understanding. It didn't hit me all of the sudden, leaving me swirling in the wake of shock and confusion. No, it had slowly filtered into my sleepy mind until I had no other choice but to accept I wanted this man in my arms. I wanted him for more, for… more than a petty one night stand…

I felt warmth spreading through my chest,  _what are you doing to me Edward?_ I thought with a smile pulling on the corner of my mouth. My hand ran up the length of the blonde's back and dipped underneath his black tank top so I could touch more of Edward sleep warmed skin. The other man let out a sigh of a moan at my touch. I pulled my head back just slightly so I could see Edward's relaxed face. He had shifted in his sleep, his head tipping upwards as he followed the warmth of my retreating touch. My eyes traced the length of his sharp jaw edge; the nearly invisible morning stubble caught my line of sight as the light reflected off the blonde hairs I found lingering on the boy's face.

 _Edward really was a very beautiful man._  I thought with a subtle smile touching my cheeks. This I couldn't deny in my sleepy state of mind… and honestly, doubt other people would contradict this fact.  _Edward was simply too beautiful to argue against._ The saddest part though, was Edward couldn't see his worth through his own eyes, or how others saw him from theirs.

I learnt this through a small window of time last night as I watched Edward's eyes turn a darker shade of gold and his hand tried in earnest to cover the fading scars along his chest from my eyes. I'd felt my heart tear, ripping at the seams as I observed the dim expression taking over Edward's uncanny beauty. A look of what appeared to me to be his stifling shame bore to the world on his painstaking angelic face.

 _He has nothing to be ashamed of… He's so_ _ **fucking**_ _beautiful._ The thoughts were running rapid in my mind at this point... awaking me further.

I remember clearly, the feeling of a strong pull coming over me— a need in which spoke to me in whispers; a single voice saying too help this fallen angel on his knees before me. One who's obviously been scared and marred from past wrong doings.I swore at that moment in time, I pledged to myself but most importantly I gave a silent vow to the man before me. A solemn promise I  **would never**  allow that shadowy look to cross Edward's face again, if I could help it.

My fingers grazed the soft tender flesh of the younger man's back as I was brought back to the present. Edward's skin danced under my touch with another muffled mew escaping his slightly parted mouth. He shifted in his sleep again, his chin tilted upwards, his hot breathe ghosted over my lips mere inches from his lax parted mouth. I had the sudden nagging urge to close the gap between our lips, stealing a kiss from the resting boy. Edward's mouth was  **so,very close**  as his head was tipped back in sleeping compliance.  _It would be so easy… so very, very easy._

 _I couldn't... I just couldn't... It wasn't alright._  I argued with myself.

 _But it would be so simple... so simple... Mind numbing close... close enough to take..._ A taunting voice was echoing in my slept mused head.  _Just do it... take... take... take it... you've already done it._

I closed my eyes, breaking the line of sight from the defenseless man resting in my arms.  _Fuck..._ the curse resonated with in my mind. All my blood had decided to pool between my legs, my sex growing at the mere thought of kissing Edward's sweetly upturned mouth. My length twitched inside my boxer briefs; nestled firmly against the boy's narrow hip. All I wanted to do was rut against the warm smooth skin of the blonde body with my morning erection.  _But I wouldn't… I will not…Edward had been so afraid last night… I couldn't scare him further; he wasn't ready so soon…_

I reopened my eyes at such an uncharacteristic thought.  _What was this feeling in my chest…? What was this man doing to me?_ In the span of one night, my playboy mentality was flittering away from me effortlessly and without much of a choice on my part.

 _What are you doing to me Edward?_ I question again quietly in the recesses of my mind. A soft look reached the span of my face as I looked down upon blonde's perpetual frowning eyebrows.  _Even in his sleep he is scowling…_ I thought comically with a ghost of a smile befalling my down, I let my lips graze the skin of the boy's forehead, his golden bangs tickled my nose and at this I really did smile.  _…this feels so domestic, almost natural…._ A tired yawn snuck up on me while I pressed my cheek affectionately into the crown of Edwards's sleep-mused blonde head.

It was still early enough in the morning I could fall back into sleep; not something I usually would do.  _I normally roll out of bed at the first sign of light._ Today though, sleeping in Edwards's warm comfortable bed, with my little pretty lover in my arms, I found myself tumbling back effortlessly into a dreamless slumber.

* * *

The next time I awoke, I was on my stomach and I was alone in bed. My arm reached out to the other side of the mattress looking for a warm body to hold on to but only came back with a palm full of long since cold sheets. It was an unfriendly greeting to a half asleep mind. It instantly woke me up like a bucket of iced water being poured over my body. I pushed up with my arms so I could rest on my elbows, my hands finding my face as I rubbed sluggishly at the sleep from my sandy eyes.

"Edward?" I spoke out gruffly into the quite room but only silence echoed back.

I swiped at my eyes again, before pulling myself into a sitting position my legs tucked beneath my body, the sheet tangled around me. A tired frown formed on my face.  _Where was he?_

"Edward?" A worried undertone hung to my words like a starved man trying to hold onto the last piece of day old stale bread.

 _What the…_  I though scanning Edward's bedroom but the blonde was nowhere to be seen.

 _Hmmm, strange,_ I thought shifting my legs, trying to kick the sheets off my lower half but it was still tangled around me,  _and so were my boxers…_ I continued on thinking with an annoyed huff. I leisurely untangled the sheets from around my waist as I glanced over towards the empty side of the bed.

 _Edward,_ I thought his name longingly looking over my shoulder at where he had been laying. He wasn't there and obviously hadn't been there for quite some time. The chilled sheets edify that clearlyand if my instincts were correct, Edward wasn't in the apartment as well. I let a hand run through my untidy black bangs, pushing them up and away from my face. It was all for naught—when my hand fell from my head all the hairs fell back across my forehead, as they always would.

I raised my eyebrows and sighed heavily; having untangled myself from the mess of sheets I swung my uncooperative legs off the bed. My bare feet came into contact with cold wooden floor, sending a chill up my spin. I shivered but did my best to just ignore it.

Taking a moment to look around, the room looked bigger in the day light. There were books scattered randomly around laying on different surfaces. I observed a pile of unsorted multi color books sitting forgotten under a table to the right of the bed. My eyes scanned the titles and authors slowly, most of them being non-fiction,  _history, chemistry,_  and things of that sort. It was amazing what you could learn about someone's private life by simply taking a look around their house.  _Edward was an avid reader and it seems he reads for knowledge alone._ I smiled; it was a total Edward-ism. Right down to the fact, he would probably have a snarky remark to retort about how fictional books will rot your mind. I shook my head at my thoughts.

The digital red faced cloak on the side table caught my eyes.

**-9:01 am-**

I scoffed at the time; _I hadn't slept this late in years,_ moving my eye away from the clock. I notice asilver key lay on top of a piece of yellow notebook paper, creased in half, perched at the edge of the wooden side table. My name was written in sloppy penmanship across the front. I picked the key up to inspect closely before palming the chilled medal. Next I slide the paper off the table; thumbing the corners together I open the page.

**_Roy—_ **

**_I needed to leave early this morning. I didn't want to disturb you. You looked tired. Don't wait around for me; I won't be home till later tonight._ **

****

**_The key is a spare, lock up after you leave. Don't lose it, I expect it back!_ **

****

**_Do fill free to use my shower, fresh towel are on the rack in the bathroom. Your shirt and jacket are also dry and are hanging on the railing of the staircase down stairs._ **

**_Ed._ **

**_P.s. don't steal anything.  
Reminder: I'm a cop._ **

I read Edward's vague message and then for good measures I reread again.

My eyes scanned the words on the paper trying to decipher the meaning beneath the hazy note that could have meant anything. The letter was so indistinct,  _so, so… bloody vague_ … His words meant nothing but all together they meant  **everything**  and I was left confounded. It was saying something for me to be confused when it came to the subject of men, and  **whether**  they wanted me or not... and that was putting it lightly.

In one breath, Edward was giving me a key to his apartment.

 _Okay, giving was technically the not the best wording, more like: letting me borrow it…_  And then in the next he was telling me to not wait around for him.  _Can you say: Mix signals, much?_

A hefty sigh fell from my lips as I looked at the yellow piece of paper in my hand. Slapping the page back to the table moments later, I stood abruptly with a disgusted groan falling from my mouth.

"Oh, Yuck."

This is when I realized that I was -in fact- in dire need of a shower, the crusty evidence of Edwards and I last night excursion between the sheets was still clinging to the front of my stomach.

With the motion of my body, the dried semen was flaking and peeling and I was thoroughly disgusted. I was very thankful for Edward suggesting I could use his shower but even if he hadn't extended the offer, I would have still gone ahead and indulged myself.

 _So freaking nasty,_ I thought as I hobbled down the stairs awkwardly.

Crossing the living room I entered the bathroom, the door shutting mutely behind me. My bare feet came into contact with the cold tile flooring, a subtle chill raced down my spine. I brushed it off and flicked the light switch to my right. Fluorescent lighting lit the small bathroom, bouncing and reflection off all the white porcelain in the room.

In front of me there was an old fashioned *farmhouse drain board sink attached to the far wall. The only reason I knew what type of sink it even was, was because my Grandmother had the very same kind in her old farm house. As a child I spent my summers with my Gran, and I remember clear as day her ranting and raving about the benefits of owning such a fancy sink. I could still hear the sweet cadence of her voice. A fond smile found its way onto my face, my hand still lingering on the forgotten light switch. I moved my hand away and the motion of my arm reminded me of the filth still clinging to my stomach. I grimaced and walked towards the bathtub/shower pushed up along the opposite wall of the sink in the tight room.

The shower itself was claw foot porcelain finished bathtub. Edward must have installed a water nozzle to the tub because these types of bathtubs usually don't come with shower capability and this one did. I pushed the heavy duty clear shower curtain out of the way to reveal the tall shower head connected high above the curtain itself. I flipped the silver nozzlel labeled 'hot' on, and the water came pouring out like a rushing waterfall from above my head. I barely moved out of the way as the water turned from cold to warm. The room filled with steam as the temperature rose. I slipped out of my boxer briefs and set about my business…

* * *

 

-  **15 minutes later**  -

Freshly washed and smelling like Edward's fruity shampoo, I stood in the middle of his large livening room in nothing but a too small powered blue towel and my chilled dog-tags hanging around my neck.

... _Where had I placed them,_ I questioned myself for the tenth time since exiting the bathroom. I glanced around the room, looking for my missing slacks.

Remembering abruptly,  _I had taken them off up stairs last night._ I paused at the memory rushing to the front of my mind, a lusty smile stretched along my lips.  _Oh yes, last night…_ My avid thoughts sent a spike of heat through my stomach, a phantom pleasure riding on a memory.

Pushing the feeling away, I started towards the stairs at an even pace. I was still feeling hopeless with what to do with the whole Edward thing. The man was an enigma in his entirety. He made me feel emotions I thought were lost and dead to me.

I have never cared or shown an ounce of remorse in  **my entire**  straight chasing career. I just didn't trouble myself about the other man's feelings or wants, it was all about me. _My pleasure, my wants, my needs…_  –This is not too say,that my lovers didn't feel pleasure because they always did. I made sure of it. - It was  **my show** but everything didn't have to be all about me. Sure,I was running things as the certain and dominant partner but I'd  **never**  experience guilt because of this.

I –usually- didn't care… I –normally- would just fuck and then be gone by the next morning.

_No strings, no burdens, no worries._

This has been the logic keeping me sane in all this insanity.  _How I've kept my heart safe..._

Then I met Edward Elric, and everything went to shit. From the moment I watched the dark emotion taking over the younger man's bright eyes. I knew I couldn't play him the way I had all the others. I couldn't take advantage of his bared weakness…  _I just couldn't… it was too much._  So, I did the next best thing… I didn't use him… Instead I brought both of us peaking over the edge; I took us to the finished line without even trying to penetrate the willing man beneath me. It was something which wasn't like me at all and was a completely new and strange trait.

 _Edward may have been willing at that point, but what would've happened if I_ _ **had**_ _gone all the way?_ My sanity question,  _but then again, this -odd- feeling I was experiencing could all just come down to the fact I **hadn't**  fucked Edward._ I'd had a plan and I threw the blueprints out the window when I let my -up till then- dormant conscious catch up to me.

A deep sigh fell from my mouth as my foot found the hollow flooring of Edward's bedroom. I instantly spotted my pants lying in a heap of a pile at the foot of the unmade bed. Walking over towards them, I picked up the black dress slacks from the floor. Something plastic and square fell out of the pocket and landed noisily on the wood flooring next to my bare foot. With another sigh blowing through me, I bent down at the waist to pick up the object.

 _My cell…_ I thought palming the phone, I clicked the power button on the top right corner and the screen flashed black -an indication it was in needed of charging.-

A _hmmm_  of recognition sounded deeply in my chest, before I tossed the black phone on the unmade bed. It _must have been the beeping sound which awoke me earlier._

I finished up quickly, putting my pants and my wrinkly white undershirt back on. Edward had a long mirror hanging on the door of his wardrobe. I gave myself a stern look, pushing my black hair away from my eyes.  _The walk of shame never looked so good,_ I thought forthright watching my rumpled reflection. I gave myself a tired fake smile, flashing my pearly whites at myself before the false emotion slid away and the look of a confused man with guilt filled my vision. I sighed at my stubbly face, a deep shadow hanging under my eyes,  _I really needed to shave but it was going have to wait…_

Walking away from the mirror feeling a little less then pleased, I slide the silver key laying forgotten on the nightstand - _fucking key-_ into the palm of my hand and then into my pants pocket. I leaned over the rumpled bed in the same motion as I picked my dead phone up off the untidy sheets and put it into my back pocket of my slacks for safe keepings. My dull eyes fell onto the blonde mans pillow and with a mind of its own my left hand reached out to stroke the pillow in a timid caress. I felt my heart skip a beat and I knew what I wanted… _Edward._  Then my dense logic came crashing down.

 _What are you doing?_  My commonsense asked hand flinched back at the query from the rational side of my brain.  _When has our heart_ _ **ever**_ _skipped a beat?When have we_ _ **ever felt**_ _anything other than the want and need for sex…?_  The questions pulled at my insides… I needed out, I was having trouble having a bias attitude to the bizarre feeling coursing though me. It was too much, there was just  **too much** of Edward surrounding me to think straight…  _but oh how I want him…_

Getting to the bottom of the stairs, my bare feet slapping the wooden flooring towards the front door. My shoes were where I left them last night, hastily pulled off and thrown aside in a pile. I hurriedly pulled them on without even putting my socks on. –Not like I knew where they were anyhow.-

 _I feel like I am missing something…_  I thought looking around the vast room. My eyes landed on it… My dress shirt and black over coat, hanging neatly on the banister where Edward had left them before he'd abandoned me this morning...

Quickly, before that thought could settle in, I darted across the small space, grabbing up my shirt and coat. A small sigh blew through me again. The motion of the fabric rustling through the air had picked up Edward's natural scent scattering it around the room and I was once again left pondering this strange emotion running through me.  _I wanted this man, like no other that I've had before… What made_ _ **him**_ _so different?_ The fabric of my white shirt was balled tightly between my fingers as I brought it towards my nose. I inhaled deeply breathing in my own scent present of the shirt but also the lingering sweetness of Edward's clinging to the cloth.

 _I'm turning into a hormonal teenage girl…_ I thought as I breathed in deeply again unabashed, trying –and succeeding- to catch the intoxicating aroma.

My heart fluttered down into my stomach and I knew I was terribly lost.  _Throw me over board because my feet were already drenched._ My eyes snapped open at my internal musing, - _when had I closed them? -_

The shirt gave a slight tearing sound, signifying I was holding to tightly. My fingers uncurled from the wrinkly fabric in my hands. With a forlorn sigh, I swung the fabric over my shoulders and put the scratchy shirt on. Not caring if the button were correctly lined up or tucked in. I grabbed my black wool coat still hanging on the banister and strung that over my shoulders as well.

I felt very unsure about myself, it was a feeling I was unfamiliar with and I was quite unhappy with the fact I was experiencing such emotions. With one last despondent look upwards Edward's loft, I turned and left the boy's apartment. The apartment door quietly opened and closed with a dull muted sound of air fluctuation.

My left hand sunk into my pant pocket, retrieving the spare key the boy had left me to lock up his home. I inserted the tepid silver key into the lock and this is when it hit me…

I had left no contact information for the boy to get a hold of me.  _He didn't even know which hotel I was staying at._ I realized I could just walk away and Edward would never have to see me again. I would be gone, and he would have only a memory of an awkward romp between the sheets with a middle aged man. My nostalgic feelings of guilt and remorse wouldn't be there.

_No strings, no burdens, and no worries_

Yes, Edward could still get a hold of Riza and figure out where I was, but I really doubt he would do something like that. Seeing: he would have to admit he actually wanted to see me, and there little to no hesitation, that Edward would actually want to track me down. If anything, he would be overjoyed about my abrupt disappearance.

It would be a blessing to both parties, I wouldn't have to feel this odd sensation in my chest every time I think of the boy –because I would be long gone- and Edward wouldn't have to submit to my will.

The wooden door to Edward Apartment stared me in the face; my hand stopped mid-motion of locking the door.  _I could walk away now, place the key under the mat, and just walk away…_  The idea sent cold jolts of remorse through my veins. ' _Could I disappear like that?'_ I asked myself unexpectedly, my tired head came to rest on the dark surface of the door in front of me at the question…  _Could I?_

The answer was yes; it would be the best for the both of us… The turning of the key and the sound of the lock slamming shut in the quite hallway finalized the thought. Without thinking too much on it, I placed the silver key under the askew  **'welcome'** mat, and then dropped the rug back into place.

I shoved my hands into the fronts of my pockets and walked away down the moldy hallway. I kept repeating to myself it was for the best, but the gnawing in my stomach left me thinking I was doing something illogical. The further I got away, the more I felt like something was wrong. That something was off, I paid no mind to it and continued to walk. One foot in front of the other… Until Edward's apartment was a fleck in the distant. The busy streets of Central washed away all my thoughts, the ambience of the lunch hour rush whizzed past me as I slowly walked back to my hotel.

The feeling in my stomach didn't die away; it only got worse with every step I took towards my destination. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong, but I was ignoring it summing it down to the fact I had just stood Edward up.

It was only when I got inside my room, and plugged my dead cell phone into charger did I find out there  **really**  was something wrong…

With one phone call, my world was thrown off its axis. A conversation no one wants to receive.

"—Roy, Maes is dead…"

**To be continued...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *GASP!* Oh, how you all must hate me. Cutting it off right when it was getting somewhere! I know I'm good like that.
> 
> Well, I do have to apologize for such a long wait… I'll try and NOT make any excuses but honestly, I'm a mom of a very energetic little boy of three years of age. That's a full time job in itself but on top of that, I go to school 4 times a week and on top of ALL THAT, I love video games! I'm a hardcore nerd…-like hardcore, hardcore- I play all sorts of games, and Saint Rows the 4th JUST came out. So that has been eating up a lot of my time. *cough cough* not saying my writing isn't important. Thing is, I can only write when the muse is talking. And he's been silent for a couple weeks. –I was worried for a bit. He went missing suddenly-. I do believe he is back thought, which is a good thing.
> 
> Next Chapter will be from Edwards P.O.V, and its almost finished! So, you all are going have to wait to find out what is happening with Roy the chapter after that… *buahaha* I know I'm evil. TTFN


	9. Denial, the Confusion. (Part one.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beta Reader: Mcarnality

 

 

**Edward's P.O.V**

_Thick strands of golden hair fell into the boy's yellow **,** pain **-** hazed eyes. His blurred vision locked onto the dark **-** haired intruder standing in front of him. The black hair of the other man's, gleaming green in the pale moon light shining high above them._

_The abrupt motion of the other person moving and slamming into the younger man's body sent him flying backwards and into a tree with a sickening crunch, in the otherwise quite clearing._

_The blonde man's right arms hung limp and useless at his side. Blood from the open gash at his forearm dripped steadily down and off his motionless fingertips as it stained the forest floor amber in color. The tendons in his arm were torn; this, the blond knew for sure… the burning circulating within the limb was excruciating to the point of aggravating numbness._

_The dark **-** haired fugitive shoved on the boy's battered rib-cage with the blunt ends of his elbows. The blondes' spine dug into the tree at an awkward angle. He gritted his teeth through the pain as he tried to gain leverage with his bare feet in the dirt, but he fell short, slipping from the dry and brittle leaves beneath him. The young man let out an angry puff of air, his uninjured hand pushing at his attacker **'** s face and neck with blind rage._

_'Get away, have to get away…' raced through the younger man's mind as he frantically scratched and punched at the other before him. He could see the psychotic man's white teeth smeared with blood, smiling through the fingers of his hand splayed across the man's face. The man's nose was bleeding profusely from a well-aimed punch from the boy earlier in the attack._

_The sudden motion of the boy's injured arm being jerk out to the left sent him crying out and falling forwards into the dirty forest floor. However, before he could make contact, the taller green-haired man gripped him, and with the blonde's own momentum, turned the shorter man's broken arm behind his back, effortlessly trapping him._

_A blood curdling scream echoed through the empty woods surrounding the blonde's house, and a vile laughed followed dauntingly after._

_"Mmmm…scream for me, Chibi. You do it so sweetly," said the dark one in a strangely feline voice as he squeezed the abused arm even higher up the boy's maltreated back._

_The blond couldn't help it, he cried out from the torn muscle being stretched further than any arm should ever bend. He bit his bottom lip until he could taste metallic tang on his tongue._

_He wouldn't let this sick bastard win. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he tried to buck the fucker off his back. The young man was thankful Alphonse had gotten away unnoticed by the burglary in their house. Help was coming; he just had to wait it out, however long it would take._

_The blond kept repeating this in his head like a mantra of hope._

_'Help is coming...Al got away...'_

_The man laughed at the nape of the blonde's neck as if he could actually hear the inner pleas of a helpless child. The vile creature of a man grasped a hand-full of golden hair and yanked the boy's head backwards._

_'Help is coming...' The young man repeated in his head as a tear slipped -unwillingly- past his glazed eyes._

_The blond was in an awful position, spine bent at a sickly arch, neck strung tight with forced submission._

_Don't be that way, little one…" the green-haired man purred against the blonde's ear. The boy could feel the sick fucker's breath linger on his neck and cheek as he spoke. The feeling of nausea crept its way up into his throat. He swallowed a couple times, only ever tasting metallic as it sat heavily in the back of his throat._

_The few strands of hair hanging over his forehead shielded the boy's eyes at the other man's words. His body hung limp like a puppet on strings with the dark vile man painted on his back. The boy wouldn't give into the wicked game this horrible man was trying to play. He refused to scream, he still had his pride. No matter how weak he felt, he still had his pride._

_'…help was coming... Al got away. Al got away.'_

_When the dark-haired man received no response from the child beneath him, he pressed the seeping wound on the boy's arm with the pad of his thumb. White bone protruding gruesomely from the bruised and battered skin. The smile of the dark-hair man stretched along the boy's neck at the muffled attempt to cover his whimpers._

_The blonde's body shook in agonizing pain, mind clear other than the searing numbness of his flesh. The boy opened his mouth as a silent scream echoed out into nothingness, still living his agony through silence. He wouldn't let the disturbed bastard win._

_The hold on his hair was renewed, as his blond head was whipped back to stare into thecrazed violet eyes of his attacker._

_"Why don't you sing, little chibi?" The feline man spoke his question, letting go of the boy's broken arm. It fell limply to his battered side. The newly-freed hand grasped the boy's child-like jaw, squeezing the flesh till his fingers dug into the soft purple of the abused skin._

_"I know what will inspire you, little one, to sing for me…" The word's left the lunatic's mouth, but before the boy could process anything…A heavy boot came down upon the child's small kneecap. The sound of a nauseating 'snap' filled the clearing._

* * *

I awoke instantly, my body fighting frantically to sit up straight. There were arms around me, and I slapped at them, pushing them away from my body. The searing pain in my artificial knee burnt an invisible line to where metal and flesh melded together about mid-thigh.

I ripped the sweat soaked sheet from my body with a grunt of discomfort falling from my lips. I sat there in bed, staring down towards my auto-mail leg. Phantom pain laced up and down the now metal limb.

 _A dream. It was just a dream,_  I told myself, but that didn't stop the queasy feeling of fear rippling through my stomach…I was breathing heavy. My skin was slick with sweat from a night terror I hadn't experienced in a long time. I brought my shaking hands to my face. The soothing metal of my right stroked over my forehead, pushing my bangs out of my eyes.

I had to remind myself sternly that that man was long dead. He had rotten in prison till his dying day.

Even knowing he was dead, the pull of fear still racketed through me.

After all these years, the man named Envy could still leave me writhing in terror. It had happened 15 years ago, but that night still haunts my dreams.  _The night I lost my leg…_

I glanced down at my metal leg:  _A reminder of the fear for the rest of my days, from an action of a psychopath which only resulted in the weakness of a child and now the grown man I am._  A deep sigh blew through me as my hands dropped from my face and down into my lap.

"Fuck..." My voice was deep with gravel from sleep. With a sluggish movement, I swung my legs off the bed and brought my arms -one metal and the other flesh- to rest on my miss matched thighs. My hands rubbed roughly at the stubble at my cheeks. The ports of my auto-mail ached like a bitch... My right hand drifted from my face as I rolled my mechanical shoulder, trying to loosen the pain licking through my automated nervous system.

That man had nearly killed me that night. I was ten years old, fighting for my life. I was lucky the police had gotten there when they had. Otherwise, I could have been… "Dead." I voiced my thoughts.

A muffled complaint from behind drew my attention away from my dreadful thoughts. I raised my eyebrows over my shoulder at what I found lounging in my bed.

_Roy. A naked— Roy Mustang._

My hand dropped back down into my lap as I pivoted my body further on the bed so I could easily see him. A snort of a laughter escaped my lips as I watched this large man snuggle his frowning face further into the soft pillow beneath his ebony head.  _For a man who claims to be in the military, he sure does sleep like a log._

My eyes stop to stare at the peacefully resting man in my bed. I observed Roy as his dry, bottom lip puckered beyond his upper as he slept on.  _It was endearing…and almost…cute…_

_WAIT A SECOND…I DID NOT JUST THINK THAT!_

The memory assaulted me, flashes of the night before raced through my mind unwanted in every aspect.

**_-Roy pulled off and licked flat-tongue up Ed's spit slick shaft. His hand gripped the base and stroked up as his mouth latched onto the blonde man's reddened tip.-_ **

My stomach fluttered with that annoying heat as my eyes lingered on Roy's sleep-pressed mouth. 'Fuck me…'

My flesh hand found its way back to my face, rubbing at my forehead as if clawing at the aggravated thoughts flustering about inside me. _I wasn't awake enough for this shit._  I needed coffee before even allowing myself to start thinking about last night rationally.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck…_  the profanity repeated its way through my head as I scrambled off the bed. It followed after me down the stairs of my loft and into my chilled kitchen.

I was beyond tired. Sleep had eluded me last night – for obvious reasons – and when I had finally drifted off, my dreams were filled with monsters of past offences.

 _I need coffee and stat._  I thought pushing all the other things -which were less than important- out of my mind. Well, for at least for the time being...  _but what heterosexual man in their right mind could forget about the naked man still asleep in their bed?_

"Fuck…" I exclaimed out aloud again.  _I really needed to stop thinking about that for now… coffee first, problems later…_

I couldn't consider myself part of the living without a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, and on this particular morning, I think I was going to need three or four cups before I would actual feel like a living, breathing person

I grumbly set myself about the kitchen grabbing at the things I would need to make myself my miracle in a cup. As the coffee machine brew behind me, I leaned against the black and white fleck marble counter.  _This was one helluva a way to wake up and it was only…_ I stop mid thought to crank my neck towards the green faced digital clock above my stove on the.

 

**5:20**

_Fuck me… it was fucking early_. My hands found their way back onto my face as a tired groan fell from my lips. The chilled floor beneath my bare feet did nothing for the pain in my metal thigh. Moving my hands away from my cheeks, I sluggishly made my way over to the medicine cabinet near the stove.

I normally tired avoiding taking pain killers for anything less than life and death situations, but as of right now I couldn't muster a lick-of-shit about what I 'normally' would and wouldn't do. My nerve where shot from the dream and I hurt too fucking bad to care.

The coffee pot chimed that it was finished brewing. I sighed with great relief and pushed off the counter top towards the wonderful smell.

With the hot steaming cup of black coffee in my hand, I already felt somewhat better. The scent alone made me feel more alive and less like a walking corpse. The warmth of the cup felt soothing on my flesh hand as I palmed the mug and brought the coffee towards my lips. The scalding liquid was too hot to even attempt to drink, but I still took tiny sips off the white brim of the coffee mug.  _Call me a masochist._

Before long my first cup of coffee had all but disappeared, and I soon found myself pouring another serving. After repeating the process two more times, I felt like I could – maybe – attempt to start facing my day head-on.  _Or better yet, the problem which was lying naked in my bed._ The straight man inside cringed as I looked toward the stairs and my loft. _Fucking hell, what had I done last night…?_

I had never done anything like this… 'One night stand business.'  _Fuck… was this even considered that?_  I wondered silently as I sat on a bar stool in the nook of my kitchen, blindly staring. I could feel a scowl rest upon my face

I've never had to kick someone out of my bed before… I had always been in either a committed relationship or not sleeping with anyone at all. This was new territory for me, and to add fuel to the already scalding fire, the naked person lying in my bed was a man.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed loudly into the apartment. I kicked off the stool I was sitting on and made my way towards the bathroom. A shower would help me clear the remaining cobwebs of sleep from my head. I had already taken one last night, after Roy had passed out. I had been restless, and the nasty, sticky mess clinging to my stomach hadn't been helping any, so I had made sure the other man was out cold before quietly going to take a shower. I wanted to wash away the physical evidence of what I had done.

'Shit…' Thinking about last night made my chest burn, and my stomach gave a painful twist, but my subconscious mind continued to run freely. I flicked the light switch and walked towards the white sink.

 _Roy's hands had been so soft, softer than any woman's hands had ever been. And they were bigger, so much bigger and stronger even._ A shudder traced down my spine. _It had all felt so fucking good…So why was I denying it?_

"…because I am not gay!" I spoke aloud, looking sternly at my scowling reflection "Because I like women…"  _I have for twenty-seven years of my life. Why would that suddenly change now?_

Fucking-shit," I said into the mirror, gripping the edges of the sink in front of me till my knuckles turned white from the exertion. I observed my reflection. My hair was a mess. Yellow strands stood on end; the braid from last night had not held up to my tossing and turning

With a grunt of frustration, I pried my hands away and ripped the hair-tie off the end of my braid. My tangled hair fell around my shoulders in disarray of clumps;  _I would have to brush it later_ … With a sigh – I hated brushing my hair – I gathered it all onto the top of my head, knotting it the way Winry had always made fun of me for doing when we were together. She said the style made me look like a girl.

It's practical for showering when you didn't want to get your hair wet, and I didn't. I had washed it the night before; I didn't need to deal with wet hair again, so I wasn't going too. _Fuck what I looked like, while doing it and while I'm at it fuck Winry as well_.

The thought of Winry annoyingly reminded me I had yet to call her this morning. I told her last night over the phone that I would do so "first thing when I woke up." And honestly I  **really did**   **need** to talk to her, -there was a bolt from my arm sitting in my coat pocket telling me I needed to talk to her- I just really; really,  **really** … didn't want to.

A despondent sigh fell from my mouth as my hands dropped back down to the porcelain sink, and my weary head hung towards my chest in defeat. The thought of talking to my cheating ex-girlfriend first thing in the morning wasn't what I called a 'good time.'  _More like a hole in my head..._  but it was more than that. I didn't want to deal with my emotion of that subject. What I really wanted to do, was never talk to Winry again –which was unrealistic-, and forget I'd ever loved her in the process.

I looked back up at my reflection. My red rimmed eyes stared towards me mockingly.  _When had my life turned into such a chick-flick?_

With a snort at that thought, I turned on the balls of my feet towards the shower. The mismatched gait of my steps rung out on the cold tile floor as I made my way towards the tub in the corner of the room. My metal thigh still ached like a bitch, but the medicine I'd taken earlier was starting to take effect. Warm water always had a way of making everything seem better, -even if it really wasn't-.

I took a quick shower. I was in long enough to knock the chill from my bones and to soap up and lather myself clean. I had slept hot the previous night, my nightmares helped in that fact. I awoke sweaty and feeling gross, and the shower helped wash all of it away. It was a pleasing thought, and feeling. Stepping out of the claw tub I felt like a new person. Like I could actually take on the day.

Thing was, the feeling of warmth after a shower usually doesn't last very long, something or someone will always find a way to rip that insurance you found and built within the warm soothing water away from you.

That moment came for me, like a freight train on the tracks of destruction. As I stood on the edge of my room looking at the rumpled man snoozing away in my bed. All the confidence I had mustered up withered away in one rapid motion.

The events of last night came rushing back. I felt a hot tingling sensation start in the pit of my stomach and spread down into my legs.

My wandering eyes followed the smooth plains of Roy's back, starting at the dip of his lower spine, where ass met the hollow flawless expand of skin. The sheet lied low on Roy's hips, barely covering the rim of his black boxer briefs, which were riding up on the edges of being indecent. My gaze continued to follow the lines and creases of muscles of his back to his broad shoulders, where Roy's arms were folded in cradle of the pillow beneath his head.

I'd never been attracted to another man's body before. But as I stood there watching the half-naked and – I hated to admit – attractive man in my bed, I knew everything had changed…

 _In other words, I was screwed._ Possibly what was even more screwed up was what we had actually done last night, because even though it was a long shot – and I mean a really long shot – I still had the urge to deny that it had happened at all. I could still maybe blame my inappropriate urges on the fact that I had had way too much to drink, even though Roy and I both knew I hadn't

_I had honestly wanted to kiss Roy as much as he had apparently wanted to kiss me last night_

But after having a long, restless night of alternating between confusion and denial, it was morning now and Roy was still sleeping in my bed.  _And I still wanted to kiss him and his perfect mouth._

I groaned and dropped my eyes away from Roy's sleeping form, moving over to my dresser to get socks and underwear, desperately trying – and failing – to distract myself from this messed up situation."

The towel was still clinging wetly to my waist as I let it go to the floor and stepped into my boxer-briefs. I was already half hard and nearly aroused enough to do something entirely stupidly and embarrassing.

 _On the bright side, if there even was such a thing – which I doubted at this point – at least I could let go of my confusion now. I was at least able admit to myself that I wanted Roy in a sexual aspect._ The thoughts made my chest burn and the tips of my ears flush with heat, but that did not stop the fact that I still wanted what I wanted and what I wanted – goddammit – was Roy

I turned back towards the sleeping man in my bed, and a smile tugged on the corners of my lips. I had realized sometime during the night that my sudden-found attraction for Roy was actually a one-in-a-million chance for me, because I probably would never find another man attractive in a sexual way. Ever. Period

 _So what did that make Roy to me? Was he special? In what way? Or was he just an uninvited loophole to my own sexual orientation?"_ I shook my head at the thought and turned my attention back towards my dresser. Trying to ignore my urges and obviously displayed desires, I opened the dresser to pull out a white undershirt before walking over to where I had left my jeans and black top still hung on a metal rack in the corner.

_Well admittedly, if Roy had been a busy blonde beauty, I probably would have wanted him from the start. But sadly, he wasn't a woman but an extremely attractive male…that I found…desirable…goddammit._

The thoughts flowing through me were stark and ardently bold within my mind.  _Honestly, if I could overcome being sexually involved with another man last night, while finding and taking pleasure so readily. What did it matter if I had to grow accustom to dealing with different shaped and designed parts in the process? They were just parts, after all,_  and suddenly so inconsequential of my feelings. That revelation came as something of a relief, but mostly just to my masculinity."

_As for the denial, it was a futile endeavor to try to ignore this. I wanted Roy; there was simply no way around it. I have wanted him since the first kiss we shared in my hallway entry, and even if I initially felt upset about it, it wasn't going to go away just by pretending that it wasn't there._

Wanting something and actually have that something had always been firmly separated in my mind. I had wanted my arm and leg restored, but I knew that that was never going to happen."

Subconsciously, beneath my line of thinking my flesh hand was rubbing along my cold lifeless metal elbow, hanging limply at my side. A bitter smile laced my lips into a scowl. My bare fingers traced the bolts holding the outer plating of my automail together

 _I so desperately want to be normal…_  I cringed at that unwanted thought as I ripped my flesh hand away from my metal arm as if it had burnt me.

Irritated at myself, I set about gathering the remaining things I needed up before heading downstairs. I gripped the tie that was barely holding my hair atop my head, and it fell around my shoulders in knots. By the time I reached the bottom step, my hair was in a somewhat manageable state, controllable enough to be braided at least.

I grumbled under my breath about needing to get out of here. I glanced to the digital clock above my stove.

 

**6:15 am**

It still was really early, but Winry had said "the earlier the better." This still didn't stop the pit of reluctance growing in my stomach. I was being a pussy about it, I knew I was. Didn't change the fact I was still feeling that way...

A sigh fell from my lips and I moved away from kitchen towards the bathroom. My socks muted the clunky sound of my metal foot on the wooden floor but it was still terribly loud in the other quite apartment. Inside the bathroom, the lights were still on, I guess I hadn't turn them off. Shrugging nonchalantly, I set about doing my hygienic routine, washing my face and the brushing of my teeth. I was done before I could let my thoughts wander off again. I gave myself one more lingering stare in the mirror before turning and leaving. Something black and white caught in the corner of my eyes. I stopped and looked towards the black wool coat hanging neatly in the bathroom.

It was Roy's coat. I had hung it there the night before to dry. His white button down hung next to it on a separate hanger. Without much of a thought, I walked up to them and picked the large formal shirt up by the bronze hanger. My metal hand caught the tail end and balled it into my fist. I brought the rumpled fabric to my face and inhaled the lingering sweet sillage laced into the cloth.

The shirt was stiff from drying from rain water in the cold bathroom, instead of a fancy electric dryer. But I didn't care, it still smelled entirely of him…  _of Roy..._  My knees felt suddenly weak, as I pressed my face further into the crinkled shirt. I found myself lucky, I had an artificial leg helping to keep me standing up right. Otherwise I would have probably sunk down into the floor already.

I had to physically make myself let go of the shirt and I watched the white fabric flutter to the floor. I took extraneous breath through my mouth trying to steady myself and closed my eyes. My now free hand reached for the towel rack, I knew was in front of me.

"…stop being such a girl, Elric." I said pointedly to myself before reopening my eyes and letting go of the rack. I looked down and scooped up the fallen shirt off the floor.

Quickly before the urge came again, I righted Roy's shirt on the hanger and swiftly grabbed the forgotten black woolen coat. Exiting the bathroom, I paced over to the stairs and placed Roy's clothing on the banister of the stair-well, out in the open, where he would see them when he came down stairs.

I really needed to get out of here, I thought looking over towards the clock hanging on the wall. It was almost seven 'clock, a reasonable time to leave for Winry's shop. The question was, though,  _should I wake Roy up before I leave?_

The answer should have been an instant yes, on my part. But I was beginning to wonder if I truly was a coward… because if I was being honest with myself, and I really was, I was afraid of what Roy's reaction would be to what happen last night between us. My face ran hot, and my flesh hand found a way to my lips as I thought swiftly of that heated kiss between the two of us, which only lead to everything we had done.

My light touch on my mouth, turned hard as I clenched my fist in instant anger. "Ugh, such a fucking bitch!"

I was done thinking about it, it was making my head hurt. It was settled, _I was not going to wake him. Roy could wake up to an empty apartment._

Storming off towards my entry way, I irritably tugged on my black boots. When I was finished lacing them up, I lifted my head and saw my gun holster hanging neatly on the coat rack. I wonder silently, how they had gotten there. I shrugged and reached for the creamy leather straps before putting my arms through the holster and snapping the restraint closed. I instantly felt a thousand times better…  _My girls could always find a way to do that._ I smiled as I let my fingers trace over the cool metal of the silver Glock pistols strapped under my arms. Next I reached for my red trench coat and put my arms through the sleeves.

I was about to leave out the door, but my conscience was screaming too loudly to ignore. I had to at least leave a note for. Roy My face fell into a scowl, and I knew I had to do what was right…

"Fuck it…Fine…" I said with my hand on the doorknob. I turned on my heels and stomped up the stairs. When I reached the top, I did my best to try and ignore the lump of black laying under my white comforter. I continued over to my desk and ripped a piece of paper out of my notebook. I jotted down a quick vague message about where I was and what I was doing, and for good measures, I put a couple warnings in about not stealing anything…  _I am a cop…_

When I was done, I folded the paper in half and scrawled Roy's name on the front in my messy penmanship. I fished out my keys of my jacket pockets and pulled off the spare silver key to my apartment. I laid them both down on the wooden night table next to my bed. And without a backward glance, I left my apartment.

I had a lot to think about… and I seriously didn't even know where to begin.

To be continued…


	10. Rudimentary principle (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beta: Mcarnality (Bestest beta reader ever!)
> 
> Warning: Homophobic bashing. Minor character death. *sadface*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((So I realized that I'd been calling Russell, Trevor for some reason. If you caught that, I'm sorry. It has been fixed and I've made a note not to call Russell; Trevor.))

 

* * *

It was  **7:30**  by the time I had walked the eight and a half blocks to Winry's shop. I'll be the first one to admit; I'd been dragging my feet the whole way here. I've said it before and I will say it again: I  **did not**  want to be here.

I sighed heavily as I looked at the yellow building in front of me.  _I'd been doing that a lot lately_ , I thought as I grabbed the green banister with my flesh hand. I lazily trudged up the stairs until I stood in front of the screen door, the yellow flecking pain mocking me for not knocking. An annoyance was already starting to boil within my stomach.  _I completely and absolutely, did not want to be doing this…_ My automail hand was in my coat pocket fiddling like a nervous twitch with the metal bolt that had brought me here in the first place.

Another sigh fell from my lips.  _I really need to stop doing that_ , I scolded myself as I raised my left hand to knock on the door. At my first rap on the frame, the oak door opened simultaneously as the screen door flew outwards and straight into my face.

My vision went wobbly, and I sank down onto the dusty porch floor. My only thoughts… _that screen could sure pack a killer punch…_

There was a high pitch ringing in my ears, but slowly my center came back to me. When I could finally see again, I noticed Winry was squatting down by my side and asking if I was alright, a worried expression lingering on her face.

I brought my flesh hand up to my nose to check if everything was still in place. My skin came back bloodied.  _That fucking door_.

Winry asked again if I was alright and repeated how sorry she was. My chin tilted up towards her face.

"I-I-I…" I spoke but it wasn't my voice coming out. I opened my mouth a couple times, making sure my jaw wasn't also busted. After a few rolls, it felt better so I tried again. "I'm fine." I shrugged out of Winry's protective hands touching my shoulders nonchalantly and stood up on my unsure legs.  _Bad idea_ , my vision swam but my hand caught balance on the green banister lining the porch we were standing on.

I gripped the wood and let the world reset before trying to move. I felt blood dripping off my upper lip so I wiped at it with the sleeve of my red coat.

"I am so sorry, Edward," Winry said over my shoulder. "I didn't see you…" her voice trailed off, and I looked at her.

"It's alright," I spoke licking the remainder of blood off my top lip. My nose would be bruised but it wasn't broken. I was thankful for that at least.

Observing Winry standing a few paces away from me, I realized she looked absolutely the same as I'd last seen her.  _The day we broke up…_ I thought with a tinge of pain echoing in my chest. As the feeling of vagary burrowed deeper into my heart, I tried my best to ignore it…

Winry wore her baggy blue men's overalls, with the sleeves of the arms tied around her thin waist to keep them up. She was also wearing her black sports bra and a burnt red sash around her blonde locks. She even had a smudge of grease on her cheek. It brought back a fond feeling, actually seeing her standing before me,  _as though none of the drama had ever happen_. I mused internally with a feeling of sentimental warmth burrowing in my body.

A smile of remorse tugged along my mouth. If I stood there and really thought about it, I felt like something was missing. I noticed this as my stomach didn't swim with butterflies in her presence nor did I feel the pull of my heart tugged in the romantic way. No, I wasn't experiencing any of these emotions. If anything, I was feeling content at seeing my friend.

"It's good to see you, Winry." It went without saying. I wiped at the feeling of phantom blood dripping down my face.

A smile lit her face as she nodded in agreement. "Definitely…it has been way too long."

The sounds of paws coming my way echoed around us. I really should have run hearing the uneven gait, but it was too late. The screen door knocked open and out blasted a quite familiar black dog. I was tackled to the ground and landed on my ass for the second time since arriving at the Rockbell Automail shop. Every square inch of my face was licked, while the happy dog wagged her tail above me.

"Den…" I said as I tried to push the dog off me, but she wouldn't move, "Alright, Den, I know you're happy, but enough is enough, ya' stinkin' mutt." I lightheartedly pat Den as I tried to stand.

"It never fails…" A smile stretched on my face at Winry's words.

Den had always had an affection for me. Ever since Winry found her on the side of the road, broken and alone, this dog has loved me. A feeling of regret hit me hard in the chest.  _I abandoned her when I left._ I felt bad as I scratched Den's ears lovingly.  _I shouldn't have ever left her. I will have to make it up to the pup somehow._ I was smiling as I stopped touching Den and finally stood up.

Den barked at me before trotting away with her tail wagging high in the air.

I breathed in deeply as I stood there with my hands in my pockets. It kind of felt like a homecoming of sorts, a virulent hiraeth feeling.

I never lived here, per-se; I had just spent a lot of time here with Winry and Den. The thought made my stomach ache, in a bitter sweet kind of way. I let another sigh out - _I'd been doing that a lot lately_ \- before looking back towards Winry.

She was watching me with a frown on her lips as if remembering something unpleasant. As soon as she realized I was looking, a flip switched and a bright, toothy smile was beaming my way.

"Didn't think you'd be here so soon…" Her words died off as she raised her hand over her eyebrows in an attempt to block the rising sun.

"Well I-I…"

She shook her head as if disagreeing with what I was about to say.

"It doesn't matter… Just not used to seeing you up before noon, that's all… let's get you cleaned up inside." she spoke easily with a teasing smile.  _As if she still knew me._  I felt myself grinding my teeth abruptly.  _She knows nothing about me…_

I glared at her hand moving away from her head. I focused my frustration on that movement. She turned towards the door she just came out of and entered.

My signature scowl befell my face as I caught the closing screen and started following her inside.

"A lot of things have changed…" I bit back. "I've changed…" I added in as a subtle backhanded replied.

"I can see that." I couldn't see Winry's face, since her back was facing me, but I could still hear the condescending smile in her voice.

The smell of burnt oil and metal filled my nostrils as I walked into the automail shop. It made me crinkle my nose in disgust,  _I never did like the smell of oil, especially when it was mixed with the scent of antiseptic._

Once we were inside the white sterile room, Winry was all business. I'd seen her enter the serious mechanic mood a hundred times over. Somehow her bluntness never seemed to surprise me.

"—drop your clothes and jump up onto the table."

_Okay, maybe it did still startle me…_

"Winry!" I exclaimed boldly, grabbing at the lapels of my coat to drat it closer to my chest. "I'm not here for that  _type_ of inspection. I just need…"

My words were cut off sharply.

"Uh-uh Edward. It's been over six months since your last check up." Winry spoke, stepping around the table she'd been standing at.

"Something could be wrong…" She continued to talk, "Your bolts shouldn't be falling out like that…" her hand reached out to me and drug me towards the bed sitting in the corner of the room. "So get undressed. I need to take the top plates of your auto-mail off to look inside…"

I started to complain, but she gave me a sharp glare that had me quickly in the corner to undress.

**-25 minutes latter-**

"Ouch, Winry, "I sucked my breath in between my teeth in a sign of pain, "that fucking hurt…"

"Oh no it didn't, you big baby," she scolded as she soldered another wire into place in my leg. Winry has just finished my arm, finding no damage after cleaning the residue out from between the wires.

However, when she opened my leg, she found a bunch of loose wires jiggling around freely.  _I guess that would explain all the pain I have been feeling…_ Winry began repairing the damage, and not in the gentlest of ways, lemme tell you.

A sizzling shot of hot pain laced up my leg as she reconnected one of the wires. "Fucking-hell, woman. That hurts…"

She mumbled under her breath about me being a baby again and went back to work.

"Seriously, Edward. How could you cause this much damage…? It's astonishing… Really!" Winry said setting down the soldering gun as she finished. Without thinking she casually moved her pale yellow hair from one shoulder to the other.

This is when my eyes caught it. A bright –fresh- purple mark on her pale neck. I quickly took in a shocked breath as a bout of adrenaline surged through my veins.

It wasn't long before she noticed that I had noticed. In quick motions Winry jerked her long blonde locks back where they had been covering the mark. She turned her face so I could only see her profile, but I still caught the blush riding the peaks of her cheeks.

I didn't understand why right away, but I was angry. Not at the fact she was with someone else. No, nothing as petty as that because I had already let her go. It was in the reason I knew the other guy was Russell… and that knowledge lit a fire under my ass.

"I see you're still with Russell…" My teeth clenched at my accusation in attempt to stop the rest of my nasty words from forming. I saw the confirmation flinch wash over her.  _So it was true…_ I thought with a dangerous heat backing my inner turmoil.

I was lividly pissed off; I didn't want to be in this bed any longer. Fuck the damage in my leg. I voiced my wants clearly in a growl… "Lemme' up." I couldn't look at Winry; otherwise, I would say something I knew I would regret later.

I heard her sigh heavily to my left before she spoke timidly. "Edward don't be this way…"

My head whipped around towards her so fast; I had no control over the intensity of my glare. "What way would that be,  **Winry?** " I said her name harshly like a slap to the face, and I knew she visible felt the sting.

"…the way I felt as I came home to my girlfriend of six years," I added quickly with venom in my words, "whom I trusted and loved, only to find her fucking  _my_  partner who I honestly thought was my best friend up till that very moment."

"Edward…" Winry whimpered out as a tear slid down her cheek.

I sat forward as much as my automail leg would let me. Not really caring I was making her cry. I'd never spoken this horrible to her, ever. I just had no control over what was flowing out of my mouth. I was still hurting, even though I had let Winry go. I couldn't help to feel the puncture wound of a bad break up baring into my hide. "Tell me, in what way am I being…?"

I tracked Winry's movements as she stood in the middle of the room with a stunned look riding within her cloudy gaze. She knew I was speaking the truth of the matter…

She continued to just stand there, blinking watery tears towards me.  _It wasn't going to work, not this time._  I snorted while closing my eyes and flopped back onto the bed.  _This shit wasn't worth it…_  "That's what I thought… Now close me up, I'm ready to get the hell out of here."

The motion of Winry tucking wires and closing the plates on the fronts of my shins and thighs was done gently as if she didn't want to touch me anymore. I thought,  _Good; now I can get out of here._

When Winry was bolting the last screw into place, her small voice chipped in.

"I thought you would understand…" She kept her eyes facing downwards as she paused for a second, and in **that**  second I believed she was done speaking. Winry let out a tired sigh. I could hear the wariness deflating in her breath before she started talking again in a more assertive tone. "Didn't you just go on a date last night?" She asked, all signs of tears erased from her blue eyes.

Her words were spoken with a vile temperament behind them. This is when I realized her crying was a ploy to get me stop yelling at her.  _Well fuck that…_

I couldn't help but groan inwardly at the mention of my and Roy's date last night. My eyes fell shut as I spoke next, "He's different…" I instantly froze as Winry gasped at what I had said. Realizing what I had done, it was too late to take back my words. My face drained of color, and I couldn't catch my breath for the life of me.

_Oh fuck…_

Confusion covered Winry's voice, "Excuse me?" Her hand found her chest like that of a damsel in distress who had just learned her prince charming was actually a flaming homosexual. She looked thoroughly disgusted at my unintentional omission.

 _Oh fuck-ity fuck…_  I felt like slapping myself for my stupidity.

"I-I-I…" I was stumbling over my words as my eyes darted around the room for a way out.

"D-d-did you just say,  **He**?" She questioned as her pale eyebrows wielded together in the middle.

My first reaction was to lie, but loud warning bells sounded out through my head, screaming, " _Mayday…mayday…do not lie…"_ But my mouth didn't listen.

"N-no… I said she's different.  **SH-E**!" I enunciated the  **S**  and  **H**  on She to drive the concept home. But it only came out sounding like I was shushing towards Winry. Her face told me she didn't believe me nor my poor attempts to sway her.

My ears and face turned a deep maroon color.

"No, I clearly heard you say  **he** , as in a  **man**!" Her expression took on a more sour apple appearance before she said, "You're gay." It sounded more like a statement than a question to my ears, and I could feel my heart dropping into my stomach.

 _Fuck…_  I felt my eyes close before I took a single breath through my nose and let it out my mouth, readying myself to omit the obvious truth.

Opening my eyes, I focused directly on Winry, who was standing a little bit in front of me. "No, I'm not gay…" I paused because that didn't sound convincing enough. I tried again. "I'm not gay…or...I don't think I am."

My voice quaked with uncertainty, and the look Winry was giving me wasn't helping any.I let out a growl of frustration and stood abruptly. I went over to where my clothes were lying in a pile in the corner and vigorously put them on.

This whole time Winry watched me like I was a cockroach beneath her boot and couldn't understand why I was trying to be more than I was. Already emitting waves of irritation, my ill-tempered mood was deepening further with each passing second.

I knew I should have expected this sort of reaction from Winry. She had told me periodically when we were together that she couldn't understand how two men could do that sort of thing with each other.

I snapped out of my thoughts. The amount of anger I was feeling was uncanny.  _You know what, fuck this. I don't need this shit…_  I headed for the door, all the while hopping on one foot to get my boots on both feet. I didn't want to slow down long enough to put my shoes on correctly. I needed to blow this joint immediately.

My pride was the only thing that stopped me by the door, though. My hand rested on the knob, but instead of walking out, I paused. "You know what, Winry?" I spoke slowly, facing the door. "I  _might_  be gay, and  _might_  being the big word there, but at least I know for sure, I'm not a cheating whore."

With that, I walked out the door.

I realized as the door chimed closed behind me that I needed to find a new automail mechanic.

The best part: I couldn't find an ounce of care.

* * *

I should have known Winry would call Russell and cry to her new boyfriend.

_In hindsight of everything, I wish I would've kept my big mouth shut…_

Walking into the station, I was receiving a lot of strange looks from the people I passed in the lobby. I brushed them off, thinking- I hadn't been here for a while, they are probably wondering what I'm doing here now.

I continued to walk down the hallway that led to the conjoined office I shared with six other detectives. I was about to step through the open door, when I heard my name being spoke in a laughing matter.

"You mean Elric's gay?" This was from Detective Archer.

I felt my inside crumble at those four little words.

"That's what Winry said…" Russell's baritone voice spoke with a laugh lining his words. I felt something worse than rage building in my gut.

My ex-partner went on to say, "…I just got a call from her. She was in tears over what happened between the little queer and her." My hands clenched into fists…  _They were talking about something they knew nothing about!_

The final straw was the derogative comment that came out of Archer's mouth in response. "I always knew the little fag was a pillow-biter." The room was alight with laughter at my expense.

"Don't you mean an ass bandit…?"

"Fairy pusher…"

The laughter continued like fuel on an open pit of fire, and I was the explosion begging to erupt.

I pushed around the corner and slammed my fist down onto the first desk nearest the door. The laughter in the room died off quickly, replaced by utter silence as everyone turned to look at my seething form.

I was breathing heavily, bangs falling over my eyes.I stood there with my head hung and my fist resting on the edge of the brown desk. To say I was pissed was surely an understatement. I had to withhold all thoughts of strangling everyone in the room with my bare hands. My fists clenched at my sides; my automail hand groaned under the pressure.

These men – who knew nothing of my real life – stood openly in the office mocking my sexual orientation.  _Well fuck them._

I raised my head to glare at everyone standing speechless in the small room. My eyes landed on Russell, and our gazes locked.

The blonde jerk who stole not only my girlfriend but my job was now spreading rumors about me like a child in high school. I was over this childish game.

Marching determinedly towards Russell, my line of sight never wavered from the bastard before me. When I stood toe-to-toe, I had to gaze upwards. Normally, back when we'd been friends I hadn't rarely cared for such superficiality. He was my friend, my brother... That kind of pettiness never existed between us back then. But now staring upwards at his overly smug face, I felt a flood of anger come crashing down over me.

I did the only thing I could think of… With the sound of blood pumping in my ears, I mustered all my strength and pulled back to punch him as hard as I possibly could. I struck Russell dead on his mouth. His blonde head tipped backwards from the force, and he stumbled on to one of the desks behind him.

"I am.  **Not**. Gay…" I spoke through gritted teeth.

He was fucking lucky I hadn't used my metal hand. My automail fist at my side was itching to hit him again.

With a heaving chest I watched Russell sit upwards; his long hand was covering his bleeding fat bottom lip. I honestly felt self-satisfied for a solid second before I realized the blonde man before me was smiling arrogantly behind his fingers and was gazing over my shoulders. I took a step forward towards Russell. Readying myself to knock that look off the bastard's face, but a voice of authority behind me stopped me in my tracks.

I felt dread creep up my spine.

"Detective  **Elric**!"

I turned slowly to pass a glance behind me at Lieutenant Marco. My ranking officer stood in the archway of the door looking furious at what he had just witnessed.

_I was thoroughly fucked. There was no way to explain what I just did…no excuse as to what I was about to do… I was plainly fucked._

_And Russell knew it…_  My eyes got round at that thought _, that's why he'd been smiling._ My insides twisted violently.  _He planned this_!

I realized what Russell was playing at. He had taken my woman and my job, and now he was trying to take over my life. The nasty feeling of anger swelled within my chest. I was burning in my inner heat.

 _I had trusted him… like a brother…_  I looked back over towards Russell, a scowl riding my face. He was smiling innocently. I wanted to hit him again, but the sound of my ranking officer's voice stopped me again.

"In my office now, Elric!" Marco barked at me before swiftly marching down the hall towards his office.

I glared one more time towards Russell, before turning on my heels to follow my demise down the hallway.

I was almost out the door – everyone's judgmental eyes watching me as I passed – when Russell spoke out, words muffled by his own blood. "You lose, faggot."

I stopped in the archway, spine ramrod straight at Russell's slurs.  _I think I broke his jaw_. It took every ounce of will power not to turn around and finish what I had started. Instead, I kept walking…

As I headed down to Marco's office, knowing what awaited, I couldn't help but think that I should have hit him with my metal hand.  _God-Damn it._

* * *

When I was a teenager, I realized my dream of becoming a police officer were not my own but instead were of my Fathers. You see, m-my dad… well he'd been a Detective, actually he was one of the best. A legend among these parts.

I grew up watching him catch the bad guys and put them behind bars. I'd thought as a child of the simple age of 4,  _one day when I grow up I want to be just like my dad._  It's true that at one point in my life I wanted to be a carbon copy of my father. I wanted to wrangle in the villains and be the hero on the front page of the newspaper. I wanted to save the innocent.

But I grew out of these thoughts and wishes by the time I was 9 when I realized my father wasn't the man I thought him to be. When he left my mother for another woman…

Life doesn't always pan out to be black and white or even gray for that matter. The reality of the world is that life was hard and gritty, with the people of the shadows clashing with those of the light. The saddest part of my coming to this realization is that the good guy doesn't always catch the bad guy. Someone couldn't always be around to help the good guy when trouble was too grand. Even when the supposed "good guy", turns out to be the true evil in this world.

I was Fifteen years old, when my father died in the line of duty.

"To serve and protect…" He'd always said.

_Heh, what a load of crap._

I looked down at my hands as I stood outside the precinct I just come out of.

I closed my eyes and groaned internally…

 _Suspended for a whole month…_  I groaned with frustration.  _Without pay— for a whole month…_  this time I did growl out loud.  _What am I going to do?_  I questioned myself as I brought my hands to drag my bangs out of my face.

 _They even took my girls…_  a scowl was permanently taking residence on my face. My guns and badge had been confiscated upon my departure out of Marco's office.

This day had turning out to be a rotten egg. With a despondent sigh, I walked down the steps to the side walk and headed home to sulk in private.

 _Hope you're proud of me, Pa._  I thought in a mockery of my success or there in, lack of. The dark cloud following me overhead exploded with an impending downward flow. I frowned even harder than before and hurried my steps in the direction of my apartment. I needed a tall glass of something hard to drink.

* * *

By the time I was halfway home I remembered _._ Roy may still be at my apartment.

"I really hope not." I grumbled as I entered my building.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see Roy at this very moment… _Okay. Maybe that was the case_. I frowned at my line of thought and took the stairs two at a time to get to the top floor. The elevator was an entirely unstable death trap. I learned my lesson the first day of living here. If you didn't want to die, stay the fuck away from the elevator.

Reaching my floor, a dreadful feeling overtook me. I didn't want to turn the knob of my apartment. It would tell me whether he was still here or not...

Taking a deep breath I reached for the gold door handle and turned it.

 **_Locked_ ** **.**

A great sigh of relief washed over me. At least one thing is going right in my life…

I pulled my house keys out from my coat pocket and opened the door. Kicking off my boots at the front entryway and tossing my jacket over the coatrack, I trudged over toward my fluffy coach and flopped down onto it.  _I would have to call Roy later and get my spare key from him._

For now, I was content just sinking down into my comfortable cushions, letting my mind rest for the first time today.

Not until my stomach growled did I even contemplate getting up. In the end I did. I made myself a quick sandwich and ate it just as quickly before heading towards the bathroom to take a leak and a soothing well-worth-it shower.

After taking care of business, I quickly disrobed, throwing all my clothes onto the bathroom floor. I entered the hot stream of water flowing over head. My metal foot was clanking around the porcelain tub but I was used to the sound. It was just ambiance to me.

I made swift work with cleaning the day's dirt away from my body. Finishing washing my hair, I tossed the wet strands over my shoulder. I sighed with relief, at least my day is over.  _No more surprises..._  I thought with a subtle smile tracing my mouth.

Even though today sucked, everything was going to be alright.  _I hope_ , I added with a hint of worry in my thoughts.

Leaning forward, I let my hands support my weight against the tiled wall. I dipped my head back under the steamy water. It felt good, like it was washing all my sins away.

The water slid down my body like a cocoon of warmth, caressing my skin in all the right places. I was becoming more relaxed under the spray, and in no time, I realized heavy arousal was rolling in my gut. My growing erection was the first sign as it pressed up underneath my bellybutton.

A muffled moan broke loose, and I brought my hand down to stroke along the hardness between my legs. A fire erupted in my belly; I was hot with desire. My fingers wrapped tighter around the base and drew up until they were catching on the purple swollen tip. I couldn't tell if I was leaking precum, since the water was washing over me, but somehow I knew I was wet with want.

I bit a whimper out as I squeezed my length in my hand.

My mind instantly went to the time I shared with Roy, not even a night ago. It ripped a ragged groan from my throat. The sound echoed off the green tile surrounding me. My face instantly went red at the passionate noises I was making. I bit my bottom lip again as a preventative measure. It was all for naught though. As soon as my mind began replaying the memory of Roy's hot mouth swallowing me down, I was moaning all over again. This time, I was even louder than before.

I left like dying and crying all at the same time. The emotion rippling through me left me ashamed at what I wanted but turned on with the knowledge that I had already experienced all of this at the mercy of Roy's talented tongue.

It was all on insignificant grounds, I purely wanted more… I wanted Roy.

Fuck, I wanted him. My mind was wheeling in pleasure as my hand stroked me into nirvana.

I should have been thinking of all the reasons not to masturbate over another man, but I couldn't bring myself to stop the imagery and motion of my hand stroking me off. It felt impossibly good.

With my eyes screwed tightly closed, the images of Roy on top of me stroking our cocks together in a fluid motion, assaulted me head on. The way his dark, sultry eyes never stopped watching me writhing in desire.

I was moaning out again, not caring that my neighbors could probably hear me with how loud I was being.

Unexpectedly the power of my orgasm shot through me like a tidal wave on a destructive path. One minute I'm standing up on shaky legs, painting the wall of the shower with thick white strips of cum, and the next I'm swaying on the cool tile walls of, with the edges of my vision blurring.

"Holy fuck…" I wheezed to myself in disbelief.

I stood on fuzzy legs as the water slowly drifted from warm to chilly. The evidence was washed away leisurely as the stream from the nozzle soaked the white tub. Watching the swirling drain my thoughts drifted… _Maybe I am gay…Did I just cum ridiculously hard to thoughts of another man?_

A bout of shivering racked through my body; the water was getting too cold. I arose from the depths of the icy shower, and hurriedly dried myself off…  _I seriously needed to thinking about all of this…_  Confusion rarely happened on my part, and when it did… I always felt like I was stumbling around in the dark. The one good thing in which I could find hope was lying under the brown couch.

My laptop, or to be more descriptive, Google.

* * *

The first forty-five minutes of my search on Google led me into a lot of dark areas on the internet. Actually, the first link Google displayed when I typed "gay sex" into the search window was a really bad movie of boy-on-boy porn. I slammed my screen shut at what I had just seen. My face was blistered into a red tomato.  _Honestly, some things just cannot be unseen._ A shudder raced up my spine at the memory. I had learned quickly. It was all in the way you worded your search. I couldn't just type "gay sexy." I had to add detail about exactly what I was looking for. Sadly, I figured this out _after_  opening  _many_  gay porn sites.

I sighed as I pulled the laptop away from the coffee table and up onto my lap. Repossessing my fingers on the smooth keys, I typed 'forums for a newly found gay male.' This only pulled a variety of links for HIV positive gay male's sites. I felt my gut churn at that thought. Quickly I moved on.

I deleted the search engine, and typed 'A gay male forum'. Thousands of sites pulled up, but I clicked on the one on top of the list, with four golden stars next to it.

*RealJock was the name of the webpage and, by the look of it, was for gay males to congregate and talk about their sexuality. I dove into the forum like a heroine junkie craving his daily dosage.

I spent the next two and half hours, enlightening myself on all thing homoerotic. Reading post after post, my face and chest grew redder and redder and tighter and tighter. Some of the articles were not as knowledgeable as other, but I continued to read. I was like a sponge absorbing all the water it could

The thing was…I was ignoring anything and everything that had "anal" in the title. This was one area I couldn't wrap my brain around. I got the wanting to kiss and touch and experiment. Roy and I had done that already and I loved every moment.  _But the thought of him touching my ass in anyway -or vice-a-versa- freaked me the fuck out._

When I felt like I'd read everything I felt I could. My curiosity was about to kill the cat,  _and I don't even like cats…_ As my mouse clicker hovered over a link labeled:  _Anal play, is it right for you?_  My house phone started ringing, I jumped out of my chair and slammed the lid of my laptop down like I'd been caught red handed... My eyes darted to the clock, it was  **9:35** pm.  _Who would be calling at this hour?_ I stood to retrieve my phone from the cradle on the entertainment center.

I picked up as I recognized the number flashing across the screen. It was Al calling from the hotel. My heart was still beating a mile a minute.

"Hey Al…" I spoke trying to make my voice sound normal and like I wasn't just reading about gay sex...

-"Brother! You finally answer." Al's voice sounded frantic. I was instantly on the alert. All thoughts of anal play were out the window in a burst of a moment.

"What's the matter?"

-"Oh Ed, something terrible…"

I cut him off. "Alphonse are you alright?" the pitch of my voice rose in my excitement. I silently prayed to a god I didn't believe in for everything to be alright.

-"I'm fine." Al spoke, with a tremble in his voice. I felt chilling relief rush through me. Alphonse was alright. But the feeling of ease was gone in the next minute as my younger brother continued to talk.

-"…it's Roy," he said with a sniffle in his voice.

I was instantaneously back to being worried… _what happened?_

-"Oh Brother, it's terrible." I heard him pause again as someone – probably Riza - spoke to him in the background.

-"Did you tell him?" Riza's saddened voice sounded through the phoneline.

"Tell me what, Alphonse!?" I snapped at my brother. My insides felt tied up in knots.  _What happened to Roy…?_

Al let out a shuttering sigh into the receiver. "Ed…" he spoke in a small voice, "Roy's best friend was murdered."

My insides twisted again. I was really relieved that nothing terrible had happened to Roy, but I was still deeply saddened by what I had just heard.

I tried to speak but my throat hitched in the effort. In an attempt to clear it, I tried again. "D-do they know who did it?" I rattled off, feeling really numb to the conversation I was participating in. I should go to Roy.  _What he must be going through right now…_

Al's small voice chirped over the line. –"No. They have no idea who would do this kind of thing. Maes was well loved in his community." He paused for a moment, which did nothing for my nerves. I wanted to get off the phone and to Roy immediately.

-"Edward…I need to ask you do something for me and Riza…I know you're probably not going to want to, but please just hear me out…" There was another pause. I assumed Al was gauging if I was still on the line.

I was paying attention, admittedly actually. I let him know with an improbable softness in my voice. "Yeah, Al. What is it?"

-"Is there any way you could…hang out with Roy…tonight?" He followed his request quickly. "He knows near to no one else in the city, and from what Riza has told me, you met him at our wedding reception-."

I was speechless. I knew how I would've answered before everything had happened between Roy and me. But now, I didn't know how to make it sound believable.

"I-I…ah…" I stumbled over my words until Alphonse interrupted.

-"Oh don't be that way, Ed. We really need your help. Please."

"Well, when you put it that way…how can I resist?" I answered as nonchalantly as I could with my and rubbing along my neck.

-"Thank you, Brother. Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me and Riza."

An image of Al bowing with phone receiving held to ear flashed across my mind. Shaking my head, I cut him off before he could get too mushy.

"Al, its fine. I'll just go over with a pack of beer and try… to take his mind off the problem."

Al agreed and told me the address and room number where I could find Roy's hotel.  _As if I didn't already know…_

Hanging the phone up, I hurriedly raced up my stairs to my room, flinging on a black long-sleeved shirt and jeans. Without dawdling I headed back towards the front door, all the while braiding my wet hair back into a tightly woven braid. Tying the end off with the black rubber band from around my wrist, I scuffled my boots onto my feet and reached for my red coat.

Before I knew it, the cool autumn breeze was assaulting me outside my apartment building. I made a quick stop at the liquor store on the way and grabbed a six-pack from the back of the freezer.

I was genuinely concerned for Roy. I knew how it felt losing someone close to you. It would always leave you with a gaping wound in your chest.

Paying the clerk, I exited the store and hurried my steps. I wanted to see Roy right away. I was little antsy, and this emotion didn't sit well with me. It was an unsettling urge writhing in my chest.

I really just wanted to know that he okay in a physical sense of the term. I wasn't sure if Roy was mentally stable or alright.  _I could be walking into a mess of male tears and sobs_ , which in my mind was acceptable considering what he was going through. My anxiety spiked.  _It was very likely Roy didn't want to see me, and I would be turned away_. I most certainly did not want that to happen. The fact of the matter was that I didn't understand my feelings towards the other man and that scared me. However, I was certain I needed to see his face as soon as possible.

* * *

**A hop, skip and jump.**

I arrive at Roy's Hotel suit.

**Room: 203.**

Taking a deep settling breath I raised my hand and rapt on the door with two knuckles. I felt very apprehensive standing there in the empty hallway with its fine carpeting and splendid golden wall paper. The feeling only grew as my knocks were ignored. I tried once again.

***knock knock knock.***

I thought I heard grumbling behind the door, but it could have just been my imagination playing tricks on me. Moments later, I actually did hear a deep baritone voice coming through the wood.

_"I already said I didn't order room service… So will you –for the love of all that is holy-. Go. Away."_

Standing there stock still, I let Roy's voice wash over me in waves.

 _He sounds mentally distressed but physically alright..._  The findings made me frown towards the door in front of me.  _Roy…_  my chest squeezed tightly and I urgently wished for the white wood to disappear. I abruptly decided to make myself known.

"Roy," I hoped my voice was cutting through the wood which separated us. "It's me, Edward Elric. We met at my brother's..."

The door flew open faster than I could say the rest of what I was about to...

There before me, stood the man I'd been lusting and worrying about for the past day. He was a lot more rumpled than I remembered, but then again, he was going through some major shit…

I looked up towards his tired but handsome face, and noticed his dark soul-searching eyes were brimming in redness.  _He had either been crying, or drinking himself into oblivion._  I noted.  _Either way I felt horrible for him_.

For Roy's sake –and maybe my own- I smiled as wide as my mood would let me. Trying to lighten the heaviness floating in the air, I brought the beer up to eye level.

"I've come baring gifts…"

In that exact moment, Roy's expression turned from unexpected surprise to confusion and then his face melded into an indirect smile.

I understood. My confusion and denial, my worry for a man I barely even knew was gone. It all came down to the one obvious emotion. I wanted Roy in body, heart, and soul, and it scared me beyond words. It may be a rudimentary principle, falling…in love. It was something everyone was supposed to know, and I was just figuring it out at this moment.

_Oh fuck, I was in love._

* * *

 

To be continued…

 


	11. Death, where is thy sting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: BoyXBoy  
> ((So I realized that I'd been calling Russell, Trevor for some reason. If you caught that, I'm sorry. It has been fixed and I've made a note not to call Russell; Trevor.))

 

 

**-Roy-**

_"—Roy, Maes is dead…"_  Riza's voice echoed over the phone line. **  
**

Her words sounded like rushing water flowing into my ear canal. Everything was muffled with a pressure building in my temples. It was impossible to comprehend properly.

"I-I-I…" My words were failing me rapidly… My heart was in my throat with my world pivoting on its axis. I tried holding back the flood-gate of emotion whipping through me. I swallowed at the first rush of sickening fear.

 _-"Roy… S-say something_ …" her voice cracked.

My throat was stuck with emotion. I couldn't even begin to try talking around the growing lump.  _Maes is dead…_  Three words; three trifling word whirled around my mind like a twisted carousel-ride.  _My best-friend dead… Dead…_

I felt my breath hitch as I stared off into the white walls of my hotel room.  _It couldn't be true… how could it be…_

"Roy…Roy…are you still there?" Riza spoke frantically. The tone was enough to draw me out of the hole I was trying desperately to bury myself deep inside.

I tried swallowing again. The hardening lump in my windpipe only grew despite my resistance.

"Y-yes," I cleared my voice in another attempt to stop the bubble of grief from boiling over into my tone.

I didn't want to break down in front of anyone _. Not even Riza_. I needed to get off the phone; I was starting to have trouble breathing. The saliva glands in my mouth were working overtime, and I felt like I was going to be physically ill.

My next words were spoken in a monotone voice – devoid of all sense of feeling. "Thank you, Riza…for letting me know…" I paused to take a steadying breath. I pulled the receiver away from my mouth and licked at my suddenly dry lips. My eyes were closed as I continued to speak. "I'll…call you later." With that, I ended the call and pressed the phone into the palm of my hand.

I don't know how long I sat there on the edge of my bed. My eyes saw nothing as my mind whirled with thoughts. Simply living, breathing, was harder. But Maes will never have that life again. My stomach twisted at the thought and I pushed the hard plastic phone awkwardly against my forehead for a distraction.

The pain in my chest stretched, seeking further entrance into the center of my heart.

 _Maes is dead…_ the words repeated again…  _It couldn't be true…_ My head heavy with grief fell into the palms of my hands with the cellphone tumbling silently from my fingers, forgotten onto the white sheets of the bed. I bent forwards until my elbows rested on my knees and my hands skimmed my cheeks. They came back wet from tears.

This is when I realized I was  **actually**  crying.

I hadn't allowed myself to shed a single tear in years –not since my father had kicked me out of the house as a teenager- and yet I couldn't bring myself to stop the wet flow from escaping the brim of my lashes.

With the unexpected onslaught of emotions battling inside of me, I stood up abruptly, and before I knew what was happening, my fist was colliding with the hotel room wall. Over and over I struck it until my hand fit through a rugged hole, and my knuckles were left bloodied.

I slid down the wall as a wretched cry fell past my lips…

 _How could this have happened…?_ The same question repeated through my mind…

_How?_

* * *

_Maes Hughes, born October 21, 1980._

_He was man of many colors in life. A man of honor with an infectious c_ harismatic  _behavior. The beloved son. The caring husband. A father of an innocent little girl. A friend to so many…_

 _But most importantly a Major class agent of the intelligence bureau of the A_ mestrian _military._

_Maes Hughes was many things in life. If not something important to everyone he touched in some way._

_He will surely be missed._

* * *

I sat on the floor my hotel room for a very long time. My knuckles swollen and bleeding and clutched in my uninjured hand.

A numbing presence had taken over the hole gouged-out in my chest. I felt as if I was having an out-of-body experience, watching my crumbling form while I floated overhead.

My spine ached from the position I was in, slouched over against the uncomfortable wall. I couldn't find an ounce of care… everything felt… diluted… thinned in comparison to when I had walked into my hotel room. My world had twisted in a matter of seconds. I had lost someone so dear to me. It still didn't feel real.

My phone chirped on the bed in front of me, the vibration echoing through the quiet room.

Lifting a stiff neck, I looked towards my cell, which chirped again. I rolled forward onto tingling legs and snatched the plastic device…

The battery was running low again, but that wasn't the reason the cellphone had announced its presence. I had two voicemails that were left unnoticed during the chaotic mess. My stomach dropped as I realized who they were from.

 _Augusts 16_ _th_ _Friday- 11:20 pm Maes Hughes_

 _Augusts 17_ _th_ _Saturday at 6:45 am. Gracias Hughes._

I could feel the bile rising in my throat.

Clicked the button to bring up my voicemail and played the first message.

" _Message received on Friday, Augusts 16_ _th_ _at 11.20 pm._ " The female robotic voice paused and then there was a sharp beep. _"Hey buddy!"_ Maes's voice rung out happily into my ear. I felt a wave of warmth spreading through my chest at hearing his voice. " _Why aren't you answering…? I know, I bet you're chasing straights again, aren't you? You sly little bugger you…"_  I could clearly hear the smile – you always could with him –  _"Well anyways, I wanted to ask you something important, so when you get this, give me a call!"_

 _I would never know what he wanted to tell me._  My eyes were burning again, a sign the tears were about to brim over. _"Oh by the way…"_ Maes's voice added quickly…  _"You haven't seen the newest pictures of Elissa yet… Oh Roy, she is the cutest little thing ever… I love her so much; it's like she could be a child model. Don't you agree? Well of course you agree, who wouldn't? My little Elissa is just that cute…"_ The voice mail went on talking about Elissa, and I couldn't bring myself to listen any more. My throat felt tight with every passing word from the message. I moved the phone away from my ear as Maes's cheerful voice continued to ramble on. The trail of tears escaped my eyes as I ended the message and my hotel room became eerily quiet again.

"Hughes…" I spoke in a whisper as my finger brushed over the photo on my cellphone screen of Maes and myself standing with our arms around one another with giant smiles plastered on both our faces. It was a picture that always popped up when he called me.

I wiped the tear leaking down my cheek and sniffled as I brought the phone back to my ear and listened to the next message  _"Message received on Saturday, Augusts 17th at 6:45 A.M."_ The phone beeped and Gracia's tear-stricken voice cut in. " _Roy… Oh god Roy… There has been an accident…P-please call me as soon as you get this…"_ there was a paused _"I don't think Maes is going to make it…"_  The line went dead, and the robotic female voice told me that there were no more new messages.

It wasn't fair. All of it. It wasn't. Maes was a good person; he didn't deserve to die. He had a family, a wife who loved him. A daughter who worshiped him. It all wasn't fair. Before I could think better of it, I chucked the phone across the room in an abrupt rage.

It hit the opposite wall with a loud 'thud' as gravity brought it to the floor.

I pulled my knees to my chest uncharacteristically and rested my head on top of them. My arm circled my legs as I drew within myself. The quiet sobs racked through my body as I failed to grasp the concept that something this bad could happen to someone so thoroughly fucking good.

Maes was an amazing person, none of this was fair to happen. None of it.

* * *

At some point I scraped myself off the floor and drug myself into the shower. I tried my best not to think about everything… but one though kept circling within me as the water pelted me from above.

_What had Maes wanted to tell me…?_

After my shower, I broke into the mini-bar, and when I had drunk the last drop of liquor from there, I got out my expensive scotch from behind the bar in my hotel suit. I drank until the world blurred from my effort. My pain was swallowed with the burning alcohol poured down my throat. I knew I was still crying silently, a few stray tears chased away by the back of my hand.

There was a knock at my door, but I ignored it.  _Couldn't they tell I was in grieving here…?_

 _I guess not,_ because the knocking persisted.

After a few more rapid beats that clearly meant the person was not going to fucking go away, I decided to stand and answer the bloody door.

I grumbled the entire way there… my hand holding onto the walls as leverage as the world tipped sideways "Fuckin' door… fucking feet… fuck everything…"

Unlocking the door took a lot more time than intended... _"Too many damn locks_ , _"_  my hazy mind grumbled. In reality my fingers just couldn't find the leverage to undue the blasted locks.

Finally getting the door undone, I whipped it open fiercely.

A cheerful hotel employee stood in the bright hallway, his shiny red coat and gold trimmed pants glimmering from the overhead lights. "Hello sir, did you order room service?"

I was leaning heavily against the door; it helped me stand on wobbly legs. I swayed where I stood. "N-n-no…" I said with Heavily-lidded eyes as I swallowed a large amount of saliva building in my mouth.

The look of confusion passed over the man's face, "I'm sorry but I think you are mistaken sir… it says Room 203…"

"I didn't 'rder anything…" I slurred and swayed on the spot.

"But sir…"

"B-but nothing… I did-n't order any-thing." I spoke with an unpliant mouth before I moved away from the door and let it slam in the Bellhop's face.

I moved further into the room and landed face first on the white, king-sized bed. Almost instantaneously I was asleep, drawn into an alcohol-induced dream.

When I awoke some time later, there was a loud knocking on my door -again- and a severe pounding in my head to follow. I grumbled and tucked my head further into the pillow. The knocking protested.

With another bout of annoyed complaining, I pushed up off the bed and made my way towards the door.

 _It better not be the hotel staff trying to force room service on me..._ I thought as I stumbled my way over. My hand held my pounding head as I spoke loud enough so whoever was on the other side of the door would hear me and leave the hell alone.

"I already said I didn't order room service… So will you, for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy. Go. Away."

There was a pause and I thought I had scared them off with my rudeness.

"Roy…" a familiar gruff voice spoke through the door. I nearly felt my heart jump out of my skin at who it was. "It's me, Edward Elric. We met at my brother's..."

 _Edward…?_ I thought as I moved back towards the door and was opening it so fast I believed I had taken it off the hinges.

And there he stood, a sight for sore eyes. It was the man I thought I would never see again, and I couldn't be more excited that he was actually here.

I don't know how but the small tug of his mouth lit his entire face warmly as he brought a six-pack up to eye-level. "I've come baring gifts…"

I watched the dimples in his cheeks – which I didn't know he had – break loose, and my grey mood lifted slightly on the edges.  _This man was something else entirely._ His cheeks were red from the chill outside; his hair – obviously still wet from the shower he must have just taken before coming over here – was braided haphazardly down his neck. He wore the exact sort of outfit I'd seen him in yesterday, casual yet somehow entirely still sexy.

I realized in that moment that, I had made a huge mistake leaving his key under the mat and walking away…

 _Wait. Was it possible that that was the reason he was here? To get his key back._ I quickly pondered as I felt my newly gained hope draining from my body.

"I don't have your key…" I spoke in a matter-of-fact tone with a slight edge of ice.

Edward's head cocked slightly towards the side at my abrupt omission. "You don't?"

"No, I left it under your mat as I left your apartment." I said looking towards the ground.

"Ok-ay,"

 _This is where you leave…_  I thought.

But Edward didn't move from his spot.

Instead he asked, "Are you going to invite me in?"

I lifted my head, looking up towards the blonde's questioning gaze.  _He still wants to…_ I was confused… Edward didn't take it as an insult like I had brushed him off or something? _Because that's what had happen…_

The words left my mouth before I had a chance to reel them back in.  _I'm blaming the remaining alcohol in my system._ "You're not mad?"

A snort left Edwards mouth, "Why would I be?"

_Good question…_

"I-I-I…" I shook my head at my stupidity. "No particular reason."

I moved out from the door's archway and ushered him inside the dark hotel room.

I still didn't quite grasp as to why Edward was here, but I couldn't help my greedy side from feeling grateful at having someone so near.

Entering past me, Edward's shoulder dusted my chest as he strolled into the open room. A whiff of clean laundry blew up into my senses as he moved on by. I followed after him, watching him set the beer down on the small table to his left.

I flipped the light switch on and it brightened the darkened room. My hands found their way into the fronts of my pockets. I leaned against the wall as I watched the blonde strip of his red coat and toss it on the back of one of the formal chairs.

My eyes followed the length of the other man's arms. His black long-sleeved shirt may have covered his flesh from my eyes, but I could still see the faint outlined definition hidden beneath. I took notice of Edward's hands, which were bare without his gloves. Too my knowledge, which was oddly strange. _He normally covered his automail from sight. He must have been on a rush out the door and forgotten them,_ my mind wheeled from this information.

Our eyes touched at a distant and I was really beginning to wonder why he was here. I voiced my thoughts aloud, optimism coated my words. "What brings you here, Edward?"

My gaze never wavered from his. Edward's, on the other hand, darted quickly away from mine to study the door at my back with fine concentration. His blonde eye-brows drew together, as he rubbed along the base of his neck with his metal limb.

The moment stretched out like taffy candy between us, slow and sweet as molasses… I watched Edward's Adam-apple bob with anticipation. This is when I realized Edward was nervous about something, an apprehension forming from somewhere I couldn't quite pin down.

Edward scoffed out a snort of a laugh as his arm fell away from his neck… "No particular reason." My own words parroted back to me.

We smiled, and the moment was over.

I was beginning to get a headache.  _Bloody liquor…_ I did my best to ignore the sprouting bud of annoyance. I tried a smile, but it only came out like a lack luster smirk. I knew this because Edward looked towards me with concern swirling within his eyes.  _But then again, I could just be imagining things because I was still a tad drunk…_

"Roy, is everything alright?"

_I guess not…_

Sighing, I moved away from the wall I'd been leaning on.  _I really didn't want to discuss the fact 'if I_ _ **was**_ _' or 'if I_ _ **wasn't**_ _, alright'. Obviously: I wasn't…_ But Edward didn't have to know that.

"I'm fine," I said in a solid tone but my feet were the ones who betrayed me. Taking a step down into the room, I somehow tangled and I started to fall. I should have been able to catch myself. It had been such a simple stumble in my steps, but my ankle twisted at an awkward angle. A burning pain rushed up my leg and, before I knew it, I was falling onto my knees, hard and loud. I reached down my leg as I dropped the rest of the way to the floor instinctively. The curses were falling from my mouth, my fingers prodding my sock foot for damage.  _It was already starting to swell._

I jumped at the feeling of another person touching me. My chin tilted up, and Edward was kneeling down next to me.

"Did you hurt yourself?" His hot flesh palm landed on my shoulder, the warmth bleeding through the thin white shirt I was wearing. A shudder whispered down my spine. All thoughts of my hurt ankle flew out the window as I looked up towards his pretty face. My eyes traced the curve of his finely shaped mouth. I felt my breath hitch as I realized how close Edward was to me _. A hair's breathe,_  I could see the details of his pale lashes framing his yellow, yellow eyes.

I exhaled harshly through my nose –it sounded painful even to my own ears-.

Stating I was fine – again – I hastily looked away. Edward would have no part in my reluctance, though. His other hand, the one not touching my shoulder, bravely grazed my jaw, turning my face back towards his.

The question as to  _why_  Edward was here kept resounding through my mind like a church bell ringing for mass. Loud and clear. My mouth opened and the question came tumbling out.

"Edward, why are you here?"

The boy cringed noticeably before letting go of my cheek, his gaze filled with clouds of guilt, and he looked away, sighing heavily. My eyes followed the motion of his hand as it fell into his lap. This is when I took notice of his injury. His knuckles looked as if they had gone through a cheese-grater and back, raw and bruised.

"What happened to your hand?" I asked, reaching for his wound. I caught hold of his palm, and Edward allowed me to turn his hand to where I could see clearly. His eye must have caught sight of my bruised knuckles, because he took the chance to try to deflect my question with his own.

"I could ask you the same thing…" He retorted back.

It may have been an innocent jest but when I looked down towards my wounded hand a great sadness swelled in my insides. I frowned, eyeing my injury before raising my eyes to the wall I had punched through earlier.  _Maes_ …I thought. The signs of tears pricked along my lashes and yet I somehow managed a small smile through the painful memory. "I guess you could," I quipped informally, letting my eyes drop from the hole back to Edward's worried face. His brow was furrowed slightly at my reply.

My mouth was suddenly dry. I quickly licked at my bottom lip, trying to draw moister back into it. Edward's eyes followed the motion. I took notice that the apples of his cheeks were dusted pink as were the tops of his ears.  _He was embarrassed; it was cute_.

"W-well anytime you're in need of the truth, I'm your man." Edward grumbled, sarcastically taking his hand back from mine.

A wicked spiral of heat danced down my spine at Edward's words. The hidden innuendo was blatantly standing in my line of sight.

I knew the other man hadn't meant it quite like the way I heard it.  _Your man? Was he my man?_  I couldn't let such a great opportunity pass by. A sinful thought it was, but none the less a pleasant distraction from the reality of pain I was feeling.

I leaned a little closer as I spoke, "-are you, now?" My vagueness was intended to confuse and I waited patiently to see if the boy took the bait.

Edwards's bright, golden eyes narrowed.

"Wh-what are you on about?" he all but hissed out with the first trails of agitation beginning to take hold of his tone.

" _Are_ you  **my**  man, Edward?" I questioned with a sharply attuned vibrato rumbling my words.

Edward's sharp inhale was his answer to my question, as  **he** realized what I was on about. He rocked backwards on the balls of his feet and abruptly stood, his whole face going red in the process.

I couldn't help but think he was beautiful like this. His anger swelling was like an ocean's tide, rising viciously out of nowhere and completely consuming the surroundings.

Even as he paced away, I could still see the other man's pulse beating away in his neck. His wrath was visible for anyone to see.

 _He was earth shattering beautiful_ and I took pleasure in knowing I'd caused this type of reaction.

I continued to watch him, his hands sliding through the loose strands of golden bangs till they were up and out of his face. His feet traced steps into the hotel carpet, shoulders squared in his anger. This is when I noticed I was hard in my trousers. Hot and heavy all because Edward was incredibly sexy when he was mad.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward was stomping back towards me, eyes burning with an acute wrath that made my dick throb with want. I thought hastily,  _Edward probably wasn't the type of guy I wanted to start a fight with, him being a cop and all…But then again, I wasn't the type to run from one either._

I tried to stand, but my ankle would have no part in it. I stumbled and steadied myself on the bed. Edward was suddenly there before me and I braced myself for a punch, a kick, a slap, something...

What I hadn't been expecting was for fingers to twine into the front of my shirt and for me to be pushed backwards onto the bed. Feeling the other man's lithe body climb on top of me, I gasped aloud as Edward's mouth bit into my own. His slick tongue with a peppermint after-taste, slid and lashed alongside my own before I could fully comprehend anything. Instincts kicked in, and I immediately responded to the boy's touches.

It wasn't a nice kiss, no head-tilting romantic sweetness about it. It was almost fanatic, savage in the way our teeth kept colliding, our tongues fighting for dominance. The boy's mouth was almost overwhelmingly greedy, biting and licking at my bottom lip with no reserve. I knew by morning my lips would be bruised. I couldn't find a care, not with the blonde's hot mouth sucking along my tongue with sweet revenge. It was brutal and glorious all at the same time.

I could still feel Edward's hold on my shirt – balled up in his fist – stretching the thin fabric and dragging the damaged collar down to expose my pale throat.

His mouth let go of mine with a wet sound following. In the next moment, the air was leaving my lungs as I felt Edward's teeth sinking down in the hollow junction of my throat. The mixture of pain and pleasure melded together, and I couldn't help subconsciously rolling my hips upwards in search of friction against the warm body above me.

All at once, Edward froze with the contact of our pricks slotting together. He was panting as he hovered over me in a subdued state, but he didn't make a move to try to get away. We lied there on the bed, my grip still on his jean-clad thighs as he straddled my hips in the most provocative of ways.

We stared at one another, long enough for me to realize Edward wasn't going to move. I sighed through my nose and closed my eyes.  _Fuck, I'd scared him off,_ I thought before reopening them to see Edward's hazy golden eyes watching my face. I did the only thing I could, the most selfless thing a man could do with a raging boner in the middle of being ravaged.

"We can stop?" I whispered.

"I-I'm… I'm not gay, or anything…" Edward bit back hastily, letting go of my shirt and closing his eyes...

His words left an anchor sinking in my stomach. He began again, "I-I've just… I've never-had- **these-** types-of-feelings-for-another-man-before." It was spoken quickly, the words bleeding together, but I got the gist of what Edward was trying to say.

My brow gathered and smoothed out in a quick flick of emotion. "It is called bisexuality, Edward, not a form of rocket science." The smile could be heard in my voice. "It can strike at any age," I added for good measure.

Edward opened his eyes to glare down at me, "I know what it's called… You don't have to explain." He started to climb off me annoyed and red in the face. I panicked and palmed at his back side, my crafty fingers pulling him down till I could feel his erection against my own again. A sharp inhale of breath escaped the blonde's pink mouth, his eyes going wide at the sensation.

I pushed up onto my elbows, bringing him further onto my lap and started sucking at his exposed stretch of neck. Working my lips up to Edward's ear, I whisper hotly, "Should we let your pride stop us from our mutual fun?"

I could feel the tension building in Edward's body as my mouth continued to work the shell of his ears with tiny nips and licks. He wanted to press back into my touch; I could feel the hesitation racketing through him. "Should I stop, Edward?"

There was a slight pause in his answer as if he was really thinking about it. I took it upon myself to continue swirling my tongue around the lobe of his ear.

"N-n-no." He gasped. "Don't stop. Just— I don't know if I'll…" Edward took a moment to swallow another moan, as my tongue continued its wicked assault. I didn't know if he had noticed, but his hips were working small circles on my lap, grinding his sweet little backside across my hardened length. "— I might have, -Fucking hell Roy- another crisis..."

My mouth released his ear, and I spoke directly into his wet orifice. "Don't worry, I'll help you through it." My mouth moved back up as I brought our lips back together in a tender, open-mouth kiss that left Edward's hand threading through my dark hair trying to deepen our connection.

The boy's touch was driving me mad, slowly but surely. Hands – one warm and the other cold – slid down my neck, cupping the back of my skull. Fingers worked the muscles underneath while hips made tight, tempting circles. My veins were flooded with fire.  _Fuck_ ,  _I wanted more._ I let my fingers slip beneath the hem of his black shirt, my palm landing on the soft quivering skin of Edward's stomach. I traced the fine hair there as I tugged at the bottom of his shirt. "Take this off."

And he did, knocking my hands away and straightening up, pulling the shirt off seamlessly. His eyes dance with uncertainty as I take him in: a defined chest and cold, lifeless mechanical arm.

 _He is... fucking beautiful,_ and I let him know this with a whisper of a word breaking the silence, "beautiful."

His blonde brow furrowed agitatedly. "Don't say that, you make me sound like a girl."

I found myself sitting upwards, and gripping Edward's chin to make him look at me, "You are far more beautiful than any mere woman, Edward." My thumb slid over the hot apple of his cheek. "–far more tempting than any other man as well… It would be good for you, to remember this."

* * *

 

 

**_-Edward-_ **

My cheeks were hot; I could feel them burning. Not only from embarrassment, I realized dizzyingly, but from arousal as well. Roy's words washed over me in white tingles of pleasure. His hands were slipping lower on my chest, disappearing into the thatch of blonde hair on my stomach leading between my legs.

 _It was actually really fucking different being with a man,_ I thought with my blood rushing out of my head and down into my pants.  _There's not a single plane of Roy's body that could deny being male, and I knew at least now that I wanted this_.

Roy's arm went around my narrow waist, dragging me further onto the hardness in his lap. I could feel his twitching clothed member dancing under my ass. My breathing was picking up, as Roy's other hand came around to circle my hip, the electric feeling of skin on skin, holding me steady as Roy pushed his hip forward again.

I knew that move; I have done that move enough times in my life to know it, but never once had I been on the receiving end of it.

That move is called, ' _feel how hard I am for you.'_  I have to admit…I'm more impressed with Roy's demonstration. So fucking impressed I moan aloud when Roy rolled his hips and showed me in this instance, it could actually be called, ' _feel how hard we're making each other._ '

Roy suddenly flipped our positions, me ending up on my back with my leg in the air.  _"_ Oh fuck…" I said stupidly.

Roy merely laughed and pushed his lips against mine with something of our earlier desperation. He got one hand between our chests so he could feel up the wall of my abs and pecs. I never knew this particular sort of anatomy could feel so good when touched with a calloused hand of a man, but it did and I was blind with wanting more.

When he pulled back this time, I looked upwards at Roy, and he has the unfocused expression guys can get when they're really mind-numbingly hard – sort of tender and dimwitted and heated all at once. "Edward— touch me. Please."

There was a sound of desperation in his tone, something I could recognize in the feeling of butterflies flapping in my stomach. I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out, my fist curling alongside my body in irritation. I tried again…"I-I-I…" I swallowed a lump in my throat, "y-you want me to s-suck y-you?" I asked, shaking myself a little to get out of my own tender-dimwitted trance.

Roy huffed a humorless laugh, his hands drifting from my chest to the top button of my jeans. I could feel the movement between our bodies.

"You haven't thought about it?" He questioned with curiosity coursing through his black eyes. "I thought…" He swallowed, "I thought you must have, the way you came at me tonight."

"Huh? I came at you?" I repeated back with a break in my voice.

Roy nodded, and a sly smile broke across his mouth. "I thought you had," the hands holding my hips started to retreat. "If I was mistaken, I can just-"

"Wait!"

Roy paused in his movement as I weighed the pros and cons of giving another man fellatio.  _Fuck! Fuck… god-damnit… do I even know how…?_ I questioned myself, which was not something I should have been deliberating at all, but _fucking hell_ , I was.

I opened my eyes – I didn't realize I'd closed them – and Roy was staring down at me. I turned my head into the scratchy sheet, my cheeks and neck burning at my thoughts. "I-I don't know how…" I admitted in an all but a whisper. I've never been known for being bashful or timid but with the heated look Roy was throwing my way, I couldn't look straight into his eyes.

 _Was this how I looked at women,_ I thought but instantly revoked it because I was comparing myself to a woman.

Roy's smile was genuine as he moved to position himself between my legs, sitting on his haunches. "Tell you what…" He said as his fingers worked the button and zipper open on my pants. My pulse suddenly leapt and thudded in my hard, aching cock.

"I'll do you first…"

Roy reached into the opening of my pants with crafty fingers and pulled me out into the open air. He quickly stroked my cock with a loose fist, up and down, slow and soft. My eyes fell shut, and my head dropped back,  _because no, I hadn't really thought about it, going down on Roy_.

"And you'll watch me and learn…" Roy spoke in a purr, and now  **I was**  thinking about it, thinking about taking Roy's fat cock into my mouth, licking the skin of his shaft until he was wet enough to take him down my throat.

My eyes snapped back open, and watched Roy's mouth part, sliding me into the slick, wet heat.

"Oh fuck." My hands at my side pressed crescent moon shapes into my palms, while I fought to keep my eyes open at the pleasure. A sure and hot mouth, his tongue smacking along the underside and then slipping down and then back up. Pointed and clever in his lashings, playing that little sensitive spot that girls never seem to pay notice too.

Roy pulled off suddenly. My eyes blinked rapidly as I struggled to understand why he was stopping. A tight whine echoed between us, and when I realized I was the one making it, I stopped myself immediately. Roy smiled shiny lips and worked me with a loose fist again, but this time with wet strokes. Another moan escaped my lips. Roy grinned wider at the sound, "Are you learning anything… Edward?"

I nodded my head stupidly, because the sight of Roy between my legs was as good as I'd remembered.

A truly appreciative look on Roy's face passed before he was back to kneeling and sucking me down further then from before.

My mouth opened, but no sound came out. The tight hug of Roy's throat wrapped around my dick felt entirely too good. It felt…like a sweet torture of release.

I wanted it to last, but honestly, it was too fucking arousing to watch my length disappear past Roy's swollen lips. And Roy…well Roy seemed to be enjoying himself. The sounds of contentment rumbling from his chest on every downward slide were enough of a confirmation. But of course that meant it was over sooner than I'd expected. One second Roy was bobbing up and down, sucking and licking, and the next, I'm tearing my fingers through dark hair as a warning. Roy only backs off slightly. I realized quickly... _I was going to come inside his mouth, with those lips stretched around my cock._  And then, I was doing just that, hot white fluid pouring down Roy's throat.

"Oh-fuck, Roy!"

Roy came off licking at his wet lips, his dark eyes still glazed over with a spark of desire. It was both terrifying and arousing all at the same time. It left my head spinning in the wrong direction.

"Well Mr. Elric," Roy spoke, voice sounding even deeper than before. He moved to sit up while removing his shirt in one clean go. The silver, military dog tags slapped noisily against his chest. My eyes followed the motion and continued down as Roy popped the top button of his pants lewdly.

"—let's see what you've learned."

* * *

 

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Roy gets a phone call from Gracia Hughes, more information on Maes death, and Roy packs to leave for his home town.
> 
> Oh Death, because of a man who was, who is, and who will be.  
> where is your sting? Or sorrow where is your victory?  
> For death can rule no soul.  
> So into the great beyond, go with courage dear sister, go with courage.
> 
> -Woodrow Lucas


	12. Whatever you need of me, I'm there.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: "Well Mr. Elric," Roy spoke, voice sounding even deeper than before. He moved to sit up while removing his shirt in one clean go. The silver, military dog tags slapped noisily against his chest. My eyes followed the motion and continued down as Roy popped the top button of his pants lewdly.
> 
> "—let's see what you've learned."

 

 

**-Edward-**

My chest was still heaving from my orgasm, my heart beating a mile a minute. Thoughts franticly tripping over one another other as my fried brain took in the sight of Roy's nimble fingers opening the 'V' of his pants.

I could see his black boxer-briefs beneath. The fabric visibly taut over the weeping head of his arousal.

It should've been a turnoff, something a straight man would never find attractive. Up till a few days ago, I had thought myself to be of a heterosexual orientation. Somewhere along this twisted journey I'd realized I probably wasn't as straight as I thought myself to be.  _A straight line curving under a great pressure..._

"Edward…" Roy spoke my name simply, my eyes – I hadn't noticed I had closed – snapped back open, searching the other man's face.

 _If Roy looked delicious to me before, he looked downright sinful now_. A pleasurable haze shrouded every inch of his expression. Already dark eyes blown wide, his mouth parted and slack from endorphins. A rush of heat –even though I'd just come- rushed through my stomach at the pleasing sight.

_Yup, I was a curving line. That's a good analogy._

I swallowed hard at the amount of saliva gathering in my mouth and I forced myself to move, to lift my body in a supine position. My brain was too hazy to put up much of a complaint, and if I was being honest with myself, I was deathly nervous. It was a stupid notion, being intimidated by something like this, but the anxiety of the situation was real nonetheless.

Roy was watching from the foot of the bed, my pants still open at the front and pulled down about mid-thigh with the cool air touching my sensitive sex. All the blood that had been circulating downwards gathered in my face. It motivated me to try and pull my pants up into a more decent position.

"Edward…" Roy said again with a rumble behind his words. I stopped mid-motion in my frantic scramble to re-dress myself. Looking back upwards, Roy had an amused look riding on top of his lusty expression.

"Just take them off…" His obsidian iris appeared to shimmer in the dim light surrounding us.

My heart thudded into the bottom of my chest and the word  _love_  flashed in my mind.

After that, I didn't really think, I just listened, kicking my loosely-tied boots to the floor, my jeans following close behind. I left my boxers on, pulling them up to sit around my waist. When I looked back over to Roy, he was now missing his dark dress pants.

 _Fucking…shit…he is attractive._ Roy's ridiculously long legs were bared to sight. Dark black boxer-briefs hung dangerously low. The cut line of his oblique's stared me in the face like a daunt arrow pointing down to the direction I would be heading. I licked my lips as I followed that line, Roy's arousal straining on the fabric. My mouth went dry as I thought of Roy's cock being fed into my mouth. How it would feel hitting the back of my throat, how it would feel stretching my lips around his darkened tip.

The blush I was experiencing deepened at my thoughts, and I dropped backwards onto the bed with an embarrassed groan.

 _Thinking about doing something and actually doing it are two entirely different things_ , I told myself.

Feeling the bed dip to my left, my eyes snapped open. I knew they were huge and round. Roy merely smiled and leaned his body towards mine.

"There's nothing to be afraid of, Edward."

An anger flared inside of me. "I'm  **not**  afraid."

Roy's simple smile grew at my sharp words. The action stroked the fury gathering in my chest.  _My ego would have it no other way._

"Your expression tells me otherwise…" He spoke lifting his thumb to run over my frowning brows. The motion smoothed the ripples of my emotion out.

Roy's hand slid from my forehead down the side of my face, "There we go…" he muttered, fingers slipping to my jaw. His thumb grazed my chin, dancing a line to my bottom lip.

My chest lurched again. I l _ove him,_  I thoughtlessly pondered.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about…" Roy's words were spoken deliberately slow as his thumb slipped between my parted lips. I watched his face, dark eyes blown-wide from need.

My chest felt like it was on fire, drawing in tight breaths as his finger sunk past my teeth and onto my tongue. I could taste the salty-tang of his skin as my wet muscle unintentionally swiped across the pad of his finger.

His eyes flicked back towards my line of sight; they were sharp with arousal.

"Suck it."

It hadn't been spoken as a request. It had sounded more like a command, and I normally would've lashed out with anger at someone trying to tell me what to do. But  **this was not a normal situation** ** _._** Instead there was a heat pooling in my loins.

Roy looked at me with those lusty eyes and I realized,  _how I could ever deny him anything…_

My lips latched onto the digit in my mouth and started stroking experimental flicks with my tongue. The reaction was almost instantaneous; the other man's lips parted, going slack. His eyes watched his appendage disappearing into the warmth of my mouth. A chilly tingle swept down my spine at the stimulating action I was playing upon his thumb.

The next words leaving Roy came out as a pleasurable hiss, "Yes, Edward just like that." And from somewhere deep inside me, I got off at the easy praises.

 **Thud:** **_Love._ **

Roy slid his thumb purposefully across my tongue and caught my attention with a lusty glance.

"You have no idea what you look like…" he said slacked mouth.

**Love.**

I sucked his finger down to the hilt with my eyes closed, a moan for my answer because my mouth was otherwise occupied.

"Fucking – Christ - Edward."

**Thud.**

_The way you speak my name… I fucking love it_ , I thought, sucking vigorously before taking the opportunity to pop his finger out and slide up onto my knees.

Roy complained but soon realized what I was doing.

 _I wanted this._   _I need this._ Repeated through my brain as I pushed Roy onto his back effortlessly. Once there, I gripped the edges of his briefs and tore them down his – fucking ridiculous - long legs.

I didn't linger, my heedfulness was back on my prize between his legs.

It was large and swollen bobbing into open air, red in color from the lack of attention. The tip glistening from pre-come  _and I wanted it in my mouth._  I could feel the quickening pulse under my tongue as I grabbed the base of his shaft with my flesh hand.

Tentatively, I bent my head down and licked the length. A soft groan echoed from overhead at my action, so I tried again. Slowly and deliberately, I flattened my tongue on the underside from hilt to tip. Roy breathed heavily through his nose as I looked up towards his face unabashed.

I wanted more of that look… An expression of pure want and need.

* * *

 

 

**-Roy-**

I looked down into the boy's open expression, he was enjoying himself. I could tell by the twinkle in his yellow eyes. Of course I didn't miss the fact Edward was taking this slow.  _Almost too slow, -ridiculously fucking- slow._  A whine caught in the back of my throat as Edward found my slit with his tongue. A moan escaped me as the boy took the head of my cock into his hot mouth.

It felt incredibly warm.

He did not tease for long after that. Gaining courage and momentum, Edward grabbed hold of my length. Stroking me while sucking on my fat tip with long - sure - pulls. He took me slowly into his mouth, inch after inch, in a downward motion. I couldn't help my hands finding their way into his golden lock, simply petting as I slid further into the wet space.

The first time he tried going all the way down, he took too much all at once, gagging and coming off for air. I moaned around his gasp for breath, his throat had constricted around me and had felt entirely too good.

A look of determination took hold of the boy's face and he fed my tip back into his sweet mouth.

He didn't stop trying to take more and more until he could do…  _oh… just that._

I groaned and my neck arched back against the cool sheets, my whole length was surrounded by delicious wet heat.  _From root to -fucking- tip,_ I must have said something aloud along those lines because a hum of acknowledgement echoed from Edward and straight through my dick and up my spine.

I was mumbling about everything and nothing now, dirty words of encouragement slipping past my tongue.

Edward increased the bobble of his head at the string of profanity escaping me.  _He looked perfect there between my legs,_ better than any fantasy I could have strung through my head.

"Fuck, yes Edward…"

"Just like that… "

"Dear, sweet boy…"

I looked down towards the blonde between my legs, my cock disappearing rapidly past those pink  
\- fuck-able - lips.

I took notice some of his gold hair had started sticking to the side of his face. I gathered them all up high on his head in a single fist holding them loosely away from the  _pretty_ sight of penetration.

Edward's red-rimmed eyes opened at the feeling of his hair being moved and rolled them up to look at me. An icy-hot shock of pleasure ripped through me and before I knew what I was doing, I was coming. Hard and rapid, like a teenager on prom-night. My hands gripped harshly at the strands of hair in my hands. My hips rutting forwards unintentionally.

The boy's eyes widened in shock with the first wave of fluid painting the inside of his mouth white. He came off choking, coughing and gasping for air. He turned his cheek and all I could think was  _oh fuck…_  before tight ropes of cum caught the side of Edward's face and neck.

I moaned through my orgasm and only when I was spent did I allow myself to feel remorse over what had just happened. Looking down the length of my body towards Edward, I saw the extent of the damage.

The side of his face was covered in clear fluid, mostly covering his chin where he'd coughed most of it out and his cheek where he turned into the line of spray.

"White's a good color for you…" It was the first thing that popped into my mind to say.

Angry eyes - blood-shot from choking - gave me a dead-pan stare.

"Not. Funny." His voice hoarse and scratchy. "Not even remotely funny …" Edward grumbled, scrambling off the bed.

"I was only joking…" I spoke to his retreating back. The door to the bathroom slammed shut before I could utter another word of an apology.

 _At least his clothes were still on the floor next to the bed. Meaning he wasn't going anywhere_. I chuckled at the situation. It really was quite funny.

"YOU GOT IT IN MY HAIR, YOU BASTARD!"

I started laughing, loud and boisterous because sometimes sex was just that— A delicious situation gone astray and all you could do was sit back and find the humor from it. Because at the end of the day sex would always be awkward. Even for the best of us. It was human nature but it didn't stop us all from looking stupid while doing it.

**15 minutes later**

With Edward still locked behind the bathroom door, I got up and quickly dressed in some clothes, a pair of sweats and white t-shirt from my suitcase. I'd grabbed my smokes off the desk before making my way over to the patio doors leading to a balcony.

The chill of the night's breeze caught me off guard but I soon became accustomed to the nipping winds. I lit my cigarette and took a deep calming breath from it. The billowing smoke pooled from my mouth as I exhaled.

_Smoking after any type of sex was seriously one of the best feelings. Endorphins and Nicotine blended so sweetly together, leaving you with a naturally-chemical-high._

I smirked and took another pull of smoke into my lungs.

This is when I heard the chirping of my phone from inside the room. Any good feelings I'd built up around me crumbled like a sledgehammer to a wall. I dropped my head to my chest and felt the pain from before seeping in through the cracks.

My phone kept ringing, and I knew I couldn't ignore it. There were people out there who needed to talk to me. The thing was,  _was_ _ **I**_ _ready to talk back?_

With a deep sigh, I set my cigarette down on the banister and made my way inside. I found my phone right where I'd left it - more like thrown it - up against the far wall away from the bed. I picked the plastic device up, my stomach dropped at the I.D scrolling on the phone.

**Gracia Hughes.**

I literally felt my insides turn over. Swallowing once and taking a deep steading breath, I hit the answer button and brought the phone to my ear.

"Gracia…"

-"Oh Roy, I finally got ahold of you…" her voice sounded hoarse like she'd been crying a lot. I scolded myself  _of courses she's been, her husband just died._ This thought only sent a cold knot to my stomach.

"I-I- how are you holding up…" It was a stupid question to ask; I instantly knew it.  _My brain to mouth filter seemed too broken tonight._

-"as good as I'm going to be…" I heard a sniffle on the other side of the line.  _I wasn't making this any better…_

"Gracia, what happened…? How did—." I couldn't finish the sentence; it hurt too much to say aloud. She got what I'd been trying to say and answered my question accordingly.

Apparently Maes had gotten a call the night of his death to come into the office, something about a case he and his fellow officer were working on. Gracia knew nothing about the logistics of the mission, just that it was Top secret and Maes couldn't tell her anything about it. He kissed her goodbye at 7:45, after tucking Elicia into bed, and left the house, saying he didn't know what time he would be home.

From there she only knows what the police have told her.

Around 10:30 pm, Maes left his office and walked to the library four blocks away. This is where he stopped and called me an hour later. Approximately ten minutes after, he was shot at point blank range. There appeared to be a struggle. The blood of another person was found at the crime scene, enough to consider Maes's attacker to be gravely wounded or dead.

-"— he was pronounced dead in the ambulance." Gracia's voice sounded weaker as her sentence trailed off into nothing but dead air over the phone.

-"He was a good man, Roy. A good man, why would anyone want to hurt him?"

It was a question I'd been asking myself since finding out about my friend's death.  _Why him, why such a great person._

"Gracia, you know I can't answer that."

-"I know…" I could hear the sad smile in her voice.

I moved the phone away from my mouth and took a deep breath. The pain in my chest was growing by the second but Gracia needed me. This wasn't about my grief but hers and the Hughes family.

Clearing my voice of any signs of sorrow, I asked the question that needed to be enquired about.

"What are the police doing about the case? Do they have any leads?"

-"No leads as of yet. They were going over evidence last time I spoke with the Detectives."

_Of course they didn't have any leads, who'd want to murder a man like Maes Hughes? Someone had to have wanted him dead but who? It was eating at me, something in this story wasn't adding up correctly._

-"Roy…" Gracia's voice sounded distant. "The funeral is in two days…" there was a pause filled with more quiet sniffles before she went on… "Are you going to be able make it home?"

I hadn't been  _home_  to Dublith in years. Yes, I had a residence there but I didn't consider it to be 'home' any more. I wasn't going to correct her though.

"Of course, I'm coming."

I heard her sigh of relief, as if she'd been worried I wasn't going to show for something this important.

I understood I was at sea eighty-five percent of the year being a captain of frigate warship. But even if I had been in the middle of the ocean when this had happen, I would've somehow come to pay homage to my best friend's life.

I felt my throat tighten and my eyes prickle with unshed tears at my thoughts.  _Fuck,_ it was time for me to get off the phone. I knew Gracia could hear it in my tone as I said my hurried goodbyes but I couldn't care. I hung up, set my phone on the dresser and then turned and walked back outside.

The cold winds didn't bother me this time, my body was numbed from that conversation. With shaking fingers I lit another cigarette and drew in the harsh smoke into my lungs and held it. Not breathing and only exhaling when I felt like I couldn't hold it any longer. My head swam in a lightheaded sensation as I slid down the wall until I was resting against the chilled concrete.

When I drew my legs into my body, it had nothing to do with the frigid breeze but more to do with the feeling coursing in my chest and stomach. I took another puff and shakily exhaled. My arms wrapped around my legs with my cheek resting on my knees.

* * *

 

 

**-Edward-**

I'd heard every word Roy had said to - who I presumed was - Gracia, Roy's friend's wife.

My soul quivered for him.

The conversation sounded painful like a healing wound being torn open because of a repentant infection. I didn't want to be rude, intruding on something so private. So I hid away in the bathroom waiting for the sound of their conversation to fade before coming out.

The sound of Roy's voice nearly had broken my heart. He sounded so distant and hurt _. I just wanted to take all the pain away from him, if I could I would've_ bore _it on my shoulders._

I had fallen fast, and I had fallen hard for the other man, and I hated to see Roy suffering.

When the voices stopped with a hasty goodbye, I heard muted shuffling before everything grew gravely silent.

I opened the door then, freshly showered and still garbed in a fluffy white towel, to an empty room.

I frowned at the prospect of Roy leaving me alone but then I saw the white transparent curtains blowing in the winds. I realized then that this room had a balcony of some kind.

I got dressed fast, not caring for my socks nor shoes, and walked towards the partially-opened French door. I needed to check on the other man.  _If not for him but for my own sanity…_

When I stepped outside, what I saw made my throat tighten considerably. Roy was tucked far into the corner of the landing, curled tightly into a ball. The position had nothing to do with the nip in the air but more to do with wanting to cut himself off from the outside world.

 _I knew the_ feeling all _too well. The feeling of wanting to sink in on yourself as you wished you'd disappear._

The only reason I knew Roy was awake or even alive was the cigarette hanging from his limp fingers. I watched his pale hand rise, bring the white stick to his face hidden from my view. A white cloud flew over his dark head and then up into nothing.

"You know, those will kill you…" I said lightly as if not to disturb the already fickle ambiance. My words were a direct recall of the first thing I said to him at my brother's wedding.

Roy's head turned towards me, his eyes were filled with a sheen of sadness before a wall slammed down covering the despair hiding beneath.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough."

He let out a sigh and brought his cigarette back to his dry lips. Roy took a long drawl before smothering the amber end into the ground, snubbing the flame out. He spoke with the smoke curling from his parted mouth and up into his face.

"You know, you aren't the only person to tell me that…"

A sad smile bowed on his downturned face. His black eyes looked up at me, "His name was Maes Hughes… and he was a good man." He snorted a bitter laugh," he'd always tell me to quit while I was still young." His attention turned back to his pack of cigarettes.

My brow dipped; I already knew who Roy was talking about. He was the friend who had just been found murdered yesterday. But I didn't want Roy knowing I'd been sent over here by Riza and Al to check up on him. It felt too impersonal and on the thin line of being disrespectful towards Roy.  _He wasn't a child, he didn't need a babysitter._

Besides I wanted to hear the information from Roy. Not some second hand phone call from my brother's new wife, telling me what happened through the grapevine. I needed to hear it right from the source. Not because I wanted to know about the juicy gossip but because I desired to stand near Roy in his time of need.

"Who was that on the phone?" I asked walking the distance separating us and sitting down next to him.  _It was an easy question, something small to start off on._

"Gracia. Hughes's lovely wife." He spoke with a cig hanging from his lips, readying to be lit. The match sparked to life, the smell of sulfur hanging in the air. Roy brought the flame to the tip and sucked the filter to start the fresh cigarette.

"So, I guess that means you heard that whole conversation." The rich-smoke rippled out his parted mouth.

"Not all of it," I lied through my teeth,  _I'd heard the whole god-damn thing from the bathroom._

Roy's mouth was pressed into a thin line, his eyebrows knitted together. "You heard enough." He said this mostly to himself, leaning his head against to rest against the wall.

"For what it's worth—"I muttered a moment after silence had fallen over us "… I know how it feels."

"Come again…" he replied turning his dark head to actually look at me.

"To lose someone…" Roy was now watching me with one eyebrow piqued.

"I-I-I know how it can be… that's all I'm saying." I sputtered out. _No ever said_   _I was never good at this comforting thing._

Another bout of silence fell around us with Roy returning to smoking, while I pulled my auto-mail leg in towards my chest.

"Who'd you lose?"

It was my turn to be surprised. I wasn't expecting Roy to care, let alone actually ask…

"My father." I answered detached as I looked up towards the dark night sky. There were dark grey clouds hanging above us, threatening to let loose and drown us.

"I'm sorry to hear that…"

I glanced back towards him. Roy's dark eyes flickered over my face.

 _It was alright, my father's death happened a long time ago. It honestly felt like ages ago, another life time_  and I said as much for my reply.

"I lost my father, a few years back," Roy added as a side note. "—but then again, I'd already felt like he was dead long before his actual death."

My brow bunched then smoothed in one fell swoop. "I take it, you and your folks didn't get along?"

Roy took a drag off his smoke and blew it out before answering.

"My relationship with my mother is nothing but a manageable long-distant telephone, I'll-talk-to-you-once-a-year…"

"My father and I on the other hand- "he scoffed a resentfully. "Let's just say my father and I didn't see eye to eye on the whole 'your son's a fag' thing."

He stretched his legs out in front of him, and I watched those long legs unfold.

Roy was sharing information readily so I continued asking questions. "So, your father didn't like you because you were gay?"

"Didn't like me." Another bitter laugh fell from his lips. "Now that's an understatement. My father loathed me for the fact I was into guys." He was smiling as he spoke but I knew better. It wasn't a happy smile.

"He actually sent me to a Catholic boarding school, hoping the nuns could beat the gay out of me."

"Harsh," was my response.  _I could only imagine what it'd been like going through the motion of your childhood with a bigot for a father. Harsh was the only word for it._

"You could say that again…" he muttered mindlessly flicking at the cigarette between his fingers.

The ear deafening silence leaked back over us. The cooing of the winds and the passing cars from down below were playing out like ambient music between us. I began to fidget sitting next to Roy as he smoked the remainder of his smoke.

There was a rumble of thunder off in the distance, drawing my eye back to the skyline. The dark clouds from before appeared to be heavier and more condensed. _It was going rain again._

"May I ask you something…?" Roy's voice broke through the stillness.

"Depends on the question." I spoke, turning my head back towards the man next to me. His face was a lot closer this time, the smell of the sharp aroma of tobacco clung to his breath. It wasn't an unpleasant scent, just one I wasn't used to.

"What did you actually do to hurt your knuckles…?"

His question made my eyes drift down to my injury resting on my bent knee. And as if it was magic, once I started paying attention to the wound, it started to ache again. I flexed my hand into a fist, the raw flesh stretched along the bone and cartilages beneath. The blood was flowing quicker now, worsening the throb.

"I punched someone…" I spoke emotionless while examining my knuckles.

"Did you now?" Roy sounded intrigued.

I nodded my head and dropped my fist back down to rest on my knee.

Roy was watching me now, I could see him out my peripherals, and I turned to meet his dark eyes. The other man pivoted his body towards me slightly. Our knees knocked together as our thighs touched from general proximity.

"Did he deserve it?" Roy questioned through a cloud of smoke.

I laughed just to get the distastefulness out of my mouth. "I think he did."

"What did he do?"

I paused at the question, Roy's words instantly made me think of Russell's smug face right before I punched him. Then Winry's sad eyes came into play and I suddenly felt like a total ass-hat.

I shouldn't already be having feelings for someone new. It was kind of wrong.  _Okay, it was really wrong._

With my eyes tracing Roy's handsome face, I knew that my emotion for the other man couldn't be helped. I was already head-over-heels.

It wasn't like I was going to admit that out loud to the other man. I really didn't want to make Roy feel like this was some sort of rebound situation. Because it wasn't…My feelings were true. This wasn't about replacing Winry, not by any means. How could it be? Roy was nothing like Winry.

I honestly felt something deep and unexpected for Roy. I hadn't gone out looking for someone. He just happened to fall into my life at the worst possible moment.

I decided to answer truthfully. It was the least I could do…

"He slept with my ex-girlfriend." I spoke in a monotone voice but you could still hear the resentment hanging on the edges.

Roy made a face as he made a sound of acknowledgment in his throat.

"That's not even the half of it." I sounded bitter now, I knew I did.

The dark-haired man made a motion for me to continue with the hand holding his cigarette.

I sighed and flexed my injured fist as I spoke, "I walked in on them…"

"Ouch." He said with sympathetic cringe.

"Oh, it gets even better…" I prompted. "She was fucking my best friend…"

"Shit."

"— in our bed…"

Roy's black brows skyrocketed at my words. "That's- wow."

I exhaled a sharp shaky breath as I wiped my sweaty palms down the front of my pants for something to do with my hands, "yeah…."

 _The one good thing that had come from that horrible situation was Roy._  The side of my mouth drew upwards at that thought and looked over towards him.  _He really was very attractive, even with grey sweat-pants and just a plain shirt on he looked good enough to eat._

"When Riza said you just experienced a bad break up, I didn't think…" his words trailed from there.

I was taken aback by this,  _they talked about me?_ A rush of heat to my face warmed my cheeks; I was lucky it was dark enough out here to shield the fact.  _I'd been blushing way too much around Roy. I needed to_   _stop it._   _I wasn't a school-girl with a crush, god-damnit._

"Y-you talked to her about me?" I asked trying to clear my voice.

I could see the whites of his teeth as he smiled brilliantly. "Yes. Yes, I did. I wanted to know more about you before actually speaking to you."

My cheeks darkened, and I cursed at myself inwardly.

"Why?" The question was out my mouth before I could think better of it.

The sideways look Roy gave me left my stomach knotting in embarrassment.

"Because Edward," Roy said in that sultry voice of his that could leave my body trembling. He reached for my hand lounging on my bent knee. Bringing it to his face, he placed delicate kisses along my non-injured flesh. "I didn't know if you were into men, or not."

His breath played across my wrist, and I wondered how such a simple feeling could stir such deep emotion in my chest. If anyone could look inside my head right now, they probably wouldn't understand how I could fall for someone so hard when I've only barely known him.  _It was only Roy, no other man but Roy,_ I reminded myself.

"I-I-I, I'm not though…"

Roy's dark black brow arched up questionably into his messy hair hanging over his forehead. It flared the burning in my cheeks.

"I-I mean, I wasn't… or… fuck. I'm not." My tongue felt tied in a knot. The words I needed to say weren't coming readily.  _It was true though, I'm not into guys. I was more along the lines just into Roy Mustang. Even though he is male. Fuck…_

I cleared my throat trying to regain some kind of composure. Roy took that moment to run his thumb across the soft skin of my inner wrist. My heart fluttered in my chest as I made eye contact with the other man. His dark eyes stared back, a smile hanging on the edges of his face.

"What I meant to say is, I-I'm not into  **other** guys…" I paused to trace his face with my eyes. "I'm only attracted to you." I felt my face melt off as I listened the words coming out of my mouth,  _I sound like an ass-hat._  I closed my eyes and ripped my hand away from Roy's grasp.

"I'm sorry, that was so lame…" I sputtered out turning in on myself.

But Roy wouldn't let go of my wrist, he held tightly with his long fingers wrapped around my flesh-hand. I could feel his thumb digging into my skin as he seized me in an iron grasp.

"Don't." He simply said and my full attention was back on the other man. I watched him snub the cigarette he was holding out, and then in another motion, he hauled me into his lap. I started to complain immediately.

"W-what are you doing!"

His large hands landed on my hips, preventing me from standing up. That did not mean I didn't try. I pushed at his chest with both hands. The other man merely laughed at my misfortune and held on tighter. In the end I gave up and crossed my arms over my chest like an ill-tempered child. Roy's laughter was loud and boisterous after that. I merely scowled harder at him. My face was red; I could feel the burning in my cheeks.  _Great…_

Still smiling, Roy brought one of his hands up to cup my flaming cheek. His thumb traced the arch of my cheek-bone.

"Don't be that way, Edward…" he said in a whisper between us while sitting up from the wall he'd been leaning against. The movement brought our heads closer together and I could feel his breath catching on my face. I froze instantly, as I stared towards Roy wide-eyed.

 _His eyes are so dark,_ I thought leaning closer towards them just like a moth dancing towards the flame. My gaze had a mind of its own, flickering down towards his lips while subconsciously licking at my own.

Roy's next word across my wet lips left a cooling sensation following his hot breath. Without much of a thought on my part, I moved forwards and in the next moment I seized Roy's mouth in a chaste kiss. The sound of our lips smacking as we pulled apart left me craving for more. The other man pulled away before I could and I didn't follow after like an idiot. Instead I opened my eyes and realized Roy was smiling towards me.

"I like you too… Edward." He admitted.

I felt my stomach roll over on itself with the amount of butterflies flaring in my stomach.  _I felt like I was going to start throwing them up._

I frankly didn't have a response to that… It left me downright dumbfounded and squirming in my skin.

Roy took it upon himself to drag me forward and we were kissing again. This time with open mouth lingering caresses. The feeling of his lips moving on mine sent a warm feeling through my chest and down into my stomach.

My hands resting between our bodies moved up and curled lazily around his neck until my fingers laced a crown through his obsidian hair. A rumble of contentment sounded through Roy's chest and I pressed in closer.

We pulled apart with our foreheads resting against one another. Our breaths mingled; my thighs were parted astride Roy's legs in an intimate position.  _I was practically writhing in his lap,_ I thought with a loud groan.

This is when I realized Roy was shaking, his tall frame was raking with small shudders under my body. I moved my head away from his, so I might see his face. What I saw broke my heart, his eyes were glassy and rimmed red with unshed tears.

 _It was like a fist into my stomach,_  all my air left me and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I spoke his name and Roy sighed heavily out his mouth but he brought his gaze up to meet mine.

"I-I'm sorry…" he spoke but the words caught in his throat painfully.

My heart fell and shattered completely for him. I hesitantly reached for his face and when Roy didn't pull away I ran my hands through his hair again like I had done before. My hands grazed through his black strands and continually massaged his scalp, trying to soothe him the best I could.

When Roy's dark eyes closed again and another sigh escaped him, I wrapped my arms around his head and simply held him close. His cheek came to rest on my chest, and I let him lean against me.  _I would let him lean against me forever if it took his pain away._

I pressed my nose to the top side of his head and kissed the crown I found there.

We sat there like that for a long time. Two bodies twined together for comfort and support. One for the support and the other for comfort.

What broke the silence was Roy speaking into my shirt. I kissed the top of his head once more before pulling back to ask what he'd said.

"I said come with me?" His scratchy voice spoke up.

I didn't understand the question at first, but then it dawned on me quick and fast.  _He wanted me to go with him to his home town. T-to Maes's funeral._

Roy was looking at me, hope written in his black gaze. I stared back and thought,  _how could I deny him anything?_ Before I knew what I was doing, I was nodding my head yes and confirming it allowed.

"Yes, of course I'll come. Whatever you need, I'm there."

* * *

What I didn't realize at the time was that this trip would be the breaking point of our newly found relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate. This is happening for a reason. :D


	13. Following through.

**-Roy-**

Dublith is a semi-large town, located in the southern region of Amestris. It's where I was born and raised before escaping off into the military at the young age of eighteen years old. The Mustang family generations stretch far back in the town's history. My family was, in fact, one of the founding families. This was a story I had to listen to repeatedly as a child. First from my grandfather and then from my father.  _I don't sound bitter at all…_

I honestly couldn't care less for my hometown; it had always been a sore subject for me. It was the place where I was ridiculed and shamed by the community because I was different. _Because I am a queer._

A sigh passed my lips as depressing thoughts pressed into the forefront of my mind.

Edward and I were heading to Dublith on a train from Central City. The trip would take a total of five hours, and we had already been on the train for three and a half. With every passing moment, the pit in my stomach grew and contorted into a burning ball of chaos and anxiety.

Edward was asleep to my left,  _after complaining till he got his window seat as we boarded_. I turned my head towards the resting boy.  _Now look at him, sleeping soundly while the scenery passed him by. Typical…_ A silent chuckle escaped me as I turned my head back to the compartment ceiling.

An annoyed exhale escaped my nose,  _I wish I could sleep…_

My body just wasn't tired. Instead it was wound tighter than a coiled spring. At that thought, I noticed my knee bouncing idly to an unheard beat. Muttering a curse, I ceased the motion immediately.

 _I need a cigarette._  It was partially the reason for the amount of anxiety piling on me.  _It also could be the fact I'm going 'home' for the first time in four years. Oh god—._

The thoughts were whipping back and forth in my mind: having an argument with yourself isn't going to solve anything…

I stood abruptly and turned into the narrow aisle. My eyes drew a line towards the sleeping boy to my left, who was soundlessly unaware of the world going on around him.

My heart skipped a beat; Edward was painstakingly beautiful. I head shook at my thoughts.

_Focus Roy; locate stewardess, ask for hard alcohol._

* * *

Once the scotch was in my hands and I was seated again, I felt marginally better. I still wanted a cigarette, but that would have to wait for another hour or so… I sighed and grumbled into the brim of my chilled glass.

 _When I had said earlier that I owned a house in Dublith, what I meant to say was, there was an estate waiting for me. Including my mother who still lived there._  I bit back a growl forming in my chest. A large part of my anxiety stemmed from this fact.  _At least we wouldn't have to stay in the main house. There was a boarding house down the hill from the Mustangs Mansion. Thank god for small favors._

I sighed again and brought my cup to my mouth for another sip from the yellow liquid.

The train hit a rough part on the tracks, and the whole cart lurched forward. Moments later it settled like nothing had happened.

Well, something had happened; I spilled my drink down the front of my crisp, white shirt. I yelped as the chill soaked through the button-down and onto my skin. The shock jolted my system. Frantically I reached for the napkins the - overtly flirty - stewardess had given me moments before. I pressed them into the gold splotch running down my front.

 _Just my, fucking luck,_  I thought vehemently blotting my chest and stomach.

Edward's head lolled sideways onto my shoulder, a tired grumbly noise passing his mouth. But the boy soon fell quite as the even pattern of his breathing picked up.

I sat completely still. My drink and the stain on my shirt instantly forgotten. My bad mood and anxiety rushed out the window and into the rapidly moving scenery. Instead I suddenly felt renewed, better somehow. A simple movement, an act of an unknowing man laying his head on me. It was the touch, the comfort of another human's warmth sinking into my own.

A haggard exhale passed my lips as I could feel the invisible hands of stress pressing into my throat and making it tight. I placed the tumbler of scotch down into the holder on the chair's armrest before slouching down in my seat to make it easier for the boy's head to rest comfortably on my shoulder instead of lying on the hard knot of my collarbone. The gentle pattern of his breathing touched the skin along my neck like a calming caress. The boy mumbled something incoherent, before falling silent again.

Edward's skin was warm and smooth, his face burrowing into the arch of my shoulder.  _It felt nice… Almost like an actual home coming…_

That thought made me open my eyes I hadn't noticed I'd closed. My cheek was pressing into the crown of yellow-hair which smelled of hotel shampoo and something purely Edward.  _It was comforting…_ With my nose touching the crest of the boy's head, I inhaled that unique scent of the other male.  _Like a freshly creased book blowing on an ocean's breeze._

I smiled before blinking bleary eyes. Everyone was getting up and exiting the train. I realized then I must have fallen asleep as well. But it only felt like a few moments had passed, when in reality my body decided it was time to rest and an hour had gone by unknown.

**_"We have now reached Dublith. Please take your carry-on luggage and proceed to the nearest exit. Have a good afternoon, and thank you for using Amestris Railroad."_ **

The loud disembodied voice spoke through the speakers, startling Edward awake. He jerked away from my shoulder, and a string of saliva followed after him.  _He drooled on me…_  I could feel the moist patch – now that it was cooling – seep into the collar of my shirt.

"You drooled on me!" I exclaimed.

Edward's eyes appeared to be hazy with sleep, a sheen of confusion dulling his vision. He shook his head slightly as he yawned widely. A cocky smile played on his pink lips while he stretched his arms high above his head. I watched the arch of his back and how his black t-shirt rode up showing an inch of attractively smooth skin.

"And you came in my hair last night." Edward spoke through his stretch before his arms fell to his sides and his yellow gaze fell onto my face. "So… fucking get over it."

He wore a smile with an edge of a laugh hanging in his words. Edward's casualness and crude remark drew a chuckle out of me.

 _I had done that._ I thought with an inner chortle as well.

"Touché." I replied with a smile of my own.

We quickly grabbed our luggage and exited the locomotive. There were lots of people around the train station. People going to and fro with intention, and we weren't any different.

I knew my mother would send Brian to pick us up in the family car. He was Mother's personal chauffer/butler/cook/everything to her. I felt my insides irk with agitation. I don't know why this knowledge bothered me so much.  _Maybe because it felt like mommy was sending someone to babysit._ I groaned internally.

As soon as we stepped outside I was lighting up a cigarette. The first puff instantly took the edge away. I sighed a big heave of relief, followed by another drag of white smoke.

Edward was watching me with amusement in his eyes. The bright sun overhead making the yellow of his gaze shine like glitter. "What…?" I tittered out, feeling my mood lighten a bit because of the man at my side.

"Nothing…" He teased through a smile before glancing away towards the crowd of people.

I took another puff and exhaled the smoke upwards into the air. "It's never nothing with you, Edward."

The boy rolled his large eyes up into the clouds as he looked back towards me. "You're a fiend." He motioned towards my hand with an airy laugh. "Could barely wait 5 hours until your next sucking fix."

My smile stretched outwards as a dirty thought entered my head.

I pivoted my body a little closer into Edward's personal space, enough that I had to duck my neck down to whisper into the boy's ear. "You know, there is an entirely different type of stick I would rather be sucking …" I confessed with a flirty innuendo hanging open in the air. I pulled back slightly with a smile on my lips. A blush clung to the younger man's face like a reddened blanket.  _Fuck, he's too cute when he blushes._ "Or should I be blunt and say, I would rather be sucking your prick."

The boy's reaction was priceless. He'd gone entirely still, like a deer caught in the headlights. His yellow eyes widened, and a sharp intake of breath breached his parted mouth.

I barked a laugh out and drew away from him.

His eyes followed me with a crease in his blond brow before he let out a nervous laugh and rubbed at the back of his neck. (I was realizing steadily this was one of Edward's nervous twitches.) I liked the fact that I was eliciting such a reaction from the boy. It stroked at my ego, leaving me pleased and entirely horny.

"Master Mustang."

My mounting libido deflated like a balloon rapidly losing air at hearing that familiar deadpanned voice. I turned and there stood Brian; Mother's trusted servant,  _or as I liked to call him as a child; Boring Brian_. The man never showed any type of emotions. There were moments in my childhood where I had wondered if Brian was a robot or at least some kind of emotionless cyborg. I asked Mother once, but I was swatted away and told not to be ridiculous.

Brian had aged quite a lot since I had last visited. The grey hair and wrinkles along his face gave his age of 63 years away to whomever could witness. He wore his atypical black suit and matching tie. I don't think in all the time of growing up with Brian taking care of my family had I ever seen the man out of his two-piece suit.

 _He'd probably be buried in it when his time came._ With that depressing thought I turned and greeted mother's most trusted servant.

"Brian." I formality clipped out. The familiar feeling crept up my spine, the same feeling I got every time I was near Brian. Like spiders crawling down my neck. I internalized my shuttered,  _this was going to be a long and tiring weekend._

The greying man had pitch-black eyes that always kind of reminded me of shark eyes as a boy. Observant and precisely deadly but lacking any true emotion behind them.

Brian had never cared for me. Honestly no one particularly liked me in this town.  _Well, except for Hawkeye's family and Maes._  Apart from the few exceptions, I've always been the odd man out in my hometown.

Brian's bleary gaze turned towards Edward who stood at my side. Those eyes ran him over,  _probably judging the boy for merely being my friend._  What Edward wore was casual, but I knew Brian. Being the type of man he was – a cruel, heartless bigot – Brian was looking down his large nose at Edward. In my opinion what the boy was wearing was fine, his black shirt and red coat. His hair pulled high on top his blond head. Edward was wearing his white gloves again as they hid his automail limb from view.

"Your mother said nothing of you having someonewith you." Brian spoke out blandly, each word coated in dullness with a hidden undertone of assumption that Edward was my lover. My gay lover. It disgusted him, and even though he didn't express it outwardly, I knew it.

"Edward Elric." Ed said, stepping around me to introduce himself.

Brian's dead gaze flicked to Edward before flittering back to me. "Mistress Mustang was not expecting  _another_  guest at the manor."

I watched Edward's jaw twitch with annoyance at being ignored.  _Like I said a long weekend…_

My face stayed blank; it was the only way for me to deal with people from my past.  _Never show you can be hurt. Never let them in._ Those were the two rules that kept me sane while growing up in a world of appearances.

"Do let Mother know I am grateful for her sending you to retrieve us." I spoke through a forced smile as I went on, "…but we will not be in need of your services, seeing as we won't be staying at the manor." My words dripped with sarcasm, but it was the kind of cynicism people had a hard time distinguishing. It was generally assumed that I was being overly polite or just plain rude.

I grasped Edward's hand. Before walking away, I casually threw a comment over my shoulder about calling Mother when I was good and ready. I then walked away before Brian could even open his thin-lipped mouth to retort.

There were yellow cabs parked and waiting for passengers in the loading area. I opened the door to the closest one near us. Only after we were all packed up inside the taxi did I allow myself to let out a breath of relief. I told the cabbie the address of my family estate, and we were off.

Edward hadn't spoken a word since our hasty retreat. I could tell the whole ordeal had put the boy off. My guilt started looping at that point.  _Why had I dragged him into all of this?_   _He was just an innocent bystander. He didn't deserve the abuse from my pervious life._ I felt the overwhelming urge to apologize.

"I am sorry for all of  _that,_ Edward." I announced into the otherwise quiet cab. Upon hearing my voice Edward turned away from the window he'd been staring out. His brow gathered together before smoothing in one fluid motion.

"You have nothing to be apologizing for."

I flinched at his words. "Yes I do. Brian…" I sighed heavily before continuing. "Brian had no excuse to be rude to you. Other than the fact he's a bigot and an old fool."

My fingers found the bridge of my nose as I pressed lightly trying to elevate the pressure mounting behind my eyes. The warmth of another person's hand clasping my own resting in my lap made me open my eyes. What I was greeted to was a wondrous sight. Edward's marvelous face inching closer.

The boy snorted as he scooted towards me on the small cab seat… "… I couldn't care less what that bastard thinks of me."

The boy leaned that much closer, his scent lingering in the air. "And neither should you." He demanded softly as his thumb stroked along the pulse of my wrist. My breath hitched with the same motion of my hand falling away from my face.

Edward's eyes were so very yellow and filled with an affectionate gleam. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to breach the distance that separated our mouths, to steal his lips in a kiss.

I didn't have to. Edward did it for me as if he'd been reading my mind. It was chaste, nothing but a smack of warm lips meeting for a moment. It was over before it began. But that simple kiss lit my chest with an unfamiliar fuzzy emotion. Gone was the guilt and the thoughts that this was all my fault. All of it was replaced with a sensation that I was not used to experiencing.

"So..." The boy said through a growing smirk as he righted himself, his hand still twined with my own "Did I hear correctly when Brian said 'manor'?"

A deep chuckle erupted from my chest. "Yes, you heard correctly."

The boy's smile broadened slightly at my words.

"Does that mean you're loaded?"

I laughed again. My father's fortune was vast in size, this I knew for sure. My mother also came from old money; she was the oldest of her sisters, and since my grandfather had no sons, she inherited her family's wealth upon his untimely death. So to say my family was rich…well that would be – to put it bluntly – like asking if a flamingo had pink feathers. We were beyond wealthy. The truth of the matter was that upon my father's death, it was written in his will: unless I married a woman by the time I was thirty-five, I would receive no inheritance.  _I'm thirty-four. I don't think I'm going to be making that dead-line._

I had already come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't see a cent of my inheritance. I didn't want it anyways. I refused to bend and break myself because of money. I was not greedy; I was not my father.

"It means my family is rich. I'm not." I specified with a sad smile.

The boy's head cocked to the side, "What do you mean by that?"

I sighed heavily and let go of Edward's hand to lace my fingers together in my lap. "It means my father was a stingy bastard who wrote me out of his will all because I wouldn't change to his demands."

"Because you're gay?"

I nodded my head once and made a sound of acknowledgment in my chest. "Because I'm gay." I mimicked back with a frown taking ahold my face. I shook my head like a dog coming out of the water and replaced my sullen mood with a happier, lighter one.

"It doesn't matter. I got what I wanted in the end."

Edward's blond brows furrowed in towards the middle. "Care to elaborate?"

I answered with a widening smirk. "No."

I watched the irritation slowly leak into Edward posture.  _It was too easy to wind him up,_ I thought, unlacing my fingers and brining my right hand to rest on the boy's muscular thigh. "I'd rather just show you."

The tick of Edward's jaw clenching was audible. It could probably be heard by the taxi driver through the plastic partition separating us. "What the fuck, Roy?"

I lightly squeezed his thigh, "Have you ever heard the saying 'patience is a virtue', dear boy?"

"Oh, fuck off." Edward exclaimed, folding his arms into a pout.

A bark of laugher emitted from me. It bounced off the walls of the taxi and lingered the rest of the way to our destination.

The Mustang Boarding House.

* * *

**-Edward-**

The taxi pulled up in front of a brown stoned house.  _If a house is what you could call it, fucking hell..._ "It's huge!" I exclaimed, cranking my neck back and forth to take it all in.

We were parked in the long, circle driveway. The black pavement was wet and shiny beneath my boots as I got out of the cab. The grass was the most pleasant shade of green, and it was everywhere, wrapping around the bend on either side of the long structure. The ever changing trees and bushes decorated the surroundings. It was all well-manicured with the wilds being kept at bay by the paid help.

I turned my attention back to the house itself. It had a very Victorian feel to it. Dark browns and tans, harsh edges and drastic peaks. It was almost intimidating standing before it. I felt tiny and insignificant compared to this giant build.

"It's fucking huge."

"You've said that already." Roy spoke over my shoulder with a chuckle lining his words. I looked back at him as he paid the taxi driver. I scowled,  _I should've split the bill._ Glancing towards the large looming house again I thought,  _kek. Let the rich bastard pay._

As the taxi drove off, Roy came to stand next to me with both our bags thrown over his shoulders.

"You ready?"

"Is this the manor?" I blurted out, ignoring Roy's question for the time being.

I watched the lopsided smile dimple in one of Roy's cheeks. It gave his face a boyish quality he was normally lacking. I felt my cheeks blush slightly as he looked at me.

"No. This is the Mustang's Boarding House…"

"—Wait a minute," I interjected again. "This isn't even the manor?"

"No, my family's home is far…" he paused searching for the right word. "…superior."

A low whistle chirped off my lips before I whispered under my breath, 'isn't that something'.

"Come on." Roy said as he walked towards the tall wooden entrance. It was left unlocked, I observed as the older man turned the cast-iron handle and the double door opened. He walked through the entryway before disappearing into the darkened house like he owned the place.  _He probably does,_ I thought as I stared towards the dark, wooden door before moving forward and through the entryway.

The first thing I noticed was that the décor was very rustic. Dark woods and rich leathers scattered across the room. It was beautiful but in the manly type of way. A mirror hung in the front entryway, mounted on a heavy, brass filigreed frame. Along the same wall were pictures, old black and whites photos of random people whose faces I would never really recognize. _They looked like they were from the 1920's maybe earlier*._  I speculated as I moved on to explore the adjoining room.

It was some sort of sitting room, a large – well used – fireplace resting at the focal point. The mantle was huge and the dullest color of white, nearly a shade of pale grey. The furniture in the room looked old, faded and from a different time. I stepped down into the vast room. The wood creaked under foot as I wandered towards the center.

I called out Roy's name, and silence was my reply.  _Where had he gone?_

Turning around back the way I'd come in, I shouted his name again. "Roy, where did you go?"

There was a wooden staircase up to my left that I hadn't noticed when I first entered. I went over to it and looked up the rosewood stairs.

"Roy?"

The man's handsome face appeared over the banister of the second floor, "Up here." And then he was gone again.

I felt a frown touch my mouth and as I climbed to the top, I suddenly realized how huge this old house really was.  _The ceiling went up and up and up. You had to crank your neck back all the way just to see the peak of the room._

It left me with a slight feeling of being inadequate. I pictured my one bedroom flat, which in its own right was larger than most apartments in Central City. But standing in this luxurious multi-million home, I became aware of my own status in life. I have to say it was a humbling experience.

The second floor was just as massive as the downstairs. A long hallway greeted me with many doors leading into different rooms. It was decorated in the same style as the floor below. Dark wood with random pictures and paintings adorned the walls in the empty space between windows.

I called for Roy again because honestly,  _where the fuck would I start looking for him, too many damn rooms._ I grumbled internally.

With the speed of a light bulb flickering out, Roy was on me, ushering me into the room on my left. My back hit the opposite wall, all air leaving my lungs in a moment. Roy took it as his advantage, his clever tongue slipping past my parted lips in exploration. Roy's hands cradled my neck while he bent down to deepen the demanding kiss.

It took a second but my senses kicked through the confusion. A tingling sensation shot down my spine at the other man's heady taste. The hands of desire gripped my stomach in their tightening fists. I took the liberty of showing how good it felt and sucked Roy's bottom lip into my mouth. I bit it before I let go. The rumble through Roy's chest that followed was gratifying enough.

We pulled apart and I watched Roy lick at his swollen lips. It made my stomach roll with lust, knowing he could taste me there.

"Sorry," he said letting his thumb skate across my cheek bone. "I've wanted to do that since exiting the train."

 _I understood the feeling…_ I thought as I smiled outwardly with a touch of a blush painting the tops of my ears red.

"Nothing to be sorry for." I replied leaning into Roy's palm on my cheek.

I never wanted to feel drawn to any male like a moth to the flame. Particularly not a man like Roy Mustang, a guy would could have anyone he really wanted. I never meant to fall for a man. Never a thought nor inclination of romantic feeling had I experienced with the same sex. Until Roy.

But here I was. With a male who me made reexamine myself, who made me look inside and realize that maybe I was gay (or at least bisexual).

Roy's looks. His voice. His scent. The way he spoke my name. (Sometimes I'd catch myself shivering straight to the bone just from the way he says my name, like it was a prayer on his tongue to be repeated.) This man makes me come to life. It was a realization that left my throat tight.  _Who knew you could become attached to someone so quickly._ I thought looking up into Roy's dark eyes. And I was attached. Hook, line and sinker, I'd been caught.

Roy smiled back, his fingers brushed my bangs from my brow before drifting down to graze his pale knuckles along my jawline softly. We stood there like that, my back pressed into the wall with Roy looking down towards my face.

My attention was focused completely on him. Roy's eyes kept flickering from mine and back to my lips. It left me straining on the tips of my toes to try to bring his mouth back to mine again. It was a futile attempt because he pulled back just out my range. It was a low blow because I couldn't reach father than his chin...

The whine that left my mouth was reasonably the least manly sound I had ever made. It made Roy chuckle.

"So impatient." The other man  _tsk_ with his mouth  **still** out of my reach.

I went to reply but the sound of Roy's cellphone chiming in his pocket interrupted.

We both looked at each other before separating. Roy immediately pulled his phone out to check the caller I.D.

A look of gloom took over his features, "It's Gracia." He announced as he accepted the call and brought the plastic device to his ear.

"H-hey."

I was close enough to hear her meek reply.

 _Well this is uncomfortable_ , I thought switching my weight from foot to foot. I made to move towards the room Roy had come out of but Roy's grip caught my wrist in a firm hold. He looked at me with heavy eyes; they were asking me to stay. To be here for him, to help support him through his time of need. Something I knew Roy wouldn't ask aloud he didn't have too. I already knew.

My hand slid from his grasp as I entwined our fingers together. I squeezed once before letting go to lean up against the wall I'd just been pinned against. I was trying to give him space and privacy to talk but still be near enough for support. The sound of Gracia's voice was barely audible from where I stood with my hands in my pockets. I only could pick up the murmur of a faint female voice asking if Roy got into town already. Roy replied that he had, and that  _we_  were at his house. Gracia said something along the lines of 'we'?

Roy looked over towards me, his dark eyes boring into me. "Yeah." He spoke into the receiver "I-uh, brought a…uh-friend with me from Central." Roy rectified.

I didn't hear Gracia's reply because my blood was rushing through my ears and my heart pounding behind my ribs. There was a slight pain residing there in my chest.

Roy was still watching me; I tried to still the emotion on my face. For a moment there I was worried he was going to call me his boyfriend. Not that I thought he was my boyfriend or anything… I just felt a little irked because Roy still considered me as just a friend _._ I pushed that doubt aside.

I apparently missed a big chunk of the conversation because Roy was agreeing happily to something Gracia had said.

"Sounds good. We'll be there around six thirtyish."

She must have agreed, because in the moment they were saying goodbye to each other. There was a silence that clung to the walls as Roy ended the call. His deep breath was what broke the stillness.

"She wants us over for dinner." Roy swallowed once. "I couldn't decline." He sighed in the same motion he pocketed his phone.

"Oh," was my vague reply. It honestly surprised me. I couldn't find the words to reply; I was left speechless.

Roy was staring at me with that sad, sullen face I remembered seeing on the balcony of his hotel room last night. It sent a pain through my stomach at the memory.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to."

Roy sounded like I'd kicked his dog. He stood across the way with slumped shoulders as if the weight of the world was resting upon them.  _–It kind of was.-_

I pushed off the wall I was leaning against and went over to where he stood. I grasped both of his biceps and squeezed lightly. I might have had to look up because he was a head taller than me but I met his dark stare.

"I'm here for you. Wherever you need me. I there." I smiled up and held his glistening eyes. I realized then and there, his eyes weren't dark brown but a deep ocean blue. So blue they were the color of the black night sky.

I felt my heart leap into my throat.

 _I love you,_ whispered through my mind but I brushed it away. It was not the time to admit those type of things.  _Too soon…_  I thought brushing my hands down the length of Roy's arms till I reached his hands. I brought each one to my lips and kissed his bare knuckles.

When I was done, Roy cupped my face in the palms of his hands and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"You are too good to me." Roy breathed against my skin. Another kiss followed before he pulled away to wipe at the corners of his wet eyes.

"We should get ready to go soon." He paused to brush his hands down his thighs. "It takes about thirty minutes to get across town."

I agreed and asked where I could locate a bathroom before we went. I was instructed to go down the hall and to take the fourth door on the left. I smiled and excused myself. Roy shouted after me about the towels being in the cupboard behind the lavatory. Ignoring him I hurried down the hall, I told myself I wasn't running away from Roy. I was just taking a breather from everything.

This trip was already turning into an emotional roller-coaster, and I wonder silently,  _could it get any more out of control?_ In hind-sight, that was an ignorant question to ask…

Of course it would get worse. It always does.

**To be continued.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fullmetal alchemist is set in the 1920's. The picture in the boarding house was a shout out towards that.


	14. Five Fingers Imprint

**-Roy-**

The old familiar neighborhood flew past my window. I was brought back to the days spent under the sun as a child, playing on the hot asphalt under bare feet; when Maes and I ruled these streets, running and enjoying a much easier life.

With a sigh leaving my mouth, the Hughes' caramel house came into view. The cab Edward and I were in pulled alongside the curb and stopped.

I would never admit it aloud but my stomach fluttered with anticipation. My hand on the door handle pressed white from strain.

Edward sat on my right, cranking his neck to peer out the window in order to get a better look. Thankfully he did not see the sweat on my brow.

"431 Neid st. That'd be $25.50, sir." The balding cabby spoke over his shoulder through the thick glass partition.

He interrupted my train of thought, and for that, I was thankful. Fishing out my billfold from my inner coat pocket, I paid the man. When I looked over towards Edward, he was watching me with wide gold eyes. I tested a small smile on my lips and found it lack luster. I turned and opened the door to get out. He must have followed suit because the cab pulled away with the slam of both doors.

I was left standing there with the wind blowing through my hair, staring at my best-friends home. It sent an echo of pain through my chest. The memories of it all hurt just a little too much.

"You alright?"

Edward's voice startled me out of my daze. I glanced towards him. His brow was pinched in what appeared to be concern. It made me realize I was reflecting my emotion outwardly. I tried melding everything behind a deceitful smile

"Yeah… come on."

I laced our fingers together and pulled him towards the front door. I may have been shrouding myself with a mask of indifference, but secretly I knew Edward could tell the difference. I was grateful he didn't say anything on the topic and followed me up the steps.

I'd already warned Edward about what he should be expecting from this visit. How Elicia could be loud and boisterous and a tad too much at times. Hughes has always been right about one thing; Elicia was ridiculously adorable, with her long blonde hair and bright green eyes. She was the perfect mesh of her mother's beauty and Maes's boisterous personality. In a way, I thought Edward already knew as much and just nodded his head and replied, "I got it. I'm good with kids."

With a deep breath, I rang the doorbell. I knew I was wearing a slight smile. It was the warming memory of my friend manically talking about his daughter that put it there.

Moments later the door opened. Gracia Hughes's weary but smiling face filled my vision. A pang of longing passed through my heart at the way she whispered my name in that familiar voice. I was nearly waiting for Hughes to round the corner and envelop me in one of his welcoming embraces.

I knew it was stupid; it wasn't going to happen. But some small piece of me couldn't believe that Maes wasn't in the house, and he wasn't coming to greet me as usual.

My throat tighten, and I was on the verge of tears. Gracia must have understood, because in the next second I was being drawn over the threshold of the Hughes' house and into a warming hug.

She was so small in my arms. Well she had always been small, but for some reason, my mind was registering Gracias as even tinier than she was the last time I'd seen her.

We pulled apart at the sound of petite feet running on the floor.

"Uncle Roy!"

A ball of pink and yellow bounded into the entryway and right into my leg.  *****  Elicia beamed a smile at me, and I took notice that her front teeth were missing as lanky arms wrapped around my legs.

"You're finally here!" the little girl spoke at a passionate volume. I couldn't help but return the smile.

"That I am, little one." I said swiping at my teary eyes and kneeling down so she could give me a better hug.

"Who's that?" She asked with peeked interest from over my shoulder.

I pulled out of the little girl's embrace and turned to look behind me. "That would be Edward." I answered with a widening smile. "He's a friend of mine…"

Edward put up a gloved hand and gave a little wave. "It's nice to meet you, Elicia."

She looked at me and then back towards the blond male behind me, before deciding he was okay and throwing herself around Edward's midsection in a welcome hug. Edward let out a breathy laugh as she nearly knocked him over with the force of her tiny body

"It's nice to meet you too." Elicia cooed burying her face into the shorter man's black shirt. I stood and watched Edward hug her back. It was a very sweet thing to be observing.  _For all the hard, crude crassness Edward gives off, he truly was a very kind and caring man._  My heart gave a weird twisty thump in my chest at the thought, and I was glad when Gracia broke the silence.

"That's enough, Elicia. Let them come inside. They've been on a long trip, and it's chilly out here."

Listening to her mother, Elicia let go of Edward with a bright smile riding on her cheeks and a little giggle escaping her. She disappeared around the corner into the living room with her arms stretched out as if she was an air-plane, making humming noises for the engine.

Gracia herded us into the house, taking our coats and telling us to make ourselves comfortable in the living room, that dinner wouldn't be ready for at least another twenty minutes.

Edward followed on my heels; it was endearing how he wanted to be close to me.  _Like I was his anchor keeping him from drifting into the unknown._  I snorted internally at my corniness.  _Real deep metaphor you constructed there._ I berated myself as I stepped towards the couch to sit down.

"Uncle Roy, you wanna see my drawings? They're special." Little Elicia spoke through hurried words. Her optimism for the world was still fresh in her bright, green eyes. I could see it as she waited anxiously, rocking on the balls of her feet in front of me. I couldn't help the smile spreading across my face.

"I would love to, Elicia."

Her little face filled with excitement. "Really?" she asked, nearly jumping with glee.

I nodded my head and took a seat on the downy couch. "I'm all yours."

As Elicia darted across the room to get her art, Edward took a seat next to me. The heat from his legs brushing against mine filled me with more warmth than there should have logically been. I looked up to his face and smiled a little smirk his way. A gentle fondness softened his normally hard edges.

Moments later, Elicia came back over with a notebook filled with her drawings. She handed her book to me before climbing into the space separating Edward and me. Edward merely scooted over slightly in order to make room for the small girl.

"Go, ahead..." Elicia's little voice chipped in, giving me permission to open her book of art. Cracking open the beat-up, old notepad on its spine, I saw color-filled pages, depictions of princesses drawn in pink crayon and a yellow sun with dark black sunglasses perched on the tip of its nose.

I had to give it to her; Elicia had talent, rudimentary talent but obvious ability nonetheless. I could tell what everything was on the paper. From page to page, I could tell when she drew a horse from a cow. Every drawing was in such detail; the child had captured real life in crayon and construction paper. I was astounded.

"These are really good, Elicia…" I complimented her as I turned to the next page. She beamed up at me with a wide, cheek-cracking grin.

"You really think so?"

"That I do, kiddo." I paused to look down at her beaming face. She looked so happy caught up in the moment but I knew the truth. I had spoken to Gracia about it on the phone. The poor child was so confused about her father's death. Elicia still didn't understand Maes was never coming home again. The idea of death was a complex thing. A child shouldn't have to go through the pain of losing a parent. Elicia should never have to look Death's face in the eyes and come out understanding her beloved father was never going to come home.

It broke my heart.

Gracia entered the room at that moment, caring a tray with tea and bisques. All of our heads turned to her.

"I hope tea is alright. Maes never did like keeping coffee in the house." She spoke nonchalantly. It sent a shot of pain through my heart. Just as Elicia was confused by her father's death, Gracia was pouring herself into everything she did to keep her mind away from it. A delicate mask was placed on her face, keeping the tears I knew she has shed, away from prying sight.

"Tea is fine, Gracia."

"Uncle… look, look. This one is you." Elicia's lively voice chirped. It gathered my attention towards what she was pointing at. It was me, well me drawn in blue crayon. I chuckled deep in my chest.

"Well, look at that…" I spoke in false wonderment to entertain the little girl beside me, "…it is me."

"It even has your floppy hair." Elicia giggled.

Her voice filled with such happiness brought a smile to my face.

We all sat comfortably in the modest living room. Chatting and reminiscing about the past. Small talk of really nothing but pleasantries and daily life. Gracia asked how we met, and I nearly choked on my tea at the blush creeping up Edward's neck.

I cleared my throat to cover the laugh, "We actually met at his brother's wedding." I interjected swiftly.

Gracia's eyes widened at this bit of information as she paused in bringing the cup of tea to her lips. "A wedding? Who was getting married?" Gracia asked with genuine inquiry.

Edward's face reddened to a scarlet shade. "My brother and Riza Hawkeye, wedding..."

Gracia eye's flittered over to mine and then back to Edward's. "Oh, well isn't that endearing?" She spoke with a radiant smile gracing her face.

"Well, for that I am glad." Gracia paused leaning forward to refill her cup of tea from the teapot sitting on the coffee table. "Roy really did need to find someone compatible…

A buzzing sound from the other room could be heard off in the distance.

"That would be dinner…" Gracia spoke, standing and making her way into the kitchen. "Roy, could you be a dear and come help me in the kitchen?" She asked before disappearing around the corner.

Frowning I stood, "I'll be right back little one," I offered Elicia with a tap to her button-nose. She giggled and scooted closer into Edward's side. My eyes drifted to the handsome man.

"I'll be right back," I whispered holding Edward's yellow gaze. My hand traced his jaw as I moved passed him.

Edward's next lungful went in deep and came out on a sigh. "Yeah, I got this, go. I'll be fine," he replied, his breath brushing my wrist. A shudder traced up my spine visibly as I moved my hand away and continued towards the kitchen.

When I rounded the kitchen corner, Gracia was pulling something piping-hot out of the oven. She must have heard me entering "Be a dear, and get the stuff out of the fridge for a salad."

My frown deepened. I could tell Gracia was putting on a front,  _a very desperate front_. Not wanting to show her sorrow, she was being strong at a time when she should be doing nothing but grieving.

 _Had she grieved at all?_ I was beginning to have speculations.  _But no, she was crying on the phone to me the night before. I had heard her tears clear as a summer storm brewing._

_Then what? Was she putting this farce on for me… for us, because she had guests in her home? Or was it for little Elicia who didn't understand what had happened to her father?_

My head was spinning with questions I dare not ask. I didn't want to be the one to stir the already-over-boiling pot of chaos.

Instead, I stepped towards the fridge with calm, even steps and began gathering everything I would need. Placing it all on the counter, I turned to the sink as I mundanely rolled up the sleeves of my white dress shirt and washed my hands. All the while my insides danced to the tune of too many turning-questions.

"Edward seems to be a nice person." Gracia's soft voice pulled me out of my pensiveness.

A smile tugged on the corner of my mouth at the thought of Edward's kindness. "Yeah, he's a good man," I replied reaching for the vegetables on the counter, readying them to be washed as well.

Gracia made a small sound in her chest and drew my attention to her. Cocking an eyebrow at her over my shoulder, "What?" I asked with a widening smile as I caught a gleam of something playful in her eyes.

"Nothing…" Gracia answered, nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders as she unwrapped the foil covering the pot she has taken out of the oven moments before.

"What?!"

I turned away from the sink to look directly at the woman in front of me.

"What is it?" I asked again, the smile never leaving my lips.

Gracia broke eye contact with me and looked back down towards the pot-roast in front of her. "It's just…" She stopped to click her tongue.

"It's just what… Gracia?" My brow pinched together in befuddlement.

"It just, I haven't seen that sort of look in your eyes since Henry…"

I felt my insides twist at the mention of Henry, my first real lover…The only man I ever came close to loving…

 _Until now that is…_ That thought nearly sent my heart straight through my throat.

_I love Edward._

I gripped the edge of the counter at my back and laughed out loud with enlightenment.  _How had I not realized it until now? All those squiggly emotions in my chest, oh god. I love him._

My grip on the counter released, and instead I clutched at my chest.

_Oh, god. I love Edward._

"You didn't know, did you?" Gracia asked after a long pregnant pause. She must have been observing my reaction, because I was completely at a loss at how to reply.

I opened my mouth before closing it again just as quickly. Nothing wanted to come to the surface.

_I love him._

Except those three little words. They kept repeating through my head like a sickening theme song to a high-school drama series.

"Oh, god." I spoke with startling resolution. My heart felt heavy but light at the same time. I wanted to cry and laugh, maybe even throw up. This was a heady emotion; I could feel my face alight in flames.

"The only reason I bring any of this up, Roy," Gracia started again, "is, well you see…I got a phone call from Henry last night."

 _'Wait—',_ "What? Why is Henry calling you?"

A sad expression overcame Gracia's fair face. Her eyelids dropped slightly, and a glassy look shimmered in the depths of her brown eyes.

"Henry was Meas's friend, Roy. He wants to pay his respects tomorrow." Her voice sounded broken as she spoke. She obviously didn't want to be talking about this.

My argument flew out the window just as quickly as it had come.

It really shouldn't bother me this much; I  **should've** been okay with seeing Henry again. It was almost ten years ago; I **should've**  gotten over it all already.

_Should've, could've, would've._

I wasn't though, if I was at least being honest with myself. I'd never really gotten over the heart break of losing Henry.  _For fuck sake, I had never really had Henry to begin with._ I sighed deeply and felt my throat tighten at my thoughts.

Henry had fucked and sucked anything that would bend over or spread their legs for him – male or female. Sadly, I was included in all that but I didn't know until the end of our affair. _I thought we'd been in love._   _It was all bullshit…_

There was a magical hypnotism about Henry, a certain characteristic about his charisma in which Henry reveled. It didn't hurt either that Henry was deadly gorgeous, all sharp angles and plump lips.

"Oh Roy, don't look so glum." Gracia sighed, drawing me out of the brooding state I was in.

I blinked rapidly and cleared my voice.

"Y-yes. I understand completely." I forced it out, not wanting the words in my mouth any longer than they needed to be there.

I turned back towards the sink, trying my hardest not to betray my internal feelings. I was failing; this I knew for certain. My grief was displayed for Gracia's forbearing eyes.

The sound of heels clicking on the tile floor could be heard but I didn't turn around. Instead, I busied myself with washing the carrots and lettuce.

"Roy." A gentle hand touched my bare forearm, turning my attention towards Gracia. There was genuine concern in the depths of her brown eyes. "Do not worry yourself with his presence. Henry will just be another face in the crowd."

Her words did little to settle my anxiety about seeing Henry tomorrow. I tried pushing my feelings aside for now and nodded my head. I placed my left hand on her which was still touching my arm,

"All will be fine, Gracia."

The lie tinged my tongue with a sour-bitterness. I ignored it and turned back to the carrots that needed to be chopped, busying myself with a mundane tasks.

"Besides, you have Edward now." Gracia pointed out as she walked back towards the pot-roast sitting on the cutting board, ready for carving.

A fluttering, queasy feeling took hold of my stomach, and I dropped the carrot I'd been peeling to the bottom of the sink.

 _Edward._  The boy's name flashed in my mind followed by his bright yellow eyes.

The orange carrot stared back towards me dauntingly, as if it could decipher my feelings and thoughts. I frowned down towards the ugly vegetable.  _How could I love Edward, when I still carried a torch for Henry…?_

It was a heavy question; I had no answer...

_I was never supposed to get this deep… Never allow someone, so, so, far inside my walls…_

I could feel Edward's indent on my life. His hand wrapped so fiercely around my heart, a five fingers imprint, which would never go away. Even if he let go, the marks would still be there... mutating my heart until it ached. That boy had left an everlasting impression on me, and I would never be the same.

 _My heart hurts._ I unconsciously rubbed my hand along my chest.

A touch to my shoulder startled me out of my contemplation. Gracia was smiling warmly when I turned to her, "Why don't you go back into the living room. I'll finish up in here."

I was grateful for the excuse to leave the room, because I needed a moment to gather myself. Gracia knew this, how could she not. It was written all over me. I felt uncomfortable and very unsettled in my own skin.

Nodding my head once, I ripped a paper towel off the rack next to the sink, and politely excused myself.

Stepping into the room adjacent to the kitchen, I let out a wet, shaky sigh. My heart felt tied in knots, and I couldn't catch my breath. I knew I was on the brink of having a panic attack. I needed to sort through my rapidly spinning thoughts.

Elicia's voice from the living room drew my attention that way.

"—See that's why daddy is in the sky. He's an Angel now…" My heart clenched at what I heard. It was then that I realized my personal problems could be dealt with later. I wasn't here to figure out my relationship plans with either man but to mourn the loss of my best friend.  _I was being a righteous, selfish prick._

I shoved all my emotions for Henry, all my feelings for Edward, and my commitment issues right down inside, tucked away for a later examination. I didn't feel one hundred percent, but at least I wasn't about to jump out of my skin. I counted that as a positive.

Smoothing my hands down the front of my slacks, I hurriedly unrolled my sleeves, readjusted them and took another calming breath before entering the room.

What I saw made my traitorous heart skip a beat from an overdose of affection. Edward and Elicia sat adjacent from each other, the coffee table between the two. Paper and crayons, markers and pens littered the surface in a multicolored rainbow of sorts.

I ducked back around the corner just to watch and observe them interacting.

"Well, I think he needs some wings to be an angel." Edward smiled, leaning over and drawing something on the paper in front of Elicia.

Whatever he drew made little Elicia's eyes brighten with joy, a wide smile growing on her petite face as she beamed towards Edward with delight.

"Now he  **really**  looks like an angel!"

The stolen moment made my heart melt all the more. I continued to watch silently.

"Hey wait a minute, is that me?" Edward asked, suddenly pointing to something on the paper out of my line of sight.

Elicia blinked towards him, still smiling and replied, "Yeah. See it's got your yellow hair, and you're really short!" She said it with such innocence. I think that's what made it so hilarious. I had to bite my lip not to bark out with a boisterous laugh.

Edward scowled. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't yell at the poor child. He merely gritted his teeth. "I guess I could see the resemblance," he nearly growled out.

This time I allowed myself to at least snicker as I finally entered the room.

"What are you two up to?" I asked still smiling, both of their faces turning towards my voice. Edward's face was humming with a reddened glow along the edges. I turned my eyes to the child next to him, sweeping in, picking her up, and tickling her tummy.

Elicia giggled, showing off a wide, toothless smile as I sat down and placed her in my lap on the opposite side of where Edward was. I wasn't using Elicia as a shield to repel Edward. ' _Okay maybe I was…'_ I felt like a coward, but I needed time to think things over. ' _Rome wasn't built in a day.'_  I thought idly. Elicia beamed up towards me; her smile was contagious, and I found myself easily forgetting all my thoughts and worries.

"We are drawing, Uncle Roy! Wanna see?" she asked hurriedly, "Edward made Daddy into a real angel, see!"

A paper was shoved into my face. My eyes took a moment to adjust, and I vainly told myself it  _wasn't_  because of my age.

It was true. It was a drawing of Maes, which Elicia and Edward drew, depicting him high in the sky with widely-spread feathery wings. ' _Edward must have drawn the wings; they look two artfully drawn for a six-year-old to have done herself.'_ I thought, looking at the details of the white and blue wingspan. * _I didn't know Edward could draw._

I looked over towards him and said as much.

The reddened tinge riding on the peaks of his cheeks, darkened at my words. "I dabble…" he mumbled under his breath, scratching at the back of his neck with his right arm.

Edward wouldn't make eye contact with me, so I dropped the topic.

Besides Elicia pulled my attention back down towards the drawing.

"That's you Uncle Roy…" She smiled, pointing with a chubby finger to a dark haired man in a navy over coat, drawn crudely with crayon. "—and that Mommy, and me." She continued in her sing-song voice. "And that Edward; he's short."

"I am not that short!" Edward demanded.

It made Elicia giggle harder, "Yes you are!" She joked sticking her tongue out at the blond man.

"Am not…" he argued, crossing his arms in front of his chest in a pouting fit, that didn't look right on a man of his age.

"—is, too…"

I laughed at the way the two were going at each other. It was pure entertainment.

"Am not, you little brat!" Edward pouted as if he was the child in this arrangement.

"You are on the short side of the scale, Edward." I added, agreeing with Elicia.

A golden gaze of doom was turned onto me, "That's enough out of you." Edward scowled more playful than not.

I put my hands up in defense, "I am merely making an observation…"

"Yeah… yeah…" Edward mocked. "Well, keep it to yourself."

I laughed. Edward glowered, and Elicia giggled.

* * *

After dinner, we didn't hang about. Elicia was getting ready for bed, and we all had a very long day ahead of ourselves tomorrow.

I kissed Gracia's cheek and told her I'd see her bright and early in the morning. Elicia was already in the bath, so I told Gracia to give her my love, and we left.

The ride back to the manor was spent in silence. I still didn't know what to feel about being alone with Edward. My emotions were still out of sorts. The thoughts of having to see Henry tomorrow sent cold chills of anxiety up my spine.

I didn't know what to do about it.  _Should I tell Edward, or just hope I didn't run into Henry tomorrow?_ The latter was stupid; of course I would have to talk to him! I couldn't spend the entirety of the funeral hiding.  _Could I?_ No, no. I couldn't. I needed to face this fear head on.

 _Fuck, this was a fuck up._ I just wanted to go crawl into bed and sleep off this exhaustion that was making my bones ache.

I sighed and slid my eyes shut. I just wanted this day to be over.

* * *

**-Edward-**

The whole cab ride back to the manor, Roy was acting strange. If I had to put a label on it, he was being distant, more so than before. It left me with unsettling feelings coursing under my skin. The man sat quietly and stared contemplatively out the window. Not saying a single word since speaking our goodbyes at the Hughes' home.

It left me wondering if I had done something to upset or displease the other man. I raked my memory and nothing came to my mind.

Then I reminded myself to quit acting like a girl and man up to the situation, simply ask what the hell was wrong with him. Of course I waited till we got back to the manor with the door firmly closed behind us before asking.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"  _Okay maybe that wasn't asking but demanding… Who said I was claiming to be good at this sort of thing?_

Roy merely sighed and swept his black –tired- eyes towards me, "Nothing is wrong Ed—"

"Bullshit…" I interrupted, pointing a metal finger towards his chest accusatively. "You've been acting all strange since leaving Gracia."

Roy let out another weary sigh. Ignoring my finger, he turned his back toward me and headed for the staircase.

"If you are quite finished with your tantrum, I would like to go to bed. It's been a long and tiring day."

A flash of rage erupted in my belly at being brushed off like a child. I grabbed him by the sleeve of his navy overcoat, "No, I ain't finished, you bastard."

Roy halted in his steps, his back going ramrod straight before another visible emotion crept through his stature. When Roy turned his black eyes, they were sharp with an acute anger, and it was all directed at me.

_Fuck me…_

I took a step back unintentionally, and Roy descended like a panther disguised in human flesh. I swallowed audibly.

"L-look, I was just worried…" I stuttered uncharacteristically as I was walked backwards into the door we entered.  _How the hell had that happened?_ I wondered silently with the hard wood pressing into my back.

Roy wasn't saying anything, merely watching me with an unknown emotion floating in the depth of his eyes. He stepped in close, close enough I could smell his aftershave clinging to his cheeks and neck. A thousand and one butterflies erupted in my stomach. I felt one of Roy's warm hands slip into my hair, while his other disappeared down the arch of my back.

"W-what a-are you doing!" I yelped as the hand on my back grabbed a handful of my rear end, hoisting me inwards and upwards. I all but moaned as Roy rubbed himself against me.

I watched Roy raise a  _fucking superior_ eyebrow and lean in closer; all the while I stood my ground, our chests pressed tightly together.

"Isn't this what you want, Edward?" Roy's voice dropped a register, a low hum that burrowed into me, making my hair stand on ends. The heat of our lower extremities rubbed together again. It was making it rather hard to concentrate on the problem at hand…

 _Which was what, again…?_ I fumbled internally to remember how to work my mouth.

"I-I- we… I-I…"I licked my lips and my hips hitched forward unintentionally into blissful friction. Instead of words, a tight groan slipped out. My eyes slid closed as Roy spoke so close I could feel the taller man's misty breath ghosting across my cheek and lips.

"Tell me, Edward…" Roy's voice was thick and rough. The hand on the base of my head slipped up into my hair and removed the rubber band holding the high ponytail. All my blond hair came tumbling down around my ears. "…you have my undivided attention."

His long fingers scraped my scalp before running through strands of my golden hair. Roy's grip tightened abruptly and tugged my head backwards roughly. I made an undignified sound in my throat at the sudden bout of pain.

I gasped the man's name and was rewarded with his lips skimming my vulnerable jugular. I made an 'hn' noise in my throat in response, and I tried to silence the sounds I was emitting. I could feel my cheeks flaming from embarrassment from being so very aroused by Roy's rougher treatment.

"What do you want from me…?" Roy spoke quietly but sharply, unyielding as steel against my throat.

The words almost burnt against my flesh. ' _Something wasn't right here_.' Warning bells were sounding in my ears through the cloudy haze building around my forethoughts. I was having a hard time intelligently rationalizing through the throb of my pulse in my throat and dick.

I licked my lips, trying to focus on the fact that something was off. Roy was being aggressive and rough; whereas he'd been so caring and gentle the last time we'd…

My pensive state was cut short with a gasp escaping my mouth. Roy hoisted my smaller frame up the wooden door and wedged his knee between my own, levering them apart so he could fit there, nudging and rubbing into my throbbing crotch. I bit my lip to silence any more distressing sounds.

Roy was aroused beneath his trousers. I could feel his dick biting into my hip. It was hot even though our layers of clothing.

"Because—"Roy whispered I could feel his lips moving against the flesh of my neck, his hand still roughly holding my head at an awkward angle. "I'll tell you exactly what I want from you…"

A shot of lust ripped through my stomach and straight through to my dick at Roy's harshly passionate words. I kept my lips compressed together and my eyes screwed shut. The haze around my head was making it harder and harder to remember why I should be realizing there was something wrong here.

Roy took my silence and started mouthing at my neck with his tongue and teeth in fierce sucking kisses.  _Oh, fucking god, yes!_  I tried, I really did try to concentrate on reasons why I should be trying to push him away but I couldn't find any; it felt too damn good. I was dizzy from it all, the intense sensation and the feel of Roy's muscles shifting under my hands.  _–When had I raised my hands to his back?-_

I already felt drunk from it – lost in the excitement and ecstasy – even before Roy basically ripped off my red jacket down my arms and pulled my black shirt overhead, then over his shoulder.

He paused in his assault, "God, you're gorgeous."

Hands skimmed down over my chest, over my blush creeping along under wandering fingers. Roy gripped my pants by the seam, his four long fingers disappearing down the front. A gasp escaped me, and then I couldn't stop the moan from bubbling forward as I felt his fingers skimming the base of my cock. He abruptly let go of my sore hair, pulling me forwards as he walked backwards.

My dick led the way, and I followed like the love sick fool I was. Roy's head dipped down – hand cupping my cheek – and his mouth came down on mine powerfully, leaving me starving for more, like a starving man given the barest amount of food. Roy pulled back slightly and said, in that quiet voice of his, the kind of voice that liquefied my spine. "… I want you to fuck me—."

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note:  
> 1\. Elicia Hughes: In the series, she is about 3-5 (by the end). In this story, I've made her six. It never says it, but Roy mentions that she is missing her front teeth, eluding to her age.
> 
> 2\. I've always thought that since Edward could draw perfect transmutation circles, he probably wasn't a bad artist. In this universe, drawing is Edward's – not well known – secret. (And as my beta reader pointed out, yes Edward can draw.)


	15. I should've said, 'I love you.'

_**Previously** : Hands skimmed down over my chest, over my blush creeping along under wandering fingers. Roy gripped my pants by the seam, his four long fingers disappearing down the front. A gasp escaped me, and then I couldn't stop the moan from bubbling forward as I felt his fingers skimming the base of my cock. He abruptly let go of my sore hair, pulling me forwards as he walked backwards._

_My dick led the way, and I followed like the love sick fool I was. Roy's head dipped down – hand cupping my cheek – and his mouth came down on mine powerfully, leaving me starving for more, like a starving man given the barest amount of food. Roy pulled back slightly and said, in that quiet voice of his, the kind of voice that liquefied my spine._

_"… I want you to fuck me—."_

* * *

**-Edward P.O.V-**

My heart was pounding, and I was rock-hard inside my jeans. When Roy's hand disappeared from inside the front of my pants and came around my waist, pulling me to a stop by the stairs, I groaned. My lust addled brain did not fully understand why we had stopped walking and why the warm hand had retreated from the base of my dick.

I looked up into Roy's face, his hot gaze bore down on me. It left me feeling flushed with desire. The throbbing in my jeans intensified tremendously; my brain had yet to catch up to Roy's words.

"Hmm, you do want to fuck me, don't you?" The man standing before me derisively questioned. His smile starting to spread on his attractive lips. The burning in my face returned with a vengeance and I slammed my eyes shut.

My brain shut down at those loaded words, the system tumbling down around my ears.

 _Speaking of ears, mine were on fire..._  burning from my lust and maybe also from Roy's mortifying words. Hearing him say it was like a twisted aphrodisiac. Heat pooled inside of my stomach, centered in the pit and spreading outward. The air seemed thinner, and I had to take several shuddering breaths before I could even attempt to speak.

"I-I-I." It was a valiant effort on my part. My mouth opened and closed repeatedly, lost to any form of words. Roy's hand gripped the front of pants again.

"Fuck," I gasped at the warm hand.

A dark rumble echoed through Roy's chest. "My exact sentiments, Mr. Elric."

I fought to find words again, trying to remember why I should be asking questions instead of following blindly into something I had no clue about.

I was intimidated; it was the only explanation.  _Of course I was terribly aroused as well... and that wasn't helping anything..._ Considering that the majority of my experiences had been with women and nothing much in the kinky department, I was fighting against a massive lack of knowledge. But I wouldn't back down.  _When had I ever back down from something I really wanted... the obvious answer; never._

Roy tilted his head further down, wetting his lips with the tip of his tempting pink tongue. The warmth of his breath ghosted over my neck and face, a slow but tempting appeal.

His hand rubbed at my groin before aborting and moving up to my waist, working at my belt until it unlatched. The sound of the silver clasp and buckle clanking together set my heart into a flurry. My zipper followed suit, and it nearly stopped my breathing. Then Roy abruptly stopped, his long fingers toying with the hem of my boxers…back and forth, just the tip disappearing down the front and then back out. It was a maddening tease.

I swallowed audibly. If I was being honest here, I  **really**  did want to bend this infuriatingly sexy man over and fuck him till he forgot his name. It was a  **very**  pleasant thought. If Roy had been a woman, I would have already been buried deep in that hot, tempting heat between his legs. But, Roy was definitely not a woman. Actually, Roy was a very,  **very**  attractive man,  _and he was practically begging me to take him_. Fuck!

 _"_ Don't be embarrassed, Edward. We're both men."

"I-I'm not embarrassed, you bastard!" My ears burnt even as I denied the obvious.

Roy's smile lengthened along the edges, "Then there shouldn't be a problem..."

 _Fuck..._ the curse ripped through my mind.  _There was a fucking problem... I had no idea how to... to... to... FUCK,_  I couldn't even say it inside my own head. How could I even attempt to voice my worries...? _Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

Roy said something rough and urgent. It took a moment for me to understand, my brain still stupid from the offer of sex, and then with understanding came a spike of heat, right through my gut. A hot arrow straight into my groin and a pinch of dread mixed all together.

I would never admit it allowed, but I was thoroughly intimidated at the idea of being the 'giver' not the 'receiver'. I'd been leading myself to believe  **I'd** be the one on the bottom, this whole time. Even if that idea sent cold chills down my spine, I had always thought Roy would, bluntly put, be the one fucking me. Not the other way around. I honestly didn't think I'd have to know how to... to... to do  **that**!

"I-I've never..." I said awkwardly, the words I was looking for fell short on my overly dry lips. I swallowed soundly again. The meaning of what I was trying to imply hung in the air between us. I felt my cheeks and chest darken as the heat gathered there. My whole face was burning and I was quickly spiraling into a train wreck.

A devilish smile traced Roy's handsome face. His black eyes were shades darker as he bent down to whisper hotly in my ear. "It changes nothing. I still want you, Edward."

"Oh, god." My words were swallowed by Roy's mouth latching onto mine. His hot tongue plunged and swirling in the depth my mouth, the sensation tearing a moan from my throat. Dark, pleasant shivers laced my spine, and I was lost in the appeal of Roy.

* * *

**-Roy-**

"It changes nothing. I still want you, Edward."

I found the words leaving my mouth before I even anticipated them. I may have not realized what I was saying, but logically, buried beneath my pride and ego, I wanted to not be in control. The one not having to think, to feel the pain that was emitting from my heart... I just wanted to be fucked... filled the brim, stretched till I couldn't-think-of-anything-else, fucked.

The pain I was experiencing from the loss of my best friend, the anxiety of being in my home town (where almost every citizen hated me) to the fact I was going have to face Henry tomorrow... The only person I'd ever felt for, loved. The  **only**  man I'd  **ever**  let top me, let into my body. The same man that broke my heart and left me shattered into a million pieces.

_I don't want to think... I want... I want..._

"Oh, god." Edward's odd yellow eyes were wide and open as I leaned down and cleared the space between our mouths. It was electric-hot when our tongues slid together. I registered Edward's moan and it drew a growl from the depths of my chest.  _I want more..._

My inside clenched from the lack of something important.

I gripped his burning face in both of my hands, my lips pulling off Edward's with an audible smack. Both our chests heaving from exertion, I swallowed thickly.

"U-up." I spoke against his wet mouth. "Up, stairs."

Edward nodded his head and I let go, gripping his wrist instead as we hurried up the steps. By the time we reached my bedroom, my heart was in a flutter, palpating in my chest to a frantic beat. I knew what I wanted... and it was Edward, buried deep inside me.

I pushed him back on the bed and he went with the shove, bouncing on the bed with an attractive bobble.

Smiling at the boy's surprised expression, I stripped off my blue navy coat and calmly walked towards my dresser where I laid the jacket down. Next came the creamy buttons of my white formal shirt, first the cuffs and then the top button. Once undone, I slid the silk shirt down my arms and laid it on top of my navy coat.

The pang of lust rushed through my stomach as I turned my attention back to the man on my bed. Edward had taken my heed and removed his boots and socks. I licked my lips as my eyes drifted towards the 'v' of the other mans unlaced pants. I walked forward with a direct intent in my steps. I quickly unlatched my own belt and popped the button of my dress slacks; they fell to the floor unceremoniously as I stepped out of them.

The bed dipped from the weight of my knee coming down. Climbing onto the bed, I pushed Edward backward onto the mattress as I mounted his hips.

Edward's yellow eyes shined with shock for a moment before the expression was replaced with a greedy sort of heat. Both of the boy's hands came and gripped my hips in a tight, firm hold. The feeling of the other man's thumbs dipping into the crease where my leg became hip, made me want to moan out with what I knew what was to come.

Instead, I let my full weight come to rest on Edward's lap. The other man's erection pressing a hard line in between my cheeks. It left me with a quickening of my breath. I rolled my hips forward and watched the reaction it had on the blond man beneath me. It was almost instantaneous, the motion of Edward's hips snapping upwards in search of the warmth and friction between my legs. I hiccupped on a moan and did it again just because I could, just because I knew how fucking good it felt to be played with like this.

 _By a needy little twink, begging to get fucked..._ I thought darkly as another moan bubbled out of my throat. My dick was throbbing inside my underwear. I was terribly horny... my blood running hot with the overpowering need to be filled to the brim, my insides clenched with the thought of a hard length pressing within me.

 _Edward's hard cock fucking me…oh god!_ That was an arousing thought.

Looking down at the man under me, I rolled my body, watching the pleasure dance across Edward's face. It was empowering, knowing I was the one causing such wicked expressions on the other man's face.

"Do you want this, Edward?"

His brow furrowed in confusion as he licked his bottom lip. Moments later he was nodding his head. I felt his hands tighten on my waist; it left my body weak in the knees

"-I-I-I just don't know how..."

I quieted him by leaning down and kissing his confused pouty-mouth. We separated with a wet smack. I gazed towards Edward, a lilt of a smile curling the corners of my mouth. His devout adoration was lividly shining through his eyes for me; he wanted to please me but didn't have the means to do so. The confusion was admirable, and made my chest swell with a warm tingly sort of emotion. It felt vaguely like being in love... but that thought made my stomach hurt and I pushed it aside for later examination.

I licked the seam of his mouth instead and then asked, "Have you ever fucked a woman?"

I, of course, knew Edward's answer but only wanted to hear it from his own mouth.

"Yes…" he said sharply, eyes narrowing and hands shoving at my shoulders in a clear sign of 'give me room; I need to breathe.'

"Of course I've..." he clicked his tongue in agitation, "I'm not a virgin, Roy!"

I observed Edward's ears turning bright red, his cheeks and neck matching the same shade. I sat backward onto my heels, giving the space the other man needed.

"Have you ever had anal with a woman?"

The way his eyes widened was almost comical. The shade of his blush, the way he darted his gaze to the sheets: I then knew…I had hit the nail on the head.

I smiled down towards him; my hand came to cup his face bringing his eyes back up towards mine. "It still changes nothing Edward."

With our mouths inches apart, "Let me show you how it's done..."

Looking down at Edward beneath me, a vivid memory of the time I'd spent with Henry flashed in my mind. The whole reason I was feeling like  **this**  was because of Henry. I knew it sounded nonsensical, but the dominating urge to let myself go, to take what I needed, what I wanted…it was there in the foreground of my mind. I may have been innocent and a lot smaller back then considering I'd only been eighteen at the time of the affair. Sitting astride Edward's lap, I realized how much larger I was now than all those years ago.

I pushed that thought aside. It didn't matter. The urge was still there no matter what size or the fact I was a man instead of a boy.

Giving Edward a chaste kiss, I moved off the bed and opened the side table. Edward's gaze followed my every movement. Once I gathered my supplies, I crawled my way back onto Edward lap, feeling the softness of the bed give under our weight. His hands found my waist again. The skin where we were touching was so hot but contrasted with an intense chill from his metal hand. The dual sensation sent trails of shivers up my spine.

The boy looked downright intimidated, though. His vividly bright gaze clouded with uncertainty. I gave his flesh shoulder an encouraging squeeze before letting my hand slid down the length of his warm arm, and our fingers twined together against the sheets above his blond's head. I couldn't have Edward backing out now, not when what I wanted was hard and straining in the front of his pants, so achingly beautiful.

Our mouths touched, the barest of flesh skimming together before I deepened our connection. My tongue slid into the boy's pliant mouth, exploring the slippery sensation. The desire to fully taste took hold and soon our mouths were glued together, unable to sate the hunger bubbling beneath the surface.

My hold on his flesh-hand tightened, and I stared the dance of my hips again. Swaying back and forth, it was a tantalizing tease. Our mouths came apart and my lips slid down the arch of his jaw to the flesh of his neck. The groans echoing from the boy beneath me, spiked heat through my system and right through to my crotch.

"I want you, Edward..." I spoke against his warm skin, my voice dropping an octave. I felt him swallow, his Adam apple bobbing from the usage of his throat.

I continued my downward trail over blushing flesh, down the arch of his throat to the hollow section of his chest. I licked and sucked at his skin, leaving reddened welts in my wake. Edward's back arched at my touches, accepting his fate. My mouth worked its way down the center of his stomach; my tongue dipped into his belly button, drawing out the most attractive sound from the boy's rosy lips.

"-and I want you inside me." I said letting my mouth wander down the thatch of hair leading into Edward's undone pants and to my prize that laid beneath.

Edward bit his bottom lip as he gazed down his body towards me resting between his speard thighs. Hooking my fingers in the lip of his black jeans, I pulled them off his narrow hips. Edward lifted his rear end to help me, and the pants and boxers slid off his legs and onto the floor.

I licked my lips, and the young man turned his reddened face into the sheets, but his hardened prick bobbed proudly into the air. Without warning, I gripped the bottom half of Edward's length, which drew a startled inhale from him. I leaned forward and wrapped my lips around the swollen head, licking into the salty slit and giving a hum of amusement as the other man tried to rut deeper into my mouth at the touch.

I moaned as I felt the tip hit the back of my throat. The reverberation must have echoed through my mouth and into Edward because he cried out a startling high-pitched whine. His hands came up to my head, fisting his mismatched fingers into the black depths of my hair.

I rolled my eyes upwards to look at Edward's open face. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. His ethereal yellow eyes, usually filled with steel and gruffness, were positively molten; blown pupils shimmering with naked lust. His stupidly long lashes fluttered closed as my suction ramped up. I pulled off for a moment, then licked the spit-slick shaft before letting the length slip back down my throat. The motion was addicting.

His blush sprayed across his cheeks like an artist's brushing red paint onto an already redden canvas. It turned me on to no relief, knowing I was the one causing such a reaction. My inside clenched as I felt his appendage twitched inside my mouth. I scrapped it along the roof of my mouth as my tongue played with the sensitive underside of the organ.

"Oh, fuck, Roy!" he cried out at the sensation. I pulled off again, this time letting go of his shaft. It slapped wetly to his belly.

Edward's confusion was rampant; his eyes fluttered open to stare at me sitting back on my haunches. "Wait- what..."

"Shhh..." I muttered, reaching for the lube where I left it on the bed. "I got you... I won't leave you."

"Roy..." Edward's eyes were wide as he tracked my movement. He sat up in a supine position, his elbows supporting most of his weight. "W-what do I have to do?"

I smiled as I slipped out of my boxer briefs, my engorged cock bouncing out into the open air.

"Lie back and enjoy the ride."

If Edward's face could have gotten redder it would have. There was a look of eager heat buried beneath all that intimidation, though. I could see it written clearly in between the lines of Edward moral dilemmas.

Uncorking the lid of the tube, I coated my finger thoroughly before reaching around and swiping the pad across my puckered entrance. My breath hitched at first contact. Edward must have been enjoying the show, because I heard a 'holy fuck' right before I closed my eyes to the sensation. I let my finger slip inside, and I couldn't help the whine that fell from my tongue. I bit my bottom lip as I worked the finger out and then back in, working it around, trying to get myself used to something shoved in my passage again.

 _It had been so long…far too long since I fooled around on this end of the playground._ The memory of what was to come was still fresh in my nerve-endings though, and I could feel the tingling sensation start to grow around the base of my spine as I twisted my finger just right. My index went in a lot easier than the first, joining my middle in its exploration.

When I managed to open my eyes around the growing pressure, I found Edward staring slack-jaw towards me. Somehow my face had ended up pressed into his metal thigh as my fingers opened myself up, hips writhing with every movement of my wrist. That's when Edward moved, slipping out from under me. My face came into contact with the rumpled white sheets of my bed and suddenly the blond was behind me. I could feel his eyes watching my fingers disappeared inside me, twisting and turning to touch that pleasure spot deep within. The knowledge sent ample heat straight into my crotch.  _He's kneeling behind me._  My mind went blank as I felt Edward's finger pressing against my already stretched opening. My whole body jerked in response. All I could think of was Edward's hand touching me. I moan aloud, the sound catching in the back of my throat.

The realization that Edward  _wanted_  to touch, to help prepare me…it cracked something fragile inside me. I felt my heart bleeding as the sounds slipped from my mouth.

"You like that, don't you?" Edward asked sounding somewhat skeptical though his voice was darkened with lust.

"Yes," I somehow bit out into the sheets. I huffed and the hot hair came back into my already overheated face.  _'Like' wasn't accurate enough._  "Fuck, yes."

Edward chuckled, and it made that thing clench inside me.

"Is that a request?" He took that moment to sink his finger alongside my own.

It was dry and hurt slightly; we needed more lube. But not even that stopped the pleasure of finally having what I had been craving. I pulled my fingers out and reached blindly for the lube and condom. Edward must have seen what I was trying to do, because I felt him reach for something and then I heard the scrape of the lube cap open. Cold, slimy liquid dribbled down over my entrance and Edward's finger, and I felt goose pimples rise over my flesh. I hissed out my discomfort, and Edward merely chuckled before letting his other two fingers slip back inside me.

I arched my back, accepting more of Edward's fingers into my depth.  _It felt wonderful!_ I had always been so sensitive; it was one thing that never left my mind after all these years of only ever being the top. My prostate was overly sensitive, the smallest graze sending me into overdrive.

I fisted the white sheets next to my head in a desperate attempt to not whine aloud. I was losing the fight; the desperate sounds I was making were barely restrained in my throat.

"C-curl them…" I breathed out. Then he did just that and-

I saw white and melted into his fingers dancing inside me. My toes curled and I pressed backwards into the splendid sensation.

 _More... ugh, more._ My mind screamed…or…did I say it out loud, because Edward's cold metal hand settled on the swell of my ass cheeks and speared me further. The feeling of tepid metal on my flushed skin was only adding to the fire burning in my groin. It swelled around my spine, leaving me in a quivering mess.  _But it wasn't enough... not nearly._

I realized how I must have looked right then, face down, slack-jawed in the sheets with my ass lewdly in the air. But I didn't care; it felt too fucking good to care.

"Edward..." I all but whined, "You have to stretch me." It was becoming harder to think rationally through the rippling pleasure, but I knew Edward needed to focus on spreading his fingers to loosen my muscles. Otherwise, it would hurt tremendously when I tried to put his cock inside.  _I hadn't done this in years; I was bound to be tight_.

"What do you mean...?" He questioned from behind me, his fingers dipping against my prostate. A moan was ripped from my throat, and I had a hard time getting my thoughts to hunker back down.

"Y-you have to spread your -ngh, fuck- fingers. Like this..." I lifted my hand from the sheets and spread my three digits into the air, simulating the motion he was wrecking inside my entrance.

Edward was a quick study, doing exactly as I instructed. My sphincter muscle contracted under the pressure and I couldn't help but press back into the touch. I groaned at the sensation building at the base of my spine and through my hips being stretched open wide, I tried to remind myself to breathe through it. This went on for a few minutes, Edward pressing inwards and widening his fingers making my inner-walls open up to his invasive touch.

It was slow and intimate; the sounds he was drawing out of me made my face burn in mortification. My dick was leaking precum profusely, and I could feel the puddle growing on the sheet beneath me. A string of clear fluid connecting to the sheets in ribbons.

The feeling of warm lips skimming my lower back, close to the cleft of my cheeks, startled me out of my passion, pensive state. It made my heart clench, and my cock twitched. I buried my face into the sheets. The tongue that followed set my flesh on fire. I moaned – it couldn't be stopped – I moaned, and I didn't stop because Edward was playing me like a finely tuned instrument.

Through the haze that surrounding my head, I realized Edward was saying something. I managed to open my eyes and glance over my shoulder. He was watching me with those intensely-lit yellow eyes. I moaned again, my breath catching in my throat, and I pressed my overheated face back into the sheets once again.

"Fuck, Roy...C-can I? Are you ready?" Edward mouthed the words into my flesh, his slippery fingers moving without restraint.

 _How could I refuse such a sweet offer?_  I probably wasn't stretched enough, and I was definitely going to regret this come morning, but I wanted him inside me. I nodded my head and Edward took that as an 'Okay' on my part. His fingers slipped from my body with a wet sound. I felt my inner muscles clamp down at the sudden retreat of pressure.

After a moment of shuffling around, Edward positioned himself against my entrance. I could feel the warmth and chill from his mismatch thighs pressing against my own. The slippery head of his cock nudged between the magic inch separating my balls and the tight ring of my ass. Edward grunted, gripping me by the juncture of thigh and groin. He spread my legs as he went, trying to get the right angle, and I went with the motion, just as eager to get on with it.

I had a starling recollection at the moment of penetration. My whole body broke out in a cold sweet as I flashed back to years ago when I was just a boy, bent over a table with Henry's hard cock taking my virginity.

I bit the pillow and exclaimed loudly at the discomfort of being sunk into... The memory still riding on the edges of my sanity. My eyes fluttered closed and my brain shorted out, everything lost to the white hot rush. I couldn't help it; I squirmed as my body tried to reject the foreign object. I had to remind myself to breath and relax; it didn't hurt as much as I felt overly full. Edward didn't stop until his groin rested against my tailbone. By then, we were both breathing heavily.

"Fuck," the curse came from over my shoulder, and I felt Edward's forehead drop to rest on the arch of my spine. Our skin stuck together with the perspiration lingering on our bodies; his face felt sticky where it rested against my skin. Surprisingly, Edward on his own accord reached under me and gripped my flushed and neglected cock. I whined at the first contact; I was already so sensitive... My insides twitched, and Edward groaned his own pleasure.

"Fuck, hell, Roy... You're so fucking wet..." He continued to palm my dick, his fingers sliding over the leaking slit.

I didn't have any words; I just found it frustrating that he wasn't moving yet… My body arched forward into the hand fondling my front, while feeling the friction of Edward's length barely withdrawing from behind. It made me hiss out…I was getting annoyed…I just wanted Edward to move… to do  _something_ …

Groaning loudly, I reached back with one of my hands and gripped at whatever flesh I could on the other man's body.

"Move!" I exclaimed, mustering up whatever I could to carry off an order with practiced harshness. I felt a smile from the other man break out over my flesh.

"Aye, aye Captain!" Rising up to full height, Edward pulled out and slammed home.

A long drawn out moan from above echoed off the walls around us. All thoughts escaped me as Edward pulled out and then hurriedly pushed back in.  _'Yes, yes yes…finally!'_  echoed in the recesses of my mind. Or was I rambling out loud again, because Ed laughed breathlessly as he rocked forward and up, directly hitting my prostate.

After that Edward started moving ardently, hips undulating to a pounding pace. It was hard, rough but seemingly pleasurable. My mind finally blank from everything... and I focused down onto one thing…

_I loved the way Edward was making my body feel, the motion of his hands tightening on my hips and drawing me ever closer. I loved the feeling of my dick slapping my under belly on every forward push, I loved the amount of pleasure circling my body..._ _I just loved Edward and that conniving way he seeped into my heart… I just love him! I love Edward…I love him…fuck! I need him…I love him…_

"Edward!"

Bleating cries came out on every exhale; it was almost too much. Hands on my hips pushed and pulled me where I was needed most. Edward stroked that spot hidden deep within me that made my vision whiten on the edges. I was floating, freewheeling, nothing mattered except the wet pulse in my stretched hole and my hard dick slapping my under-belly.

Bracing myself with my left hand, I gathered the blanket into my palm for purchase. My right hand slipped under my body and started jacking my flushed cock in time to the other man's powerful thrusts.

It was just  _so, fucking, good…_  It almost hurt. Mouth drooling and hip undulating, I realized I was a ruined mess of pleasure.

Something that good could only last for moments, though. My back began to arch on its own accord. Grunting, panting, moaning,  _and_  so _close. So, fucking close._ Edward's hands gripped my hips in bruising force. I could feel the other man's body shuddering and jerking. The intermittent like thrusting developed into erratic bucks and lurches. The sweat poured from both our skins; I could feel it gathering in the small of my back, my neck and face.

When Edward's body dropped down onto my own, his stomach stuck to my back. I moaned from all the skin to skin contact. He never stopped his pace though; the angle changed and I was once again lost. When the hot sensation of Edward's mouth started kissing wet smacking sucks into my shoulder blade, I lost it. I was coming – an instinctual response; it came out of nowhere. The first spurts where nothing but dry orgasms. They raked shudders up my spine. But as Edward continued his erratic pace, my back arched again, and this time, a large ribbon load dribbled out onto the sheets.

' _Fuck, fuck, fuck'_  rushed through my mind as I completely whited out. I went limp, my muscles weak, my mind mush. I was completely satisfied.

A few quick pulses later, Edward came to a full stop breathing heavily against my back. He was limp as a noodle as so was I. Sliding down from my knees, I rested in the wet puddled sheets. It was disgusting, but I couldn't move; I could barely breathe…

 _That was... fuck!_ My mind screamed.

Edward sighed from behind me before he began shuffling around. I felt the wet pop of him sliding out of me and the mattress dipping to my left. I turned my head in his direction as Edward lied down on his back, an attractive red glow lining his cheeks. I felt my heart lurch and thud in the bottom of my chest. I must have made a noise because Edward's eyes opened and turned to look at were full of warm emotion and it was aimed directly towards me. My chest expanded and the words ' _I love you'_ ripped through my mind.

I leaned over the space separating us and kissed his mouth, not trusting myself not to say it out loud. It wasn't a kiss burning with any intense emotion but instead it was two men sharing a kiss after sharing an intense moment together.

_All was wonderful…_

_All was great..._

_But it couldn't last…wouldn't last._

* * *

If I had known  **exactly**  how the next day would play out... how I would lose Edward in the blink of a terrible decision, I would have taken that moment to let him know how I felt about him, how true and deep my emotions ran for him. But I didn't. Instead, I played the fool and fell right into the spider's deceitful web, known as Henry.

* * *

_Should've, could've, would've…_

If only I'd known it all, I would have said 'I love you.'

**To be continued...**


	16. Full of metal

**∞∾Roy∾∞**

**_Clank. Clank. Clank._ **

There was a pause, when suddenly I was awake. I don't specifically know what woke me but my eyes were open. It was still dark outside; seeing the whole room was still covered in nightfall. My sleepy mind registered this first, the next was the warm limb draped crossed my midsection. The smooth feeling of skin upon skin and the yellow hair brushing teasingly against my collarbone. The warm, moist air of someone's breathing evenly against the flesh of my neck.

It was the feeling that was strangely domestic …

**_Clank. Clank. Clank._ **

The loud noise took me by surprise, I felt my heart leap into my throat.  _Must have been what awoke me…_ There was silence and then the sound echoed through the room louder from before.

**_BANG! BANG! BANG!_ **

This time the warm body at my side began to stir…

**_BANG! Clank, clank, clank!_ **

The sound filled the room again, making the pictures on the walls rattle from the force. The movement in the sheets continued until the body turned over and a blond head popped out of the down-comforter like a ruffled squirrel.

"What the hell is that sound…?" Edward paused looking towards the window… "Fucking-hell, what time is it?"

A warm feeling echoed in my chest at the sight of Edward's creased face, and mused hair. His blond brow furrowed dramatically in the center, and the entirety of the scenario put a lackadaisical grin on my face.

"—and what the fuck are you smiling about…? It's too early for smiles. It's still dark outside. Oh fuck-me, it's still dark out!"

Edward was ranting, lost in the dementia of first waking up with only hours of actual sleep. The domestic feelings coming off this scenario should have me freaking out at terminal velocity, but strangely I wasn't. I was feeling calm instead. This was the third time I've woken to Edward in my bed, I was beginning to see why people did such a thing. It's comforting, sharing the same sleeping space with someone you care for—.

**BANG! Bang. Bang! Bang!**

The loud rapping noise interrupted my thoughts, I was awake enough now to realize what and where the sound was coming from. Someone was at my front door and knocking particularly enthusiastically.

"That would be the front door…" I remarked, my voice still scratchy from sleepy. I sat up with a groan, the white sheets pooling around my hips. I might have marginally forgot about last night's activities but I was reminded quickly enough. My groan turned into a hiss of discomfort as my full weight came to rest on my tailbone.

 _Well, that's sore…_  I remarked in my head, breathing through the worst of it. Making myself stand up, I turned and looked over my shoulder. Edward was burrowed back down under the covers. His bright yellow eyes staring out the cocoon of cover like some kind of feline creature.

"No, no. You just stay there. I'll go get the door." I sarcastically threw over my shoulder. I quickly put my pants on and donned a clean white undershirt from my dresser before leaving the room. A pillow aimed for my head whizzed past me as I exited. It drew a chuckle out of me as it smacked in my legs with a dull thud.  _Edward obviously wasn't a morning person…_

The cold wood beneath my feet was unforgiven, I was halfway down the staircase when I realized I probably should have put socks on. A shiver raked up my spine as my bare feet came into contact with the pale granite entry way.

I opened the door right as the pounding started again.

An extremely pregnant and exceedingly perturbed Riza, Hawkeye stood in my doorway.

"Thank god— you finally answered!"

"Riza… w-what are you…"

"— doing here?" she spoke pushing her way past me and into the house. "Looking for a bathroom, that's what I'm doing… My bladder is about to explode."

She waddle herself around the corner before I could even reply.

"Hawkeye, you're supposed to be on your honeymoon, with your new husband…" I hollered down the hallway, she didn't respond. Speaking of the new husband, Alphonse (who was red faced, sun burnt) came wandering in with four heavy luggage bags under his arms.  _Now I was really confused… they weren't supposed to be here._

"Hello again," Alphonse greeted wandering past me and setting the bags down by the stairs.

I stood there scratching my head.  _Last I heard they were stuck on_ ** _Yock Island_** _because of a storm. Now they're appear at my door step at gods-only-knows what time_. The sun was cresting over the horizon, I could see it out the ajar front door.  _Meaning it was probably around six thirty in the morning. It wasn't nearly as early as I previously thought…_

Moments later Riza came shuffling out the bathroom. Her stomach so round and bulbous,  _she was going to pop any day now._  Her hug was awkward to say the least, not because it was her but because of her pregnant stomach jutting out three feet ahead of her.

"I'm sorry. I know it's late…"

"—you mean early…" I interjected with a smirk gesturing outside to the sky. "It's almost day break… Couldn't this surprise wait till actually light?"

She fixed me with a hard look before continuing, "I tried to call you. Your phone keeps going straight to voicemail."

I forgot about my phone. I'd turned it off on the cab ride over from Hughes residence. Not wanting any distractions, I then placed it in my jacket coat and forgot about it.

I winced as I said as much…

Riza opened her mouth to say something but Alphonse interrupted before she could…"Hey, isn't this my brother's coat?"

I whipped my head towards the man and sure as fucking day, Edward's distinguishing bright, red coat hung from Al's fingertips. I had a face-to-palm instant at my ever lack of perspicacity. I felt my heart flutter into my throat as I looked from the red jacket to Riza face.

I cleared my throat, "Actually…" I stalled trying to get my story straight in my head before continuing.

"It is… I-I mean, the coat does belongs to Edward." I stumbled over my words. Laughing I tried to cover my nerves with the vibrato in my voice. It didn't work. Riza glare became sterner. I began shuffling from foot to foot. Alphonse was watching me with such a perturbed look on his face.

"Does that mean, Brother is here?" He questioned innocently enough.

I gulped and glanced back at Riza, she didn't look happy. Reaching out for Edward's red coat. I tried not to squirm under my friend's intense stare as I draped the jacket over my arm, trying to give my hands something to do.

"Yes. He's upstairs asleep." I answered truthfully while moving towards the coat closet next to the front door.  _I had nothing to feel guilty about…_  I reminded myself. The silence which followed was defending. I could feel Riza gun barrel, I knew she had in her hands, pointed at me like a target painted on my back.

I cringed internally at Alphonse's next words: "Hey look, that's Edward's shirt as well… Why is it on the floor?"

Riza said my name firmly and my stomach dropped to my feet.

I put my hands up and turned around slowly. I knew the drill but there was no gun in Hawkeyes hands, (it was weird, considering she always had some sort of pistol on her at all times.) Instead she was looking towards me with a sad expression in her eyes. That look tore me up more than any bullet could ever…

"You didn't…?"

My face fell and so did my hands, I took a step towards her and Alphonse but then faltered to a stop. She was making me feel guilty on a topic she knew nothing about. I felt my fist clench at my sides at the sudden anger rising alongside the swirling guilt.

 _She's jumping to conclusions._  I thought darkly. Riza knew nothing of the affection I held for Edward. How the man wiggled his way in my cold heart and somehow woken a part of me I thought would be missing forever… The mere thought of the younger males face set my inside into a frenzy. Made my heart leap for joy in ways it has never before.

 _She doesn't know I'm in love._  The realization hit me in the face, making all my anger bleed away into a knowing resolve.

"It's not what you think, Riza." I confessed after a long pause, my eyes darting back towards Alphonse. Trying to make her understand I didn't want to talk about this in front of her new husband, Edwards little brother.

I watch the emotions rippling on her stern face. First anger towards my transgressions but then confusion upon hearing my words and the certainty behind them. We stood there staring at one another. It was another few minutes before clarity broke out into the air.  _Hawkeye has always been able to read me like an open book, my feelings laid open and bare for her to dissect and analyze._

"We'll talk about this later…" She said with a lot more warmth in her voice than from before. She smiled starting up the stairs, "By the way, we're staying here for now. It's too early for us to go to my parents' house."

I laughed and ran a hand through my bangs, breathing a sigh of relief. "I pretty much deduced that already…"

Alphonse still stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking distressed and sunburnt as ever. I think we might've broken him with the way he was staring unblinkingly towards the discarded black shirt on the floor. Riza called his name and his eyes drifted from the floor to my face. His cheeks darken dramatically, even with the sunburnt already reddening his flesh, it must've all clicked in his head seeing as Alphonses eyes became round like saucers and his mouth dropped open in a little gasp of realization. In the matter of seconds he turned from me and darted up the stairs; a pause later I heard a door open and slam shut.

Riza and I both started laughing, lurid and boisterous with mirth.

"I think we might have broken your husband."

"Probably. Alphonse holds his brother on a pedestal. I wouldn't be surprise if there hasn't been permanent damage done."

I laughed again. "If it's any consolation; I have feelings for him— for Edward." I clarified.

I watch the shock glittering over her face, she whispered my name and descended the stairs. I was gathered into another tight hug.

"Wait!" She declared after a moment, pulling out of the embrace but kept me at arm's length. "This isn't another one of your ploys is it? You know one of those straight-chasing scams you're known for, is it Roy?" she demanded, her left eyebrow twitching as she spoke.

I looked down at her, a small bud of hurt blooming in my chest. As quickly as it came it, I squashed the feeling at the roots.  _I've never given her anything to believe in me. She has the right to not place her trust within me. Look at what I've done in the past…_   _all the men I've scorned. All in the name of good fun… Fuck._

I felt all my anger and resentment melt away, I leaned forward and kissed her cheek, hugging her towards my chest.

"Roy—"Riza said flatly, trying to maneuver out of my hold.

A heavy sigh left me, I knew I was going have to admit the truth… it was the only way I was going to get her to believe in me.

"I love him Riza." I all but whispered into her ear. Even I could hear the candor of my words as they hung in the air.

Riza whole person froze upon hearing my confession. Her warm coco color eyes turned up to look at me, I could see the astonishment in their depths. I offered a smile and brought a hand up to swipe her golden bangs out of her eyes.

"Now, now, Hawkeye. Don't be so surprise. We all knew it was bound to happen one day."

"I-I just never imagine… the possibility."

I chuckled at her bluntness,  _she was always good for that._

"Well I never imagine it at all… another consultation, I guess." I teased.

I received a smack to my arm, "Don't be so crass, Mustang. It's too early in the morning for such nonsense."

I laughed as I rubbed the sore spot on my arm in mock pain. "Well I'm being truthful here, I never thought I deserve—"

Riza stood up on tip-toes, placing her small hand over my mouth, "Don't say it. Don't even mention it. Everyone deserves love, Roy.  **Everyone.** "

I arched my neck away from her hold. "Even slutty-egotistical-narcissist-perverts; such as myself?" I spoke through a shunted breath and pained laugh. She could always tell when I was coveting something to my chest and trying to bury it deep with humor. She gathered my face in both her hands and even though she was a head shorter than me, I felt like she was the one sheltering me from the brewing storm.

"You listen here, Roy Mustang. You may be a slut…"

I scoffed, opening my mouth with a retort but she interrupted before I could complain. A good-humor chuckle following her words as her hands moved to rest on my shoulder.

"—and, you definitely can be a pervert, even at the best of times." Her smile faded, growing serious towards the end, "but you are not, under  **any** circumstance, an egotistical narcissist. You deserve love like the rest of us. And I'm personal glad you finally feel like you've found it."

Her words washed over me like a purifying wave.

_Riza Hawkeye is my family. She is my sister, my friend, my confidant. She is everything my mother wasn't to me. Her words always help me to find solace. She is my rock keeping me tied down into reality, and I am thankful for her presence in my life._

I close my eyes and buried my nose into the crown of her golden hair, "I am too."

And for once I truly believed I was happy.

(Which in hide sight, was everything I ever wanted out of life… To  **actually** be happy and loved.)

* * *

**∞∾Edward∾∞**

The slamming of a door down the hallway woke me from my light slumber. Some sort of time must have passed since Roy left the bedroom to answer the front door. The edges of the sun light was peeking through the curtains. I wasn't totally awake, my limbs felt lazy and heavy. I was lying on my stomach, having rolled over and taken the space Roy had been previously occupying. My face pressed into his pillow, his scent lingered in the fabric.

Roy's smell. I could never define it properly, no matter how many times I tried _._ You never can, with scents. There's never words to describe them floating in the air after a rainstorm, not the smell of a freshly cut grass on a warm summer's day. His scent was dark and musky: the shadows of an expensive aftershave, cigarettes burning slowly, the smell of sweet mint lingering on his breath. Those, and a thousand other things I never could place my finger on. It all combined and condensed to make him.

The bedroom door opening drew my attention towards it. Roy came through, a smirk still touching his handsome face. My stomach dipped and twisted at the rush of emotion surging through me at the sight of him. I lazily sat up in bed, throwing my arms above my head and stretching the sleep from my limbs.

"Good morning, lazy kitten." He jested stepping fully into the room.

I greeted him through a yawn, but frowning at his choice of endearment. Instead I choose to ignore my sprouting agitation, "Who's at the door?"

I observed his smile widening with a playful gleam in his dark eyes. He ignored me and instead climbed onto the bed. His weight made the mattress dip as he crawled closer towards me. I squawked as my ankles were grabbed and I was forcefully position onto my back with a grinning fool hovering above me. I felt my anger getting the better of me. I tried to sit up but once again I was pushed back by a heavy hand on my chest. Quickly— ( _quicker than I realize_ ) my hands were tugged over my head and pined to the mattress.

"Let me up!" I demanded, my voice still heavy from sleep. Roy chuckled and I growl. It got me nowhere.  _I should've know…_  I thought with a scowl on my face. Turning my head towards the wall, adamantly defeated with a metaphorical white flag waving overhead. I was thoroughly pinned.

Roy's hot mouth on my neck surprisingly, had my agitation disappearing into a different type of heat. The kind directly connected between my legs. My spine arched at the pressure of teeth nipping at my flesh. I gasped from the pleasure rising through me at such a simple touch. With quick work, Roy had me writhing to his inclination.

"Your brother…" he spoke against the shell of my ear. I was lost to his touch, those words never fully registered.

"…and Riza, of course."

Roy was talking but my mind was focused on the other man's warm hand slipping under the white sheets and grasping my hardening length. It was then I realized I was still entirely naked from last night romp between the sheets.

"Ah-what are y-you on about?" I tried to speak with my normal gruff attitude but it came out more breathy then intended.

Roy chuckled darkly and it twisted my insides about. He took it upon himself at the precise moment to map the contours of my chest with his wet and warm tongue. I arched into the touch, my dick pulsing in pleasure in his tightening grip. The familiar tingly heat right bellow my belly button began to grown hotter at Roy's touches.

"The people, at the door of course—"he said seemingly unaffected while licking at a puffy, raised scar near my nipple.

I gritted my teeth, trying to stay focus at what was being said. My traitorous nipple harden at Roy's ministrations, his -damned- tongue diligently working it into a peaking heights.

"W-what door?" I question, not even caring for the words leaving my mouth, or how they expressed my complete idiotism at this precise moment. Forgetting momentarily that I should be listening to Roy's words instead of focusing on the spike of tingly heat surging through me.

My fingers laced through the back of other man's hair. The black strains felt like silk under my flesh fingers. I groaned as he worked his teeth into the rotation now. Griping the peaking bud and sucking it into his wet mouth.  _Fuck, it felt good._

"The front door, of course." Roy teased letting go of my glistening skin. He blew his hot breath across the wet flesh, I shivered from the dual sensation of heat and the chasing chills. I opened my mouth to retort but Roy was already moving his way down my body. His nose dipping into my bellybutton as his mouth traces patterns into my flesh in a downward slide. I felt my heart in my throat. I tired swallowing it down but the further Roy's wicked mouth slid the more my heart flutter upwards into my mouth.

A surprise moaned broke free of me as his hot lips brushed the base of my length, where his hand still stroked me loosely.

"Fuck." I bit my lip as I felt Roy's grip tighten on my dick. I subconsciously spread my legs wider, making room for him between my thighs.

"So eager…" he murmured.

I whined, I actually whined, as Roy's tongue lapped all around the tip of my organ, and then into my glistening slit.

"Don't tease… you bastard." I breathed out like a punch to the stomach. My hands tightened in his hair on their own accord. A natural reaction, one that left Roy chuckling darkly.

"I'm not…" he reassured before swallowing me down. My spine arched and my head knocked backwards into the pillow. I was in bliss, engulfed in a wet-hot, tight euphoria. He pulled off me slowly, swallowing as he did so, his throat hugging my shaft on the exit. It made my eyes close in tantalizing elation.

"F-fuck, Roy. Stop teasing…"

I felt him chuckle more than I heard it. The vibration alone echoing through my cock and up into the muscles of my fluttering stomach. He swallowed, creating a wet friction sweeter than sugar and all thoughts were lost to me. Roy lithely went back and forth, deep strokes, over and over again, each filled with earnest passion.

The growing eagerness budding within my stomach expanded at Roy's fist coming into play; stroking my aroused flesh in time to his lapping and suction. I couldn't help the involuntary sounds emitting from my mouth. I bowed helplessly into Roy teasing hands and mouth, earning myself a breathless chuckle from the man devouring me.

My fingers tightened forcefully in Roy's hair as he pulled off. A wet string of saliva connected us lewdly together, from my crown's tip to his full lips. I moan from the mere sight of his dark enchanting eyes rolling up towards mine as I watched his wet tongue licking his bottom lip. With a cocky smile, Roy's capable palm gave a firm downward stroke; revealing the redden head of my organ to the open air. A pearl of sticky fluid seeped from the tip. His dusky eyes looking up towards me, making sure I was watching before his tongue lapped it away and his hot mouth was back on me.

I moaned at the touch of a textured tongue gliding upwards and then back down as I was sucked feverously. At the way his wet mouth chased me back down in tight jerky motions. I cried out at the motion when I realized Roy wasn't even stopping to breath.

_It was too much… I was going to explode— it was too good, fuck he's too good. I'm going to come… I'm… I'm…_

"I-I-I'm… I'm… -Fucking-hell- Roy…" I tried to warn him, pulling on his midnight hair to no prevail. He merely pulled off slightly. This time with a knowing smile on his swollen mouth. He continued to jack my cock in hasty movements in front of his face. I pulled on his hair again as I began to come, he parted his lip and I shot straight into his waiting mouth. I moaned at the sight and had to close my eyes from the pleasure rocketing through me.  _Fuck-shit. So fucking hot._

It was such a kinky thing for Roy to be doing and I didn't understand fully why I found it such a fucking turn to begin with. I heard him swallowing and I shuddered from aftershocks.

He was licking his lips when I managed to open my eyes again. His pink tongue swiping over his redden mouth, catchy a stray strand of fluid on his bottom lip. A sense of contentment surged through my chest, knowing I'd done that to him.

"Well now, I have to say that's the best way to start a day…" Roy spoke with a small smile on his lips.

I couldn't help the lazy smile that broke across my cheeks as well.  _I blame the post orgasmic bliss…_

"You can say that again." I entreated, repositioning myself to longue supine on my elbows. Roy was still causally sprawled between my thighs. His warm hands tracing patterns into my skin and it felt nice,  _lazy strokes as if petting a common house cat…_

The reality of the situation registered like a flick of a switch. Everything Roy said before suddenly became much clearer without the haze of arousal circling overhead.

_Alphonse is here?_

"Roy?"

He hummed low in his chest in recognition, still petting my scared leg where metal and flesh melded together.

"Did you say Alphonse is here?"

His hand looping patterns stopped at my words. His rich black eyes looked up the length of my body towards my face. He looked reluctant to answer at first, his gaze darted away as he licked his lips before looking towards me and answering.

"Yes."

Everything stilled at that simple answer.

My heart stopped.

My thoughts stopped.

I froze.

My breathing included; I stared shell shocked into Roy's endless black eyes.

 _Alphonse was here… Alphonse is here._ I corrected myself and that was the moment everything resumed with a roaring noise accompanying.

"Fucking-hell…"

The first thing I felt was a burst of mortification at myself and the situation. I hadn't thought nor planned for Alphonse (or anyone I know) to figure out about my swim within the preferable lake of homoerotica. Or at least I hadn't allowed myself to see that far into the future, yet. Now that I was faced with the facts; a sense of humiliation erupt inside of me.

There was a large portion of myself which still wasn't ready to accept my sordid relations with a men yet. A large portion that wasn't prepared to have people, my loved ones, know anything about my stray. I had barley come to terms with my feelings towards Roy, I wasn't ready to step out of the closet into that sort of light. It was too much.

The second was shame. Roy's face saw to that. It was heartbreaking to say the least. His warm hand fell from my leg and he gave a heaving sigh. He was moving off the bed, I had to stop him. I knew if I didn't there would be a gorge between us and I didn't have the wings to fly over it.

"Roy…"

He flinched upon hearing his name but stopped his escape off the bed.

"It's alright, Edward—"His warm eyes grazed my face from over his broad shoulder, "I understand fully."

My heart clenched at his words. I sat up quickly, reaching out for his hand resting on the bed at his side, "No, I really don't think you do…"

My words stop him, and I watched his proud black brow furrow in confusion… I squeezed his large hand trying to find the courage within myself to finally admit the truth.  _I was really hoping to skip this part of the conversation… but here goes nothing…_

"I-I- want more, from this..."  _Oh god, I'm going to kill myself…_ "…to be more than what we are now…"

I could feel my face already ballooning with deep red blotches.

Roy whispered my name and pivoted his body so he was facing me once again. His midnight gaze searching my face for the answer which might lie there. I turned his hand over and laced my metal fingers with his. I met his eyes and felt my heart fluttering in my throat.

_This is it…_

"I-I-I think, I mean, I know I—"

But there was a knock, and it silenced my confession.

We both blinked, looking away from one another, towards the infernal door and then back to one another. An additional knock followed.

Hesitating, Roy cleared his throat turning to look at me before rising to his full heights. There was a look of something in his eyes, ( _a doubt no longer, maybe_?) before he turned and strode to the door.

I flopped backwards into the muddled sheets. I could feel my cheeks flaming in embarrassment.  _I'd almost told him…_

Riza was at the door, but it was Gracia on the phone that pulled Roy from the room. Roy excused himself and went to take a quick shower, before calling Gracia back on his own phone.

I was alone in a sea of white sheets with only a burning face to keep me afloat. Honestly, I was grateful for the moment to myself. I needed to recoup and straighten my thoughts out.  _Even if my thoughts were a million miles from being anything but straight…_ I snorted at myself.  _Real funny._

I felt like a prepubescent girl reeling on her first crush… in other words, like a total ass-hat.  _Only real difference, I actually got to fuck Roy… Oh god._ That thought was a like a tidal wave of heat crashing over my body… Every time I thought of last night, I was over taken by a scandalous arousal.

 _Roy bent over, the very bed I was now lounging in, moaning and crying out to our shared completion._   _Oh, fuck_. It was a pleasing memory. _The feeling of his tight muscles constricting around my dick felt better than any woman's soggy channel. What had I been missing out on…? I didn't know, but I do now. Even Roy's talented mouth was better than any woman's I'd been with._

Groaning I rolled onto my side, averting my face into the soiled sheets. Roy had just brought me to completion not mere ten minutes ago and already my arousal was pooling in my loins. Not even when I was a teenager had my body betrayed me so. Never had I felt this unmountable urge and lust consuming me.

It was Roy and his damn sex body, his voice, his fucking- **oozing**  sexuality.  _If sexuality was liquid, Roy would be wet._ And there it is, the truth in all its sleazy simplicity. I could not forget Roy's touch nor the pleasure which shadowed closely after.

The silence ensued after Roy's departure, I could hear the morning birds chirping a happy tune outside the window. A floor down, plates and cups clanked together in the kitchen,  _Riza and Alphonse probably…_

I found myself cursing inwardly. I had to get up and confront my brother and his new wife. I cringed but recognized I couldn't hide away in this bed all day. There was too much to be done today. Grudgingly, I climbed out of the warmth of the sheets.

 _First thing, first. I need a shower._ My body was covered in sweat and dry spit and spunk. My stomach and inner thighs itched from it. I knew for a fact this giant house has more than one bathroom with baths in them. I counted at least three already from my brief exploration of Roy's home when he'd not been looking.

If the sound of running water coming from down the hallway were anything to go by, Roy was in the hall bathroom, leaving the master bath available.  _He must have done that on purpose. Knowing I was just as filthy as he was._ A smile found its way onto my face. It may have been a small feat of kindness on Roy's part, but it left a warmed happy feeling echoing in my heart.

Padding into the bathroom, I felt overtly happy. Even though today was Roy's friend's funeral, I still found the silver lining pleasing to the touch.  _If this morning was anything to go by, the rest of the day was going to go by pleasantly— err, or as pleasant as funeral can go…_

That happy feeling lasted through the shower and the minutes it took to dress myself and braid my hair. It stopped though as I stepped out into the hallway and down the stair case. Instead it was replace with a burst of anxiety. I could hear Alphonse's voice coming from the kitchen… Bracing myself with more courage than I truly posset. I stepped around the corner.

Al's bright hazel eyes turned my way. "Brother! You're finally awake."

He was around the island with his long arms around my person. He nearly knocked me off my feet as he crashed into me.

"Whoa, there… What's this all about?"

"I missed you." Came the muffled response from Alphonse mouth buried in the crown of my hair.

I couldn't help but snicker at his childish antics. "I just saw you last week Al…"

He pulled out of the embrace, _holy fucking shit_ ,  _he's beet-red._  "Alphonse you're sunburnt!"

"Y-yeah…" he stuttered embarrassed, taking a step back and away from me. "I fell asleep outside, in the sand." Now that I was paying attention Al was moving stiffly.  _It must hurt like hell._ I said as much… and he scoffed somberly, "you have no idea…"

I laughed, and slapped him playfully on his back where his redden skin was peeking out of his pale blue polo shirt. Alphonse comically leapt away from my touch, a dramatic hiss of discomfort falling from his lips.

His reaction was priceless, a wide playful smile lengthen my lips. "A reminder you're still alive."

My little brother glared darkly towards me. I simply smiled and moved over to where I smelt coffee brewing.  _What were brothers good for, if not to pick on each other?_

Riza was sitting over at the kitchen table, pushed off in its own corner. She smiled as I passed her.

"I told him to wear sunblock but he said he didn't need any." Riza said, stirring a silver spoon in her mug resting on the table in front of her. "Something about the tropic storm clouds keeping him safe from the UV rays." She rolled her eyes as she spoke, taking a sip off her pale colored mug.

I laughed, "Sounds about right. Alphonse was always the type to live to forget."

Getting myself a mug from the cupboard above the freshly brewed coffee. I poured a large serving.  _Oh, yes! It smells heavenly._

"—but then again, I'm no better." I continued bring my cup to my lips. It was scalding hot and so fucking delicious.

I turned and supported my hip against the counter at my back. I actually felt like a functioning human being with the warm mug of coffee pressing into my flesh palm. I left my gloves up stairs, feeling comfortable enough not to wear them in the house. I wasn't in mixed company, these people wouldn't judge me for my automail.

_Or at least I hoped not…_

I watched Riza eye catch on my metal hand at my side, before flittering back up to meet my eyes. Most people looking would catch an eyeful before glancing away not wanting to be rude. Only a few people in my life were actually comfortable enough to just stare right at it without feeling awkward.  _The ones who knew how I'd receive my metal extremities._

She said nothing about it, but it was apparent she knew about the accident and how I lost my limbs.  _Of course Alphonse would've told her about that traumatic night. He'd experienced that night of living hell as well, just in a different light of sorts._

I shrugged off those thoughts, I didn't want to think about the monster named Envy. It wasn't the time, nor the place to. Such thoughts shouldn't bare themselves during the light of day. Better yet, it was smarter not to think about that particular night ever. Some things were better off left alone.  _Period._

Riza and Alphonse had continued talking as I came out of the dark-pensive state I'd been lost in. Al had been trying to ask me question. His brow gathered together when I didn't answer…

"Huh, I'm sorry. What was that Al?"

Al was smiling again, the edges of his mouth turned up in amusement at something he found funny. "I said, how did you end up here with Roy?"

I froze, realizing only too late by freezing I was only making myself appear conspicuous. Aborting the motion, I brought my metal hand up to scratch at the back of my neck. I chuckled while stumbling all over my words. "I… well we." I laughed nervously again, not really knowing how to answer that.  _Shit…_ Alphonse was looking at me awkwardly, and Riza was watching me knowingly over the brim of her mug. I really didn't know how to answer without telling them the entire truth. One of my major downfalls; I couldn't lie to Alphonse. Never could and I never would.

_Fuck…_

"That would be my fault…" Roy sauntered into the room. His cellphone still in his right hand.

The breath I'd been holding, I quickly exhaled it. All eyes fell towards Roy. He held an edge of a smile on his mouth but something was off… The way he was holding himself, his back was too straight, his smile a bit too bright… but it was the look held in his dark black eyes that drew my attention. A whisper of sorrow clung in his gaze; trying to be concealed behind his pretty smile.

"—I didn't think Riza was going to be here." Roy continued moving further into the room. "I thought you both were trapped in a tropical storm?"

Riza spoke up, "the storm calmed enough to let a couple flights out. We jumped on the first flight home after learning about it."

"Ahh, well I'm glad for it." He sighed heavily, putting both his hands in his front pockets. His eyes drifted towards me, "I have to take off early for the funeral. Gracia needs my help with something dealing with the floral arrangements."

He was speaking to me, I nodded my head dumbly.

"—meaning I have to leave you here."

 _Oh…_ I don't know why but that information sunk my spirits. I felt discouraged. I tried not to let it show on my face though. I wasn't trying to make Roy feel guiltier because he needed to help in his best friend funeral. I wasn't even beginning to expect my feelings to be held over Maes's burning torch and survive.

"Sure. That's fine." I spoke into the brim of my coffee cup, not really meeting Roy's questioning eyes. My words didn't sound sure, even to my own ears. I cringed internally.

"We can give him a ride to the funeral…" Riza announced, breaking up the awkwardness gathering in the kitchen. Dark eyes flickered away from my person towards her, and I exhaled a small sigh of relief.

"If Edward doesn't mind, that would be most helpful?"

All eyes fell onto me again.  _Ugh, of course._ I shrugged nonchalantly, calmer than I actually felt and replied lamely while nodding my head. "Sure. That's fine."

 _Such an idiot…_ I thought taking a sip from my mug.

"Indeed. That works out quite well. Thank you Riza, Alphonse." Roy replied smoothly, tapping his hands on the counter in front of him before seemingly turning to leave the kitchen. I felt my heart sinking further.

 _I don't even get a solid goodbye from him._ I found myself thinking watching Roy walk away before I reminded myself sternly,  _I don't have ovaries, and I'm definitely not a girl. I shouldn't whine about not getting a goodbye kiss_. Still I found myself depressed, gazing down into my black coffee.

Roy paused at the arch way of the kitchen, "Edward…" he called over his shoulder. "—a moment of your time, please."

My heart skipped a beat upon hearing my name being called in Roy's rich voice. Heat gathered on my face, remember that same voice crying my name into the soiled sheets as I fucked into his tight, enveloping heat.

 _Fuck…_ "S-sure, okay."

_Real fucking smooth…_

Setting my mug down on the bar, I followed Roy out of the room and was led into a large garage. The smell of motor oil and saw dust touched my nose. The door shut behind me and I opened my mouth to ask, what the other man needed of me.

Instead I found myself being pushed back into the cold wood of the door and Roy's talented tongue dipping into my mouth. A groan fell from my mouth accordingly as my hands found the lapels of his black suit jacket. I tugged him further into the kiss. His tongue tasted of peppermint, and it left me breathless for more.

All thought retreated at the feeling of Roy's long fingers weaving into the base of my hair. Angling my face upwards for his tongue to dance across my own in a wet, heated slid. I had to stand on the tips of my toes to reach properly. A fact which normally would have me writhing in bitterness, now I only found the heady sensation of lust coursing through my veins.

Both of Roy's hands cupped my jaw as our kissed slowed to chaste smacks before finally he pulled away slightly. His misty breath still catching on my face. I sluggishly peeled my eyes open.

Roy's dark eyes gazed down at me with a deep warmth hidden inside. Their magnetic pull gripped my stomach, twisting it and drawing a dusty blush to rise over the apples of my cheeks.

"What was that for?" My voice sounded breathy even to my own ears.

Roy took a deep breath and let it out slowly "I just needed to…"

Both of his thumbs stroked over the heights of my cheekbones as he talked in a hushed voice. His midnight eyes copying the same patterns of his thumbs tracing back and forth. There was a warm expression held in his stare like stars twinkling in the night sky. It made my heart flutter and my mouth tacky with the unfamiliar emotion awaking in my chest. But held under the very same warmth, I could tell Roy was hurting from the loss of his friend.

My brow dipped in the middle with concern. "Is everything alright? Are you okay?"

Another resounding sigh blowing through him. The sound of it made my bones ache. The edges of Roy's mouth drew upward though. A small smile twisting his face into a mask to disguise the hurt. I knew all too well what Roy was trying to do. I'd done it plenty time in my past, how could I not recognize the obvious clues lain before me.

I let go of his jacket's collar and let my weight drop back down onto the sole of my feet. I brought my hands up to bracket his still cradling my face.

"I am fine…" he said moments later, turning his fingers to grasp my own and bring them down to hang between our bodies. I didn't believe him but I didn't push… I knew he would tell me when he felt the need to share. Until then I would mind my own business…

"Are you sure you are alright with me leaving?" Roy asked, bowing our brows together. I went back up on my toes slightly, not wanting Roy to have to lean all the way down. I normally would've been mortified, but no one was here to pay witness.

"I'm fine. Really… I'm not made of glass…" I teased knocking on my metal thigh for emphases.

Roy chuckled and it did things to my insides. "I know that. You brat…" he said with a smile, kissing my mouth with a few quick kisses. "—I just don't want to make you feel like I've abandoned you. I would invite you along, but I have to drive and pick up the flowers that were  **supposed**  to be delivered already. There's barely going to be enough room for me to drive, let alone to have a passenger with me."

I smiled, (a little fake reassuring smile) and replied that it was fine. "–don't worry Roy. Besides Riza and my brother are here. I won't be alone."

Roy's brow scrunched down seriously and he nodded, but his eyes flashed impishly. "Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone, alright Fullmetal?"

"Hey now," I grinned crookedly; "This is me we're talking about here."

Roy laughed "Exactly."

I snorted and rolled my eyes muttering  _'bastard'_  under my breath.

"Fullmetal, huh?" I question after a moment pause, realizing what he just called me.

His smile broaden, the white of his teeth showing. One of those small, intimate little grins as he pulled me close. Bumping out mouths together a few times, before pulling off with a smacking sound. "You're not made of glass but instead full of metal." He whispered with the heat of his words dancing on my wet lips, "Fullmetal."

It was corny, and incredible stupid and had it been anyone but Roy, I would have laughed outright in their face. I didn't though, I didn't do any of those things. Instead I allowed myself a few seconds to think all those embarrassing lovely-dovey bullshit thoughts and dived head first into what I wanted. Grabbing Roy by the lapels of his jacket again, I drew him down into a kiss. Relaxing into it, commanding it was the heat of my tongue and the want in my bones—.

I actually felt my brain liquefy and was glad for it.

"I'll see you later…"

I nodded, face split by a crooked kind of smile. I knew my eyes were probably glazed, but I didn't care. I somehow (by the grace of god I do not even believe in) opened the garage door back into the house, and managed to make my way into the living room. My heart was in my throat. I closed my eyes, the sensation of Roy's kisses was seared into my memory.

 _Holy fuck._ I thought gripping my burning face with my metal hand.  _I'm such a fucking sap._

The way Roy called me Fullmetal, twisted my insides about. I don't know why but the pet name did something for me. Something entirely kinky.

I chuckled to myself.  _Oh well… At least I'm not the only sap._

**To be continued…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I forgot to update AO3, a friendly reminder from a follower/reader pointed this out. 
> 
> haha 
> 
> enjoy.


	17. So this is love

**Roy**

Hughes funeral was held at the local cemetery. His body was laid to rest in the family plots. Military colleges, friends, and family gathered together to pay respect and celebrate Maes's momentous life.

It was a large cemetery, vast in the expanse of rolling green grass hills. Large gulps of clearing for the meticulous headstones and pathways. Marked by troves from visiting loved ones. Full green bushes and tall lilting trees littered the landscape. To say the least, it is a beautiful and peaceful place.

* * *

 

 **Maes Hughes.**  
**Brigadier General.**  
**1980-2013**

**_A loving Husband and Father._ **

* * *

 

The cold stone beneath my gloveless fingers sent a chill racing down my spine.  
_I can't believe you're really gone…_ The words flitted through my mind, almost asininely so. The thought made my head sag forward towards my chest in a downfall.  _My friend…_

"Promoted to Brigadier General, just for dying in the line of duty." A sigh fell from my mouth. "I thought…" I paused. My sigh turning into a humid chuckle. "I thought I'd always be the one out ranking you. I guess you finally beat me at something… You damn crazy fool."

I stood alone in the sodden grass next to the freshly upturned earth. The mound of dirt marked as Maes's grave stared back at me dauntingly.

 _As if I'd get a response…_ Another morbid chuckle left me as I wiped my hand across my burning eyes.

 _All the attending guests are gone_ ,  _probably heading to your house... but you're not there..._ My heart caught sharply on that particular thought, a deep residing pain stretching through my chest. A broken sound clawed its way from my throat and out my lips before I could stop it. It hurt. It physically hurt to breath. Like someone had swept out all the oxygen around me.

"Roy?"

My name being called from behind alerted me to someone's presence. I took a scarce moment to inhale a deep calming breath, trying to collect myself outwardly. A second later, Edward was standing at my side. His expression unreadable. I watched him blink slowly with his attention solely on the grave before us.

I somehow managed a ghost of a smile; a comforting gesture mostly for the man at my side's benefit. I was acting as if everything was alright, that my insides didn't feel raw and exposed. But truly, I  **wasn't**  fine. I felt like shattered glass beneath bleeding feet.

I couldn't make my hands stop shaking. I placed them in the front pockets of my blue military issued slacks, trying to hide my tremors.

"Why are you still here? I thought you left with Alphonse?"

There was a static pause, where Edward placed his hands into his own pockets. Mirroring my stance in everything but height.

"I-I didn't feel right… leaving you behind." He finally spoke, never taking his eyes off the freshly tilled ground before us. I could feel the familiar tugging sensation in my heart at Edward's confession.

I was thankful he wasn't observing me, I could feel my eyes burning hot along my lashes. I knew my gaze was glassy; but it was the unbearably tight feeling in my throat which let me know I was on the verge of tears. I tried to clear my voice of the mounting tension but to no prevail. There was no disguising the precarious rumble in my breathing. The feeling was on the rise in my chest and there was no way to stop the invariable. Of course seconds after I realized this, Edward attention was turning towards me.

I could see the worried expression etched in his handsome face. His blond eyebrows pinched with concern. Even through the flooding gates of pain, I could still appreciate how unbelievable gold his eyes truly are. Gleaming over with obvious care and worry. "Are you alright?"

The sky rumbled darkly, black clouds gathered in the greying skies overhead. Almost matching my mood exactly,  _as if someone was watching from above._

"Yeah." I swallowed soundlessly, placing my military issued hat on my head. Trying to disguise the hurt in my eyes; my expression.

"Except, it's a terrible day for rain."

"What do you mean, it's not raining…?"

"Yes." A single hot tear slithered down my face as the heavens releases upon our heads.

"Yes it is…"

* * *

 

 

By the time we arrived at the Hughes residence, the house was blooming with activity. Parked cars lines the curbs, one after another. All the way up the street and beyond.

It drove my heart into a fickle pattern. I could feel my blood coursing through my veins. My chest constricting in a tight grasp. I knew how many people were going to be inside the Hughes home. Faces I wouldn't mind seeing. People I hadn't seen in years.

 _All I had to do was go inside, shake a few hands, and pay my condolences before leaving._ I told myself trying to steel my resolve for the situation I was about to walk in to.

It didn't work. I still felt anxiety shaking me to my core.

It was the people I didn't want to see. It was them making me cautious of going inside. Particularly it was a single face, Henry's. And I already knew  **he**  was in there.

I'd seen  **him**  at the funeral service. Our eyes had locked in the distance separating us as the reverend spoke the sermon. I still remember the bolt of realization dancing upon my spine upon recognition.

_Henry._

Even after ten years of no contact, I instantly recognized him. Wrinkles may adorn the skin around his sharp eyes, but I would know those keen eyes anywhere… His hair was greying along the edges, near his ears and hairline. But he was still lethally attractive…

The cab pulled along the curb halted my line of thought as it stopped to let us out. My stomach flutter with anticipation of the unavoidable. It was still raining lightly. Little drops leaving dotted streaks on the windows.

"431 Neid st. That'd be $25.50, sir." The dark-skin cabby spoke over his shoulder through the thick glass partition.

A wave of déjà vu washed over me. I shook my head, breaking out of the reverie. I fished for my billfold from my inner coat pocket, and paid the man with trembling hands.

When I glanced over towards Edward, he was watching me with concerned eyes again. My chest lurched with guilt.  _What am I letting him walk into?_ The question slithered around inside me like snakes entering a garden, quick and without caution for harm. Turning away from Edward's kind eyes, I opened the door to the cab and got out.

I instantly felt the cold rain soaking through my black over coat. We both ran for cover under the porch as the yellow-cab drove off down the street.

The voices from inside could be heard from the outside porch. It sent a livewire of anxiety shooting through my system. I knew Henry was in there, I also knew I was going have to speak with him. It wasn't fair to Edward. He knew nothing of the situation he was walking into. Like a blind man, I was leading him into oncoming traffic.

For nameless reason, I didn't want to confess to Edward about Henry. It sent my heart up in my throat, while simultaneously slamming it into the pit of my churning stomach.

I knew I needed to tell Edward…  _It's his right to know what he's walking into. It's only fair to warn him._

"You alright?"

Edward sweet timbre voice startled me out of my dazing thoughts. I glanced towards him. His hair was damp, making it a mouser shade of blond. His brow strained with distress. Reaching out to grasp the shorter male's hands within my own, I knew I had to admit to him the truth…"There's something I need to tell you…"

Knots upon knots curled in my stomach. I didn't understand, but I was scared to confess about my past. I was fight back a massive lack of words.

I was petrified I would lose Edward if I admitted to having skeletons in my closet. If he found out who I was before I met him… How I'd manipulated straight men into having sex with me, time and time again. Only to leave them once I'd had my fill.

_If Edward found out, I'd been planning to do the same thing to him… Damn it— He would never forgive me._

Edward was trying to get me to look at him, I could see his troubled expression from my peripherals vision.

"Roy, what is it?"

I opened my mouth and closed my eyes, "There's—"…but I never got to answer as the front door to the Hughes residence flew open, cutting me off mid-sentence.

"There you are, Roy." Gracia spoke with urgency behind her voice. "Elicia has been asking for you for the past hour."

"Oh…" A look of surprise filtered over her face as she observed Edwards and my hands entwined and our close proximity. "Have I interrupted something…?"

"No." Edward answer before I could find my voice. He spoke smoothly, removing his hands and placing them in his pockets. "Nothing, we can't discuss later." Edward assured finally making eye contact with me.

 _I disagree_ , but I nodded my head curtly anyways.

 _He needs to know…_ I thought.  _Before all hell breaks loose._ My minded added for emphasis. The situation was out of my hand though. I had other things I needed to focus on;  _like a distress little girl hurting over her father's death._

Swallowing down the sense of dread building inside me, I turned towards Gracia still standing in the entryway.

"Where is she?" I asked, taking the remaining steps towards the door.

A look of grief passed over Gracia expression. A tired sigh slipped past her lips, as she glanced over her shoulder into the house. "She's disappeared upstairs, in her room. She won't come down."

I touched Garcia's arm as I stepped past her, "I got her." I said with reassurance squeeze. "You go deal with the guest... I'll bring her down."

Her eyes shifted towards Edward, before falling back on me.

"Thank you." She smiled lightly grasping the edges of her long dark cardigan adorning her narrow shoulders. She drew the fabric around her middle, in a motion I knew was to draw in comfort.

"Don't think anything about…" I assured the fragile woman before me.

I took off my military cap and heavy black coat. I motioned for Edward to do the same, before taking his red jacket from his hands. Gracia must have walked away, I could hear her heels clicking on the wooden floor deeper into the house _._  I motion with my head in the direction Gracia disappeared to.

"I'll only be a few moments."

Edward smiled understandingly before vanishing around the corner into the living space of the Hughes residence.

I draped our damp coats and my cap on the banister of the stairs before heading up the narrow staircase.

* * *

Getting Elicia out of her room took an ample amount of persuading with promises of sweets and promises I'll visit her often. Finally I got the little girl out of her room, and downstairs, eating a plate of chocolate chip cookies on her grandmother's lap.

The Hughes residence was active with guest littering every available seat and place to stand. It was elbow to elbow of family and friends, gathering to celebrate the life of a good man.

The kitchen was dedicated to the food area. Three long tables set up with rows, upon rows of different dishes people prepared and brought. It was being served potluck style. Plastic plates and silverware on the ends of the table and the food set up down the long line.

 _What every widow needs… another tuna casserole…_ I thought darkly, heading away from the kitchen. I passed familiar faces in the hallways. People Maes and I worked with in the past. I nodded my head in greetings as I met their eyes while simultaneously scanning the front living room for Edward's blond head.

_He wasn't there._

Immediately I was struck with a dreadful sensation. Like a dark presence hanging over shoulder.

A touch to my arm startled me, and as I turned towards them. My heart sunk to the floor.

"Mother…"

 _What is she doing here?_ I thought cautiously.

"Is that anyway to greet your mother **Leroy." Lillian Mustang spoke with a polished ease. Her disdain barely rising in her monotone voice. She'd always been like this with an air of being above everyone else's status.

The use of my birth name spread irritation through me. It wasn't my name. I never went by it, barely anyone actually knew of it. Even as a child, mother was the only one to call me by  **that** name. I changed it legally to Roy after being kicked out of my parents' home. For some reason my mother couldn't understand I wasn't 'Leroy Mustang' any longer.

I felt my teeth clenching in barely suppressed agitation.

_I need a cigarette..._

"Mother," I said again. "What are you doing here?" my brow creasing together with my question as I tried to hide my annoyance behind it.

Mother was truly a beautiful woman, even in her late age she showed signs of innate allure in her dainty but elegant face. Even when agitated mother's features barely wavered. _Mother never displays emotions outwardly_. Frowning and smiling were two things I rarely saw my mother express. She was too vain to have wrinkles. Even now, Mother showed no emotion on her fair face.

I knew better. A flick of her manicured eyebrow, a tilt of her ruby red lips. Signs I learned as a child when my mother was irate with me.

"I baked a pie for…" she paused. Obviously forgetting exactly whom had died.  _Another trait of my mother's… pretentious entitlement._

I sighed. "Gracia Hughes, Mother."

"Ah, yes. Exactly."

My fist clenched at my sides. I didn't have the patience for dealing with my mother right now. I needed to find Edward. I was hoping with beyond optimism he was with his brother and Riza. My stomach churn with thoughts of finding him talking to Henry or someone else. There were a lot of people here whom are plainly chauvinists to anyone different than themselves…

The rising sounds of angry voices from the patio could be heard. Instantly I felt the hands of anxiety wrap around my middle and tug.

"Who are you calling gay?!"

_I knew that gruff voice. It was Edward's. Fuck—._

My mother let out a tiny gasp, and there were murmurs throughout the crowd of people. I knew I was white as a sheet, I could feel my skin turning cold and clammy.

_Shit—. Not good…_

"Excuse me." I spoke brusquely towards mother before promptly pushing through the flock of people gathering around the back door.

My worse fear was realized upon reaching the patio.

–There stood Edward expression melded behind his mask of rage. While Henry stood cool and collected as he blinks slowly. His thick blond eyebrow arching skywards.

"I meant no offense." A haughty chuckle rumbles out of the much taller male, with a half-smile emerging on his pale lips. "Really, I didn't know…"

"Know what, might I ask?" I questioned a lot cooler than I felt on the inside as I made myself known.

Henry's and Edward eyes both fell to me and Henry's smile lengthen along the edges until it stretched the span of his face.

"A simple misunderstanding. I didn't mean…" he spoke easily slipping his hands into his pockets, while side glancing Edward. "…whatever you thought I was implying."

I felt my face fall into a frown, Edward wouldn't meet my gaze. He was looking everywhere but towards me. It was sounding alarms inside me.

"What  _were_  you implying, Henry?"

The tall male let out a brisk laugh. The sound made me feel uncomfortable. A slow smile catching on the depths of his dimples. "I merely asked if Edward and you are… together…"

My breath hitched as my eyes flitted back over towards Edward. He was pink in the face. Cheeks flamed red as a peeled tomato. He still wouldn't look at me, finding the floor more interesting. My heart was in my throat.

Henry cleared his voice, "it was an honest mistake." He continued as he adjusted the sleeves on his blue blazer while maintaining eye contact with me. I could see glee dancing in the depths of his blue eyes… "—though, Edwards tells me he isn't gay."

My heart slammed into the depths of my stomach. We stayed like that for a long moment, Henry's gaze going right through me as he watched me sweat. I didn't doubt Henry could see all the roiling, contradictory emotions rushing through me.

"E-Excuse me?" I finally managed to stutter out.

Henry face lit up like the cat who ate the canary. I realized over the roaring in my ears, what sort of game Henry was playing at. He was trying to drive a ravine between Edward and myself… and it was working. Edward was pulling further away from me and I wanted no part in this. I had no wing to leap the chasm if it came to such things.

Resolving my hurt feelings towards Edward's public refusal of our relationship, I let a cool smile break out over my face. It was a mask I was use to wearing in public. A farce to get through an awkward situation. I could revel in my pain later for now, I couldn't let anyone know how fucking hurt I felt on the inside. I swept all my pain and anger alongside my sadness for best friend death, under the metaphorical ugly Persian rug of my conscious.

"Of course we're not together…" I lied easily, stepping forward to stand next to them both. "Mr. Elric and I are merely acquaintances. Edward's brother just married Riza. They're expecting a baby soon."

Edward was finally looking at me. His eyes wide with obvious shock with the way I was acting. He knew me well enough to know I was disguising my hurt with smiling eyes and desperation to disguise the silent anguish.

I was cracking along the edges, and it fucking hurt to breath but I continued on.

The crowd which had been gathering around the commotion seem to be thinning and Riza appeared like magic at my side.  _She always knew when I needed her._

As Riza and Henry spoke their words rolled over me like words spoken to a deaf person. I nodded and smiled along, but I wasn't really listening. I was watching Edward and he was doing all he could, not to look at me again.

The urge for a cigarette hit me over the head like a freight train on a path of destruction. Placing a hand on Riza arm to pause her speech, I excused myself. It was high times I'd heeded to my addiction.

 _I could really use a stress reliever…_ I thought escaping into the house without a backward glance. I could feel Edward's eyes on me as I disappeared around the bend. I ducked into the crowd and made my way into the garage through the kitchen. The cold darkness of the concrete room engulfed me as the heavy door closed behind me. A sense of stillness washed over me.

The garage must have been soundproof because none of the noise from inside escaped out. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.

I felt betrayed. Edward refusal of me… of our relationship hurt. I was angry and it wasn't Edward I was technically angry towards, but just at the way he thought he had to run and hide his true self. It just seemed so wrong in so many ways. M _aybe it wouldn't have hurt so much, if I didn't actually care for him, but I do._

This was entirely my fault. My stupidity of letting my heart lead to love. My madness that even now, the memory of Edward's flushed face pulled on my heartstrings and made me want to go out there and rescue him from all those prying eyes.  _What a pathetic moron, I was turning out to be… Blatantly refused and still wants to play hero to that boy… fucking hell Mustang._

A deep sigh blew through me at my inner self degradation.

 _Pull yourself together..._ I thought searching for a light switch. The room was dark, pitched in black. My hand ran along the surface until I found it and the lights flickered on. I dug out my cigarettes from my pant pocket and lit one up. The first intake of the nicotine washed over me like water on a rock; smooth and with ease. I felt my body leaning against the wall and I sunk with the feeling. Allowing my weight to be supported by the chilled surface at my back.

I don't know how long I stood there, trying not to think as I smoked. Every time I allowed my mind to wander, my heart would ache from loss. I subconsciously rubbed at my chest as I smoked.

It was when I was snuffing out my first cigarette and lighting another one up, when the door to the garage opened.

Henry towering form entered as he stopped once his eyes landed on my slumped form against the wall.

 _He truly is a beautiful man. Long limbs and sharp features._  We held eye contact as the door closed behind him, his bright blue gaze to my dark ones.

I rose to full height, and still I was dwarf by Henry's daunting stature.  _He's really tall…_  filtered through my thoughts. I'd forgotten how terrible lofty he is. I am no small male (by any means). Usually I was the taller person in normal circumstances, but right now I felt… Insignificant standing next to Henry.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked casually with a smile coyly sitting on his lips as he gestured with his hands to the sides.

I felt my gut clenching, butterfly erupting in the thousands.  _He was so damn beautiful._ I found myself swallowing down a large dose of anger at that particular thought. I hate that my body would betrayed me. I didn't want to feel any type of emotions for Henry other than contempt. He had dragged me through so many hoops in our time together, and then the stunt he just pulled out in the backyard. My anger went far beyond any of it…

I knew my eyes were filled with fire. I forced myself to shrug nonchalantly and I brought my cigarette to my lips for an inhale. Henry chuckled moving further into the room. I found my eyes skating back towards him at the sound. He was watching me with a knowing gleam within his gaze. It made my skin itchy, like I was uncomfortable in my own body.

"Mind sharing?" Henry asked motioning towards my nearly finished cigarette.

"You smoke?" I queried with the tilt of my head.

Henry smiled that half smile of his, the one that could make anyone knees weak.

"When the time arises; I do occasionally."

An ironic chortle slithered out of my mouth as I pulled my pack of cigarettes out again.

I handed him the slender white stick and I watched as he brought it to his plump lips. He motioned with his thumb he needed a light. Without thinking, I leaned forwards and brought my lighter towards him. He had to lean forward and it brought our head close together. I realized this as he inhaled and blew his first plume of smoke into my face.

"Thanks." Henry spoke with allure in his voice, pulling away to lean on the opposite wall adjacent to me.

"No problem…" I acknowledged turning by eyes down to the floor. I couldn't help but think how awkward this situation was. There was so much tension linger between the two of us.  **So**   **much**  history unresolved. I could light the pressure in the room on fire.

There was a lapse of speech as he both stood there, smoking without muttering a single word. My eyes never strayed away from my hands folded in front of my body.

It was Henry who broke the uncomfortable stillness, "He's a very attractive man, Roy."

A burst of heat rush through my system, my eyes snapping up from my hands. I felt my brow already furrowing in repressed anger. "Excuse me?"

Henry smile grew along the edges, as he brought his cigarette to his mouth for a drag. "That man." He simple stated as he exhaled a cloud of white. "The one with the long blond hair. He's rather striking. His eyes are stunning."

I felt rage rise like lava in my bones. He spoke of Edward in such a lewd way. Like he was nothing but meat on a plate. "He has a name…" I spoke through gritted teeth.

"Ahhh, yes. Edward." he retorted nonchalantly with an arch of his manicured eyebrows.

With every fiber of my instincts, I knew Henry was leading me into a deadly dance. A game of cat and mouse. Henry was a clever man, always calculating the next move he was preparing to make. It's how his mind worked; plotting and scheming. I knew this, but irrationally I couldn't halt my descent into his wicked trap.

"…And Edward wants nothing to do with you." I growled possessively, snubbing my burning cigarette out on the ground.

"Of course not." Henry chuckled bringing his cigarette to his lips. "Why would he, when he obviously has you…"

"Edward and I…" I glowered out harshly, before realizing how rigid I sounded. I bit my tongue in agitation before correcting my tone. "Elric and I have  **nothing** going on between us." I stated a lot calmer than before.

"Oh? Defensive, might I say…?" said the spider to the fly.

"…because I know the type of man you really are Henry…" I explained looking directly into his blue eyes. Showing him I feared nothing from him.

He smiled a wicked leer, "Do tell…" he spoke exhaling smoke from his mouth. "What kind of man do you think, I am…?"

I paused momentarily, opening my mouth before clicking it shut. Many thing flitted through my mind. Many different phrases I could say… before I settled on exactly, what I've always wanted to say to him, "A narcissistic nihilist of unrealistic importance. A man who can't even see past the tip of his own deadened and lackluster ego." I conceited through a deadpan stare.

Henry smile never left his face upon hearing my words, (if anything it stretched). He even had the audacity to laugh. It made my anger darken into deep shades of black… I felt my hands ball into fists at my sides. My nails biting into the flesh of my palms.

Henry tilted his head to the side as he spoke, a wide smile still coloring his face with mirth. "I'll give it to you, Roy. You always did know how to spruce up an insult." Henry tittered flicking his nearly smoked cigarette to the ground, before stepping on it with his heel.

"…But don't you think you're being a bit punitive in your observations?" he continued taking a step forward. I felt my hackles rise at his proximity. "Considering, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, now does it Roy?"

A resulting jolt of anger struck me like lightning in my chest. Henry words were too close for comfort. I knew what he was hinting around. He was saying I was just like him. Only thinking about my wants and needs. Not caring about how I achieved them through whatever means necessary. But that wasn't the case (at least not anymore), I cared for Edward on a deeper level other than just for sex…

Maybe at first that's how it was. Everything changed once I got to know Edward on an emotional level… I wanted nothing but the best for Edward. I wanted to see him happy in life. I want to know he's loved, cared for; cherished. Even if I wasn't the one giving it to him.

_Henry is wrong. I love Edward… I l-love him._

_But Edward had just denied… Refused me publicly._ Slithered in my mind as a dark reminder.

"You're wrong…" I argued, but the wind in my sails were slowly fading.

"Am I?" Henry laughed self-righteously as he leaned closer still, touching his hands to his own chest in mock enquiry.

I suddenly realized the type of situation I'd been danced into. Back to the wall, pinned in with no plan for escape. I was at Henry's mercy and that thought made my heart flutter wildly in my chest.

I watched Henry with silent, anguished eyes that were trying desperately to show more anger than pain, but I was failing miserably. I had no response for him. He knew the truth... There was no saving face. All had been laid bare between us.

Henry let out a heaving sigh, before closing the remainder of space separating our bodies. His long gloved fingers sliding behind my jaw, as his thumb swept the arch of my cheekbone. The smooth texture of the leather glove sent chills racing up my spine. A faded memory riding on the smell alone.

I stood there frozen. My stomach in knots, while heat engulfed my body.

"How many times did I advise you to leave the straight ones alone?" Henry whispered sweetly, bringing his other hand up to cradle my face; making me look into his stormy eyes.

A nagging voice in the back of my mind told me to push Henry away, and get the hell way. …But I just couldn't make myself move.

I didn't answer him. It was a rhetorical question. One that didn't need a reply. We both knew the answer to such a laden question.

I watched as his gaze drifted down to my lips as we stood there locked in a perpetual embrace. I hated he was getting this deep of a reaction from me. I was short of breath, nearly panting… I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit there was a part of me reveling in all the attention from Henry. That eighteen year-old boy inside of me craving a kiss, a touch from the man he was obsessing over.

Henry clicked his tongue as he softly brushed my lower lip with his gloved thumb. "Leave the breeders, to their breeding," he quoted himself from long ago, tilting my chin upwards.

"—we're queer." He said with a wide smile. "WE don't need marriage. We don't need the sanction of dickless politicians and pederast priest. We fuck who we want to, when we want to. That is our "God-given" right." Henry chuckled, bringing my face closer even till his next words hung on my parted lips, "We don't do domestic arrangements, Roy."

My breath caught in my throat sharply, and I felt my sanity shrinking away under searing blue eyes... Like an immovable rock, Henry stood before me timeless as ever and I felt myself shaking under the great pressure.

His handsome face scant inches from my own. His eyes ripping through my soul as he gazed at me, leaving me naked, broken, and exposed as I was left out to shiver in front of him once again as the scared abandoned boy.

_NO! Get away. Not again, never again! I never want to be that helpless again…_

I felt my fight return to me as I tried to pull away from him, not wanting him to ever have a hold over me again.

"Let go of me!" I pushed off him as my body finally listen to logic. I shook my head of his palms on my cheeks. "Let go of me…" I repeated, fighting his hands. The words were cut from my throat as I was flung against the opposite wall harshly.

"W-what the hell are you doing?" I questioned frantically as I clawed at Henry's grip on my wrists. His hold was tight, and I had practically forgotten about Henry's Automail arms. The strength he wielded with such experience. It explained why I couldn't break his grasp on me. I felt like kicking myself for letting him get this close to me. He slammed my wrists against the wall above my head leaving me immobilized and defenseless to his descending mouth towards my trembling lips.

I was thoroughly trapped and we both knew it. An arrogant smirk appeared on his face right before he closed the distance between our mouths. My breath left my lungs in an aired rush with the slip of his tongue.

Henry's mouth is hot and wet and,  _fuck,_ I can't stop myself.

My mind drifted back to the days of my youth, pinned in a coat closet with Henry devouring me whole.

A vibration echoed through Henry's chest with a chuckle as I surrender into his hold easily.

' _So hot…'_ my mind thought hastily with my heart beating loudly against his chest. I couldn't think straight as I moaned into the unmerited kiss.

Sinfully, I opened my mouth and shut my eyes as I tried not to hate myself for my weakness. I am merely human, you cannot find fault in the fact I felt so terribly alone. Wanting, a soft touch of a hand, the caress of aching lips.

_I am human and I want._

_I am human and I make mistakes._

Henry's hands slipped from my own as they slithered in my hair to cradle the nape of my neck; angling it back to deepen the kiss.

My eyes stung, my knees felt weak, my blood thundered in my ears and I felt heat rushing towards my cock as my mouth was fucked from Henry's invasive tongue. My finger curled into the fabric of Henry's navy coat almost painfully, pulling him closer to me. Henry's smoked laced tongue was dominating every inch of my own.

_I am human and I want._

A muffled moan escaped my own mouth at the loss of his touch as he drew his head away from mine to look back, over his shoulder at something… at…

The garage door clicked shut. A startled gasp erupted into the room and I froze as my eyes caught the lone figure standing by the entrance.

Round yellow eyes stared back towards me.

"I'm sorry…" Edward murmured. His face lineless, back straight but he couldn't keep the quiver from his voice. Nor could he stop the tremor from running in his hands. He was so small, turning in on himself.

 _So young. HE looks so very young…_ my mind skidded on this thought... and I couldn't make myself move. Everything was moving too fast as I functioned in slow motion, moving through time in a space of molasses.

"I-I… have to leave." He stuttered, his voice hitching on his words before he was opening the garage door to walk through.

I felt my world up heave and turn completely on its axis. Everything suddenly started moving again as the cold hands of reality bit into my skin. I felt sick. Violently ill. My stomach knotted into a tangled mess I conjured of my own making…

_I am human and I make mistakes._

"Edward…" I gasped, detangling myself from Henry's. His hands fell easily as the chuckle following after. Henry spread his arms out in mock surrender with a knowing smile.

"Edward… stop!" I called out louder chasing after the closing door but he was already gone. I stood defeated with my chin held to my chest. Anger was gathering in my heart and Henry daunting laugher helped nothing.

"I told you—," Henry didn't get much else out as my fist collided with his nose in a sickening crunch.

The punch made Henry stagger from the force of the blow, his face swept sideways as blood spurted from his nostrils. Henry's hands came up to cover his face. "You broke my nose!" he wheezed out.

My chest was heaving, and anger was circling within me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I knew I had to get to Edward, explain somehow this wasn't what it appeared to be.  _But how could I clarify a mistake I knew I had made outright…_ I was furious, but mostly I was livid at myself. For my own weakness… for my lustful inclination. I was the one at fault here. I was the one who fell willingly to Henry trap.

"Damn it!" I blurted out, turning from Henry's cries of pain, I threw the door open into the house. I knew I looked a mess, hair disheveled from a passionate embrace, eye's burning from frustrated tears unshed. I couldn't care what people thought of me, all I knew was I needed to find Edward and fix this before I couldn't. The annoying voice in the back of my head whispered lilting lines of my failure. How Edward and I were already broken beyond repair. How there was no way to mending anything, considering Edward had just recently been through a terrible break up with a  _cheating_  girlfriend…

I felt bile rising in my throat at my thoughts. I wanted to smack myself for forgetting.  _Shit… shit. Shit!_ I roared in my head as I scanned the room for Edward's blond head. He was nowhere to be seen. The urgency to find him rose to a fever pitch.

I moved from room to room, he wasn't anywhere to be seen.

 _Did he leave?_ I question internally, rubbing my palms down the fronts of my slacks. I felt at a loss. Everything was spinning out of control, and I was standing in the center of it all. Panic rose in my chest, and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

_God, what have I done?_

* * *

**Edward**

Numbly I rushed out of the garage. I had gone in looking for Roy in lieu of the fact I was becoming worried. I came out with a flurry of emotions twisting my stomach around like a typhoon. I felt sick, seeing Roy with t-that, that man… I thought—

I shook my head. Apparently I had thought wrong. I was nothing but a doorstopper for Roy. A passing fancy who's limelight had already faded into nothing but a closing curtain. I felt my heart catch sharply, I pushed it down.

_I could break once I was out of sight from all these strangers._

My heart hurt, but my pride was still enact. It was the only thing hold my pieces together. Otherwise I would have scattered on the winds, too small and insignificant to matter.

I found my brother standing off to the side of the living room with his wife. His face still sunburnt red.

"I need your keys." I demanded without a greetings.

Alphonse's blond brow rose skywards before furrowing in concern upon seeing my shaky form. "Brother, are you alright?"

I sighed, I knew Alphonse could tell I there was something wrong. He could always determine if something was a stray, it was like some freaky sixth sense of his. It didn't help matters that my eyes were glazed over and I looked like shit. My skin was pasty from the shock of walking in on Roy…

I stopped my line of thinking right there. "J-just gimme you're Key's Al..."

Alphonse face twisted into a ball of confusion, as he hurriedly dug his car keys out of his pants pocket. He handed them to me, and I snatched them out of his grasp.

"Where are you going?" He asked. Worry now taking ahold of his tender voice.

My mind whirled for a believable excuse for my sudden departure… "I-I need to lie down for a while…" I lied through my teeth, taking a few steps away. I needed to get out of here. Roy would be coming for me soon. I didn't know how I would react if he actually caught up with me. "… I'm not feeling well."

I didn't give him a chance to respond before I was turning and walking away. I heard my name being called after me. I ignored it and continued out the door and down the street looking for my little brother's SUV.

It wasn't raining any longer. The clouds in the skies were still grey, threatening any moment to let loose. Moisture hung in the air wetly, all the surfaces laden with raindrops and puddles.

My inside were a mess. Tangles of doubt circled within me. I kept questioning how my life gone so astray. First the break up with Winry. Then with my job and to seal the deal. I had fallen into a tangled mess of a relationship with an obviously ambiguous male, who really cared nothing about me.

I felt like screaming until I had no more voice to give. Every time I closed my eyes I could see Roy pinned to the wall, moaning into subservient pleasure. It made me ill.

 _I thought I was the only one. I thought I was something special to him…_ I growled at my thoughts, balling my fist into a tight fist. I heard the automail groaning from the stress at my side.

 _To think, I almost admitted to being in love with the bastard._ My stomach churned with my anger and sadness. It was a confusing mix of emotions. I wanted to be angry, but I kept feeling my chest catching on the pain.

 _I love him… oh fuck— why does it hurts…_ My heart ached with every beat, I wanted to rip it out and leave it bleeding on the floor.

I finally found the blue SUV parked along the curb. I let out a silent thanks as I crawled inside the driver seat. With shaky hands I placed the keys inside the ignition but didn't start the engine. Instead I placed my forehead on the steering wheel, I couldn't breathe. It physically hurt to breathe. Every breath, every inhale like a dagger into my lungs.

A broken sound left my lips and I felt my heart clench.

 _It was my fault…_   _I was the one who started this… If only I hadn't denied Roy in front of everyone. Admitted to loving him sooner… I-I-I love him…_ "W-why does it hurt…?" I choked out, grasping the steering wheel tightly with both hands until I couldn't feel my flesh hand anymore.

 _My life is a mess, a serious fucking mess._  Chaos surrounded me from every front. I was lost and I didn't know how to dig my way out. Water gathered in my eyes, I felt them burning along the edges. I wouldn't allow myself to cry. It would mean surrendering my last spare strand of dignity. I couldn't allow such things to happen. It was the only thing still holding my shattered pieces together.

Rising my head from the steering column. I took a steading breath, trying to calm my rattled nerves. I struggled to swallow the shard of glass that had formed in my throat.

I realized somewhere inside me, this betrayal hurt worse than what Winry had committed. Maybe due to the fact our relationship had already been on the rocks for weeks. I hadn't been in love with her for a long time by the time I walked in on Russell and her. I'm not saying what she did was alright by any means, just it hadn't cut nearly as deep as Roy's betrayal.

 _I l-love Roy._   _Fuck… fuck. Fuck! It wasn't fair…_

I needed to get out of here. Sitting here was not a wise idea. With another heavy exhale I started the engine, put the SUV into drive and pulled away from the curb.

* * *

I vaguely remembered how to get back to Roy's manor. It took me longer than necessary. I got lost a couple turns in the confusing part of town, where all the houses looked identical to the next. I finally found my way out of the twisted Twilight zone of PleasantVille.

Somewhere along my journey (somewhere between the first street I got lost on and the last) I decided I need to leave town. I needed to go home. This entire trip had been a terrible idea. I was trying to rationalize it to myself, what  **huge**  mistake it was for me to be here, with Roy.

 _I'm not gay._ It was the thousandth time I thought these words… I tried to force myself to swallow this notion.  _How could I be, when I only have ever found_ _ **one**_ _man attractive? Sure I had sex with him, but I'd only done it once. One man is not enough to openly declare me queer… Did it?_

This was the argument I kept having internally. I was so confused. Hurt. Angry. Saddened. It was all too much. I could handle all the mix emotions circling within myself. I felt like breaking. Crawling into a dark hole to never be seen from again. The best I could manage at the moment though, was to pack my belongings and ditch town.

With this idea turning within my head, I parked the SUV and hurried inside.

The door was unlocked as I entered. Something I remembered from before; Roy never locked his front door. People (I.E the hired help) were constantly coming and going through the house.

The manor was quiet when I entered the threshold. An eerie feeling washed over me and I brushed it off to being alone in someone else's house when they weren't home.

Ascending the stairs two at a time, I made my way into Roy's bedroom. The scent of the man smacked me across the cheek as I entered the room. It was like burying my face into the nape of his neck, his cologne was so strong here. My heart felt swollen in my chest. While the room was warm, the atmosphere was frigid, filled with a stiff restraint.

It was nearly unbearable.

This was Roy's domain, everything around me screamed it belonged to him. The scent, the feelings, the decorations, I was surrounded by Roy, and it was stifling. I needed out, so I hurried my action. Rapidly gathering all my belongings, I threw it all into my black suitcase. Not even caring to fold my shirts and pants.

With my rolling luggage following behind me, I left the room.

It wasn't until I was coming down the first steps into the living room, did I hear the front door open.

"Edward…?"

I struggled to swallow past the jagged shard of glass forming in the back of my throat. Just seeing Roy made my heart swell in pain.

"W-what the fuck are y-you doing here?" I couldn't keep the quiver out of my voice, the same soft shaking following into my flesh hand clutching my suitcase handle in a vice like grip.

He was watching me with careful eyes as he took a step forward with his words,  
" I, think we should talk about this…" his eyes flickering towards my suitcase resting behind me, before flitting back towards my face. There was resounding heartache remaining within in his gaze.

I didn't let him continue.

"Fuck you." I blurted out, shaking my head and hurrying down the rest of the steps. I felt tears gathering in my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of him. I didn't want to show him how, fucking, bad he'd hurt me already. Suddenly the walls of the room seemed too close, constricting in around me. The air seemed thick and alien. I needed to leave. I needed out.

Roy stepped in front of me, his depthless black eyes begging for a chance to explain. "Please..." He beseeched, helpless, hopeless, frustrated. "Please give me a chance to explain."

I looked into his face, hope articulated in his expression. So was grief and regret. Lingering and swirling together as an artist mixing colors for a painting.

"There's nothing left to explain…" I deadpanned, pulling away from his pleading stare. Roy's demanded hands found my shoulders before I could get too far. Pulling me backwards for a hug. I felt numbness engulf me as I was embraced from behind.

A silent sob shook Roy's shoulders as he pressed his face hard into the crown of my head. "I-I'm so sorry… I didn't want… I didn't mean… I wasn't…" but he couldn't finish any of those sentences. None of the excuses held water. Nothing could. Not even a heartfelt apology could remove the fact that even now, the memories that filled my brain with such horror and disgust continued to play persistently.

It was then that I truly stopped allowing myself to feel or care about anything. Detachment was so much better than the constant, unrelenting pain of this heartbreak. I wanted to hurt him, as much as I was hurting. It was the only reason to explain my next words.

"Everything about you was a fucking mistake."

It was like a chain reaction, Roy sharply inhaled as his arms dropped down, allowing me to escape. He froze like a statue at my back, and I quickly took advantage of Roy's subdued state.

I walked out the door and never looked back.

There was a loud crash from inside, the sound of a glass smashing to a thousand piece against the wall. My inside reflected that sound. Still I didn't turn around. I kept walking furthering myself for my source of weakness.

* * *

 

It wasn't until I got home later that night, to my apartment in the city, and I strip down to curl up in my cold sheets. Only then did I allow my carefully constructed visages to come crumbling down.

Piece by broken, piece I fell into a million tiny shards as I mourned my broken heart and the man I thought I loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's amazing how someone can  
> break your heart  
> but you still love them  
> with all the little shattered  
> pieces. –Anonymous.


End file.
